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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.
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Just re: the discussion on the last few pages about mental health and disability. I have a more "conventional" disability as well as mental health issues, and tbh I consider the mental health issues to be a lot more disabling for me right now. I identify as disabled. I used to have a huge, huge, huge issue with doing that - I'm a perfectionist, so the I would think that because I was disabled it meant that I was worthless etc. I think I've come to terms with it a lot in the past while.
Anyways, I'm back in here cause I've had lots of flare ups in the last while. It's funny, cause I sometimes think I must be nearly better at this stage, but then something happens and me and my mind goes and reacts in a very unhealthy way. Really stressed out with college etc. And I've been conciously trying to work on eating discover recovery so that's brought lots of stuff up too. Lay in bed last night listening to Demi Lovato songs and crying
and having huge freakouts in front of my friends.
Hope you're all okay. We'll all come out the other side.0 -
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Just re: the discussion on the last few pages about mental health and disability. I have a more "conventional" disability as well as mental health issues, and tbh I consider the mental health issues to be a lot more disabling for me right now. I identify as disabled. I used to have a huge, huge, huge issue with doing that - I'm a perfectionist, so the I would think that because I was disabled it meant that I was worthless etc. I think I've come to terms with it a lot in the past while.
Anyways, I'm back in here cause I've had lots of flare ups in the last while. It's funny, cause I sometimes think I must be nearly better at this stage, but then something happens and me and my mind goes and reacts in a very unhealthy way. Really stressed out with college etc. And I've been conciously trying to work on eating discover recovery so that's brought lots of stuff up too. Lay in bed last night listening to Demi Lovato songs and crying and having huge freakouts in front of my friends.
Hope you're all okay. We'll all come out the other side.
Cying is part of the healing process. Things will get better.
You are worth it!0 -
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I didn't get the job they liked me, my experience and said I interviewed well but I didn't preform well in a five minute test so that was my undoing. 5 minutes and your career and financial future is ruined. Sometimes this world takes my breath away.
Feels like a sick joke. Must try to move on. Going to the cinema tonight to switch off. 0 -
aw I'm so sorry to hear that. 5 minute test sounds kinda awful. How do you feel about the other feedback? Try and get some positive from it, it doesn't sound too terrible if they liked you. Unfortunately the jobs market is so oversubscribed right now that they can do annoying things like 5 minute tests to separate the good candidates out
Do keep applying for other jobs, I know its so exhausting but it might make you feel better to keep on keeping on.0 -
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aw I'm so sorry to hear that. 5 minute test sounds kinda awful. How do you feel about the other feedback? Try and get some positive from it, it doesn't sound too terrible if they liked you. Unfortunately the jobs market is so oversubscribed right now that they can do annoying things like 5 minute tests to separate the good candidates out
Do keep applying for other jobs, I know its so exhausting but it might make you feel better to keep on keeping on.
Thanks stinkle. I do take a positive from it because I haven't been that good at interviews in the past but I knew my stuff as I have lots of experience it's unfortunate that the pressure of the short test just melted my brain.
I will have to continue to scramble to find any job as I feel all the doors back into my profession are closed. I feel like a failure, and pretty low but I know that there is more to life than this...0 -
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cloudatlas wrote: »I didn't get the job they liked me, my experience and said I interviewed well but I didn't preform well in a five minute test so that was my undoing. 5 minutes and your career and financial future is ruined. Sometimes this world takes my breath away. Feels like a sick joke. Must try to move on. Going to the cinema tonight to switch off.cloudatlas wrote: »Thanks stinkle. I do take a positive from it because I haven't been that good at interviews in the past but I knew my stuff as I have lots of experience it's unfortunate that the pressure of the short test just melted my brain.
I will have to continue to scramble to find any job as I feel all the doors back into my profession are closed. I feel like a failure, and pretty low but I know that there is more to life than this...
You are not a failure. Far from it. Look at what you wrote in the bolded part, that's 3 positives right there. 3 positives against one negative or if you look at this like a test you scored 75%, far from a fail! For any interview without a test you would have got the job.
