The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Islamic fundamentalist sex dolls , do they blow themselves up ?

EoghanIRL wrote: »

When doesn't a pentagon have 5 sides ?
When it's intersected by a plane.

I'm a technical drawing teacher and I still don't get that, a pentagon ALWAYS has five sides???

Jokes lose their appeal when they have to be explained .

Comer1 wrote: »

My bad, I read the joke as "When DOES a pentagon have five sides..."

Sorry, now I feel ashamed :-/

And so you should...

Now please go to the back of the class.

always make sure to read the question!

anybody know if rude words are allowed let me know asap as i have a good joke now and might forget it by the morning in my old age hehe

Sitcom DVDs on the bookshelf, music magazines on the coffee table.
I like to keep my Friends close, but my NMEs closer

Guy rings his boss on Monday morning, he tells him he is too sick to come to work, the boss quizzes him, and ask him how sick are you, he replied well I am in bed with me sister.

A guy looks in on his son as the kid's saying his prayers. The son goes "God bless mammy and daddy and granny. Bye bye grandad". The man is seriously confused as the child's grandad was alive and well in an old folks home, but he ignores it and goes to bed.

When he comes home from work the next day, he finds his wife in tears. Asking her what's wrong she replies "I just got off the phone. My dad's died!" The man decides to look in on his son again that night, and sure enough the kid says "God bless mammy and daddy. Bye bye granny". The man braces himself, but never liked his mother-in-law much anyway, and doesn't bother to warn her.

And of course, the very next day, he finds his wife bawling her eyes out over her mother's death. The man is intrigued now, wondering what will happen next, whether he should get his child to guess the lottery numbers. As he's heading to bed however, he stops in front of his son's door, and hears "God bless mammy. Bye bye daddy".

The man is absolutely terrified now. He doesn't sleep, but stays up all night holding a baseball bat lest a burglar comes in. The next day he dresses slowly and carefully, double checking his shoes are tied and his tie won't choke him. He doesn't eat anything, throws out the coffee (for fear of poison) and makes a fresh batch, all the time checking the milk hasn't expired and the coffee doesn't have dead mice in. He drives incredibly slowly, ignoring the horns around him, and keeps his head below the window to avoid snipers. Deciding to take the day off instead. As he returns home he finds an ambulance parked outside his house, with the paramedics loading a body in. Fearing the worst, he makes his way inside, and comes face to face with his wife. "You'll never believe what happened today" she said, "I thought I heard a knock on the door, so I opened it, and the milkman fell dead on top of me!"

While his wife is upstairs in bed, paddy joins a late night chat line. A naked woman is on the tv screen and says to paddy in a flirty voice "so what would you like me to do". Paddy then replies "do you see that couch that you are on". "What would you like me to do on it" says the woman. "well would you ever hide behind it" , whispers Paddy, " I can hear my wife coming down the stairs and I can't find the remote" !!!

foxy farmer wrote: »

A man is out driving one day when suddenly he almost loses control of the car. He brakes hard and manages to stop the car without crashing. When he gets out he discovers the front wheel has come off. The four wheel nuts had worked loose and come off. Wondering what he's going to do next he notices he's stopped outside a mental hospital. A patient comes up to the fence and starts to talk to the man. The man explains what happened but says that the four nuts are lost and can't refit the wheel as a result.
Rubbish replies the mental patient. Just take one but off each of the other three wheels jack up the car and refit the front wheel with the nuts.
Jesus I'd never have thought of that. You're a genius. You shouldn't be in a mental home at all.
Well the patient replies I might be mad but I'm not stupid.

Same thing happened but this fella, who had lost the wheel nuts in the arseh0le of the country, he was scratching his head when he heard a voice say
"take one from the other three wheels and it'll be safe enough til you get to the garage in the next town"
He looked over his shoulder to see who said this,and he could see nobody around except a white horse !
He thought he was hearing things but the voice came again
"take one nut from the other three wheels til you get to the garage in the next town"

He looked around again , but the only thing he could see was a white horse, anyway having heard it the second time he took the mysterious advice, which of course worked.

When he arrived at the garage in the next town ,he was explaining the extraordinary story to the mechanic , about the voice seemingly coming from nowhere .

The mechanic interrogated him further but he was adamant that there was nobody there !

are ye sure there was not a living thing to be seen at all ? Asked the mechanic .

Well there was a Horse admitted the man embarrassingly .

Was he a white horse inquired the mechanic ?

Excitedly the man said yes , relieved that , After all, maybe he wasn't hearing things and his mind playing tricks on him.

Jazsus, said the mechanic you're fierce lucky !

Why said the driver ? Too hear a horse speak ?

No no he said there's normally a brown horse in that field if he was there you would have been fûcked,and he wouldn't have helped you.

Why says the driver , can the brown horse not speak ?

No it's not that ,

that the brown horse knows fûck all about cars !