Single life as a guy...

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 24-07-2014 05:43PM

To Need a Woman wrote: »

I'll be rich though, so yeah

To Need a Woman wrote: »

predictable jokes from the fat fella. Let's have something smart come out of your mouth other than Einstein's cock

To Need a Woman wrote: »

if you want to joke go to after hours

Any more "deep thoughts and over-analytical [sic] observations" to share?

ancapailldorcha · 24-07-2014 05:44PM

To Need a Woman wrote: »

I'll be rich though, so yeah

There's more to life than being rich, at least in my opinion.

Fat Christy · 24-07-2014 05:45PM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

There's more to life than being rich, at least in my opinion.

There's no point being rich if ya still need a woman. Suppose you could buy her though?

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 05:49PM

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

Any more "deep thoughts and over-analytical [sic] observations" to share?

those mightn't be my best examples!

mrty · 24-07-2014 05:50PM

I was actually enjoying this thread reading other guys thoughts and feelings about the title topic, but as usual one or two have to turn it into a farce . If people don't have anything relevant to add then why bother. Its boring, head off to teen chat or whatever you may find something more suited to your outlook there.

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 05:51PM

Fat Christy wrote: »

There's no point being rich if ya still need a woman. Suppose you could buy her though?

Anybody who's reasonably sane, good looking and with money WILL get women. But you need all three, so you can't since you're fat

Try not to read into my user name little cretin

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 24-07-2014 05:51PM

To Need a Woman wrote: »

those mightn't be my best examples!

One would certainly hope not.

Fat Christy · 24-07-2014 05:52PM

To Need a Woman wrote: »

Anybody who's reasonably sane, good looking and with money WILL get women.

Try not to read into my user name little cretin

I'm not little, try to read a bit more into my username. :cool:

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 05:53PM

mrty wrote: »

I was actually enjoying this thread reading other guys thoughts and feelings about the title topic, but as usual one or two have to turn it into a farce . If people don't have anything relevant to add then why bother. Its boring, head off to teen chat or whatever you may find something more suited to your outlook there.

They started it!

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 05:54PM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

There's more to life than being rich, at least in my opinion.

I didn't mean to imply there wasn't

Wibbs · 24-07-2014 05:54PM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

There's more to life than being rich, at least in my opinion.

I dunno A. If I had my life to live over from say 20 I'd aim to make as much money as possible. Get into finance while my brain was still firing at the level required(it's still firing today, but on a different tack). Yes there is more to life than being rich, but being rich to the point where you don't have to work again gives you a magnitude more choices than slaving away for the majority of your life in a 9-5 cubicle worrying about collating reports for some middle manager. Choice is everything. You might dig an office environment but if you've got financial security outside of it you'll likely dig it more. Romance and relationship wise? Sure to quote the Beatles money can't buy you love, but it can buy you extra access to more people including women and again it gives you far more choices. On the other hand it can be more risky too with divorce and such. All I can say is that at various times in my life I had a few bob and there were times when I had feck all, the former was a lot better than the latter. Most of all money gives you choice over a much more valuable asset, time. It's about the only thing you can't earn any more of and on your deathbed you won't say "I wished I had worked more hours".

Wibbs · 24-07-2014 05:57PM

mrty wrote: »

I was actually enjoying this thread reading other guys thoughts and feelings about the title topic, but as usual one or two have to turn it into a farce . If people don't have anything relevant to add then why bother. Its boring, head off to teen chat or whatever you may find something more suited to your outlook there.

Easy answer M, ignore trolls, they thrive on attention and wither without it. It's the biggest part of their narcissistic personalities.

Contributor 2013 · 24-07-2014 06:00PM

29 and been single for a while now, more than 3 years. Had a good few fluttering "relationships" that never really lasted more than a few months.

To be honest I think I'm just too selfish. I like to come home after work, relax, maybe take the dog for a walk, maybe play some PlayStation, maybe just do nothing, maybe have a few beers.

Most times when I'm in in these "relationships" it's basically "I wanna go do this, I wanna go do that, I want, I want, I want" - as a result of which I get rather bored and uptight and stop answering calls. Maybe I am just attracted to the wrong type or female. I suppose the other side of the coin is I just don't want to give up my own routines to satisfy what someone else wants, ....back to selfish again. Who knows.