You shouldn't dwell on missing out the job either, you can't change that now but you can change what happens in the next test. You said yourself that you haven't been good at interviews before but you did well this time. There's one area that you have improved in. If you improved in that then what's to stop you improving your test performance? Maybe then next thing to do is to get a book on dealing with exam stress or looking it up on the internet. You also said that you knew your stuff, so maybe next time you only have to stay relaxed for the first minute and then the confidence from a few right answers should see you through the rest of the test.0 -
5 weeks off Cymbalta 60mg. Had 2-3 days back sliding last week but research indicated 6 week + withdrawl is normal as are the withdrawl effects like zaps and anxiety coming and going. The Cymbalta active chemical can be stored in the liver and fats so losing weight can release some back into the system prematurely alleviating withdrawl effects. I have lost weight as my appetite returned to normal after coming off Cymbalta.
Anyway, I've been on blood pressure meds for the last few weeks. Twas always a bit high but got bad enough to need treatment coincidentally after I came of cymbalta....or maybe not coincidentally as it turns out. The doctor had booked me a kidney scan when I started the BP meds. The scan was today.
I came home on a high because I figured the scan showed something wrong....Stick with me!!!.....
The radiologist who did the ultrasound didn't tell me anything other than to say the results will be sent to my GP next week and he'll contact me about them. I didn't ask either, but the 'Sherlock' in me has put two and two together for better or for worse
The referal said 'Scan Both Kidneys'.
She had me lie on my back and started scanning my right kidney. From the front around my side to the back. After a minute she got me to turn on my side and spent another 7 or 8 minutes scanning most of which spent scanning just under my ribs. I've never had an ultrasound or scan of anywhere never mind my kidneys before so this was normal as far as I knew.
She then said 'Done, now lets do the other one. Turn back onto your back please' She scanned the other one for about 1 minute while I was on my back and then she said she was done. ie. No 10 minutes and no turning on my side for the left kidney.
So I'm driving home and I'm thinking, well she obviously saw something on my right kidney cause she spent 10 minutes on it but only one minute on my left....and of those 10 minutes she spent 9 concentrating near my ribs. I then remembered the adrenal glands are on the kidneys and on the top lobes to boot...ie. near the ribs. I then had a little eureka. An adrenal problem could cause both high blood pressure and it could cause anxiety effects. Only last week I was reading an anecdotal account on a depression forum from a guy who had been put on a myriad of SSRI/SNRI's without a positive outcome and he finally asked his GP about a hormone test. The Doctor ordered the tests and sure enough he had excessive adrenal secretion which was the cause of all his anxiety issues.
I was happy as it meant finding the root cause and treating it instead of the symptoms ie. Anxiety and blood pressure. If I had GAD/Depression I'd have it for life and have to deal with it on and off forever and the same with Blood pressure. I'd have to be on anxiety and BP meds on and off with their own negative side effects. If it turns out these are merely symptoms of an adrenal problem then when the adrenal problem is dealt with the others go away for good.
However.....!!!!
I then started looking at adrenal problems and their causes. The Big C is mentioned a lot... Fuuuccckkkk! Unlike the guy from a depression forum I mentioned earlier mine looks like coming to light from a scan. ie. Mine looks like it could be a growth on/in the gland rather than a hormone imbalance like yer man. Why else would she spend so long on one area of one kidney during an ultrasound of both kidneys. (Rhetorical question. I know no one can give medical advice)
Of course chances are its nothing. I might just coincidentally have a cyst or kidney stone or something but as always seems to be the case with my family, we always seem to get the Thur/Fri appointments and have to wait through the weekend for our results. Now I have time to stew.....and worry. This scan might turn out to be great news in terms of permanently sorting my Anxiety and Blood pressure issues......or it could turn out to be very bad news indeed.
