Hen parties...why not just one night as tradition?

amdublin

Since when (and why) did the hen parties turn into big expensive two/three night events?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelorette_party

coats

Totally agree with you. All I'm doing is a few drinks and dinner in town with my nearest and dearest ladies, then home to my own bed

Typer Monkey

And don't forget the 'organised fun', presents for the bride, gift bags, spa treatments, fancy dress, etc..the poor guests!

I've been to two day hens and I honestly think the second night is a waste of time cos most people are hungover and just want to go home

Ah listen, whatever floats your boat. I just don't like the thought of causing my friends to go to loads of effort and expense on my say so

bee06

Another Celtic tiger hangover IMO. I just had 1 night, no activity and got the best deal I could find because I didn't want my friends and family forking out loads of money. I also paid for myself rather than having everyone share the cost for me.

brassbutterfly

Very true! Its ridiculous, as already said after one night ppl just want to go home. It really adds to the expense of a wedding for your friends. They have to go, and these are the girls who will be more than likely buying a whole new outfit for the day rather than recycling and will be giving a more than decent gift. If ppl are going to be ridiculous about such things as hens still, instead of trying to get the best deal for everyone so that it will be enjoyed by all without having to worry about the financial element, then going to the hen should be considered present enough for the wedding.

Kate!!!

It really depends on your family and friends , only you will know if they are willing to do one night or two . I would prefer a great night or two with my immediate friends/sisters(6-8) than a low cost night with 25-30 women !!! Why do hen party's turn into a competition of how many people you had/where did you go ?!? Etc . Just have fun and have the night(s) you want that you know your immediate friends & family will be happy to attend. I don't like the idea of activities etc I mean who wants up climb a mountain etc all you want is good people good food and great memories.

eviltwin

A longer event is fine if that is your thing and your guests can make it. Personally I hate anything longer than 1 night as it starts to become a bit contrived, its great to go out, have a meal and a few drinks and then go home. Less hassle for people in terms of money and organising kids/work etc.

cactusgal

I HATE 'organized fun' with a passion. I'm an adult, I don't need pre-planned activities that everyone has to do. I enjoyed organized activities at my birthday parties when I was aged 10 or younger. Now, not so much!!

krankykitty

Heres an idea - if you're invited to a two day affair and only fancy going for one, do just that. I've done it loads of times. Invitations aren't summons..

Addle

krankykitty wrote: »

Invitations aren't summons..

They're not. But I find many brides bear a grudge if you don't oblige them.

Frigga_92

I didn't have a hen party. My husband didn't have a stag. Just not our thing. I've never been to a hen party, not my scene at all.

Fighting Irish

amdublin wrote: »

Since when (and why) did the hen parties turn into big expensive two/three night events?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelorette_party

traditions are stupid, just do what you want

amdublin

krankykitty wrote: »

Heres an idea - if you're invited to a two day affair and only fancy going for one, do just that. I've done it loads of times. Invitations aren't summons..

Yeah I do that all the time. I've never gone to a 2 night hen in my life.


But I still don't understand why brides organise them as two nights in the first place. It places a huge expense on people (who are already going to be spending a huge amount of money when they attend your wedding).


I just prefer not putting my friends to great expense y'know.

The Cool

I can understand why you'd do it. I have recently been on a hen weekend for a bride who has been living in England for the past two years, and a gang of 15 of us went, and it was absolutely brilliant because a lot of us hadn't hung out with the bride properly in such a long time, so we got to really make the most of it. If it had only been one night she would have been too stretched between us all, to get catching up properly.
I myself am also in a position where I don't get to spend time with my friends that often, so I would definitely organise a weekend thing too, although as I'm really not big on clubbing I'd rather just rent a big house for a sleepover or something! but that's just me.
Nowadays, with people emigrating and the like, I think it's nice to put in the effort to have a proper get-together, but of course there should be no pressure on anyone to attend the whole thing, especially when people have kids etc.

homemadecider

cactusgal wrote: »

I HATE 'organized fun' with a passion. I'm an adult, I don't need pre-planned activities that everyone has to do. I enjoyed organized activities at my birthday parties when I was aged 10 or younger. Now, not so much!!

THIS! Someone was giving out to me for not including an "activity" in my hen night. I'm 31 years old FFS, I don't need to organise activities for my friends, we're old enough to entertain ourselves. Wine and gossip is activity enough!

