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Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

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Comments

  • #212
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    whupdedo wrote: »
    Sex with 3 different partners in 22 days is not a big deal, but it kinda is when it's a constant average every 7 days
    Exactly. As a one-off - e.g. when on a holiday or just going through a phase of shagging around, it's no big deal. But happening non stop over years? Awful bullsh-t to say that's no biggie. Seems like the tendency of someone with a problem IMO.


  • #213
    Hazys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,510 ✭✭✭Hazys


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Not sure what kind of grip on statistics he would need to have to be thinking like that. I doubt it would be a good one however.

    TBH 500 people in a country of 2 million men is a very fair sample size in statistics (i presume some of the 500 were when travelling and on vacation also).

    I live in a city of 4 million people and when i go out with my girlfriend every so often I recognize a girl i have hooked up with in the past and my numbers are a little above average. I'm sure its the same for my girlfriend when she goes out but we don't tell each other these things as it would only upset the other person. I feel i'm a reasonably secure guy but if my girlfriend and I were sitting in a bar and she tells me the guy at the other end of the bar and her slept together a couple of times...well that would make me feel awkward and a bit jealous. Now multiple that by 500.

    She doesn't need to tell him who she slept with, insecurities make you think irrationally anyway. Especially since those 500 probably go to the same bars and nightclubs the OP would frequent, there is decent odds that there is a guy there she slept with.

    Its clear that the OP is hurt and lashing out a bit, calling her a b1tch and saying ALL women do this. I sympathize with him even tho i don't agree with how he is reacting. This is a women he was intimate with and shared a lot of stuff with, now he finds out she was intimate with 500 different people. I think people should lay off the OP a little bit.


  • #214
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Magaggie wrote: »
    Exactly. As a one-off - e.g. when on a holiday or just going through a phase of shagging around, it's no big deal. But happening non stop over years? Awful bullsh-t to say that's no biggie. Seems like the tendency of someone with a problem IMO.

    I'm not saying it's not a high number, but it's a bit of a stretch to assume that it's the tendency of someone "with a problem" (does this mean you think she has a mental health issue?).

    Maybe she just likes sex. Nothing wrong with that.

    I'd be interested to know what you think is wrong with it, outside of assuming a mental health issue.


  • #215
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    As long as she is free from stds its nobody else's business how many people she has slept with.

    If you have a problem with the amount of people she has slept with the problem is yours not hers.

    I really don't see the issue. As long as people protect themselves it doesn't matter how many people they have sex with, whether its 6 on one night or 6 throughout their life, if they have decided to be monogamous and faithful to you now then it makes not one bit of difference to your relationship with them.

    Being annoyed at her for lying to you, if she did lie, is a separate issue.


  • #216
    Aurora Green
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 39 ✭Aurora Green


    She's a statistician's dream, she has a better sample of cock size than many of the studies done.


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  • #217
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    username123 wrote: »
    I'm not saying it's not a high number, but it's a bit of a stretch to assume that it's the tendency of someone "with a problem" (does this mean you think she has a mental health issue?).

    Maybe she just likes sex. Nothing wrong with that.

    I'd be interested to know what you think is wrong with it, outside of assuming a mental health issue.
    I don't agree with people having an issue with sex and viewing it as dirty, but the polar opposite of viewing sex as on a par with going to the jax is the other side of the same coin IMO. I hate the idea of it having zero meaning, even if I don't think a person should have to be in love with every person they have sex with either.
    I don't agree with such a cold, calculated attitude to sex because I don't like the view of sex that way. I know it's me projecting but it's just my view and I've tried to change it, however I can't.
    This thing of her "just liking sex" I don't get. I love sex - absolutely adore it and have had some extraordinarily intense experiences, but no way would I go out ****ing a different man every week for years.


  • #218
    whupdedo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,513 ✭✭✭whupdedo


    username123 wrote: »
    Meh, it's a high strike rate no doubt but I can't see why that's a bad thing.

    Plenty of women have plenty of (not just vaginal) sex during their period.

