Hen parties...why not just one night as tradition?

Kate!!! · 12-05-2014 10:21AM

amdublin wrote: »

Okay now you're judging that poster!

I am sure they were not directed at you. You have not been on boards long I see. You will see (the longer you are here) that lots of brides come in with very similar questions to yourself.

At the end of the day y'all can do what you like on your day but in my opinion don't waste your money on rubbish like candy carts. Just keep your guess fed and watered with good food. And don't put extra expense on them by expecting them travel loads and stay in expensive hotel and extra night etc.

But that's me!

I did not take it personally but as she refered to the names of my recent forums I feel I can reply and call her out as being judgemental . By calling someone judgemental does not put me in the same category as them . Perhaps mrs Bryne should adopt the if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all . I know my family and friends well and would never suggest anything to cause them worry/stress/expensive . I have my own reasons for making my wedding a two day affair. I want to make it the best possible experience for my guests and it's not to out do anyone or think I am better with a candy cart etc I want to create happy fun memories as at the end of the day that's all that matters really .

What is so wrong with adding the little extras if I want them ?!?

Addle · 12-05-2014 10:25AM

Kate!!! wrote: »

What is so wrong with adding the little extras if I want them ?!?

Have you been to many weddings Kate?

bee06 · 12-05-2014 10:26AM

This thread has just reminded me of another thread on a different forum that I contributed to a few weeks ago. The girl who started the thread didn't want to have a hen but was feeling pressured to by her friends because they were complaining that there was no hen. It seems like there are so many different expectations and assumptions tied up with weddings that you're going to end up p*ssing people off whatever you do.

amdublin · 12-05-2014 10:33AM

Kate!!! wrote: »

I did not take it personally but as she refered to the names of my recent forums I feel I can reply and call her out as being judgemental . By calling someone judgemental does not put me in the same category as them . Perhaps mrs Bryne should adopt the if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all . I know my family and friends well and would never suggest anything to cause them worry/stress/expensive . I have my own reasons for making my wedding a two day affair. I want to make it the best possible experience for my guests and it's not to out do anyone or think I am better with a candy cart etc I want to create happy fun memories as at the end of the day that's all that matters really .

What is so wrong with adding the little extras if I want them ?!?

This thread or any other threads are not about you personally (they're threads not forums btw!).

And of course you can spend your money on anything want. But imo candy carts don't make fun memories...time with people does. So don't waste your money imo! But up to you.

Ps. You started going on that mrsbyrne has nothing else to do bit complain...bit judgemental imo...just ignore it/put that poster on ignore if you don't want to see their posts.

mrsbyrne · 12-05-2014 12:52PM

Kate!!! wrote: »

I did not take it personally but as she refered to the names of my recent forums I feel I can reply and call her out as being judgemental . By calling someone judgemental does not put me in the same category as them . Perhaps mrs Bryne should adopt the if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all . I know my family and friends well and would never suggest anything to cause them worry/stress/expensive . I have my own reasons for making my wedding a two day affair. I want to make it the best possible experience for my guests and it's not to out do anyone or think I am better with a candy cart etc I want to create happy fun memories as at the end of the day that's all that matters really .

What is so wrong with adding the little extras if I want them ?!?

Kate you may be surprised to find that when you start posting on an internet forum others may have different opinions to you and you may not like those opinions.
The whole idea of these forums is that people with differing views exchange those views. Its called debate. Maybe you didnt know that.
Once again this is not your forum . Its not even your thread! Dont feel personally threatened if you read a post you dont agree with. if you find a post offensive report it to a moderator. Ill ask you again not to refer to me in a critical way in a post directed at another poster. Its not very nice.

mrsbyrne · 12-05-2014 01:12PM

kkcatlou wrote: »

You all sound great craic! Hate going away for weekends with your best friends, hate organised fun, hate anything beyond a regular Saturday night down the pub, which you probably do at least once a month anyway and will continue to do after you get married! Wild!!

I've been to most kinds of hens there are, and each has their own merits. Personally, I'm just doing the afternoon + night in my own city as logistically and financially that's what works best, but I've never ever begrudged the majority of my friends who have done the 2 night away thing, and they've always been amazing craic.

Any of you who've ever organised a hen will know what an ordeal the organising is, and how you can never ever keep everybody happy. All the organised fun, photo books, games, stories, etc. are our way of making the bride feel special. To some it might feel ridiculous, and personally I'd rather it wasn't done to me, but I know for most girls, this is a huge big deal and they're one chance to have people appreciate them and make a big deal of them. It's very different to the wedding day and a lot more special. Between that and the wedding, it's the one chance you have to really shine, and if that's what you're into, enjoy it!! And feck the begrudgers and zero craic friends.

I have a few of the zero craic brigade in my friends, so I've told my sisters if they start asking too many questions or giving grief, let them off, I'd rather have 8 people there who really want to be there, than 25 wishing the night was over before it began!

What a hen party means has obviously evolved since MrsByrne's days, and good thing or bad, it's now more about an occasion to show a friend how special they are to you and wish them good luck in married life, than a "last night out ever with your girlfriends".

