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Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

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  • 21-01-2014 2:24pm
    #1
    dipdipdoo
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭


    Hi all,

    I am just looking for some feedback in relation to wedding photo etiquette.

    We are getting married soon, and several of our guests (mother of the groom included) are big social media fiends, and tend to post photos quite frequently. However, some of those guests take really awful photos of people (unflattering angles, unattractive expressions, mouth full of food, etc...), and see no issue with posting them all over facebook.

    While my fiancé and I are social media users ourselves (although less so in recent times), and have posted photos of nights out, etc. many times, we would really like to restrict publicly-posted photos (particularly of us and our family) to the professional photos we will have of the day.

    While we have no issue with people taking all the photos they want, do you think that it would be unreasonable to request that people not post the photos to Facebook, etc.? I definitely don't want to annoy anyone, but, in the past, I have seen some of these people post photos online while still at the ceremony, before the couple are even married!

    I'd be really grateful for any feedback, and (if you think it is acceptable to ask at all) any tips for how to word the request.

    Thanks!
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Triangla
    Registered Users Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Triangla


    I got married and there were some not great photos up on social media. I have my FB account set up so I have to approve anything I'm tagged in so I said no to a few.

    It wouldn't have crossed my mind to mention not posting pics because for 1 people would still post them anyway and 2 it comes across as vain and/or controlling.

    Me personally - If I got an invite that stated not to post pics on social media I would think of it as weird. Like do they have an exclusive deal with Hello? or something.


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    #3
    clint_silver
    Registered Users Posts: 2,895 ✭✭✭clint_silver


    ask straight out. not sure Id put it on an invite but when you get your rsvp's back in, send out a second mail/letter with notes on the day to the attendees like where one can get accommodation, directions and then saying something like...

    Guests are kindly asked to refrain from posting photos online of the day.

    ....if you have 1 or 2 people in mind, get a quiet word to them through family.

    If they ignore the request on the day, then get a big crappy stick to hit them with if you ever meet them again.


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    #4
    lollpop
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭lollpop


    I wouldn't put it on an invite but if you know who the worst offenders are then just say it to them in advance.
    Also as Triangla said, change your facebook settings so that you have to approve photos that you're tagged in.


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    #5
    Staplor
    Registered Users Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭Staplor


    It's pretty common to do that I think, at least I've seen it at the last few weddings. I'd almost expect it now.


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    #6
    Liam McPoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,846 ✭✭✭✭Liam McPoyle


    Are ye really that vain?

    Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.


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    #7
    Matt_Trakker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭Matt_Trakker


    Yea, that would be incredibly unreasonable, particularly when you think about how much money people give you as gifts and the trouble they go to to actual bother being with you on that special day.

    Also, you're in a public place so you cannot stop people taking photos and doing with them as they wish.

    Set up your Facebook properly, that way if you're tagged and you don't like the photos you don't have to approve them.
    Coleman Slawski wrote: »
    Are ye really that vain?

    Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.
    Yea, me too, I'd do it just to annoy you if you said I couldn't, especially with a feed of beer in me.


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    #8
    Triangla
    Registered Users Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Triangla


    See OP. Just like I said. People would post them anyway and think you're vain!

    Just focus on looking happy and gorgeous and you'll have nothing to worry about.


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    #9
    dipdipdoo
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭dipdipdoo


    Yeah, I suspected that that was the impression it would give, so I think I'll just say nothing and hope for the best!

    Thanks for the advice!


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    #10
    Firedance
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,009 ✭✭✭Firedance


    Hi op, my brother didn't want people posting pics of his wedding either, he's not a fan of how intrusive FB can be, what he did though was gently bring up in conversation to as many of his friends as he could in the run up to the day 'I hope there won't be too many people putting photos up online I really just don't like the idea of our wedding photos being up there for all to see' It worked a treat, there were one or two photos and that was all. But also do what others have suggested and change your settings so you can say no to any photos you're tagged in.

    I think as matter of respect if someone does not want a photo of themselves put online, for whatever reason, people should respect that rather than saying they would post them all the more if asked not to...


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    #11
    Maximus Alexander
    Registered Users Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    Just to clarify, changing your Facebook settings so that you have to approve tags will not stop them from being publicly viewable on the page of the person who posted them. All it does it prevent you from being tagged in them!

