Being wronged - how do you get past it?

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:04PM #1

Genuinely looking for a bit of advice here. If I'm in the wrong section then Mod feel free to move my post.

I just wondered how people get passed being wronged. Does revenge ever work or is it possible to believe that karma deals with wrongdoings that are done to you? I'm usually quite good to get perspective and let these things to karma but I can't find peace with this and it's six months on.

I had a situation (I volunteer in the animal charity sector) where I trusted the welfare of two animals with someone, a number of months later the animals disappeared, it caused me a huge amount of worry, I continue to worry to this day about the welfare of the animals. These people never showed an ounce of humanity towards me when they knew I was worried and upset, they lied and tried to cover themselves. They say the animals are ok, that they gave them away to someone but they won't provide proof and the lies just contradict their story. I can't get the truth from them, I did try to get help with the few laws that might have helped me but I got nowhere. Most unlike me to do this, I felt dirty to be so revengey but I felt so wronged and just wanted an answer. It didn't matter, I never got my answer. I tried appealing to their good nature but nothing. I'm trying now to just find a way to put it to bed in my head as outside sources are not going to do it for me.

I know to some that this may seem quite trivial and that there are worse things in life and trust me I know. As I write this I realise that it's not the being wronged part that bothers me, I don't need revenge, I don't need to be apologised to, I just want to know what happened and that's the part I am finding hard to park.

Any advice or similar experiences would be welcome. Thanks for reading.

strobe · 11-12-2014 05:08PM

Time was you'd just break into their home and douse their bed in revenge crabs http://crabrevenge.com/ but with pubic hair becoming less and less fashionable that's not even a viable option any more. The world I grow'd up in is gone.

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:10PM

Indeed

AnonoBoy · 11-12-2014 05:12PM

Lots of things can help.

A new bedspread, or furnishings can relax you.

Join a social club or take up a hobby like knitting, jogging or revenge killing.

11-12-2014 05:14PM

have a nice cup of tea

then burn the house down

don't really though

Wabbit Ears · 11-12-2014 05:18PM

Noone wronged you in anyway in the OP.

Noone in the OP owes you anything emotionally or physically.

Get over yourself.

Donkey Oaty · 11-12-2014 05:20PM

"Forgiveness is a great thing."

- Billy Connolly, in the context of being questioned on how he coped with the legacy of having grown up being raped repeatedly by his father.

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:21PM

Oh forget it.

DoYouEvenLift · 11-12-2014 05:22PM

No contact.

Dr Strange · 11-12-2014 05:23PM

A slap with the glove and pistols at dawn - it's the only way, OP.

One eyed Jack · 11-12-2014 05:23PM

NewYork1979 wrote: »

Oh forget it.

Good advice. Let it go instead of letting it consume you.

Larbre34 · 11-12-2014 05:25PM

NewYork1979 wrote: »

Oh forget it.

You picked the very wrong forum to be answered seriously. I suggest Soc/Personal issues.

11-12-2014 05:25PM

You could ask other animal welfare charities if they have any advice, they might have been in similar situations. I don't really know what else you could do at this stage

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:28PM

I wasn't sure if this was the correct forum, I've seen some very good genuine advice and piss takers. I'll move it.

Donkey, your passive aggressive post on trying to give me a dose of perspective says more about you then me.

OldNotWIse · 11-12-2014 05:30PM

I can understand how upsetting this is. We found a dog that had been strayed but couldn't keep it as we are pretty much full up, and a friend of the OH agreed to foster. I didn't hear from her for a couple of days and I began to worry. She ignored my calls. I was desperate and sent her texts saying please just let me know he is ok etc. He was fine in the end, she just hadn't bothered getting in touch!

Like you said, it's not about revenge you just need closure. I wish I could advise you what to do.

Beano · 11-12-2014 05:30PM

consult a qualified civil engineer and build a bridge

OldNotWIse · 11-12-2014 05:31PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Good advice. Let it go instead of letting it consume you.

Easier said than done when you open your heart to animals

Wabbit Ears · 11-12-2014 05:32PM

but seriously, explain how you, personally, were wronged?

Do you think these people not explaining themselves to you is you being wronged? Why do you think they own you an explanation as to what they did with these dogs?