Oh, and personally, I like "organised fun" is the best kind there is!! I love a bit of cheese and silliness, and seeing usually composed and prim and proper girls drop their guard and remember what fun is!!

Sure heres the whole thing.
Theres no right or wrong hens night. The matron of honour could ask everyone round to her gaff and serve cheap plonk and crisps and play a smutty pass the parcel game and have a laugh and it could be just as good or better then 3 nights in Marbella leaving everybodies credit card in intensive care.
Making the bride feel loved and appreciated is not subject to wads of money being thrown around.
Same with the weddings. You arent any more married if you spend €30000 on your wedding then the couple who spent more or less nothing just a cake and sambos back in her parents house after the church/registry office.
There does seem to be tremendous pressure though today to push the boat out. Countless posts on these forums from brides and grooms who were forced by the expectations of family to "deliver the goods" when all they really wanted was a modest celebration.
I personally know a groom who spent his wedding night in A&E because the pressure caused him to have apanic attack during the speeches.

Its the bride and grooms day. Let them do their own thing.

bee06 · 12-05-2014 01:23PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Its the bride and grooms day. Let them do their own thing.

So true and something that seems to get lost in the whole process. The amount of brides getting seriously stressed out or talking about family fights on wedding forums is unreal. It shouldn't be that hard to organise a bloody wedding.

12-05-2014 01:45PM

I know a very spoiled and high maintenance bride who wants 3 hen parties, one abroad, one in a different county and one in the next town to where she lives - and yet she is whinging and moaning about having to pay for and attend the pre-marriage course. Way too immature to be getting married

BTW she also had two engagement parties and one "showing of the ring" drinks party

mrsbyrne · 12-05-2014 01:48PM

bee06 wrote: »

So true and something that seems to get lost in the whole process. The amount of brides getting seriously stressed out or talking about family fights on wedding forums is unreal. It shouldn't be that hard to organise a bloody wedding.

We have a family wedding coming up and I must say I was pleasantly surprised to see the relatively young and seemingly laid back bride to be being swift and merciless when her much older sisters-in-law to be tried to be "helpfull" and offer "advice" ( they tried to totally monoploise the entire plans. Hotel, band, etc all to suit themselves ).
She very quickly told them where to go. Some umbrage was taken and some still remains ( "i was only being helpfull" " He is my brother you know"), but she seems unconcerned. Good luck and God speed to her i say!

mrsbyrne · 12-05-2014 01:51PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I know a very spoiled and high maintenance bride who wants 3 hen parties, one abroad, one in a different county and one in the next town to where she lives - and yet she is whinging and moaning about having to pay for and attend the pre-marriage course. Way too immature to be getting married

BTW she also had two engagement parties and one "showing of the ring" drinks party

Well unless her future hubby is utterly enchanted by her mysterious beauty and other charms, it doesnt bode well for the marriage. I cant imagine her unblocking the sink at 3 in the morning!

Boombastic · 12-05-2014 01:58PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I know a very spoiled and high maintenance bride who wants 3 hen parties, one abroad, one in a different county and one in the next town to where she lives - and yet she is whinging and moaning about having to pay for and attend the pre-marriage course. Way too immature to be getting married

BTW she also had two engagement parties and one "showing of the ring" drinks party

my goodness 3 hens, 2 engagement parties and a showing of the ring?

I'd be well sick of her and her wedding long before the big day!!

how many stags had the husband?

12-05-2014 02:01PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Well unless her future hubby is utterly enchanted by her mysterious beauty and other charms, it doesnt bode well for the marriage. I cant imagine her unblocking the sink at 3 in the morning!

the thing is neither of them work, all this is for show!. They are more concerned with flash parties than the actual marriage, its quite sad. The bride has fallen out with a load of her friends because they wont attend all 3 hen parties.

12-05-2014 02:03PM

Boombastic wrote: »

my goodness 3 hens, 2 engagement parties and a showing of the ring?

I'd be well sick of her and her wedding long before the big day!!

how many stags had the husband?

They aren't getting married until Christmas but she has all 3 parties booked and planned. So far the husband to be (he is my cousin) hasn't planned anything yet - he does not get much say so in the wedding plans, she even appointed her two brothers as his grooms men! its mental altogether!

lazygal · 12-05-2014 02:28PM

I didn't have a hen party. I couldn't be arsed with one, organizing the wedding was enough work and enough focus on me as a bride. I know its the 'job' of a bridesmaid to do the hen night stuff but I didn't feel right expecting my bridesmaid to do that, she was busy enough and I don't regret not having one. Sure my friends all came to the actual celebration, my wedding!

I don't get why there is a need for a hen party at all, to be brutally honest. You're already asking people to celebrate your marriage at a wedding. Why a pre wedding party? Don't get me started on Americanisms like bridal showers and baby showers that are creeping into some people's worlds. Why do we need to celebrate every bloody thing?!