    I know that nobody is saying it will, but just in case you got the wrong impression I thought this should be clarified. Short of people respecting your wishes, there is nothing you can do to stop photos going up on Facebook.


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    #12
    dipdipdoo
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭dipdipdoo


    Thanks Firedance, that's a good idea, I might do that (I'll leave himself to talk to the MIL!)... people might respond better if we mention it and our reasons in person.


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    #13
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    I think it's a bit much to ask them not to post any wedding pictures... what about asking that yourself and your husband are not in any of them? They can post general pics of the day (randoms with friends/family etc) but none of the bridal party.


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    #14
    antodeco
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 13,449 ✭✭✭✭antodeco


    I know what we did was ask our guests not to post anything until the Monday (Wedding was the Friday). The reason being was that some friends were unable to attend the wedding, but we had an "after party" on the Sunday, where these friends were going.


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    #15
    Banjoxed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,844 ✭✭✭Banjoxed


    If it was my fiancée asking for that level of control, I'd be rethinking the whole thing, pronto.


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    #16
    cookiecakes
    Registered Users Posts: 331 ✭✭cookiecakes


    Myself and my husband aren't really social media people so we toyed with the idea of asking people not to put stuff online. In the end, we couldn't figure out a way to put it without sounding snotty so we left it. As it was, most people knew we weren't mad into stuff about us on Facebook so most people didn't put anything up! There were a few put up but nothing horrible and there certainly wasn't a deluge!!


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    #17
    saggycaggy
    Registered Users Posts: 814 ✭✭✭saggycaggy


    I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

    Another friend didn't like that there were pictures up of her at the alter on Facebook before the ceremony was even over!


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    #18
    Larbre34
    Registered Users Posts: 23,856 ✭✭✭✭Larbre34


    The bride and groom, who are your hosts for the day, are entitled to ask for whatever level of control they like over probably the most significant day of their lives. If anyone thinks their feelings and impulses are bigger than the bride and groom, maybe should decline an invitation.

    I have been at 2 weddings where guests were kindly asked not to post pics until after the bridal party did. I had absolutely no issue with that and respected it, or more correctly my snap happy wife did!


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    #19
    Eutow
    Registered Users Posts: 1,197 ✭✭✭Eutow


    If people can't go to a wedding without posting every photo they take onto facebook, and they know the bride and groom would not be happy about it, then they are the one with the problem.

    The obsession with cr@ppy facebook is ridiculous.


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    #20
    mooonpie
    Registered Users Posts: 255 ✭✭mooonpie


    saggycaggy wrote: »
    I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

    I was at a wedding in December that had the same thing, nobody seemed too upset.


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    #21
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    I like that idea. Thankfully FB was not as popular when I got married as it is now, I've seen some truely godawful photos of people on their wedding days and at other events. I've honestly wondered if the person posting them is just a moron, has no eyesight, or is out to get them.

    Muppets on the dancefloor with massive flash switched on, or videoing the wedding with a phone is the other one that gets my goat.


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    #22
    dipdipdoo
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭dipdipdoo


    Banjoxed wrote: »
    If it was my fiancée asking for that level of control, I'd be rethinking the whole thing, pronto.

    I love that you think it was my idea! We are actually both of the same opinion; in fact, if anything, my partner is more against it than me.


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    #23
    Liam McPoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,846 ✭✭✭✭Liam McPoyle


    One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that in a lot if cases the random pics can be the best.

    I personally hate posing for pictures etc as I'm sure a lot of folk do as I always feel really false but the natural photos taken when I wasn't expecting/posing, invariably I kinda like as they are generally fun pics.


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    #24
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    dipdipdoo wrote: »
    Hi all,

    I am just looking for some feedback in relation to wedding photo etiquette.

    We are getting married soon, and several of our guests (mother of the groom included) are big social media fiends, and tend to post photos quite frequently. However, some of those guests take really awful photos of people (unflattering angles, unattractive expressions, mouth full of food, etc...), and see no issue with posting them all over facebook.

    While my fiancé and I are social media users ourselves (although less so in recent times), and have posted photos of nights out, etc. many times, we would really like to restrict publicly-posted photos (particularly of us and our family) to the professional photos we will have of the day.

