Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Shared this several places more than once but never thought to share it here before. Don't know why.



Very good if, like me, overly positive quotes can feel a bit like a kick in the teeth at times.

Hope it turns out well. Iwas just like thst recently. A good friend advised me to keep applying for stuff anyway while I was waiting to hear back even though it was so draining to apply for new jobs. im glad i kept at it in hindsight

cheers gremlin, ah i'm in a horrible horrible place. been sleeping all day every day, just heard a cousin is going to land soon enough so I have to turn everything back on for a few hours which will be incredibly difficult.

Hope yer doing okay

Now I'm just going over everything in my head on a loop- why did I do that? why did I write that? Why did I say that? God. It's going to be a long wait. The headache is back.

still a bit bleh. Psychotherapy session was good. I've another work meeting today, not looking forward to it one bit. I'm drained from them all, as had to play a big role in the last few and today involves discussing what happened in the last one (I know, a meeting about a meeting!). The one earlier in the week didnt go as well for me as the one last week. Something was criticised which is grand, and will be discussed today, except it dawned on me afterwards that I could have countered the criticism easily had I remembered to point out something I had forgotten. Oh well. I just dont like giving my mean workmates a stick to beat me with.

I took a sneaky "Mental health day" yest - had to skype someone about work so decided to do that from home as it's easier than disturbing people in work. I actually totally overslept and woke 15 mins before the call! Had started back exercising the day before so that prob helped me get a good sleep. Anyway, between one thing and another teh skype thing took a while and then my internet went down so I got to do very little computer work - and just relaxing on my own at home was so so nice. If I had planned a day off I would ahve probably gone mad with a big list of stuff to get through. Instead, circumstances meant I couldnt do a whole lot in the end.

Am in much better form thanks to the exercise I think. I go on hols next week and cant wait. I think I'll call the GP today though. I said I'd see how I felt after therapy, and it was grand but I think I need to reach out for more support.

Oh crikey. My GP of many years sort of semi-retired and changed practise to somewhere less convenient for me, and with very limited hours. I'm rarely ill and most recently went to a women's clinic as I had women's issues. Last time I was there was last summer to put it in context. It's close to where I live and I got on well with doctors there.

Just rang to make appt as I otherwise have no GP. Rude receptionist insisted on asking me what it was in relation to. I said mental health issues and got a lecture about how the service is only for pregnancy/stds/etc. I said I understand that but have been before, spoken to docs about general things in addition to womens issues and really have nowhere else to go. I am just astounded at the lack of empathy and just general rudeness in relation to my need to see a professional. It set me off and now I'm in tears. I got an appointment for next week all the same. Though I'm trying to trace my old GP right now and see can I get to him in the meantime.

stinkle wrote: »

Came super close to handing in my notice there Going to ring GP asap.

Felt the same way today. A large part of it is the job/working environment.

The place would drive you to drugs. Cant wait to be out of there.

aw I'm so sorry to hear that. 5 minute test sounds kinda awful. How do you feel about the other feedback? Try and get some positive from it, it doesn't sound too terrible if they liked you. Unfortunately the jobs market is so oversubscribed right now that they can do annoying things like 5 minute tests to separate the good candidates out

Do keep applying for other jobs, I know its so exhausting but it might make you feel better to keep on keeping on.

You're not a failure after one interview. What was the test like and is it the type of thing you could face again? If so, you have a bit of experience with one now. Sounds like you're improving at interviews too so thats great!

5 weeks off Cymbalta 60mg. Had 2-3 days back sliding last week but research indicated 6 week + withdrawl is normal as are the withdrawl effects like zaps and anxiety coming and going. The Cymbalta active chemical can be stored in the liver and fats so losing weight can release some back into the system prematurely alleviating withdrawl effects. I have lost weight as my appetite returned to normal after coming off Cymbalta.

Anyway, I've been on blood pressure meds for the last few weeks. Twas always a bit high but got bad enough to need treatment coincidentally after I came of cymbalta....or maybe not coincidentally as it turns out. The doctor had booked me a kidney scan when I started the BP meds. The scan was today.

I came home on a high because I figured the scan showed something wrong....Stick with me!!!.....

The radiologist who did the ultrasound didn't tell me anything other than to say the results will be sent to my GP next week and he'll contact me about them. I didn't ask either, but the 'Sherlock' in me has put two and two together for better or for worse

The referal said 'Scan Both Kidneys'.

She had me lie on my back and started scanning my right kidney. From the front around my side to the back. After a minute she got me to turn on my side and spent another 7 or 8 minutes scanning most of which spent scanning just under my ribs. I've never had an ultrasound or scan of anywhere never mind my kidneys before so this was normal as far as I knew.

She then said 'Done, now lets do the other one. Turn back onto your back please' She scanned the other one for about 1 minute while I was on my back and then she said she was done. ie. No 10 minutes and no turning on my side for the left kidney.

