Kids at Weddings - how to avoid?

freedominacup · 07-04-2014 08:49PM

We had the exact opposite problem a couple of years ago. My sil was insisting that we bring the kids. I said no problem just let me know who was collecting them on the morning of the wedding and looking after them until the following morning/early afternoon. My wife was a bridesmaid and there was no way I was spending the day and night keeping 4 kids amused while everyone else was letting their hair down. We brought my eldest to another wedding when he was quite small again at the insistence of the bride as "all" the nieces and nephews from the other side were going. I didn't even see that couple get married as I had to leave the church as the little one started to lose it. Kids other than the b&g own are a no no at weddings imo. On a side note we didn't bring the kids to a christening where the meal afterwards was set for after 7 on a Saturday evening and the reactions were hilarious from outright jealousy from some that they hadn't considered it to horror that we hsd excluded them. It wasn't a child friendly venue certainly not after dark on a winters night. We had a great time child free and they had a great time with their granny, a couple of new dvds and the sort of scoff they would never get on any normal Saturday night. I would make an exception for nursing mothers. A child that young would not be around when things got messy and you have your friend there on a very important day for you.

PLL · 07-04-2014 08:57PM

Listen people will complain either way. You will never make everyone happy on your wedding day.
If you don't invite them people will complian about leaving them out/parents finding sittters.
If you do invite them, you have to invite them all (trust me, it would be worse if you chose to invite 'a few') and they run riot people will complain.

It is YOUR day, stop worrying about other people, you will have complaints whatever you do.

Typer Monkey · 07-04-2014 09:07PM

I adore my daughter but man I love going to weddings without her. Me and the fella get to spend a rare day and night together drinking and having the craic, relaxing adult time. Even if she was invited I wouldn't bring her so don't assume all parents will be annoyed that their cherubs aren't invited;)

Flippyfloppy · 07-04-2014 09:12PM

It's a long long day for a child. Ceremony, two/three hour long meal. Our daughter was invited to a wedding and we found a sitter, it would have just been too stressful for all of us.

For our wedding we were easy either way regarding kids but everybody preferred to keep their kids out of that environment.

cookiecakes · 07-04-2014 09:13PM

We asked all the parents coming to our wedding if they minded if we invited their kids. We wanted them there but knew that it had the potential to be an absolute pain in the bum for their parents. They all brought them and they were absolute angels. We loaded up their table with games, colouring books and bits and bobs and they had a great ol time..Didn't hear a single cry in the church or at the reception and most of them, except the wee ones, lasted the pace.

stinkle · 07-04-2014 09:58PM

Do kids not have to be out of bars at 9 anyway or do wedding function rooms have some kind of exemption?

January · 07-04-2014 10:01PM

stinkle wrote: »

Do kids not have to be out of bars at 9 anyway or do wedding function rooms have some kind of exemption?

Hotels have different rules than pubs.

Doom · 07-04-2014 10:07PM

My sister has decided to not allow children at her wedding, I have to say I'm pissed off with her, as there is only my kids on our side of the family.
My kids will be 15 and 9yrs when the wedding is on, I think she's doing this because on her boyfriends side there are lots of small kids, mostly under 5yrs.
It will really insult my kids when I tell them, to be honest I'm thinking of not going.

ElleEm · 07-04-2014 10:10PM

Doom wrote: »

My sister has decided to not allow children at her wedding, I have to say I'm pissed off with her, as there is only my kids on our side of the family.
My kids will be 15 and 9yrs when the wedding is on, I think she's doing this because on her boyfriends side there are lots of small kids, mostly under 5yrs.
It will really insult my kids when I tell them, to be honest I'm thinking of not going.

That would be such a selfish thing to do. Your sister is allowed to choose who she wants to invite to her wedding, and probably spent some time deliberating on whether to invite or not invite kids. Children change the tone of a wedding, and she obviously would prefer to have an adult only day, which is her choice. It would be so petty for you to create a huge issue out of this.

stinkle · 07-04-2014 10:14PM

January wrote: »

Hotels have different rules than pubs.

thankfully my mother doesn't realise this...yet! She's dead set about inviting my cousins kid, and seems to think the parents of the other 29 kids we don't want there will be grand with that :pac:

January · 07-04-2014 10:22PM

stinkle wrote: »

thankfully my mother doesn't realise this...yet! She's dead set about inviting my cousins kid, and seems to think the parents of the other 29 kids we don't want there will be grand with that :pac:

My MIL is the same... we gave each of our parents a few invites each and she's inviting her boss and his wife and reckons their daughter will be coming too. HA, no.

questionmark? · 07-04-2014 10:27PM

One of the Bride to be aunts has told us that her daughter wont be able to come without her two brats kids in tow, so we would have to include them and the babysitter for the meal. Yep told us, not asked told. So that will be three extra mouths to feed or so she thinks!!!!

seamus · 07-04-2014 10:28PM

BenThere wrote: »

You might enjoy it more with no kids there but would your guests enjoy it less without their children there?

