Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

dipdipdoo

Hi all,

I am just looking for some feedback in relation to wedding photo etiquette.

We are getting married soon, and several of our guests (mother of the groom included) are big social media fiends, and tend to post photos quite frequently. However, some of those guests take really awful photos of people (unflattering angles, unattractive expressions, mouth full of food, etc...), and see no issue with posting them all over facebook.

While my fiancé and I are social media users ourselves (although less so in recent times), and have posted photos of nights out, etc. many times, we would really like to restrict publicly-posted photos (particularly of us and our family) to the professional photos we will have of the day.

While we have no issue with people taking all the photos they want, do you think that it would be unreasonable to request that people not post the photos to Facebook, etc.? I definitely don't want to annoy anyone, but, in the past, I have seen some of these people post photos online while still at the ceremony, before the couple are even married!

I'd be really grateful for any feedback, and (if you think it is acceptable to ask at all) any tips for how to word the request.

Thanks!

Triangla

I got married and there were some not great photos up on social media. I have my FB account set up so I have to approve anything I'm tagged in so I said no to a few.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to mention not posting pics because for 1 people would still post them anyway and 2 it comes across as vain and/or controlling.

Me personally - If I got an invite that stated not to post pics on social media I would think of it as weird. Like do they have an exclusive deal with Hello? or something.

clint_silver

ask straight out. not sure Id put it on an invite but when you get your rsvp's back in, send out a second mail/letter with notes on the day to the attendees like where one can get accommodation, directions and then saying something like...

Guests are kindly asked to refrain from posting photos online of the day.

....if you have 1 or 2 people in mind, get a quiet word to them through family.

If they ignore the request on the day, then get a big crappy stick to hit them with if you ever meet them again.

lollpop

I wouldn't put it on an invite but if you know who the worst offenders are then just say it to them in advance.
Also as Triangla said, change your facebook settings so that you have to approve photos that you're tagged in.

Staplor

It's pretty common to do that I think, at least I've seen it at the last few weddings. I'd almost expect it now.

Liam McPoyle

Are ye really that vain?

Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.

Matt_Trakker

Yea, that would be incredibly unreasonable, particularly when you think about how much money people give you as gifts and the trouble they go to to actual bother being with you on that special day.

Also, you're in a public place so you cannot stop people taking photos and doing with them as they wish.

Set up your Facebook properly, that way if you're tagged and you don't like the photos you don't have to approve them.

Coleman Slawski wrote: »

Are ye really that vain?

Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.

Yea, me too, I'd do it just to annoy you if you said I couldn't, especially with a feed of beer in me.

Triangla

See OP. Just like I said. People would post them anyway and think you're vain!

Just focus on looking happy and gorgeous and you'll have nothing to worry about.

dipdipdoo

Yeah, I suspected that that was the impression it would give, so I think I'll just say nothing and hope for the best!

Thanks for the advice!

Firedance

Hi op, my brother didn't want people posting pics of his wedding either, he's not a fan of how intrusive FB can be, what he did though was gently bring up in conversation to as many of his friends as he could in the run up to the day 'I hope there won't be too many people putting photos up online I really just don't like the idea of our wedding photos being up there for all to see' It worked a treat, there were one or two photos and that was all. But also do what others have suggested and change your settings so you can say no to any photos you're tagged in.

I think as matter of respect if someone does not want a photo of themselves put online, for whatever reason, people should respect that rather than saying they would post them all the more if asked not to...

Maximus Alexander

Just to clarify, changing your Facebook settings so that you have to approve tags will not stop them from being publicly viewable on the page of the person who posted them. All it does it prevent you from being tagged in them!

I know that nobody is saying it will, but just in case you got the wrong impression I thought this should be clarified. Short of people respecting your wishes, there is nothing you can do to stop photos going up on Facebook.

dipdipdoo

Thanks Firedance, that's a good idea, I might do that (I'll leave himself to talk to the MIL!)... people might respond better if we mention it and our reasons in person.