    Ya meh, you are the very definition of cool, its not a bad thing per se, but you can't compare it to social norms, well be here for the0rest of our life with you saying what's wrong with having a sexual partner once a week and everyone else saying it's just not normally, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had some mental issues, which could mean a seriously unhealthy attitude for baseless anonymous sex, which a lot of people need from time to time, but not every few days with total strangers


  • #219
    cletus van damme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 960 ✭✭✭cletus van damme


    in answer to this thread 500 partners is a lot. I wonder why (or how)
    I've never really asked partners what their number is

    However in answer to the general theme of this thread - if you look at the the actual comment online about magaluf girl/ slane girl etc - most men will laugh and maybe use one words like "slag" or "slut" etc..
    The real viscous stuff comes from other women. The real judgement comes from within their own gender.

    This is conveniently forgotten when the feminist lobby rush in to defend the girl in question (as is here) and try and deflect onto the men involved.
    Which pretty much misses the point.

    anyway it's all irrelevant.
    The OPs ex lied or mislead - and then freaked out
    she isn't what he thought she was.

    Personally I think she is a bull****ter but that's another argument.


  • #220
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Magaggie wrote: »
    I don't agree with people having an issue with sex and viewing it as dirty, but the polar opposite of viewing sex as on a par with going to the jax is the other side of the same coin IMO. I hate the idea of it having zero meaning, even if I don't think a person should have to be in love with every person they have sex with either.
    I don't agree with such a cold, calculated attitude to sex because I don't like the view of sex that way. I know it's me projecting but it's just my view and I've tried to change it, however I can't.
    This thing of her "just liking sex" I don't get. I love sex - absolutely adore it and have had some extraordinarily intense experiences, but no way would I go out ****ing a different man every week for years.

    And that's cool, for you. But it doesn't mean that her behaviour is wrong, or shameful or that she should be referred to in derogatory terms.

    That's why communication is so important in any relationship. I wouldn't like to go out with someone who had a totally different view on sex, and on the morality of sex, than me. Not because I'd think they were wrong, but it just wouldn't appeal to me. It's better to have compatible views on that type of thing.

    Personally I've zero interest in what other people do in the bedroom, really don't care. But I know it bothers some people, otherwise there wouldn't be things like the word slut, people who get upset about homosexual sex etc....or assumptions like an enjoyment of a lot of sex means a drug problem or mental health issue.


  • #221
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Magaggie wrote: »
    I don't agree with people having an issue with sex and viewing it as dirty, but the polar opposite of viewing sex as on a par with going to the jax is the other side of the same coin IMO. I hate the idea of it having zero meaning, even if I don't think a person should have to be in love with every person they have sex with either.
    I don't agree with such a cold, calculated attitude to sex because I don't like the view of sex that way. I know it's me projecting but it's just my view and I've tried to change it, however I can't.
    This thing of her "just liking sex" I don't get. I love sex - absolutely adore it and have had some extraordinarily intense experiences, but no way would I go out ****ing a different man every week for years.

    Being comfortable having casual sex does not equate to sex having no meaning for you or that its a cold attitude to sex. You can have passionate and enjoyable sex with someone and just like it for the physical act it is. It doesnt mean its something akin to going to the jax as you put it.

    Its also possible for sex to mean entirely different things depending on the person you do it with. You can have just fun enjoyable sex with a stranger but then it can be intimate and "meaningful" with someone you love. You attribute the meaning yourself, so doing it with someone you don’t have strong feelings for doesn't necessarily make the act void of meaning when you do it with other people.


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  • #222
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    whupdedo wrote: »
    Ya meh, you are the very definition of cool, its not a bad thing per se, but you can't compare it to social norms, well be here for the0rest of our life with you saying what's wrong with having a sexual partner once a week and everyone else saying it's just not normally, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had some mental issues, which could mean a seriously unhealthy attitude for baseless anonymous sex, which a lot of people need from time to time, but not every few days with total strangers

    It's nothing yo do with being cool and I never claimed the total was a norm, but there is nothing wrong with being on the high (or low) end of the spectrum of which norm lies in the middle.

    It could just mean she likes sex.


  • #223
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    username123 wrote: »
    assumptions like an enjoyment of a lot of sex means a drug problem or mental health issue.
    Having an average of a different sex partner every week for years is not shameful or deserving of derogatory names, I fully agree there.
    It is not healthy behaviour though IMO, sex addiction does exist. And applying the term "enjoyment of a lot of sex" to it is disingenuous. "A lot of sex" is different to "Sex with a huge amount of partners". A person could have "a lot of sex" with one partner.
    Tasden wrote: »
    Being comfortable having casual sex does not equate to sex having no meaning for you or that its a cold attitude to sex. You can have passionate and enjoyable sex with someone and just like it for the physical act it is. It doesnt mean its something akin to going to the jax as you put it.

