Being wronged - how do you get past it?

OldNotWIse

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Dear Santa, can we please have a large Lego set. We need to build a bridge.....

I think the bridge construction one-liners are getting a little jaded...even in AH

OldNotWIse

NewYork1979 wrote: »

I rescued the two of them and bottle fed them, I trusted these people after checking them out from several angles, I gave them medication when one of them got sick, I was always in touch with them. Of course I want to know where the animals are. There's only one reason why they won't tell me or clarify where they are.

I don't have a gut feel for the situation but just to trash out some possibilities. Would it be a case that they are attached to the animals and they are afraid you want them back? Or do you know they are gone elsewhere?

NewYork1979

bluewolf wrote: »

Have you made it clear to them you're only asking for knowledge sake and you're not going to start prosecuting them or something if the animals have passed away

The animals were rehomed to them but I was very much in touch with them as I was paying for them to be microchipped myself, I paid for everything until they were rehomed, vaccinations etc. This was very much a good natured relationship until they got rid of them. It seems the father of the family wanted them gone and so he apparently gave them to someone, someone who told me a load of lies when I was given his number. I asked and begged very nicely at the start, it did disintegrate as I got desperate and I got the ISPCA involved but there was nothing they could do, the guards helped but nothing.

coffee_cake

I'm really sorry to hear that, I'd be heart broken. Do you know where the new person lives

Seriously?

There is only one way!

NewYork1979

NewYork1979 wrote: »

I wasn't sure if this was the correct forum, I've seen some very good genuine advice and piss takers. I'll move it.

Donkey, your passive aggressive post on trying to give me a dose of perspective says more about you then me.

New Yorker I couldn't agree more with you. There are so many losers who lack even basic empathy on sites like this. So be careful and protect yourself. I love animals too and would be just as upset as you. It takes someone with a big heart to go out and volunteer with abandoned animals and I bet the first few people who responded have never done that.

(On another note revenge works sometimes - it certainly has for me. Nobody got killed but it helped me get over being dumped when I was in a very bad relationship. The best revenge was that in the last 6 months he has contacted me many times to ask me out again! He never thought I would leave him. I wouldnt go back, its over).

I dont know what revenge you would have in mind but if it works for you even as a once off then go for it!! It may never give you the answer and thats what hurts as it was about 2 innocent animals in this case and not even about you. I'd say thats why its bothering you still. Good luck :-)

One eyed Jack

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Easier said than done when you open your heart to animals

I imagined the OP was speaking more generally though is all, as in how do other people get over feeling like they were wronged in some way. If I had understood that they were specifically looking for other people's stories of their experiences when they opened their hearts to animals, well, posted this before in another thread -

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Ohh Jesus, thank fcuk I read that story!

I was welling up here with tears in my eyes because I'm forever bringing home stray cats and kittens, but the one that really reduces me to tears every time I think about her was the kitten I found in a puddle on the side of the road that had been run over by a car, but was still alive. I took her home and cleaned her up, then brought her to the vet the next morning. He told me it might be better to put her to sleep as her hip was broken. I was horrified at the idea, the names I didn't call him under my breath! I spent the afternoon ringing vets up and down the country, money didn't come into it, I wanted this kitten to live. Every single bloody vet told me the same story. I was gutted having to accept it and bring the kitten to a different vet, I couldn't face the same guy again. Half an hour later I was truly inconsolable and angry that nothing could have been done. I didn't understand it at the time but definitely the quality of life argument Is a tough one to have to call, and I guess if I had let her go the first time the vet suggested it, it probably would have been easier on both of us.

I'm not sure that helps though

NewYork1979

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I don't have a gut feel for the situation but just to trash out some possibilities. Would it be a case that they are attached to the animals and they are afraid you want them back? Or do you know they are gone elsewhere?

I just posted above, I think the father wanted them gone and it spiralled from there. I think he gave them to someone who either a) got rid of them on his behalf or b) the new person won't provide me with evidence they are ok, of course he doesn't have to provide evidence but unless he likes seeing grown women cry then they are harmed. I can't see how it played out any other way.

It would be easier to know they were dead. I know enough about animal cruelty through what I do and death sometimes is the best option.

Wabbit Ears

I bought a car and changed the oil and serviced it myself. I loved that car. I gave that car to my neighbour but that dad didn't like it and my neighbour gave the car to someone else. I tried to contact that 3rd party and they, not knowing me from jack, refused to give me any information about the car, its whereabouts or how they were treating it.

coffee_cake

A car is different to a little doggy that trusted you and might be getting harmed or met a horrible end by some randomer when they don't know why or what was going on!!