January

I think it's a bit much to ask them not to post any wedding pictures... what about asking that yourself and your husband are not in any of them? They can post general pics of the day (randoms with friends/family etc) but none of the bridal party.

antodeco

I know what we did was ask our guests not to post anything until the Monday (Wedding was the Friday). The reason being was that some friends were unable to attend the wedding, but we had an "after party" on the Sunday, where these friends were going.

Banjoxed

If it was my fiancée asking for that level of control, I'd be rethinking the whole thing, pronto.

cookiecakes

Myself and my husband aren't really social media people so we toyed with the idea of asking people not to put stuff online. In the end, we couldn't figure out a way to put it without sounding snotty so we left it. As it was, most people knew we weren't mad into stuff about us on Facebook so most people didn't put anything up! There were a few put up but nothing horrible and there certainly wasn't a deluge!!

saggycaggy

I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

Another friend didn't like that there were pictures up of her at the alter on Facebook before the ceremony was even over!

Larbre34

The bride and groom, who are your hosts for the day, are entitled to ask for whatever level of control they like over probably the most significant day of their lives. If anyone thinks their feelings and impulses are bigger than the bride and groom, maybe should decline an invitation.

I have been at 2 weddings where guests were kindly asked not to post pics until after the bridal party did. I had absolutely no issue with that and respected it, or more correctly my snap happy wife did!

Eutow

If people can't go to a wedding without posting every photo they take onto facebook, and they know the bride and groom would not be happy about it, then they are the one with the problem.

The obsession with cr@ppy facebook is ridiculous.

mooonpie

saggycaggy wrote: »

I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

I was at a wedding in December that had the same thing, nobody seemed too upset.

pwurple

I like that idea. Thankfully FB was not as popular when I got married as it is now, I've seen some truely godawful photos of people on their wedding days and at other events. I've honestly wondered if the person posting them is just a moron, has no eyesight, or is out to get them.

Muppets on the dancefloor with massive flash switched on, or videoing the wedding with a phone is the other one that gets my goat.

dipdipdoo

Banjoxed wrote: »

If it was my fiancée asking for that level of control, I'd be rethinking the whole thing, pronto.

I love that you think it was my idea! We are actually both of the same opinion; in fact, if anything, my partner is more against it than me.

Liam McPoyle

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that in a lot if cases the random pics can be the best.

I personally hate posing for pictures etc as I'm sure a lot of folk do as I always feel really false but the natural photos taken when I wasn't expecting/posing, invariably I kinda like as they are generally fun pics.

mikom

dipdipdoo wrote: »

Hi all,

I am just looking for some feedback in relation to wedding photo etiquette.

We are getting married soon, and several of our guests (mother of the groom included) are big social media fiends, and tend to post photos quite frequently. However, some of those guests take really awful photos of people (unflattering angles, unattractive expressions, mouth full of food, etc...), and see no issue with posting them all over facebook.

While my fiancé and I are social media users ourselves (although less so in recent times), and have posted photos of nights out, etc. many times, we would really like to restrict publicly-posted photos (particularly of us and our family) to the professional photos we will have of the day.

While we have no issue with people taking all the photos they want, do you think that it would be unreasonable to request that people not post the photos to Facebook, etc.? I definitely don't want to annoy anyone, but, in the past, I have seen some of these people post photos online while still at the ceremony, before the couple are even married!

I'd be really grateful for any feedback, and (if you think it is acceptable to ask at all) any tips for how to word the request.

Thanks!

Tell them you've an exclusive deal with OK magazine.
Shur it will hardly annoy them any further than the original plea.

StompToWork

Asking straight out is totally fine. My brother got married last year, and he put it on the directions/accommodation sheet he included in the invites.

bootybouncer

your wedding, ye are paying, tell them how it is or fook off...........................in all honesty facebook is generally for cnuts...........why my wife still uses it i do not know

Mint Sauce

Cant see it being a problem. One of the last weddings I was at, both the bride and groom requested on their pages that photos were not put up, until after they had posted selected ones of their own.

Suppose they had paid money for a photographer, and they wanted to put up their own first. Even though a few of us had pretty decent cameras, not compacts or phones, with us, which a few were eventually included in their own collection, and which we were pretty chuffed about.

This does not say, that some of the official ones, and ones taken did not eventally end up on social media, only after the official ones did though.