Mars Bar

I was at a hen recently that was a dinner in our hometown, bus to the city and stayed in the one pub where there was a band and then the bus back to my own bed. It was nice! Nothing too fancy at all. It was stripped down because the wedding is in Spain. There's only so much you can ask from people.

My cousins hen, we stayed in Westport overnight and did a pottery painting activity which was actually enjoyable and I now have a custom mug!

Personally, I don't ever want a hen night.

ABajaninCork

Can't stand them, and don't go to them if I can help it. Didn't have one as my friends and family were travelling over to my wedding here, and didn't want to heap expense on them. My husband just organised a party at his local and left it at that.

mrsbyrne

I think that back in the day, a girl was getting married, 18 or 19, probably a virgin, still living at home and it was genuinely her last night out with her girlfriends, because once she was married she was really tied to the house, heading into 8 or 9 pregnancies cooking cleaning shopping, maybe a part time job as well. So a few port and lemons and some risque chat in the local was perfectly in order before heading back to mums a bit tipsy.
Nowadays 9 times out of 10 the bride is plus 25 probably living with OH full time job and will be out with her pals again as soon as honeymoon is over. So the hen night should be redundant. Same applies to stags.
But because the whole wedding thing is so ridiculously competitive (you only have to look at this forum, sweet carts and chocolate fountains and "2nd day of my wedding") the hen night has been kept up as just another way of trumping the last bride in your social set. Just IMHO.
EDIT. The expression honeymoon should be abandoned too. If you've been to Santa Ponsa with him 6 times already then your not on honeymoon your on holiday.

amdublin

I think hen parties were better when they were simpler affairs. When they were literally a night for all the women to get together - generally in the mother of the bride's house. Drinks and sandwiches. The wedding dress, bridesmaid dress and flower girl dresses might be laid out up stairs - for neighbours who might not be going to the wedding to see. The younger crowd might head off to local pub or disco while the older crowd stayed in the house.

just think it's a pity that nowadays brides seem intent on creating more stuff that their guests/friends need to send money on. Do you really really need a massive night out. I agree with Mrs Byrne you're out with your friends before and you'll be out with them again. Imo the hen party is just an excuse for the bride to revel in a spoiled princess centre of attention pa k aver.. Not for me and my friends no siree. I really don't need a "big" night to feel good about myself.

Gatica

mrsbyrne wrote: »

But because the whole wedding thing is so ridiculously competitive (you only have to look at this forum, sweet carts and chocolate fountains and "2nd day of my wedding") the hen night has been kept up as just another way of trumping the last bride in your social set. Just IMHO.
EDIT. The expression honeymoon should be abandoned too. If you've been to Santa Ponsa with him 6 times already then your not on honeymoon your on holiday.

That is so judgemental. IMHO.

Typer Monkey

All mrsbyrne's posts on this forum are sneery and judgemental..don't know why she comes in here when everything about modern weddings seems to wind her up so much

amdublin

coats wrote: »

All I'm doing is a few drinks and dinner in town with my nearest and dearest ladies, then home to my own bed

Sounds divine.

If a hen party is a "chance to catch up with my friends before the wedding" why is any more than thIs required?

Boombastic

amdublin wrote: »

Sounds divine.

If a hen party is a "chance to catch up with my friends before the wedding" why is any more than thIs required?

I 'caught up' with my friends the day of the wedding, you're looking at them the whole day, evening and night..plenty of time. I didn't do the hen party thing many of my guests had to travel to the wedding

Kate!!!

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I think that back in the day, a girl was getting married, 18 or 19, probably a virgin, still living at home and it was genuinely her last night out with her girlfriends, because once she was married she was really tied to the house, heading into 8 or 9 pregnancies cooking cleaning shopping, maybe a part time job as well. So a few port and lemons and some risque chat in the local was perfectly in order before heading back to mums a bit tipsy.
Nowadays 9 times out of 10 the bride is plus 25 probably living with OH full time job and will be out with her pals again as soon as honeymoon is over. So the hen night should be redundant. Same applies to stags.
But because the whole wedding thing is so ridiculously competitive (you only have to look at this forum, sweet carts and chocolate fountains and "2nd day of my wedding") the hen night has been kept up as just another way of trumping the last bride in your social set. Just IMHO.
EDIT. The expression honeymoon should be abandoned too. If you've been to Santa Ponsa with him 6 times already then your not on honeymoon your on holiday.