    Its also possible for sex to mean entirely different things depending on the person you do it with. You can have just fun enjoyable sex with a stranger but then it can be intimate and "meaningful" with someone you love. You attribute the meaning yourself, so doing it with someone you don’t have strong feelings for doesn't necessarily make the act void of meaning when you do it with other people.
    All fully agreed, yet I'm not seeing how having an average of one different sex partner a week for years relates to any of the above.

    If a guy was ****ing around like that I'd be surprised if there was the same level of defence of him.


  • #224
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Aurora Green wrote: »
    I think people automatically assume men who don't approve are insecure, but it could also be the case that it's a turn on for some men for their partner to be less experienced than they are.

    so women should have less sex so the men are happy :rolleyes:

    comments on this thread are unreal. why cant a woman have all the sex she wants?


  • #225
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    PucaMama wrote: »
    comments on this thread are unreal. why cant a woman have all the sex partners she wants?
    FYP. Who says she can't? But people can have opinions on it.


  • #226
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Magaggie wrote: »
    FYP. Who says she can't? But people can have opinions on it.
    did you add a word into my post :confused:


  • #227
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,909 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I do love when given a hypothetical situation to comment on and then being given out to for judging the hypothetical person. :P


  • #228
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Magaggie wrote: »
    It is not healthy behaviour though IMO, sex addiction does exist. And applying the term "enjoyment of a lot of sex" to it is disingenuous. "A lot of sex" is different to "Sex with a huge amount of partners". A person could have "a lot of sex" with one partner.

    All fully agreed, yet I'm not seeing how having an average of one different sex partner a week for years relates to any of the above.

    If a guy was ****ing around like that I'd be surprised if there was the same level of defence of him.

    Maybe the girl just didn't want to be in a relationship with any of the men. Or she didn't want a relationship but wanted sex.

    So it's ok for a woman in a relationship to want sex a few times a week but not a single girl?


  • #229
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Magaggie wrote: »
    It is not healthy behaviour though IMO, sex addiction does exist. And applying the term "enjoyment of a lot of sex" to it is disingenuous. "A lot of sex" is different to "Sex with a huge amount of partners".

    If a guy was ****ing around like that I'd be surprised if there was the same level of defence of him.

    I'm not medically qualified to judge if it's healthy behaviour but considering the types of behaviour that is considered normal in this country weekly (smoking, binge drinking), it could be healthier than most!

    I already posted earlier in the thread about an ex of mine, a man, who had a similar background (including some escorting). It didn't bother me.

    I've an equal view of it regardless of the gender of the person having the sex.

    It's truly remarkable to me how many people are offended by the sexual activities of others!

    Enjoy your evenings folks, I'm off to have an orgy watch a movie.


  • #230
    whupdedo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,513 ✭✭✭whupdedo


    PucaMama wrote: »
    so women should have less sex so the men are happy

    Very few posters said that, most men won't give a ****e about how many partners a woman has had and might be her fcuk buddy, what they won't do is have a relationship or marry a woman that is known to them to be promiscuous


  • #231
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    Tasden wrote: »
    Maybe the girl just didn't want to be in a relationship with any of the men. Or she didn't want a relationship but wanted sex.

    So it's ok for a woman in a relationship to want sex a few times a week but not a single girl?
    Again, not requiring of ****ing a different individual every week for years.
    username123 wrote: »
    It's truly remarkable to me how many people are offended by the sexual activities of others!
    Well people were asked for their views. Having a negative view of something doesn't always mean being offended.


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  • #232
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    whupdedo wrote: »
    Very few posters said that, most men won't give a ****e about how many partners a woman has had and might be her fcuk buddy, what they won't do is have a relationship or marry a woman that is known to them to be promiscuous
    can men explain why tho?

    men want sex, chat up a woman, get sex then dump her cus they got what they want???

    i find girls that refuse women are called 'stuck up bitches' yet if you dont refuse you are still in the wrong?


  • #233
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Magaggie wrote: »
    Again, not requiring of ****ing a different individual every week for years.