OldNotWIse

NewYork1979 wrote: »

The animals were rehomed to them but I was very much in touch with them as I was paying for them to be microchipped myself, I paid for everything until they were rehomed, vaccinations etc. This was very much a good natured relationship until they got rid of them. It seems the father of the family wanted them gone and so he apparently gave them to someone, someone who told me a load of lies when I was given his number. I asked and begged very nicely at the start, it did disintegrate as I got desperate and I got the ISPCA involved but there was nothing they could do, the guards helped but nothing.

Jeez why didn't the dad just surrender them back to the shelter? Real bug bear of mine that people (for whatever reason) won't do this. It's not like they will be judged. it's the responsible thing to do - to say hey actually we can't cope, take it back please. I feel so angry when I read about kittens being drowned and pups and dogs ebing abandoned etc - even if they left them tied up outside a shelter it would give them some chance! (that's how we got one one of our cats, she was left in a box outside the shelter I worked at - she still loves sleeping in boxes and little confined spaces)

Wabbit Ears

in reality its not any different. I am a dog lover but dogs are bought , sold and traded. They are a commodity just like a car.

Just because the OP is emotionally attached to the dog doesn't change the fact that by now its changed ownership two times

OldNotWIse

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I bought a car and changed the oil and serviced it myself. I loved that car. I gave that car to my neighbour but that dad didn't like it and my neighbour gave the car to someone else. I tried to contact that 3rd party and they, not knowing me from jack, refused to give me any information about the car, its whereabouts or how they were treating it.

Comparing a vehicle to a living, feeling animal?

Although my brother is only short of kissing his car goodnight

OldNotWIse

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

in reality its not any different. I am a dog lover but dogs are bought , sold and traded. They are a commodity just like a car.

Just because the OP is emotionally attached to the dog doesn't change the fact that by now its changed ownership two times

What about the ones that are rescued and re-homed? My dog is not a commodity thank you very much

NewYork1979

I really don't care about the people or my ego or anything like it, wronged really is the incorrect word to use. I just want to know they are ok. I rescued four puppies and I still have the other two as I can't face this happening again, I look at the two guys at home and it upsets me every day to think where their brothers are.

The revenge part is just me getting upset as I am heartbroken over it, it makes no sense to me why they won't tell me the truth and I just think they are horrible humans.

From what I gather the father is very much the boss of his household and isn't really someone who does the right thing. I guess my radar for w**kers was out the day I did that homecheck, they were given a good reference from a fellow animal lover who is just as upset as me now.

NewYork1979

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

in reality its not any different. I am a dog lover but dogs are bought , sold and traded. They are a commodity just like a car.

Just because the OP is emotionally attached to the dog doesn't change the fact that by now its changed ownership two times

Ok and even if you look at it like that, why would you make someone suffer who just wanted to know they were ok? I never once threatened to take them back, I made it very clear I just wanted to know they were ok.

Korat

It seems a bit extreme to be talking about revenge.

I hope the animals are ok but perhaps your deep concern was misinterpreted by the people you gave the animals to and they decided it was best not to remain in contact with you.

OldNotWIse

NewYork1979 wrote: »

I really don't care about the people or my ego or anything like it, wronged really is the incorrect word to use. I just want to know they are ok. I rescued four puppies and I still have the other two as I can't face this happening again, I look at the two guys at home and it upsets me every day to think where their brothers are.

The revenge part is just me getting upset as I am heartbroken over it, it makes no sense to me why they won't tell me the truth and I just think they are horrible humans.

From what I gather the father is very much the boss of his household and isn't really someone who does the right thing. I guess my radar for w**kers was out the day I did that homecheck, they were given a good reference from a fellow animal lover who is just as upset as me now.

Exactly. I know how you feel and to be honest there are some people on here acting as if you came on complaining about breach of contract or something :rolleyes: There are sh.itheads in the world and sometimes we have to move on because we are no good to the (thousands of other) fur babies that need us today and will need us tomorrow. You did your best and at least you have a clear conscience. I know it all sounds very trite, sorry

riffmongous

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

in reality its not any different. I am a dog lover but dogs are bought , sold and traded. They are a commodity just like a car.

Just because the OP is emotionally attached to the dog doesn't change the fact that by now its changed ownership two times

What are you on about? People have the same emotional attachment to a dog as a car because you can sell them? I think you are over estimating the amount of affection a car can show its loved ones, you're not Michael Knight by any chance?

NewYork1979

Korat wrote: »

It seems a bit extreme to be talking about revenge.

I hope the animals are ok but perhaps your deep concern was misinterpreted by the people you gave the animals to and they decided it was best not to remain in contact with you.

My deep concern didn't translate into stalking the people. I was rarely onto them, I got onto them when the dogs needed to be microchipped and that's when I found out. Honestly, it wasn't a case of stalking the people, I'm way too busy and if anything I am kicking myself for not checking in more. I know my posts are emotive but I'm not some crazy.