    While we have no issue with people taking all the photos they want, do you think that it would be unreasonable to request that people not post the photos to Facebook, etc.? I definitely don't want to annoy anyone, but, in the past, I have seen some of these people post photos online while still at the ceremony, before the couple are even married!

    I'd be really grateful for any feedback, and (if you think it is acceptable to ask at all) any tips for how to word the request.

    Thanks!

    Tell them you've an exclusive deal with OK magazine.
    Shur it will hardly annoy them any further than the original plea.


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    #25
    StompToWork
    Registered Users Posts: 905 ✭✭✭StompToWork


    Asking straight out is totally fine. My brother got married last year, and he put it on the directions/accommodation sheet he included in the invites.


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    #26
    bootybouncer
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 495 ✭✭bootybouncer


    your wedding, ye are paying, tell them how it is or fook off...........................in all honesty facebook is generally for cnuts...........why my wife still uses it i do not know


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    #27
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users Posts: 29,294 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    Cant see it being a problem. One of the last weddings I was at, both the bride and groom requested on their pages that photos were not put up, until after they had posted selected ones of their own.

    Suppose they had paid money for a photographer, and they wanted to put up their own first. Even though a few of us had pretty decent cameras, not compacts or phones, with us, which a few were eventually included in their own collection, and which we were pretty chuffed about.

    This does not say, that some of the official ones, and ones taken did not eventally end up on social media, only after the official ones did though.


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    #28
    Jofspring
    Registered Users Posts: 4,010 ✭✭✭Jofspring


    Was at a wedding recently and the bride and groom didn't want photos posted straight to Facebook on the day. They wanted the wedding to be between family and friends on the day not every random person on Facebook to be gawking before they even left the church. It wasn't a vanity thing they just wanted their wedding to be a bit more personal on the day.

    To be honest I think it's a bit disrespectful to be posting pics up on Facebook either during the Cermony or right after. Why people can't wait a few days I don't know.

    As an alternative they said to people they could download an app wedpics and post photos to that throughout the day as a way if sharing photos. Only people at the wedding had to code to go view pics of the day and it was a brilliant idea.


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    #29
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    I have heard of one couple who asked for no photos of the bridal party to be posted online, which I thought was fair enough. I have been to weddings where the photos were posted up throughout the day, and I also witnessed a wedding through FB one time. The bride walking down the aisle at 2:15pm, the ceremoney at 2:30pm, the first dance at 8pm, etc. I felt it was a really terrible invasion of privacy for the day, (despite me knowing the bride and being invited to the afters).

    OP, do what makes you feel comfortable.


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    #30
    nc19
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭nc19


    How about this;

    Provide disposable cameras. People will use them out of the novelty factor. Have somewhere for people to leave them after. That way there will be a lot less digi pics for people to post and you get som candid/funny/nice physical pics you can do what you want with???


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    #31
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    In my opinion, the best thing to do is deflect it from yourself and onto someone else.

    Ask the priest or the photographer or videographer to say it at the church.

    The priest sternly saying it at the start of the ceremony (before the bride arrives) should stamp it out in the church completely.

    A simple message of

    "I would like to request that guests please do not take photographs or record video during the ceremony. Doing so is very distracting and disrespectful. You will be asked to leave!"

    Will send the jitters into people. That fear will be gone at the end of the ceremony, however, and people will start firing away. But, it looks like this is the priests request and not your own, so you won't have people banging on at you over it.

    (not that I'd worry about that - if you are close enough to these people to invite them to your wedding, then I'm sure they know you well enough to know you don't want photos all over Facebook during your day).


    Alternatively - if you don't mind taking the 'blame', get the photographer to address the audience. Personally, as a photographer myself, I'd have no issue getting on the mic and telling people:

    "Ladies and Gents, on request of the bride and groom, I've been asked to inform you all that, while the Bride and groom have no issue with the photography of their big day, they have requested that people please don't share any of today's photographs on social media, as they feel that doing so would ultimately eradicate the personal and intimate nature of their day, which they've chosen to only share with a select few of their family and friends. It'd be great if you could respect their wishes on this. Thanks."


    Most people won't care. If they do - They know where the door is!


This discussion has been closed.
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