Happy enough being single and having me dog as company, he doesn't let me get bored!

I do worry sometimes about becoming a hermit, or whatever they are called, then I go down the local pub and see some of the fellas there just sitting in the bar all night to get away from their so called "loved ones" and think....hmmm is a hermit so bad?

Reading this back there's not much sense to be had form it, but you said "engage" so there ya go.

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 06:07PM

Contributor 2013 wrote: »

I just don't want to give up my own routines to satisfy what someone else wants, ....back to selfish again. Who knows.

I can relate to that

Contributor 2013 wrote: »

Happy enough being single and having me dog as company, he doesn't let me get bored!

Been thinking of getting a German Shepherd for a while now

Contributor 2013 · 24-07-2014 06:11PM

If you're going to get a dog, get a rescue dog.

But don;t take on the responsibility if you're not going to keep it up, looking after a dog, (if you haven't done i before) is like nothing you've ever experienced, especially if you're single.

A few years back I caught myself thinking "Maybe I could get with a girl so she could look after him a bit as well" LOL!!

To Need a Woman · 24-07-2014 06:15PM

Contributor 2013 wrote: »

But don;t take on the responsibility if you're not going to keep it up, looking after a dog, (if you haven't done i before) is like nothing you've ever experienced, especially if you're single.

No, I've had a dog, so I know what it's like. He got knocked down a few years back

Pawwed Rig · 24-07-2014 06:21PM

Don't feed the trolls guys. To need a woman is banned

Onthe3rdDay · 24-07-2014 07:03PM

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno A. If I had my life to live over from say 20 I'd aim to make as much money as possible. Get into finance while my brain was still firing at the level required(it's still firing today, but on a different tack). Yes there is more to life than being rich, but being rich to the point where you don't have to work again gives you a magnitude more choices than slaving away for the majority of your life in a 9-5 cubicle worrying about collating reports for some middle manager. Choice is everything. You might dig an office environment but if you've got financial security outside of it you'll likely dig it more. Romance and relationship wise? Sure to quote the Beatles money can't buy you love, but it can buy you extra access to more people including women and again it gives you far more choices. On the other hand it can be more risky too with divorce and such. All I can say is that at various times in my life I had a few bob and there were times when I had feck all, the former was a lot better than the latter. Most of all money gives you choice over a much more valuable asset, time. It's about the only thing you can't earn any more of and on your deathbed you won't say "I wished I had worked more hours".

I agree with this. Money does make life a lot easier. You don't need all the money, just enough to be able to say no when you want to. I will say being single does remove a lot of financial pressure that would exist otherwise. Women I have known want to do things. There's nothing wrong with that but when times are tight it can cause stress when normally there shouldn't be any at all.

Normally when I go on a night out when I'm single, it's down to the pub for a few hours, perhaps the Cinema, and that's me happy enough. I also like pub quizzes plus other forms of entertainment that tends to be very cheap. I will go to the theatre if the right play or act is on.

On the other hand the last two women I started to see wanted to go for a meal each time they went out. So A night out instead of costing me 20 to 30 euro went up to 80 euro plus. Now that's not a problem right now but in the past it would have been. When a different activity is suggested it's not considered. Plus being a Vegetarian it's not easy to find places to eat out all the time.

Obviously not all women are like that, I have gone out with some that are just as tight as myself but they don't pop up around every corner.

Money is important because it gives me more control of my life. I've seen the other side of the story personally. I won't be doing that again if at all possible.

Daveysil15 · 24-07-2014 08:33PM

Frank Dry Logging wrote: »

There's a perception that women are more competent with and less likely to be dangerous to children, even if they don't have any of their own.

Yeah the whole paedophile hysteria doesn't help men in that regard. A man talking to a child outside a playground for example is always going to be treated with a bit more suspicion that if it was a woman.

NSAman wrote: »

There is a stigma in Ireland about being single. You are viewed with suspicion. "How can he be happy by himself?" has been a question I know relatives have asked my mother when I am not around.

What irks me most of all as a single person, is that people do NOT understand why you would remain single. you are either gay or you are weird.

Ohh I can certainly relate to that. I've had my sexual preference brought into question a few times. I really hate that fcuking question, "Why are you single?" Or "Why haven't you got a girlfriend?" It's such a stupid thing to say to anyone, yet completely acceptable for some reason.