    .

    If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a man and she wants sex every couple of days whats the alternative? Apart from having a FWB situation which she may not want either.

    Why is it only ok for her to have sex with the same partner every week for years but not a different one each time? What difference does it make? Sex is sex.

    You might feel it has to be between two partners in love or below a certain number (where's the cut off point btw?) but if she doesn't why does it mean she must have mental health issues or its not right?


  • #234
    drumswan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,592 ✭✭✭drumswan


    PucaMama wrote: »
    comments on this thread are unreal. why cant a woman have all the sex she wants?
    She can, but this will make her less desirable as a long term partner for a lot of men. Its not that difficult.


  • #235
    Hazys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,510 ✭✭✭Hazys


    drumswan wrote: »
    She can, but this will make her less desirable as a long term partner for a lot of men. Its not that difficult.

    Exactly and its the same answer to "why can't a man have all the sex wants?".

    I don't know why people are trying to make it a gender thing. Sure women getting labelled a slut a lot quicker than men, but i don't think thats the issue here.


  • #236
    whupdedo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,513 ✭✭✭whupdedo


    PucaMama wrote: »
    can men explain why tho?

    men want sex, chat up a woman, get sex then dump her cus they got what they want???

    i find girls that refuse women are called 'stuck up bitches' yet if you dont refuse you are still in the wrong?

    Men won't go out with a woman they believe to be a slut, simple as, it's probably some built in evolutionary mechanism that means he is the only 1 that will get to breed with her, who knows why men think like this ?

    Men will take what they're given from a woman on a night out, if that's full sex or any form of sex that involves him blowing his baby sauce, then don't expect a phone call the following day,

    I've always had the theory that if a woman can hold out from putting out, for a month or 2 the man has developed feelings for the woman and is more likely to stick around and see where it goes


  • #237
    Buzz Killington the third
    Closed Accounts Posts: 937 ✭✭✭Buzz Killington the third


    beano345 wrote: »
    IME a lot of girls lie about their number
    Don't they say that you should double a girl's number and half a guy's number to get the real figure :D

    username123 wrote: »
    Sex with 3 different men in 22 days is not a big deal anyway IMO. It's not even once a week.
    Sorry, but context is key here. 3 in 22 days isn't a big deal, 9 every 3 months is a big deal. This also doesn't mean sex 9 times every 3 months, it's just partners so it could be sex every day on a rota. It's like pass the parcel!

    I've heard some lads joking saying "my girlfriend is a nympho" but that scenario just takes the piss. Going by those stats, she's probably had a couple of ONSs since they broke up.


  • #238
    diveout
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭diveout


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I don't like liars so that would be an issue for me. Not the 500 previous partners. I'd wonder why someone felt they had to keep that a secret, like do they judge themselves for it or feel it makes them less attractive of a partner. Personally I don't care what has gone before me once its legal and safe and all that but lie to me and its a different story. It would make me wonder what else you might be lying about.

    On the other hand people need to feel permission to tell the truth. If they sense judgementalism, they probably wont tell you, and that's understandable.

    Say that, 500 or even 100 would raise a flag for me, like this person is going to get really bored really fast, and chances are all those people have just blurred into one foggy memory, in which they just became an extension of masterbation. And I will too eventually become part of that fog.


  • #239
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    whupdedo wrote: »
    Men won't go out with a woman they believe to be a slut, simple as, it's probably some built in evolutionary mechanism that means he is the only 1 that will get to breed with her, who knows why men think like this ?

    Men will take what they're given from a woman on a night out, if that's full sex or any form of sex that involves him blowing his baby sauce, then don't expect a phone call the following day,

    I've always had the theory that if a woman can hold out from putting out, for a month or 2 the man has developed feelings for the woman and is more likely to stick around and see where it goes
    why are these 'men' so controlled by instincts?


  • #240
    whupdedo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,513 ✭✭✭whupdedo


    PucaMama wrote: »
    why are these 'men' so controlled by instincts?

    Evolutions way of continuing the human race ???


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  • #241
    Buzz Killington the third
    Closed Accounts Posts: 937 ✭✭✭Buzz Killington the third


    PucaMama wrote: »
    why are these 'men' so controlled by instincts?

    The same way a woman won't marry a man who they believe would be a really bad father.


This discussion has been closed.
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