Kids at Weddings - how to avoid?

tbeans · 07-04-2014 12:02pm #1

Hello,

This has been a tricky topic for our wedding as I have no kids on my side of the family but groom has loads and any recent family event with his side has been nuts with kids crying and running around and generally it's been manic - not something I'd personally like plus our venue isn't the most child friendly place so can actually see them running riot.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Or maybe it's a losing battle and just have to get on with it as I really think he's family would fall out with us on this and just don't want the hassle !

lazygal · 07-04-2014 12:28pm

Don't ask any children if you don't want them there and be prepared for people to hum and haw about whether they can go if the children can't. I prefer child free weddings and we had none at ours. It caused some hassle but we're glad we stuck to our guns. Weddings really aren't for children.

Pistachios & cream · 07-04-2014 12:39pm

Are the children the grooms nieces and nephews? I have 13 nieces and nephews. At least 10 of whom will be coming to our wedding. They range in age from 13-2 and i'm hopeful that the youngest ones won't be coming. When my sister got married 2 years ago the youngest kids 3-5ish did not come. but there was still about 8 between 6 and 11.

Also It really comes down to parental responsibility. I told all the kids for my sisters wedding that there were 3 rules, No running, No jumping and No shouting. There were all very well behaved on the day as we had made it clear to them that this was an adult party that they were allowed to join. And the parents did take responsibility for their kids behaviour.

Honestly they were great craic and stayed dancing for ages. Most of them were in bed by 11ish so missed any drunken behaviour.

It could be an idea to have the kids at the meal but ask that they be minded from after the 1st dance. You can always say that while its nice for the children to be at a family occasion like a wedding that you would also like to be able to celebrate with the grooms family who would be more relaxed without the children.

Howover when one of my brothers got married about 5 years ago he had no children. At the time all the kids were about 7 or younger and are hard to mind at a wedding so he decided not to have any. Some of my sisters and brothers were a bit taken aback but they ended up being quite happy about it as they could let their hair down.

I think a lot depends on the age of the children as the older they are the better chance you have of good behaviour.

ElleEm · 07-04-2014 12:41pm

Start putting it out there now that there will be no children invited. Word of mouth will most likely reach everyone before the invites go out.

You could also include a little note on the invites saying that "unfortunately the venue is not suitable for children" to combat those parents who think the kids are automatically invited.

stargazer 68 · 07-04-2014 12:42pm

My sis is getting married on Friday :eek::eek:

There are 4 children coming but they are 10 -13. The youngest one is 2 but he will be coming to the church and hotel but will be taken home by his granny before the meal.

It really depends as others have said on their ages. Nieces and nephews kind of should get an invite!

muckety · 07-04-2014 12:43pm

We had a no kids rule - nieces and nephews were quite small at the time - but their parents were happy to be child free for the day, so we had no issues over it.
Another idea friends of ours did was say kids welcome until 7pm (or whenever dinner finished) .

January · 07-04-2014 1:00pm

Just don't invite them, don't cave and don't argue. No kids, no exceptions.

amdublin · 07-04-2014 1:03pm

I second the put something on the invite about no kids.

Unfortunately some people think To John and Mary means To John, Mary, Saocra, Laocra and Phaocra.

Moonbeam · 07-04-2014 1:40pm

It is a no kids wedding,simple:)
It is your day and your choice,get the word out early though that it is a no kids event.

freshpopcorn · 07-04-2014 2:03pm

What does your partner think about inviting kids? Does he want some invited or none of them invite? I just ask this because you refer to this as my day not our day.

lollpop · 07-04-2014 2:07pm

Assuming your partner agrees, as others have said you just have to tell people it's a no kids wedding and stick to your guns. On the invite, just name the people you want to go and then say it to those you're worried about separately (i.e. I wouldn't actually write no kids on the invite). People will complain but if it's what you both want you just have to stand your ground.

tbeans · 07-04-2014 2:15pm

Thanks for the suggestions - appreciate the help

He's the same as me - He'd prefer not to have kids but doesn't want to anger his family and we're trying to figure a middle ground I guess.