Wibbs wrote: »

+1000 on this one. Getting a date, hookup, brief affair, FWB, or actual relationship was a lot easier for me at 40 than it was from me at 20 and options were much wider.

I'm surprised by this actually. Is that mainly because of online dating and the internet in general? Just curious. I'm 31 now and find it a lot more difficult to find any of those things you mentioned than when I was 21. Granted I have better hobbies now which allow me to meet new people, but the pub/club scene is so much different now, at least for me anyway.

LordNorbury · 24-07-2014 09:19PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'm surprised by this actually. Is that mainly because of online dating and the internet in general? Just curious. I'm 31 now and find it a lot more difficult to find any of those things you mentioned than when I was 21. Granted I have better hobbies now which allow me to meet new people, but the pub/club scene is so much different now, at least for me anyway.

The online dating scene has certainly changed things hugely. If you are actively dating online, you should have no problem meeting people. Meeting someone online who you might want to have a full and proper relationship with is a different thing entirely, but if you are going at it right and with a proper positive mindset, you should certainly not be lonely. If I want to get a date these days, I wouldn't dream of going to a pub or a club, I'd just go online and I'd make it happen there. I have some female friends, these friendships would have started out online, and what I've been told is that women these days in their 30's who are single, they don't expect to meet someone out in a pub/club. If you read online profiles, women will openly state on most of them that they are sick of the pub/club scene, lads coming up to them at the end of the night drunk, etc.

There is also the financial aspect to it. Think about it for a sec, who has the money to be going out to pubs/clubs once or twice a week in the mere hope of finding someone? People these days are being a lot cuter about dating, they set things up online and cut out a lot of the expense, and the fund for the night out once a fortnight or whatever, is being spent with current friends.

SWL · 24-07-2014 09:51PM

Male early 40’s and unlike many of the contributors to this thread and indeed everybody I know, I have never had a relationship, certainly had a few chances in the past and they were fantastic women as well, but I was always avoided any form of deep emotional involvement for mostly practical and logical reasons, I worked and studied very hard for a number of years right up until my early to mid thirties, as a result I had to put on hold many interests and hobbies and now actively pursue these.

I enjoy my own company but won’t say I am a loner or a hermit, I have experienced loneliness, but it was never really for a relationship with a women (easy to say when you have never experienced it) more a loneliness for company, someone to go for a beer with have a chat about nothing, a sexually loneliness; a longing for human touch etc. Many friends are married, children etc. some are content, some are miserable and deeply unhappy, they talk about been trapped in a emotional and financial hell that I can’t even contemplate, they can’t leave because they loose everything everyday accesses to the kids, the house etc. the way society crushes men after a marriage breakdown is frightening, the level of female hyper gamy is truly amazing after the kids come along, I am too selfish or too smart to get on that train, would love to have had a family of my own but that’s not going to happen now, I have a few quid so I am my own man, financially independent as a working man can be and that’s how I like it.

In essence the pros out weight the cons for this middle aged guy, I have made my bed and happy enough to sleep in it, I have no regrets; I made the correct decisions especially looking at my unhappy married friends.

Gone on plenty of dates, even tried online dating, didn’t like it most went straight into the where are we going i.e. fast track to marriage and kids in the shortest timeframe possible. I can and do spend a lot of time alone especially at weekends, having a wingman or drinking buddy is getting tougher as the lads have financial and family responsibilities so heading out to meet new people is getting very tough. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing but I never come across women looking for a fcuk buddy etc, the younger generation seem to have that sorted in a good way.

Daveysil15 · 24-07-2014 09:55PM

LordNorbury wrote: »

The online dating scene has certainly changed things hugely. If you are actively dating online, you should have no problem meeting people. Meeting someone online who you might want to have a full and proper relationship with is a different thing entirely, but if you are going at it right and with a proper positive mindset, you should certainly not be lonely. If I want to get a date these days, I wouldn't dream of going to a pub or a club, I'd just go online and I'd make it happen there. I have some female friends, these friendships would have started out online, and what I've been told is that women these days in their 30's who are single, they don't expect to meet someone out in a pub/club. If you read online profiles, women will openly state on most of them that they are sick of the pub/club scene, lads coming up to them at the end of the night drunk, etc.