To add, I once took in a rescue dog, Had it for a two years and loved that dog but he was to big and unpredictable to have when I had my first child. I re-homed him. I wanted to check on him but my wife and dad advised to just cut the ties and that what I did. In hindsight it was for the best. I don't owe the person who first gave me the dog any explanation as to where that dog is now.

11-12-2014 05:34PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

but seriously, explain how you, personally, were wronged?

Do you think these people not explaining themselves to you is you being wronged? Why do you think they own you an explanation as to what they did with these dogs?

If he gave them the animals to foster then they would

Frog Song · 11-12-2014 05:35PM

Time. You'll probably never forget it but as time goes on you'll think about it less and less. Hopefully those dogs are okay but you can't torture yourself wondering if they are or not if there's no way of finding out unfortunately.

Donkey Oaty · 11-12-2014 05:36PM

NewYork1979 wrote: »

I wasn't sure if this was the correct forum, I've seen some very good genuine advice and piss takers. I'll move it.

Donkey, your passive aggressive post on trying to give me a dose of perspective says more about you then me.

Serious question: does the rest of AH share OP's interpretation of my post?

OldNotWIse · 11-12-2014 05:37PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

but seriously, explain how you, personally, were wronged?

Do you think these people not explaining themselves to you is you being wronged? Why do you think they own you an explanation as to what they did with these dogs?

To add, I once took in a rescue dog, Had it for a two years and loved that dog but he was to big and unpredictable to have when I had my first child. I re-homed him. I wanted to check on him but my wife and dad advised to just cut the ties and that what I did. In hindsight it was for the best. I don't owe the person who first gave me the dog any explanation as to where that dog is now.

Of course you didn't owe them anything, and fair play to you for what you did, but if the person who gave you the dog initially called and asked how things were etc would it not be just as easy to tell her what you've just told us? I mean, you're right in principle that you don't owe anything, but if someone else is suffering or worrying because you want to make a point, well...what's the point?

edit: and as Bluewolf pointed out, had you been fostering as opposed to just having re-homed the dog, there is an implicit onus on you to keep the person informed. Fostering is temporary. It doesn't give you ownership.

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:38PM

If I said it once, I said it a thousand times that if there was any problem with them to call me and they'd be taken back. I said at the end of my post that what's getting to me is not being wronged, it's more that I've no idea what happened the animals or why they are lying so I can only deduct they were harmed. I really don't care if these people are muppets or the moralities here, I just want to know if the animals are dead or alive. It's not hard then to feel wronged or to feel I was treated less then decently.

iDave · 11-12-2014 05:38PM

Block them on Facebook

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:39PM

Donkey Oaty wrote: »

Serious question: does the rest of AH share OP's interpretation of my post?

You're right Donkey, I apologise. I thought you were being smart but on re reading it I know you were just quoting someone.

Gran Hermano · 11-12-2014 05:40PM

Dear Santa, can we please have a large Lego set. We need to build a bridge.....

11-12-2014 05:41PM

You could ask in the animals and pet issues forum also

Philo Beddoe · 11-12-2014 05:41PM

Donkey Oaty wrote: »

Serious question: does the rest of AH share OP's interpretation of my post?

I thought yours was the best and most sincere response!

NewYork1979 · 11-12-2014 05:41PM

I rescued the two of them and bottle fed them, I trusted these people after checking them out from several angles, I gave them medication when one of them got sick, I was always in touch with them. Of course I want to know where the animals are. There's only one reason why they won't tell me or clarify where they are.

Wabbit Ears · 11-12-2014 05:42PM

bluewolf wrote: »

If he gave them the animals to foster then they would

really depends on if the dog was re-homed or fostered. If re-homed the dog is now owned (like the term or not) by the new owners. The new owner have no responsibility to ever have any contact or discussions with the previous owner, be that a shelter or whatnot.

In a fostering situation the dog is owned by the likes of dogs trust and the fosterer is only essentially minding the dog. In this case the fosterers do owe the owners an explantion as to what happens to the dog.

I suppose it changes the dynamic of the OP's question if we are talking about re-homing or fostering

EDIT: ok, according to the OP's response above, no, he re-homed the dog and they owe him nowt...

11-12-2014 05:42PM

Have you made it clear to them you're only asking for knowledge sake and you're not going to start prosecuting them or something if the animals have passed away

Being wronged - how do you get past it?

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