Kate!!! · 12-05-2014 02:43PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

You havnt as far as i can see set up any forums Kate. You may have started threads but you didnt start this one. If you read the forum charter you will see that if you dont like a post you should report it to the powers that be.
This thread is discussing the pros and cons of hen parties. I have put forward my theory as i am entitled to. Please dont attack me personally again. Once again if you read the forum charter you will see you have the option to put me on ignore. The OP is happy for me to express my opinion. Please respect that.

Mrsbyrne I mistakenly typed forum instead of thread. Happy for you express your opinions as I am for anyone else to do so. However as you refereed to me indirectly via the thread I felt the need to point out to you that you can't call judgment on someone for having an wedding with extras and you don't know their reasons for doing so. Wish you all the best .

XxMCRxBabyxX · 12-05-2014 02:46PM

Kate!!! wrote: »

Mrsbyrne I mistakenly typed forum instead of thread. Happy for you express your opinions as I am for anyone else to do so. However as you refereed to me indirectly via the thread I felt the need to point out to you that you can't call judgment on someone for having an wedding with extras and you don't know their reasons for doing so. Wish you all the best .

I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one who asks about sweet carts and chocolate fountains. It's a common theme.

Stheno · 12-05-2014 02:48PM

Deleted User wrote: »

the thing is neither of them work, all this is for show!. They are more concerned with flash parties than the actual marriage, its quite sad. The bride has fallen out with a load of her friends because they wont attend all 3 hen parties.

How are they funding all this if they don't work!

Boombastic · 12-05-2014 02:49PM

Stheno wrote: »

How are they funding all this if they don't work!

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

Kate!!! · 12-05-2014 02:50PM

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one who asks about sweet carts and chocolate fountains. It's a common theme.

Don't worry my feelings were not hurt :-( haha .....

lazygal · 12-05-2014 02:50PM

Boombastic wrote: »

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

Three times and a wedding gift too?! I don't think so!

Stheno · 12-05-2014 02:50PM

Boombastic wrote: »

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

For three hens including one abroad?

I know where I'd be telling her to go

Boombastic · 12-05-2014 02:51PM

lazygal wrote: »

Three times and a wedding gift too?! I don't think so!

invite different people to each event? :pac:

12-05-2014 03:03PM

Stheno wrote: »

For three hens including one abroad?

I know where I'd be telling her to go

I did!! but I know I will still be invited to the wedding because they are depending on "Cards" to pay for it.

Stheno · 12-05-2014 03:05PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I did!! but I know I will still be invited to the wedding because they are depending on "Cards" to pay for it.

Will they have the cash to pay if the cards are just cards?

12-05-2014 03:10PM

Boombastic wrote: »

doesn't everyone chip in and pay for the bride?

Do they??!!!! some brides have all the luck! no seriously, I don't think people would mind covering the brides dinner on a night out, but I think they'd draw the line at funding a trip to Lanzarote!!!

12-05-2014 03:15PM

Stheno wrote: »

Will they have the cash to pay if the cards are just cards?

No they would be totally screwed in all seriousness, they are both on the dole. I'm not giving them cash for this reason, I'm not going to be mean, I will give them a lovely present for their home, a nice piece of furniture or something.

Gatica · 12-05-2014 03:19PM

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one who asks about sweet carts and chocolate fountains. It's a common theme.

It is, but it was a comment specific to "Chocolate fountains and candy carts". I don't think I've seen any other threads with those exact 2 phrases in them, at least not recently.
The relevant comment was quite specific and I doubt anyone would've thought of any other thread when reading it. but yes, on a forum one should have a thick skin...

illgetthere · 12-05-2014 03:20PM

lazygal wrote: »

I didn't have a hen party. I couldn't be arsed with one, organizing the wedding was enough work and enough focus on me as a bride. I know its the 'job' of a bridesmaid to do the hen night stuff but I didn't feel right expecting my bridesmaid to do that, she was busy enough and I don't regret not having one. Sure my friends all came to the actual celebration, my wedding!

I don't get why there is a need for a hen party at all, to be brutally honest. You're already asking people to celebrate your marriage at a wedding. Why a pre wedding party? Don't get me started on Americanisms like bridal showers and baby showers that are creeping into some people's worlds. Why do we need to celebrate every bloody thing?!

Can I ask what your friends thought of you not having a hen party??

I am getting married next year and have absolutely no desire for a hen party (my other half feels similar about stag parties!) but already I am feeling the pressure from my friends. Most of them live in different parts of Ireland and the UK and I think travelling for the wedding is more than enough without adding a hen party. Plus, it's just not my thing but I get the impression my friends would think I was, well a bit sad really(!) for not having a hen party

Gatica · 12-05-2014 03:23PM

Deleted User wrote: »

No they would be totally screwed in all seriousness, they are both on the dole. I'm not giving them cash for this reason, I'm not going to be mean, I will give them a lovely present for their home, a nice piece of furniture or something.

Why are you even going? Are these relatives you can't avoid?

12-05-2014 03:28PM

Gatica wrote: »

Why are you even going? Are these relatives you can't avoid?

I wish! no I cant really avoid it, the groom being my cousin practically grew up in my house, he's close to my parents, its just the way it is! It would look rude on my part if I didn't go, I just want to keep the peace!

Hen parties...why not just one night as tradition?

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