There is also the financial aspect to it. Think about it for a sec, who has the money to be going out to pubs/clubs once or twice a week in the mere hope of finding someone? People these days are being a lot cuter about dating, they set things up online and cut out a lot of the expense, and the fund for the night out once a fortnight or whatever, is being spent with current friends.

I dunno, I've been doing the online dating for the last 3 years with no success. Then again the pickings are fairly slim where I am. Almost everybody seems to be in Dublin. I've found work and hobbies to be the best ways to meet people.

I agree with what you're saying about the bars and clubs and how a lot of women are fed up with that scene, but from my experience a lot of women are very wary of guys online too. "Plenty of freaks" seems to be a common headline on certain profiles.

ancapailldorcha · 24-07-2014 10:15PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I dunno, I've been doing the online dating for the last 3 years with no success. Then again the pickings are fairly slim where I am. Almost everybody seems to be in Dublin. I've found work and hobbies to be the best ways to meet people.

I agree with what you're saying about the bars and clubs and how a lot of women are fed up with that scene, but from my experience a lot of women are very wary of guys online too. "Plenty of freaks" seems to be a common headline on certain profiles.

I'm the same. I've been doing it for years as well with no success. Since I moved in the new year I've seen about half a dozen interesting profiles with the remainder being the usual duckface collages.

ancapailldorcha · 24-07-2014 10:52PM

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno A. If I had my life to live over from say 20 I'd aim to make as much money as possible. Get into finance while my brain was still firing at the level required(it's still firing today, but on a different tack). Yes there is more to life than being rich, but being rich to the point where you don't have to work again gives you a magnitude more choices than slaving away for the majority of your life in a 9-5 cubicle worrying about collating reports for some middle manager. Choice is everything. You might dig an office environment but if you've got financial security outside of it you'll likely dig it more. Romance and relationship wise? Sure to quote the Beatles money can't buy you love, but it can buy you extra access to more people including women and again it gives you far more choices. On the other hand it can be more risky too with divorce and such. All I can say is that at various times in my life I had a few bob and there were times when I had feck all, the former was a lot better than the latter. Most of all money gives you choice over a much more valuable asset, time. It's about the only thing you can't earn any more of and on your deathbed you won't say "I wished I had worked more hours".

I see where you're coming from. I'm in my twenties and it'll probably be another 10 years before I can do any serious saving with the career path I've burdened myself with unless I decide to jettison my weekends which isn't an entirely unappealing prospect. Youth doesn't mean much if you don't have the capital to travel, socialise, etc...

One advantage of moving around constantly is that the social isolation makes saving a bit easier. I just hate thinking about things like mortgages, holidays and various other things I can't afford yet.

NSAman · 25-07-2014 05:31AM

SWL wrote: »

In essence the pros out weight the cons for this middle aged guy, I have made my bed and happy enough to sleep in it, I have no regrets; I made the correct decisions especially looking at my unhappy married friends.

Gone on plenty of dates, even tried online dating, didn’t like it most went straight into the where are we going i.e. fast track to marriage and kids in the shortest timeframe possible. I can and do spend a lot of time alone especially at weekends, having a wingman or drinking buddy is getting tougher as the lads have financial and family responsibilities so heading out to meet new people is getting very tough. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing but I never come across women looking for a fcuk buddy etc, the younger generation seem to have that sorted in a good way.

It is funny SWL, we justify our being single by the unhappiness of friends in marriages that are unhappy.. I completely get where you are though.

In relating to having a wingman, I am a few years older and the circle turns. Once the kids are grown once they are independent the wingmen are all over the gaff. I am having more fun with my mates now that ever. I am catching up with friends who were "too busy" raising kids, paying the mortgage and who lost themselves in the life of everyone else.

I see one friend in particular, married with 4 kids, who is having the time of his life now they are grown, and realises that he missed out on so much taking care of everyone else. (again this raises the other spectre of having too much fun, ya have to keep an eye on him)

LordNorbury · 25-07-2014 08:40AM

SWL wrote: »

Many friends are married, children etc. some are content, some are miserable and deeply unhappy, they talk about been trapped in a emotional and financial hell that I can’t even contemplate, they can’t leave because they loose everything everyday accesses to the kids, the house etc. the way society crushes men after a marriage breakdown is frightening, the level of female hyper gamy is truly amazing after the kids come along, I am too selfish or too smart to get on that train, would love to have had a family of my own but that’s not going to happen now, I have a few quid so I am my own man, financially independent as a working man can be and that’s how I like it.