So I'm driving home and I'm thinking, well she obviously saw something on my right kidney cause she spent 10 minutes on it but only one minute on my left....and of those 10 minutes she spent 9 concentrating near my ribs. I then remembered the adrenal glands are on the kidneys and on the top lobes to boot...ie. near the ribs. I then had a little eureka. An adrenal problem could cause both high blood pressure and it could cause anxiety effects. Only last week I was reading an anecdotal account on a depression forum from a guy who had been put on a myriad of SSRI/SNRI's without a positive outcome and he finally asked his GP about a hormone test. The Doctor ordered the tests and sure enough he had excessive adrenal secretion which was the cause of all his anxiety issues.

I was happy as it meant finding the root cause and treating it instead of the symptoms ie. Anxiety and blood pressure. If I had GAD/Depression I'd have it for life and have to deal with it on and off forever and the same with Blood pressure. I'd have to be on anxiety and BP meds on and off with their own negative side effects. If it turns out these are merely symptoms of an adrenal problem then when the adrenal problem is dealt with the others go away for good.

However.....!!!!

I then started looking at adrenal problems and their causes. The Big C is mentioned a lot... Fuuuccckkkk! Unlike the guy from a depression forum I mentioned earlier mine looks like coming to light from a scan. ie. Mine looks like it could be a growth on/in the gland rather than a hormone imbalance like yer man. Why else would she spend so long on one area of one kidney during an ultrasound of both kidneys. (Rhetorical question. I know no one can give medical advice)

Of course chances are its nothing. I might just coincidentally have a cyst or kidney stone or something but as always seems to be the case with my family, we always seem to get the Thur/Fri appointments and have to wait through the weekend for our results. Now I have time to stew.....and worry. This scan might turn out to be great news in terms of permanently sorting my Anxiety and Blood pressure issues......or it could turn out to be very bad news indeed.

As you can imagine, my anxiety is now back through the roof :rolleyes:

[EDIT] Worrying a lot less about a possible terminal outcome today after more research last night and 'AHA' moments when it came to symptoms. It seems Adrenal cancers are exceedingly rare. Kidney cancers rare enough. The 'AHA' symptoms are acne which as a 40 year old man I haven't had for at least 15 years but which arrived along with the Symptoms that prompted me to get my High Blood Pressure checked out by the doctor. I had been putting the acne down to being run down and worn out. Up till that point my previous GP in the surgery and myself were putting the consistent high BP down to White Coat Syndrome. The second 'AHA' symptom was something I mentioned to family members but can't recall if I ever mentioned it to the doctor. ie. That my Heart Rate and Blood Pressure and Sweating would spike noticeably after a large meal. ie. within a few minutes or even during a meal I would feel my heart start to pound and I would start sweating profusely.

Between the scan inferences I made yesterday about her obviously seeing something on the adrenal area of my right kidney, and so many other seemingly unrelated symptoms tallying, I have made the self diagnosis of an Adrenal Adenoma The acne can be caused by the growth releasing excess androgens ie. sex hormone. It did perplex me that unlike most when on cymbalta I didn't lose any of my libido just some sensitivity necessitating a change of positions if you'll excuse my plain speaking The Sweating/Super High BP and Heart rate after eating can be caused by pressure on the growth on the gland by the stomach or in the case of pregnant women, the uterus/fetus. ie. a big meal putting pressure on the growth causes a release of adrenaline and the fight of flight response or increased BP, Pounding heart and sweating.

ie. Dr Google has put my mind at ease that worst case scenario is a benign growth on my right adrenal gland and likely worst case treatment option is keyhole surgery to remove it but that both my anxiety and high BP issues should be permanently sorted by it:D

I'm more worried/anxious now about my lack of health insurance (Had to cancel it for financial reasons last year) and waiting lists in the public system :rolleyes:

Im in a bad way yesterday was lovely and I was busy and got to see lots of people. I shoukdnt have had anything to drink as it hasn't helped my anxiety this morning. Its as bad as it was yesterday but with added sore head and upset stomach. I'm afraid to take a xanax if alcohol is still in my system (I didn't drink much and had lots of food but I guess my body isn't right at the most). I'm excited but anxious about holiday too, I'm also not looking forward to being under scrutiny as I don't intend to drinknow that I know how awful I'll be (family wedding so lots of people offering to buy rounds etc).

I'm also dreading work tomorrow but have a fire in my belly to get things done re:bullying and bringing my project to completion. I'll try not to worry about bit till tomorrow.

Lots to do today, just hangover puts a dampener on it. I'm gonna shower and have nice food then do nice things. Exercise is helping me lots, ive no class to go to but might go for run or buy those weights ive been meaning to get. Not sure can I face the in laws later, I'll see if the thoughts of staying home make me feel better. Not able to be 'on' and chatty right now. Our own wedding planning is well under way too and I can't face any (well meaning) questions/suggestions/interfering just now.

Friends and oh still being great. I think now that I've seen a doc we're all taking this more seriously and that's a good thing.