Single life as a guy...

riveratom · 02-08-2014 08:43PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Bit of victim blaming going on there! Sometimes a partner will put up with alot before finally seeing reason.

Not really. Depends on the facts of the situation but I think the corollary of that could be one person letting the other get away with what they shouldn't be getting away with.

Gael23 · 02-08-2014 08:45PM

Any single guys out there turned into domestic gods?

Pawwed Rig · 02-08-2014 08:56PM

riveratom wrote: »

Not really. Depends on the facts of the situation but I think the corollary of that could be one person letting the other get away with what they shouldn't be getting away with.

Some people have personalities that allow others to walk over them/treat them as a doormat/abuse them/cheat on them/nag them constantly/bleed money out of them. I would think it more appropriate to blame the aggressor in these situations rather than the victim.

lazybones32 · 03-08-2014 08:06PM

ryanf1 wrote: »

Any single guys out there turned into domestic gods?

I am the King of my Domain.

I don't need a woman to continue my successful existence

riveratom · 03-08-2014 08:40PM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Some people have personalities that allow others to walk over them/treat them as a doormat/abuse them/cheat on them/nag them constantly/bleed money out of them. I would think it more appropriate to blame the aggressor in these situations rather than the victim.

Of course it is wrong for the aggressor to act that way, but then what? In this case the guy might finally jettison the girl, maybe try to avoid the same thing happening again - until it does. They are both to blame, but if it keeps happening, I think the victim has to look at why. Otherwise it's just going to keep happening. Being a victim helps nobody.

NSAman · 04-08-2014 07:17AM

lazybones32 wrote: »

I am the King of my Domain.

I don't need a woman to continue my successful existence

Damned right!!!!!

I can iron clean and hoover better than any woman I know...;)

Gael23 · 04-08-2014 07:37AM

NSAman wrote: »

Damned right!!!!!

I can iron clean and hoover better than any woman I know...;)

Im sensing a little touch of OCD

Daveysil15 · 04-08-2014 07:39AM

ryanf1 wrote: »

Im sensing a little touch of OCD

Organised Crime Division? :eek:

Lou.m · 06-08-2014 04:48AM

In cases like that I would actually blame him more than her - for standing for it at all.

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Bit of victim blaming going on there! Sometimes a partner will put up with alot before finally seeing reason.

I agree.

It's the whole guys like bitches and girls like assholes rubbish so it's their own fault. He doesn't put up with it because he likes it he puts up with it because he is nice.

He does not think in his head oh I know I think I will invite misery into my life. He thinks he should do these things because it is the right thing to do. Some men and women will try to always be the better person.

NSAman · 06-08-2014 05:19AM

ryanf1 wrote: »

Im sensing a little touch of OCD

Me? NEVER!!!..;)

I live in a small tidy and clean environment (cannot live in clutter). My neighbours (two nurses) are renting and had a problem with their heating. the knock at the door came and a request to see how the boiler worked. so I obliged and went into their place only to be confronted by knickers strewn across the floor, dishes everywhere, every surface covered in clothing/make-up etc...

Anyhow, I was shocked that two women would live in such disarray.

Upon showing them how everything worked, I went back home. One came over again to thank me, as i was having coffee, I invited her in. She took one look at my place and asked "who is your cleaner? We have a cleaner twice a week, but the place always looks dirty".... Guess who bit his tongue??

ancapailldorcha · 06-08-2014 08:09AM

NSAman wrote: »

Anyhow, I was shocked that two women would live in such disarray.

Back in the day, I used to work in a hotel. The owner's daughter asked me one day to periodically check the male toilets. Upon seeing my crestfallen face, she told me I was lucky not to be checking the ladies instead.

Wibbs · 06-08-2014 09:16AM

Lou.m wrote: »

It's the whole guys like bitches and girls like assholes rubbish so it's their own fault. He doesn't put up with it because he likes it he puts up with it because he is nice.

IMHO this is a well dodgy way to approach this. Nice does not equal doormat. Victim does not equal trying to be the better person. That kinda thinking puts people in unhealthy relationships and keeps them there. Love most certainly doesn't conquer all.