We are thinking that we could invite them but arrange a baby sitter to take all the under 10's back to their holiday house before dinner starts around 6ish. So they are there for the important bit of the day but gone before the party kicks off.

Would love love to say no kids at all but just don't see it happening!

mcbert · 07-04-2014 2:22pm

I've never heard of banning kids from weddings. I can understand how you dont want mad kids spoiling your day, but its often not so easy for parents to just offload their kids, for all sorts of reasons. So you might find that some of the parents don't or cant go either, and to be honest, if I saw 'no kids' on an invitation, id look on it in the same vein as my parter not being invited - bordering on rude. Yeah, a babysitter is a great idea.

January · 07-04-2014 2:27pm

I'd never put it on the invitations but people know there are no kids invited to my wedding except for my own and our page boy. If that means they can't come, oh well... I can't afford to invite an extra 30 people to my wedding and turning it into a circus.

BenEadir · 07-04-2014 2:38pm

Depends whether you want your wedding to be a true family wedding or not. Kids, particularly nephews and nieces are an important part of the family. It's your wedding so you are entitled to have it however you want. You might enjoy it more with no kids there but would your guests enjoy it less without their children there?

Personally I love big family (kids and all) weddings as it is a shared experience which lasts in everyone's memory forever. I've been to family weddings where my kids were invited and they were fantastic days which the kids still have memories of and I've also been to weddings which were adult only and had a great time at them but it was a very different type of atmosphere. I think kids bring an element of fun to what can sometimes become the pursuit of a perfect day!!

07-04-2014 5:07pm

January wrote: »

I'd never put it on the invitations but people know there are no kids invited to my wedding except for my own and our page boy. If that means they can't come, oh well... I can't afford to invite an extra 30 people to my wedding and turning it into a circus.

Exactly the same as mine! one kid - our son was pageboy, no flower girl. I didn't care if people couldn't make it because their kids weren't invited. I have been to several weddings where my son wasn't invited and I didn't give a toss, I didn't expect him to be invited!

people are given plenty of notice to make child minding arrangements for their kids when they have been inviting to a wedding, if they still cant go its not the bride and grooms problem.

Ginny · 07-04-2014 5:21pm

We had no kids under 7 at ours, our own nieces and nephews were way too young to be at a wedding. I hate seeing kids asleep in buggies or seats at weddings. Tbh its never been an issue in our circle, everyone gets babysitters for Weddings, weve had a few weddings since weve had our toddler, hes only been to one full day ( my sisters and he was invited) we also brought my in laws who took him at 6 and looked after him for the evening. For the other weddings we got a babysitter ourselves, or only one of us went if we couldnt get a sitter.
If you dont want kids there then dont have them but dont make any exceptions, as for you hiring a sitter, youd need more than one, and if you have them in the hotel id be sure theyd be in and out plus its the parents reponsibilty to organise sitters if they want them?

Gaillimh1976 · 07-04-2014 5:23pm

Was at a family wedding last year and the Bride sent a nice email a couple of months before the wedding explaining nicely why there would be no kids

Will see if I can locate it & PM you

LynnGrace · 07-04-2014 5:25pm

amdublin wrote: »

I second the put something on the invite about no kids.

Unfortunately some people think To John and Mary means To John, Mary, Saocra, Laocra and Phaocra.

Love the kids names

. So handy to remember too!

Milly33 · 07-04-2014 5:26pm

Think it really is your into having kids there or not. me I like them think they are great craic bring a bit of fun to things but then if you don't it must be a bummer. Was going to say if your hubbie to be wanted them there though you should meet half way but I see he isn't fussed them.

Don't invite it that's the way you want to do it.. I remember my cousin doing it she just had her own kids there and that was it no others. We kinda thought at the time pants for those who do have kids but sure then at least those who do have them can let their hair down a bit and not have to worry.