As you can imagine, my anxiety is now back through the roof :rolleyes:
[EDIT] Worrying a lot less about a possible terminal outcome today after more research last night and 'AHA' moments when it came to symptoms. It seems Adrenal cancers are exceedingly rare. Kidney cancers rare enough. The 'AHA' symptoms are acne which as a 40 year old man I haven't had for at least 15 years but which arrived along with the Symptoms that prompted me to get my High Blood Pressure checked out by the doctor. I had been putting the acne down to being run down and worn out. Up till that point my previous GP in the surgery and myself were putting the consistent high BP down to White Coat Syndrome. The second 'AHA' symptom was something I mentioned to family members but can't recall if I ever mentioned it to the doctor. ie. That my Heart Rate and Blood Pressure and Sweating would spike noticeably after a large meal. ie. within a few minutes or even during a meal I would feel my heart start to pound and I would start sweating profusely.
Between the scan inferences I made yesterday about her obviously seeing something on the adrenal area of my right kidney, and so many other seemingly unrelated symptoms tallying, I have made the self diagnosis of an Adrenal Adenoma
The acne can be caused by the growth releasing excess androgens ie. sex hormone. It did perplex me that unlike most when on cymbalta I didn't lose any of my libido just some sensitivity necessitating a change of positions if you'll excuse my plain speaking The Sweating/Super High BP and Heart rate after eating can be caused by pressure on the growth on the gland by the stomach or in the case of pregnant women, the uterus/fetus. ie. a big meal putting pressure on the growth causes a release of adrenaline and the fight of flight response or increased BP, Pounding heart and sweating.
ie. Dr Google has put my mind at ease that worst case scenario is a benign growth on my right adrenal gland and likely worst case treatment option is keyhole surgery to remove it but that both my anxiety and high BP issues should be permanently sorted by it:D
I'm more worried/anxious now about my lack of health insurance (Had to cancel it for financial reasons last year) and waiting lists in the public system :rolleyes:0 -
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Suryavarman wrote: »You are not a failure. Far from it. Look at what you wrote in the bolded part, that's 3 positives right there. 3 positives against one negative or if you look at this like a test you scored 75%, far from a fail! For any interview without a test you would have got the job.
You shouldn't dwell on missing out the job either, you can't change that now but you can change what happens in the next test. You said yourself that you haven't been good at interviews before but you did well this time. There's one area that you have improved in. If you improved in that then what's to stop you improving your test performance? Maybe then next thing to do is to get a book on dealing with exam stress or looking it up on the internet. You also said that you knew your stuff, so maybe next time you only have to stay relaxed for the first minute and then the confidence from a few right answers should see you through the rest of the test.
Thank you
You're right there are some positives sometimes it's hard to see. I'm long term unemployed. My area of expertise is very specialised so it's rare to get an interview and then it's hard to find work without further training which is what they were offering. It's been difficult to make my c.v. applicable to other areas but I'm going to try and adapt and start 100% pushing in other career directions. Ideally I want a job so I can settle and start building a life (sounds simple eh?). I haven't noticed how low I've been and I've touched it in the last couple of days but I'm going to rally myself and start applying again. 0 -
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Im in a bad way yesterday was lovely and I was busy and got to see lots of people. I shoukdnt have had anything to drink as it hasn't helped my anxiety this morning. Its as bad as it was yesterday but with added sore head and upset stomach. I'm afraid to take a xanax if alcohol is still in my system (I didn't drink much and had lots of food but I guess my body isn't right at the most). I'm excited but anxious about holiday too, I'm also not looking forward to being under scrutiny as I don't intend to drinknow that I know how awful I'll be (family wedding so lots of people offering to buy rounds etc).
I'm also dreading work tomorrow but have a fire in my belly to get things done re:bullying and bringing my project to completion. I'll try not to worry about bit till tomorrow.
Lots to do today, just hangover puts a dampener on it. I'm gonna shower and have nice food then do nice things. Exercise is helping me lots, ive no class to go to but might go for run or buy those weights ive been meaning to get. Not sure can I face the in laws later, I'll see if the thoughts of staying home make me feel better. Not able to be 'on' and chatty right now. Our own wedding planning is well under way too and I can't face any (well meaning) questions/suggestions/interfering just now.
Friends and oh still being great. I think now that I've seen a doc we're all taking this more seriously and that's a good thing.0
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