They put up with it for various reasons, low self esteem, relationship patterns formed in youth, even laziness. It's easier to stay in an unhealthy situation because it's what they're used to. It's perversely comfortable. They also stay because they see little alternative. Where would they go to if they left. Add in esteem issues and that's a perfect storm for an abusive relationship.

riveratom wrote:

Of course it is wrong for the aggressor to act that way, but then what? In this case the guy might finally jettison the girl, maybe try to avoid the same thing happening again - until it does. They are both to blame, but if it keeps happening, I think the victim has to look at why.

Aye, but that can be easier said than done RT. A lifetime building up a worldview doesn't just fade overnight. It might seem obvious to outsiders that someone follows an unhealthy pattern in their relationships, that they're the common denominator, the thread running through different relationships, but most of the time the person doesn't even see a pattern and if they do they explain it away as something else. The sad joke is the abused need an abuser and abusers have a sixth sense for spotting and targeting those they know will accept abuse, even see it as normal.

iptba · 07-08-2014 03:18AM

There was talk earlier in the thread about some women not working after they marry. Also, about women being financially dependent on men and how that might affect divorce settlements.

Here are some recent figures from the Central Statistics Office on this:

Men worked an average of 39.2 hours a week in paid employment in 2013 compared to 31.2 hours for women and married men worked longer hours than married women, with close to half of married men (44.1%) working for 40 hours a week or more compared to just 16.8% of married women. (Tables 2.1, 2.8 and 2.9).

Principal Economic Status: Men were more likely to be in the labour force than women in Ireland in 2013, with just under seven out of ten men aged 15 and over at work or unemployed compared to half of women. More than 98% of those who were looking after home/family in 2013 were women, with close to half a million women looking after home/family compared to only 8,700 men. (Table 3.1).

http://www.cso.ie/en/newsandevents/pressreleases/2014pressreleases/pressreleasewomenandmeninireland2013

crackity_jones · 18-08-2014 02:16PM

ryanf1 wrote: »

Any single guys out there turned into domestic gods?

Oh yeah, that's me.

I'm currently looking for new digs and the kitchen is a pretty high priority on my list, in that it needs to have a lot more than a tiny worktop and a gas stove.

I cook for myself every day and sometimes for my parents, too. Very enjoyable and a great way to spend an afternoon/evening. As I lived far away from home for over 10 years I had to learnt to cook/clean/iron for myself. Best domestic training you can get.

The independence is fantastic.

NSAman · 18-08-2014 02:28PM

crackity_jones wrote: »

Oh yeah, that's me.

I'm currently looking for new digs and the kitchen is a pretty high priority on my list, in that it needs to have a lot more than a tiny worktop and a gas stove.

I cook for myself every day and sometimes for my parents, too. Very enjoyable and a great way to spend an afternoon/evening. As I lived far away from home for over 10 years I had to learnt to cook/clean/iron for myself. Best domestic training you can get.

The independence is fantastic.

Nigella?

LiveIsLife · 18-08-2014 08:33PM

SpaceTime wrote: »

My biggest issue is that my friends are mostly abroad now.

I'm probably going to follow.

A big thanks to Bertie, the FF lads and the banks for destroying my social life BTW! I'm sure all your mates are probably still around.

There's genuinely a very large number of mid 20s-30s people just gone. If you're still in college you mightn't really notice it as dramatically.

I've noticed this, especially in rural areas. Most of my close friends have gone abroad and a large number from school. Less so from college, but they're spread around the country. Have plans in place to go abroad myself now.

Wibbs wrote: »

Even so as you say in most cases the man suffers the aftermath more. Divorced men live shorter lives, have three times the suicide rate and that's before the whole divvying up of the shared property and visitation comes into play. Again it can be cultural too. If I was an American man IMHOI'd want my head examined to get married. With a 50% chance of her divorcing me, never mind the remaining 50% some of whom would be in bad marriages, it would be like playing Russian Roulette with 4 chambers loaded. Bad risk.

I remember reading about this before, the headline rate is shockingly high, but if you control for certain factors it brings the rate down. Something like if the couple both work, are college educated and get married later, the divorce rate comes down to around 20%

Onthe3rdDay wrote: »

That does appear to be an Irish thing. The wedding will solve the problems we have, the new house will solve the problems we have, a Baby will solve the problems we have, Okay it was a boy, a baby Girl will solve the problems we have. 5 years down the line and you can see the mess some people sleepwalk into.