Don't be so judgemental !!! Those forums you are referring to were set up by me. You don't know me or my reasons for wanting a special day and then a follow up day. Don't assume I want to be better than anyone else I am not that kind of person! People on this forum ask for advice not to be judged by someone like you who has too much time on their hands and spends their days complaining!!!

amdublin

Kate!!! wrote: »

Don't be so judgemental !!! Those forums you are referring to were set up by me. You don't know me or my reasons for wanting a special day and then a follow up day. Don't assume I want to be better than anyone else I am not that kind of person! People on this forum ask for advice not to be judged by someone like you who has too much time on their hands and spends their days complaining!!!

Okay now you're judging that poster!

I am sure they were not directed at you. You have not been on boards long I see. You will see (the longer you are here) that lots of brides come in with very similar questions to yourself.

At the end of the day y'all can do what you like on your day but in my opinion don't waste your money on rubbish like candy carts. Just keep your guess fed and watered with good food. And don't put extra expense on them by expecting them travel loads and stay in expensive hotel and extra night etc.

But that's me!

kkcatlou

You all sound great craic! Hate going away for weekends with your best friends, hate organised fun, hate anything beyond a regular Saturday night down the pub, which you probably do at least once a month anyway and will continue to do after you get married! Wild!!

I've been to most kinds of hens there are, and each has their own merits. Personally, I'm just doing the afternoon + night in my own city as logistically and financially that's what works best, but I've never ever begrudged the majority of my friends who have done the 2 night away thing, and they've always been amazing craic.

Any of you who've ever organised a hen will know what an ordeal the organising is, and how you can never ever keep everybody happy. All the organised fun, photo books, games, stories, etc. are our way of making the bride feel special. To some it might feel ridiculous, and personally I'd rather it wasn't done to me, but I know for most girls, this is a huge big deal and they're one chance to have people appreciate them and make a big deal of them. It's very different to the wedding day and a lot more special. Between that and the wedding, it's the one chance you have to really shine, and if that's what you're into, enjoy it!! And feck the begrudgers and zero craic friends.

I have a few of the zero craic brigade in my friends, so I've told my sisters if they start asking too many questions or giving grief, let them off, I'd rather have 8 people there who really want to be there, than 25 wishing the night was over before it began!

What a hen party means has obviously evolved since MrsByrne's days, and good thing or bad, it's now more about an occasion to show a friend how special they are to you and wish them good luck in married life, than a "last night out ever with your girlfriends".

Oh, and personally, I like "organised fun" is the best kind there is!! I love a bit of cheese and silliness, and seeing usually composed and prim and proper girls drop their guard and remember what fun is!!

mrsbyrne

Kate!!! wrote: »

Don't be so judgemental !!! Those forums you are referring to were set up by me. You don't know me or my reasons for wanting a special day and then a follow up day. Don't assume I want to be better than anyone else I am not that kind of person! People on this forum ask for advice not to be judged by someone like you who has too much time on their hands and spends their days complaining!!!

You havnt as far as i can see set up any forums Kate. You may have started threads but you didnt start this one. If you read the forum charter you will see that if you dont like a post you should report it to the powers that be.
This thread is discussing the pros and cons of hen parties. I have put forward my theory as i am entitled to. Please dont attack me personally again. Once again if you read the forum charter you will see you have the option to put me on ignore. The OP is happy for me to express my opinion. Please respect that.

Boombastic

kkcatlou wrote: »

You all sound great craic! Hate going away for weekends with your best friends, hate organised fun, hate anything beyond a regular Saturday night down the pub, which you probably do at least once a month anyway and will continue to do after you get married! Wild!!

I've been to most kinds of hens there are, and each has their own merits. Personally, I'm just doing the afternoon + night in my own city as logistically and financially that's what works best, but I've never ever begrudged the majority of my friends who have done the 2 night away thing, and they've always been amazing craic.

Any of you who've ever organised a hen will know what an ordeal the organising is, and how you can never ever keep everybody happy. All the organised fun, photo books, games, stories, etc. are our way of making the bride feel special. To some it might feel ridiculous, and personally I'd rather it wasn't done to me, but I know for most girls, this is a huge big deal and they're one chance to have people appreciate them and make a big deal of them. It's very different to the wedding day and a lot more special. Between that and the wedding, it's the one chance you have to really shine, and if that's what you're into, enjoy it!! And feck the begrudgers and zero craic friends.