NewYork1979

And no, I'm not going to burn their house down. Am I angry that they are behaving in a horrible way, of course I am, mostly because I'm upset.

My point on revenge is more a general point on whether revenge actually does help people move on versus do you put it down to karma and leave it to the gods. It's more about how people find peace.

riffmongous

NewYork1979 wrote: »

And no, I'm not going to burn their house down. Am I angry that they are behaving in a horrible way, of course I am, mostly because I'm upset.

My point on revenge is more a general point on whether revenge actually does help people move on versus do you put it down to karma and leave it to the gods. It's more about how people find peace.

I think just accepting it and then trying to forget about it is the only way forward to peace in this case when there is so little you can do.. thinking of revenge will only keep you agitated and doing something could get you in more trouble than this is sadly worth.

It's not revenge but is there any way you can make sure these people dont get another poor animal?

I'd give up on this thread too, it'll only keep your blood up having to explain everything and defend yourself

One eyed Jack

NewYork1979 wrote: »

And no, I'm not going to burn their house down. Am I angry that they are behaving in a horrible way, of course I am, mostly because I'm upset.

My point on revenge is more a general point on whether revenge actually does help people move on versus do you put it down to karma and leave it to the gods. It's more about how people find peace.

Well that's the way I interpreted your original post, and why I agreed with you that you were better off for your own sake to forget it, because harbouring on it and letting it get to you will only make you feel worse. It sure as hell won't make you feel any better, and that bitterness will just fester and turn you into a bitter person.

Teyla Emmagan

Could you go over and knock on the door and ask where the dogs are? If the dad (who sounds like a total dick) doesn't answer there is a good chance you will be told. People just bewilder me at times.

NewYork1979

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Could you go over and knock on the door and ask where the dogs are? If the dad (who sounds like a total dick) doesn't answer there is a good chance you will be told. People just bewilder me at times.

The lady who was the go between tried but they pretty much laughed at her. I've thought of it, things have disintegrated since and I really don't think I'll get any truth, I got fake pictures of two dogs, trying to pass them off as the puppies they got.

Autonomous Cowherd

Op, I don't think it is so much about the pain of losing track of the animals anymore, which i understand was awful for you. But people have to overcome the pain of many great things and they do with the passing of time, though memory lingers they survive and thrive.

I honestly think the problem here (for you) is the circular thinking you are experiencing. A kind of obsessive recursive thinking about the situation, revenge or no?, where are they, why me and so on. Obsessive thinking can happen on any subject and has to be approached from a cognitive retraining POV.

Watch your thoughts. Watch your emotional reactions to the circular thoughts. Be peaceful about this. they are only thoughts. They are only emotions. They are not YOU. You are a vaster being. So, watch them, challenge them if necessary, hold their arising again and a gain peacefully, learn meditation and practise it.

Regarding the animals ~ not everything is within our control. even for example with our beloved children. You are experiencing the circling anguish of realising that not everything is in your control. Surrender to the uncontrollable. Which is everything.

All the best

thegreatgonzo

Leaving aside the whole personal aspect of your post, being wronged etc, I think you should post your problem in animal and pets issues where you might get some advice about how to find out what happened to the dogs.
There's a lot of detail left out in your posts such as the exact arrangement you had made with the people you left the dogs with, or if you or they are affiliated with a registered charity etc.

pragmatic1

NewYork1979 wrote: »

And no, I'm not going to burn their house down. Am I angry that they are behaving in a horrible way, of course I am, mostly because I'm upset.

My point on revenge is more a general point on whether revenge actually does help people move on versus do you put it down to karma and leave it to the gods. It's more about how people find peace.

In my experience it does. There's nothing more satisfying that righting a perceived wrong. Don't rely on karma, it doesn't exist.

NewYork1979

NewYork1979 wrote: »

And no, I'm not going to burn their house down. Am I angry that they are behaving in a horrible way, of course I am, mostly because I'm upset.

My point on revenge is more a general point on whether revenge actually does help people move on versus do you put it down to karma and leave it to the gods. It's more about how people find peace.

it definitely did help in my case.....
but ultimately time helped more and I just gave up caring about how wronged and humiliated I was..... I just moved on to other things. The best thing was knowing that now, 1 year later he regrets his actions and he had to come to this realisation himself by me leaving.

sorry its a completely different story to yours about the dogs - but the small bit of revenge I took helped enormously at the time. (nobody got hurt!) And I agee you are often a very long time waiting for karma :cool:

TeamJesus

I really want to know what happened to the poor dogs

I think some people get an ego trip from being the big man and getting rid of animals in cruel way. I know farmer types who would shave no problem shooting a dog.