Babysitter taking them away early sounds good all thought would they not need to be fed too so maybe after dinner they would be tired then. Ye could set up a wii in either the place where they are going to go with the sitter or even a room in the venue if there would be one to keep them out of the way. Or get a few Dvds for them to watch..Theyll love it would be delighted to be having their own little party away from the adults.. Be carefull with the sitter too that al parents approve

DavyD_83 · 07-04-2014 5:28pm

BenThere wrote: »

Depends whether you want your wedding to be a true family wedding or not. Kids, particularly nephews and nieces are an important part of the family. It's your wedding so you are entitled to have it however you want. You might enjoy it more with no kids there but would your guests enjoy it less without their children there?

Personally I love big family (kids and all) weddings as it is a shared experience which lasts in everyone's memory forever. I've been to family weddings where my kids were invited and they were fantastic days which the kids still have memories of and I've also been to weddings which were adult only and had a great time at them but it was a very different type of atmosphere. I think kids bring an element of fun to what can sometimes become the pursuit of a perfect day!!

Seems a slightly harsh, and more than a little bit biased.
Some people's definition of 'family' is tighter than others; I hadn't seen any of my cousins in 10 years, so saw no reason why they should be at my wedding; we kept it to close family and close friends.
It is entirely up to bride & groom who they feel they want/need at their wedding.
It also depends on the relationship between the B&G and the particualr kids and their parents; for example people may already be making concessions to family (or others) by inviting cousins, neighbours etc; in these situations the last thing I would want would be that the (essentially unwanted) guests would turn it into a family day out.
At our own wedding, there was only one child (my niece), and this was how we wanted it.
Generally nieces and nephews are a closer link and may be wanted, but again it should be a personal decision.
If you decide you want the kids there, put their names on the invites; if not, leave them off.
Not sure I'd go with "No Kids" on invites, but all up to yourselves how you approach it really

January · 07-04-2014 5:29pm

Milly33 wrote: »

Think it really is your into having kids there or not. me I like them think they are great craic bring a bit of fun to things but then if you don't it must be a bummer. Was going to say if your hubbie to be wanted them there though you should meet half way but I see he isn't fussed them.

Don't invite it that's the way you want to do it.. I remember my cousin doing it she just had her own kids there and that was it no others. We kinda thought at the time pants for those who do have kids but sure then at least those who do have them can let their hair down a bit and not have to worry.

Babysitter taking them away early sounds good all thought would they not need to be fed too so maybe after dinner they would be tired then. Ye could set up a wii in either the place where they are going to go with the sitter or even a room in the venue if there would be one to keep them out of the way. Or get a few Dvds for them to watch..Theyll love it would be delighted to be having their own little party away from the adults.. Be carefull with the sitter too that al parents approve

Tell the parents to go swing and find their own sitter if they don't approve.

mcbert · 07-04-2014 5:33pm

I don't get it. Never been to a wedding where kids were banned, but judging by this thread it seems pretty common. Some here seem happy that banning kids effectively excludes some whole families too. I find most kids are good craic at weddings, and the parents have always organised babysitters.

Milly33 · 07-04-2014 5:35pm

How are you a mod with a comment like that.. You cant forget they are kids and peoples most precious no matter if they are little ****s or not. I was just thinking that it might be worth saying that they are arranging the sitter and suss with the parents or else let the parents arrange their own..

Again though like most tis all up to what ye want yerselfs. You would be forever thinking about oh should we not do this or do that.. Do think of others to a certain degree but if kids aren't yer thing then just say it. Plenty of notice and no-one will mind and if they do sure they will get over it

January · 07-04-2014 5:39pm

Milly33 wrote: »

How are you a mod with a comment like that.. You cant forget they are kids and peoples most precious no matter if they are little ****s or not. I was just thinking that it might be worth saying that they are arranging the sitter and suss with the parents or else let the parents arrange their own..

Again though like most tis all up to what ye want yerselfs. You would be forever thinking about oh should we not do this or do that.. Do think of others to a certain degree but if kids aren't yer thing then just say it. Plenty of notice and no-one will mind and if they do sure they will get over it

I never mentioned anything about anyone's kids being little ****s... My kids are precious to me which is why I'd prefer to keep them out of the environment of a wedding where it's crowded, loud, people are getting drunk (and most people do let themselves go at weddings) and are getting tired and cranky as the night goes on.

To be fair, I've never been to a wedding where my kids were actually invited. I've always organised a sitter and had no problem with it. I don't see big functions where drink is being served as the best place for my kids to be.