Jofspring

Was at a wedding recently and the bride and groom didn't want photos posted straight to Facebook on the day. They wanted the wedding to be between family and friends on the day not every random person on Facebook to be gawking before they even left the church. It wasn't a vanity thing they just wanted their wedding to be a bit more personal on the day.

To be honest I think it's a bit disrespectful to be posting pics up on Facebook either during the Cermony or right after. Why people can't wait a few days I don't know.

As an alternative they said to people they could download an app wedpics and post photos to that throughout the day as a way if sharing photos. Only people at the wedding had to code to go view pics of the day and it was a brilliant idea.

ElleEm

I have heard of one couple who asked for no photos of the bridal party to be posted online, which I thought was fair enough. I have been to weddings where the photos were posted up throughout the day, and I also witnessed a wedding through FB one time. The bride walking down the aisle at 2:15pm, the ceremoney at 2:30pm, the first dance at 8pm, etc. I felt it was a really terrible invasion of privacy for the day, (despite me knowing the bride and being invited to the afters).

OP, do what makes you feel comfortable.

nc19

How about this;

Provide disposable cameras. People will use them out of the novelty factor. Have somewhere for people to leave them after. That way there will be a lot less digi pics for people to post and you get som candid/funny/nice physical pics you can do what you want with???

In my opinion, the best thing to do is deflect it from yourself and onto someone else.

Ask the priest or the photographer or videographer to say it at the church.

The priest sternly saying it at the start of the ceremony (before the bride arrives) should stamp it out in the church completely.

A simple message of

"I would like to request that guests please do not take photographs or record video during the ceremony. Doing so is very distracting and disrespectful. You will be asked to leave!"

Will send the jitters into people. That fear will be gone at the end of the ceremony, however, and people will start firing away. But, it looks like this is the priests request and not your own, so you won't have people banging on at you over it.

(not that I'd worry about that - if you are close enough to these people to invite them to your wedding, then I'm sure they know you well enough to know you don't want photos all over Facebook during your day).


Alternatively - if you don't mind taking the 'blame', get the photographer to address the audience. Personally, as a photographer myself, I'd have no issue getting on the mic and telling people:

"Ladies and Gents, on request of the bride and groom, I've been asked to inform you all that, while the Bride and groom have no issue with the photography of their big day, they have requested that people please don't share any of today's photographs on social media, as they feel that doing so would ultimately eradicate the personal and intimate nature of their day, which they've chosen to only share with a select few of their family and friends. It'd be great if you could respect their wishes on this. Thanks."


Most people won't care. If they do - They know where the door is!

GarIT

Someone who would post a picture of a wedding before it is even over can only be described as attention whores and a completely self centred.

I think it is completely reasonable to ask that people don't take photos, never mind not putting them on Facebook. If someone was putting pictures of my wedding on Facebook during the ceremony they would be out the door and out of my life for good.

Any reasonable person would respect your wishes of photos not being posted online. And what are the claims about being vain about? Anyone who feels the need to post pictures online is vain not the other way around.

GarIT

Jofspring wrote: »

it's a bit disrespectful to be posting pics up on Facebook either during the Cermony or right after.

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

Vojera

I think it's totally reasonable to ask that people keep pictures of the bridal party off Facebook, more so for privacy reasons than anything else.

It's something I didn't care about when I got married but if I was doing it all again it's one of the few things I would change.

My wife and I have pretty strict privacy settings on our pages, but as was already pointed out, restricting who can tag you doesn't stop the pictures going up, as we found out about a month after the wedding when my wife went to the hairdresser (who she'd only been to once or twice before). In the course of the chitchat my wife mentioned that she'd just gotten married and described a few things, and then the hairdresser exclaimed that she knew she'd seen her face before and told her that she'd seen loads of photos of it on facebook and was able to describe our handmade favours, etc.

Bear in mind that they have no friends in common, but the hairdresser's brother's friend was friends with a guest who obviously has no privacy settings on her page.

I felt sick when I found out. It was really disturbing to know just how many people can see pictures of you without you even knowing.