As a parent, I want to chill out and relax and enjoy the day. The last thing I want to do is spend the entire day keeping my third eye on where my child is and what they're doing and never getting to just chill out and enjoy myself.

And of course then someone (or both parents) have to go home/up to the room when it's bedtime and miss out on the best parts of the wedding.

Nah, screw that man. Weddings are no place for children. They hate them.

Faith · 07-04-2014 10:41PM

questionmark? wrote: »

One of the Bride to be aunts has told us that her daughter wont be able to come without her two brats kids in tow, so we would have to include them and the babysitter for the meal. Yep told us, not asked told. So that will be three extra mouths to feed or so she thinks!!!!

"That's a shame, please let X and Y know that we're disappointed that they can't attend, in that case".

BabysCoffee · 07-04-2014 10:43PM

Doom wrote: »

My sister has decided to not allow children at her wedding, I have to say I'm pissed off with her, as there is only my kids on our side of the family.
My kids will be 15 and 9yrs when the wedding is on, I think she's doing this because on her boyfriends side there are lots of small kids, mostly under 5yrs.
It will really insult my kids when I tell them, to be honest I'm thinking of not going.

It is the Bride and grooms prerogative to not invite children to their wedding. It is your prerogative not to go because of this

Doom · 07-04-2014 10:50PM

Doom wrote: »

My sister has decided to not allow children at her wedding, I have to say I'm pissed off with her, as there is only my kids on our side of the family.
My kids will be 15 and 9yrs when the wedding is on, I think she's doing this because on her boyfriends side there are lots of small kids, mostly under 5yrs.
It will really insult my kids when I tell them, to be honest I'm thinking of not going.

If you knew my sister you would say different, she tends to be an annoyingly anal about these things and tends to make family functions painful too.

January · 07-04-2014 11:04PM

questionmark? wrote: »

One of the Bride to be aunts has told us that her daughter wont be able to come without her two brats kids in tow, so we would have to include them and the babysitter for the meal. Yep told us, not asked told. So that will be three extra mouths to feed or so she thinks!!!!

My aunt, on telling her the date of my wedding said 'oh that's great, the grandkids will be delighted to be going back to Ireland'... not even her own kids but her grandkids she wanted to bring. I told her in the end that I wasn't inviting kids, I've never even met some of them!

rainbowtrout · 07-04-2014 11:23PM

Moonbeam wrote: »

I had about 25 small children at my wedding(3 were mine),this was for me as i love and adore kids but my best friend had 0 at hers,they did have the nephews but they are all teenagers and that is it.
I have been to weddings with and with out my lot and I honestly do not mind which sort of invite we get,the only issue I have is if you invite someone with a small nursing baby and expect them to go with out the baby.
Just let people know in advance that it is a no kids wedding so they can be prepared.

I'd say that situation is slightly different. The baby is not mobile and not going to spend the evening sliding across the dancefloor. It really is up to the parents in that situation if they think it's worth the hassle of attending the wedding with baby in tow.

I was at a wedding about 2 years ago and a couple were there with their 6 week old baby. The father got hammered and was in no state to look after the child. I was leaving at 2 am and they were still their with baby in pram at the reception. I just felt sorry for the baby stuck there all day and then through the evening with the loud music from the band and dj.

Toots · 08-04-2014 01:29AM

questionmark? wrote: »

One of the Bride to be aunts has told us that her daughter wont be able to come without her two brats kids in tow, so we would have to include them and the babysitter for the meal. Yep told us, not asked told. So that will be three extra mouths to feed or so she thinks!!!!

An aunt and uncle of my husband's rang my father in law to see could they bring their kids to our wedding (their kids weren't invited) because they never went anywhere without them. The 'kids' were 17 and 19 at the time.

lazygal · 08-04-2014 08:21AM

I've been invited to weddings while breastfeeding. I either didn't go or made my own arrangements in terms of babysitting. Parents who cause hassle because they can't organise childcare or decline an invitation if they can't go without their kids and make a huge deal about it should get over themselves. No kids does not mean yours are the exception.

amdublin · 08-04-2014 08:25AM

Different strokes for different folks.

Some people are like "oh kids make a wedding" I'm like how??? Unless you mean that you enjoy kids running around like headless chickens high on fizzy drinks and later on overtired and grouchy.

Each to his own. I say no kids at weddings.

Rachiee · 08-04-2014 08:26AM

I think a sitter is a good compromise

efb · 08-04-2014 08:29AM

Your wedding, your way. No kids is fine

cletus van damme · 08-04-2014 08:40AM

muckety wrote: »

We had a no kids rule - nieces and nephews were quite small at the time - but their parents were happy to be child free for the day, so we had no issues over it.
Another idea friends of ours did was say kids welcome until 7pm (or whenever dinner finished) .

has anybody done this - bit in bold

Its something I thought of but then knowing how people are , they'd all head off home at 7pm ,without telling you in advance of course and you'd be left with a half empty room and plenty of ham sandwiches.