Me being a mod is nothing to do with this, these are my views. If the OP organises a sitter fair enough but if I did that and anyone complained about who I hired I'd just tell them to organise their own so.

amdublin · 07-04-2014 5:42pm

mcbert wrote: »

I don't get it. Never been to a wedding where kids were banned, but judging by this thread it seems pretty common. Some here seem happy that banning kids effectively excludes some whole families too. I find most kids are good craic at weddings, and the parents have always organised babysitters.

Well they're not really banned, but they are not invited.

Like if someone said to you " are you going to jimmys wedding?" You'd say no I'm not invited. Not no I'm banned!

:-)

Milly33 · 07-04-2014 5:57pm

I know you didn't say they were ****s, just sounded a bit harsh that was all. See as though you did say sometimes a wedding or the afters of it is no place for kids anywho, so that could be a nice way to explain to people why you don't want them there

pooch90 · 07-04-2014 6:38pm

I'm a teacher and couldn't be looking at kids running riot without wanting to tell them to sit quietly, too much like a busman's holiday for me, so only OH's nephew (who is 13) and niece (who will be 3) are invited.
Any parents we've spoken to are looking forward to a day off!

ShaShaBear · 07-04-2014 6:48pm

When we announced our wedding, we had several family members say they were looking forward to getting away and letting their hair down without the kids.

Assuming that people coming to a wedding with kids will organise a babysitter is very silly. I was at a wedding where kids of all ages were present till all hours, one little girl got hurt by a drunk eegit flopping about on the dancefloor and HE got the stick for it!

It is an adult affair in a normally adult venue with plenty of adult activities. Why would you bring a child and subject them to sitting mannerly for hours on end, perhaps starving because food is late and nothing on the menu is nice for them?

Moonbeam · 07-04-2014 7:30pm

I had about 25 small children at my wedding(3 were mine),this was for me as i love and adore kids but my best friend had 0 at hers,they did have the nephews but they are all teenagers and that is it.
I have been to weddings with and with out my lot and I honestly do not mind which sort of invite we get,the only issue I have is if you invite someone with a small nursing baby and expect them to go with out the baby.
Just let people know in advance that it is a no kids wedding so they can be prepared.

Toots · 07-04-2014 7:31pm

At the end of the day it's down to what yourself and your partner want. Personally I think kids at a wedding can either make or mar the day.

At my own wedding we had all the kids from my side there (all my cousins' kids, there are no nieces or nephews on my side) however I wasn't worried about them going mental and misbehaving because 1, I've been to other weddings with them and they were as good as gold, and 2 because I know my cousins wouldn't put up with bad behaviour, and will look after their kids throughout the day. The nieces and nephews on my husband's side were invited too and in the same way, I knew my hubby's siblings wouldn't let the kids run riot. On the day all the kids were great and really enjoyed themselves.

I've been to two weddings since my son was born; 1 where he was invited and 1 where he wasn't. It didn't bother me at all that he wasn't invited, and I certainly wouldn't have gotten in a pisser with the bride and groom about it. They get to decide who gets invited to the wedding, not the guests. If the parents take exception to the fact that little billy isn't invited then they should just decline the invitation rather than making a big hoo-hah about and whinging about it to anyone who will listen.

OP, from your original post, it sounds like the adults on your OH's side of the family are the type that just let their kids go wild at these things, so I can totally understand that you don't want them there. It's up to you and your husband, so stick to your guns and don't let yourselves be bullied into having the kids there. Also be wary of letting 'just one' bring the kids, because if you do it for one, you'll end up having to do it for all of them.

I'd be reluctant to actually put "no kids" on the card. I think the idea of putting the word out in advance of the invites being sent is a good idea. My SIL did a no kids wedding (the venue didn't allow kids full stop) and what she did with the invites was put the individual names on them "we request the pleasure of the company of John and Mary" then they included the little RSVP cards which said something like "we have reserved two places in your honour, please let us know if you will be able to attend" so it really hammered the point home that it was only those named on the invitation who were invited.

Kids at Weddings - how to avoid?

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