I think this is a general thing, probably worldwide. I know in terms of confidence a lot of the time its a case of 'If I get this job then..' but when the job is got there's something else or the job isn't good enough.

My own situation, I've never been in a long term relationship at the age of 25. Wasn't something that bothered me before until about a years ago when I got lonely for a while. I was always happy single in college, 2 girls in retrospect I maybe should have went a little further with and see what happened.
Working for a few years I never really thought about it, but then I became unemployed and it was then that the loneliness kicked in. I think it was more a case when things were ok I took it for granted that I'd meet someone and settle down when I was ready. When you're unemployed it just eats away at your confidence and its hard to see how you'd meet someone or what you'd bring to a relationship, so I think a bit of 'wanting what you can't have' came into play.

astonaidan · 18-08-2014 11:12PM

Life for me as a single guy right now
There is this girl that Im into and know is into me, Ive known her for two months everytime were together on a night out there is sparks and for some ****ed up reason I cant make the moves on her. Havent even got her number thats how bad I have been.
It really really sucks:mad::mad:

Knex* · 18-08-2014 11:15PM

astonaidan wrote: »

Life for me as a single guy right now
There is this girl that Im into and know is into me, Ive known her for two months everytime were together on a night out there is sparks and for some ****ed up reason I cant make the moves on her. Havent even got her number thats how bad I have been.
It really really sucks:mad::mad:

Facebook her, perhaps?

Two months is a dangerously long time, man. I would be seriously advising you to make a direct move as soon as possible. Especially if you know she likes you too.

Easier said than done, I know, but you'll regret not doing it more. I've gone through phases of being quite passive, and for sure it is something that I have to consciously work on, but its definitely to your betterment if you do.

Best of luck

astonaidan · 19-08-2014 02:27AM

Knex. wrote: »

Facebook her, perhaps?

Two months is a dangerously long time, man. I would be seriously advising you to make a direct move as soon as possible. Especially if you know she likes you too.

Easier said than done, I know, but you'll regret not doing it more. I've gone through phases of being quite passive, and for sure it is something that I have to consciously work on, but its definitely to your betterment if you do.

Best of luck

Oh I know being passive is never a good idea, could get her number of her in less than two seconds,tbh Im 99% certain I could get with her in a heart beat.
Im just being a absolute bitch about it and have no idea why
Christ were both moving to Canada in two months its not like theres even a ahh sure shes emigrating soon frickin reason

Wompa1 · 19-08-2014 02:29AM

astonaidan wrote: »

Oh I know being passive is never a good idea, could get her number of her in less than two seconds,tbh Im 99% certain I could get with her in a heart beat.
Im just being a absolute bitch about it and have no idea why
Christ were both moving to Canada in two months its not like theres even a ahh sure shes emigrating soon frickin reason

Maybe hold off until you see what Canada has to offer. Dem dare Canadian women are fine!!

Knex* · 19-08-2014 01:53PM

I'd nearly ask her to be your wing-woman in Canada, in a joking way, and gauge her reaction. Tell her ye can discuss tactics over a few drinks.

Right there, you have an excuse to ask her on a date, and you're straight onto the topic of you and women. You can then move that towards telling her that you fancy the pants off her

realgirl · 19-08-2014 04:34PM

Knex. wrote: »

I'd nearly ask her to be your wing-woman in Canada, in a joking way, and gauge her reaction. Tell her ye can discuss tactics over a few drinks.

I don't think that's a good suggestion at all - you'd be planting her firmly in the friendzone if you say that to her

Knex* · 19-08-2014 04:40PM

realgirl wrote: »

I don't think that's a good suggestion at all - you'd be planting her firmly in the friendzone if you say that to her

Nah, you really wouldn't. Not unless you actually went through with it, but that's not the idea at all. Even then though, I wouldn't think it would stop her from liking him, certainly not if she already did.

Its playful, and it will throw her a little. But like I say, you gauge her reaction, and then you step it up and let her know that you fancy her.