Flippyfloppy · 08-04-2014 08:50AM

tbeans wrote: »

Thanks for the suggestions - appreciate the help

He's the same as me - He'd prefer not to have kids but doesn't want to anger his family and we're trying to figure a middle ground I guess.

We are thinking that we could invite them but arrange a baby sitter to take all the under 10's back to their holiday house before dinner starts around 6ish. So they are there for the important bit of the day but gone before the party kicks off.

Would love love to say no kids at all but just don't see it happening!

Thats a good idea but that's banking on one babysitter being able to handle all of them, however many of them there are, as well as banking on them all settling with sitter and going asleep etc.

coolisin · 08-04-2014 09:00AM

Hi OP,

We were in the same boat at the time. I had nieces and nephews but my wife had none on her side.
But three on my side where flying in from new York. So we couldn't say they couldn't come to the whole affair.

We organised a creche in tge hotel for nieces and nephews only!

You will here grumbling from your friends but you gotta stay strong amd if you dont want them stick to your guns. Invite tge kids in for a dance if you want after the meal.

hoodwinked · 08-04-2014 09:12AM

Doom wrote: »

My sister has decided to not allow children at her wedding, I have to say I'm pissed off with her, as there is only my kids on our side of the family.
My kids will be 15 and 9yrs when the wedding is on, I think she's doing this because on her boyfriends side there are lots of small kids, mostly under 5yrs.
It will really insult my kids when I tell them, to be honest I'm thinking of not going.

ElleEm wrote: »

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That would be such a selfish thing to do. Your sister is allowed to choose who she wants to invite to her wedding, and probably spent some time deliberating on whether to invite or not invite kids. Children change the tone of a wedding, and she obviously would prefer to have an adult only day, which is her choice. It would be so petty for you to create a huge issue out of this.

i think Doom has a point though, it seems the aspect of "children at a wedding" people want to avoid is the running around, screaming and falling asleep on chairs, a 15 year old and a 9 year old are hardly going to be doing that.

i think on this issue a lot of people seem to hide behind "it's the brides day she can do what she wants" when the truth is the day is for the bride AND groom to celebrate their union in front of family and friends,

its a family event, and to exclude certain members of that family for whatever reasons is disgraceful, to call someone selfish for standing up for those excluded members is worse, excluding only two people, or worse one, is exclusion would everyone agree the brides mother should not be allowed go because she's too old? or the grooms mother because she might insult the bride? where do you draw the line? also why imply "all children act the same" they don't, some are well behaved and their parents may want them included in family events. why give another family member who is not their parent the right to ban them from a family event?

if it was a cousins birthday party (another family event) and all the children hung out together day in day out and all were invited but not your one, you would be up in arms at the exclusion,

but because it's "the brides day" she can do what she wants right?

freedominacup · 08-04-2014 09:47AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

but because it's "the brides day" she can do what she wants right?

Yep nailed it in one. Kids have no business at a wedding nor does anyone who tries to impose their wishes regarding how the day should run on the couple. The only exception to this would be where the parents of either half of the couple are making a significant contribution to the costs of the wedding. If you're paying the piper you are entitled to some say in the tune.

Flippyfloppy · 08-04-2014 09:51AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

but because it's "the brides day" she can do what she wants right?

Absolutely, if anyone is hosting an event they can dictate where it's adult only or child friendly.

lazygal · 08-04-2014 10:08AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

i think Doom has a point though, it seems the aspect of "children at a wedding" people want to avoid is the running around, screaming and falling asleep on chairs, a 15 year old and a 9 year old are hardly going to be doing that.

i think on this issue a lot of people seem to hide behind "it's the brides day she can do what she wants" when the truth is the day is for the bride AND groom to celebrate their union in front of family and friends,

its a family event, and to exclude certain members of that family for whatever reasons is disgraceful, to call someone selfish for standing up for those excluded members is worse, excluding only two people, or worse one, is exclusion would everyone agree the brides mother should not be allowed go because she's too old? or the grooms mother because she might insult the bride? where do you draw the line? also why imply "all children act the same" they don't, some are well behaved and their parents may want them included in family events. why give another family member who is not their parent the right to ban them from a family event?

if it was a cousins birthday party (another family event) and all the children hung out together day in day out and all were invited but not your one, you would be up in arms at the exclusion,

but because it's "the brides day" she can do what she wants right?

We excluded or rather didn't include loads of family we're not close to on both sides. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you want them at your wedding, children and adults alike. I wouldn't ask children to any other event involving a late night and alcohol.

Kids at Weddings - how to avoid?

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