In essence the pros out weight the cons for this middle aged guy, I have made my bed and happy enough to sleep in it, I have no regrets; I made the correct decisions especially looking at my unhappy married friends.

Have to say, this is EXACTLY where I have ended up as a single early middle aged guy, in the very same place. On any logical or reasonable assessment I think, you'd end up in the same place, it is just too risky, in a society where men can be ruined in every respect, including financially and emotionally, in the event of marriage failure. Then the risk of ending up like any of the marriages I see around me, friends and family, where people are struggling to put on a positive face in these relationships, on that basis alone and none other, I'd shun marriage.

Wibbs · 25-07-2014 09:33AM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'm surprised by this actually. Is that mainly because of online dating and the internet in general? Just curious. I'm 31 now and find it a lot more difficult to find any of those things you mentioned than when I was 21.

Well defo not the interwebs in my case. When I was 31 back in the late 90's online dating while present was a tiny presence. The only online dating thing that had some presence was Russian brides and the like. I knew a couple of guys who went that route too. Interestingly or not, in those that did the success or failure of the resultant marriages was the same as those who went the usual local dating route.

Annnyway... Nope no online dating in my case. I just found that on a night out I just got more interest as a general thing from women. Now granted I'd talk to the wall so not exactly socially shy and that would be a factor with some men, but I never really was socially shy and still I got more interest and just general interaction from women in my 30's than I ever did in my 20's.

SWL wrote: »

most went straight into the where are we going i.e. fast track to marriage and kids in the shortest timeframe possible

I only came across that once or twice TBH. At least overtly. There were a few more where it was much more subtle, but I could see the script laid out ahead of me if I continued on that road. Overall though I didn't feel that too often. Then again like I said I never did the online dating thing. Maybe that's different?

fits · 25-07-2014 09:46AM

Jes I dont know, I think this is a very negative thread towards marriage. I cant think of anyone in my network that I think would be happier on their own than in a relationship or married, certainly into middle age and beyond.

I live in both worlds at the moment. In a long term relationship but spend large chunks of time on my own abroad. I much prefer living with someone. I am mid thirties and most of my friends, almost all in fact, are unmarried. Those that are dont have children yet, those that have children arent married. A lot are single. They'd have good careers for the most part and are liberal in outlook I guess. Not the usual. But I do wonder how it will work out in the coming years.

fits · 25-07-2014 09:50AM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I see where you're coming from. I'm in my twenties and it'll probably be another 10 years before I can do any serious saving with the career path I've burdened myself with unless I decide to jettison my weekends which isn't an entirely unappealing prospect. Youth doesn't mean much if you don't have the capital to travel, socialise, etc...

One advantage of moving around constantly is that the social isolation makes saving a bit easier. I just hate thinking about things like mortgages, holidays and various other things I can't afford yet.

OT You're a researcher right? UK is close to the worst place for researchers imo. Very badly paid and undervalued. Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Nordic countries all have much much better pay and conditions. Language isnt such a barrier either (in fact a lot of departments like having the odd native speaker around). It surprised me to meet people having kids and taking parental leave in the middle of doing their PhDs but can think of two recent examples in the last year (both men), one in Germany, one in Finland. Entirely possible financially apparently.

LordNorbury · 25-07-2014 09:55AM

fits wrote: »

Jes I dont know, I think this is a very negative thread towards marriage. I cant think of anyone in my network that I think would be happier on their own than in a relationship or married, certainly into middle age and beyond.

I live in both worlds at the moment. In a long term relationship but spend large chunks of time on my own abroad. I much prefer living with someone. I am mid thirties and most of my friends, almost all in fact, are unmarried. Those that are dont have children yet, those that have children arent married. A lot are single. They'd have good careers for the most part and are liberal in outlook I guess. Not the usual. But I do wonder how it will work out in the coming years.

Well in fairness, I think the thread was started by myself (a single guy), I'm open minded and am a live & let live kinda guy, but I think single people these days are either single by choice or are else single and not happy with being single. I fall into the former category, and in that sense, marriage just isn't for me and I love my life as a single guy. It's not an inherently negative view I think, I used to be all for marriage but the world has changed in recent years and it's all just too much hassle and hardship in my view.

Single life as a guy...

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