I have a few of the zero craic brigade in my friends, so I've told my sisters if they start asking too many questions or giving grief, let them off, I'd rather have 8 people there who really want to be there, than 25 wishing the night was over before it began!

What a hen party means has obviously evolved since MrsByrne's days, and good thing or bad, it's now more about an occasion to show a friend how special they are to you and wish them good luck in married life, than a "last night out ever with your girlfriends".

Oh, and personally, I like "organised fun" is the best kind there is!! I love a bit of cheese and silliness, and seeing usually composed and prim and proper girls drop their guard and remember what fun is!!

you say personally you'd 'rather it not be done to you'

does that mean you are part of the 'zero craic brigade', missing the 'amazing craic'?

I have many opportunities to shine, I don't need my friends to validate me.

amdublin

kkcatlou wrote: »

You all sound great craic! Hate going away for weekends with your best friends, hate organised fun, hate anything beyond a regular Saturday night down the pub, which you probably do at least once a month anyway and will continue to do after you get married! Wild!!

I've been to most kinds of hens there are, and each has their own merits. Personally, I'm just doing the afternoon + night in my own city as logistically and financially that's what works best, but I've never ever begrudged the majority of my friends who have done the 2 night away thing, and they've always been amazing craic.

Any of you who've ever organised a hen will know what an ordeal the organising is, and how you can never ever keep everybody happy. All the organised fun, photo books, games, stories, etc. are our way of making the bride feel special. To some it might feel ridiculous, and personally I'd rather it wasn't done to me, but I know for most girls, this is a huge big deal and they're one chance to have people appreciate them and make a big deal of them. It's very different to the wedding day and a lot more special. Between that and the wedding, it's the one chance you have to really shine, and if that's what you're into, enjoy it!! And feck the begrudgers and zero craic friends.

I have a few of the zero craic brigade in my friends, so I've told my sisters if they start asking too many questions or giving grief, let them off, I'd rather have 8 people there who really want to be there, than 25 wishing the night was over before it began!

What a hen party means has obviously evolved since MrsByrne's days, and good thing or bad, it's now more about an occasion to show a friend how special they are to you and wish them good luck in married life, than a "last night out ever with your girlfriends".

Oh, and personally, I like "organised fun" is the best kind there is!! I love a bit of cheese and silliness, and seeing usually composed and prim and proper girls drop their guard and remember what fun is!!

I don't need books and people oohing and ahing me over to make me feel special or know that my friends appreciate me. Is that what we Irish women have come to??

I like fun just don't like paying a huge amount of money for "fun" over two nights in a hotel when I can have fun with my friends on a normal night out. And I like to appreciate my friends by not inflicting expense on them.

username123

I used to love hen weekends when I was young and single, had loads of disposable income and my body could throw off a handover like it was nothing.

These days I find that I almost need to be attached to a drip the day after just 4 or 5 drinks and the prospect of 2 nights alcohol in a row just makes me worried that I am going to be sick for a month afterwards!! Plus my disposable income is marked for the mortgage, the property tax, the electricity bills etc.....

I didnt have a hens weekend myself, just a night out in town, it was fun and lovely to go home afterwards!!

I went to one hens where the bride wasnt a drinker, it was a night in her mums house, some people drank, but I drove and had tea and it was lovely!! There was even a stripper which was more fun when I was sober enough to see him lol!

kkcatlou

Boombastic wrote: »

you say personally you'd 'rather it not be done to you'

does that mean you are part of the 'zero craic brigade', missing the 'amazing craic'?

I have many opportunities to shine, I don't need my friends to validate me.

I'd like to think I'm great craic! I'm one of the last of the gang to get married, so most of my friends have kids at this stage, so I'd rather have all the fun condensed into one afternoon/ evening than have people come and go at various parts over a weekend. Given the dynamics and logistics it just makes more sense.

But as I said, just cos that's what I chose, doesn't mean I'd ever begrudge what other girls want. I especially think when girls are younger, these things are a much bigger deal and fair enough if they are! I've been to over 20 hens at this stage, and I can't recall a single one that I didn't have a great time at!