The only way you'd friendzone her, is if you say that, leave it there, and never actually carry through to the 2nd part.

realgirl · 19-08-2014 04:54PM

Knex. wrote: »

Nah, you really wouldn't. Not unless you actually went through with it, but that's not the idea at all. Even then though, I wouldn't think it would stop her from liking him, certainly not if she already did.

Its playful, and it will throw her a little. But like I say, you gauge her reaction, and then you step it up and let her know that you fancy her.

The only way you'd friendzone her, is if you say that, leave it there, and never actually carry through to the 2nd part.

That sounds like mixed messages and messing with her head to me. If a guy I liked said that to me, I would immediately think it was his way of letting me know he didn't want anything to happen between us. If he then let on he liked me, I would be confused and headwrecked, possibly enough for it to put me off him cos I don't want to be with someone who is going to cause me headwreck.I'm sure it could possibly work out with some women...but it would be a turn off to many

LordNorbury · 19-08-2014 04:56PM

realgirl wrote: »

That sounds like mixed messages and messing with her head to me. If a guy I liked said that to me, I would immediately think it was his way of letting me know he didn't want anything to happen between us. If he then let on he liked me, I would be confused and headwrecked, possibly enough for it to put me off him cos I don't want to be with someone who is going to cause me headwreck.I'm sure it could possibly work out with some women...but it would be a turn off to many

I agree, nothing worse than mixed signals...

wivy · 21-08-2014 06:45PM

astonaidan wrote: »

Life for me as a single guy right now
There is this girl that Im into and know is into me, Ive known her for two months everytime were together on a night out there is sparks and for some ****ed up reason I cant make the moves on her. Havent even got her number thats how bad I have been.
It really really sucks:mad::mad:

OMG! go for it!
how often does 'the spark' happen between two people? rarely!
yeah there will be 'hot' women in canada but nothing will top that spark!
go for it or you'll regret it my friend

Minimix · 21-08-2014 11:32PM

Pug160 wrote: »

Just regarding people who seem to be eternally single: I'm not sure if it's quite as rare as some people imagine. One my friends is in a serious relationship for the first time and he's 32. I have another friend who's similar and I myself have yet to be in a long term relationship, and I'm only slightly younger at almost 30. It could be a case of birds of a feather flock together but even still, I do wonder if this notion that it's extremely rare is accurate. I'm tempted to ask my friend how his girlfriend reacted when she found out he had never been in a relationship before, but it's a personal question so I'm not sure whether I will or not.

I've been lucky enough in that I haven't had too much pressure or expectation put onto me like some people. Others aren't that fortunate it seems.

Just reading this thread and came across this comment which I find interesting. As a female nearly 30 in the same boat only that I have yet to meet someone, I find it good to know there are others who are/were in the same boat.

My only problem is, when I meet guys and start chatting usually the question arises of how long you're single. When I answer honestly I get asked why?

I don't know why. Men seem to find it a turn off in my experience.

Potatoeman · 22-08-2014 09:58AM

Minimix wrote: »

Just reading this thread and came across this comment which I find interesting. As a female nearly 30 in the same boat only that I have yet to meet someone, I find it good to know there are others who are/were in the same boat.

My only problem is, when I meet guys and start chatting usually the question arises of how long you're single. When I answer honestly I get asked why?

I don't know why. Men seem to find it a turn off in my experience.

I have never asked that in casual conversation. Are you single sure but how long? You would need to know some better to get that personal.

fergie24 · 22-08-2014 10:29AM

Its funny while on about conversations, having recently come out of a ltr which was also long distance two months ago and finding myself 33, single i have headed back out socialising on the weekends and of course trying to chat up women which has been long time for me in doing so or being approached and chatted up by women.

With in five minutes of chatting i get asked am i married, have i ever been married, have i kids, have i a girlfriend. When i say no to all its followed do i drive a nice car

Is this the norm with women chatting to a 33 year old guy these days?

Minimix · 22-08-2014 11:21AM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I have never asked that in casual conversation. Are you single sure but how long? You would need to know some better to get that personal.

I thought that too but I have been asked that on more than one occasion

Single life as a guy...

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