ABajaninCork

I don't use FB much, and my husband not at all. When we got married, we didn't specifically ask for no pics to be put up, but a couple of guests did ask if it was OK to post a few. They were all quite nice pictures, and not too many so we didn't mind too much.

But I do set my privacy pretty high and have to approve pictures I'm tagged in.

emuhead

In our church, photography is prohibited completely during weddings by custom and a senior member of the church mentions this (in a very friendly way) in the welcome at the beginning of the ceremony. I've never seen anyone (including visitors) disregard this or have an issue with it. This doesn't solve your problems for the rest of the day but at least stops photos of you going up the aisle before you even leave the church.

I'd say it out straight in the invites that it is a very precious family day and you kindly request that photos of the bridal party are not posted on facebook / social media. Those that mind don't matter and those that matter won't mind. As a wedding guest, I certainly wouldn't take offense to your request.

Also, to echo what others have said, set your privacy settings to high so you have to preapprove tagged photos and advise the rest of the wedding party to do the same.

ABajaninCork

GarIT wrote: »

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

For the same reasons, I don't post pictures of children (family and friends). I always ask permission before I post any pictures. ( I don't post many of people, but plenty of my dog and cat!). And I don't take pictures of children without getting permission first.

I know it seems a bit OTT, but I guess this is a sign of the times.

Holsten

No problem with it at all, I HATE people taking photos of me and them ending up on facebook, etc.. without my permission. Why do you need to post photos of me drunk eating a kebab online, etc...

I would ban all non professional cameras. It's your choice.

cmbutterfly45

Were also trying to limit photos on social media so were using wedpics, anyone at the wedding can post their pics there and can view others pics but only the people at wedding will hav the password ( for the first while anyway)

OldBean

Unplugged weddings - It's the only way.

stargazer 68

This is a huge bugbear of mine! I have seen pics on FB of weddings of the bride and bridesmaids etc before they have arrived at the church, photos of the room, candy cart etc before guests have even gone into the room. I think its dreadful.

My sis is getting married shortly and someone has suggested that she put a note in with the invite something along: we hope you enjoy our special day and take lots of photos. However we would be grateful if these were not posted on social media sites until ... (whatever date)

Gatica

It is not the least bit unreasonable to request your guests to respect the privacy of your wedding. Those that would post such pics out of spite while going to "their friend's" wedding maybe shouldn't be going at all.
We had only 3 people post pics of our wedding. One was a cousin that put up pics during the day I think. There were only a couple of pics and they weren't too bad. The other 2 had pro cameras and put up a whole album after, which we got a copy of after as well. It didn't bother us too much as we're on facebook anyway and their pics were quite good.
We do have friends that don't like their pics being put up on facebook, and I've no problem with that. There's even more that don't like pics of their babies or children online either. I think it's only reasonable to respect that and their privacy.

brooke 2

cookiecakes wrote: »

Myself and my husband aren't really social media people so we toyed with the idea of asking people not to put stuff online. In the end, we couldn't figure out a way to put it without sounding snotty so we left it. As it was, most people knew we weren't mad into stuff about us on Facebook so most people didn't put anything up! There were a few put up but nothing horrible and there certainly wasn't a deluge!!

I'm surprised in this day and age that people don't understand how privacy on FB is an issue for some. Many of my friends are not on FB. If I take any pictures of them which I might like to post I always ask them if it is ok with them to do so. A wedding is the most important day in the life of most people. I don't think it is unreasonable to refrain from posting pics of the bride and groom
until a few days after the wedding.

GarIT

brooke 2 wrote: »

I don't think it is unreasonable to refrain from posting pics of the bride and groom
until a few days after the wedding.

In the case here I don't think the couple want non photographer pictures put up ever. I could be mistaken but that's how it reads to me.

brooke 2

saggycaggy wrote: »

I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

Another friend didn't like that there were pictures up of her at the alter on Facebook before the ceremony was even over!

I think most reasonable people would have no problem complying with this request. If I were your friend, I would have been furious at
the invasion of privacy involved in having a picture of her posted on FB while she was still at the altar!! For flip sake!! What is wrong with some people????!!!!!

brooke 2

Larbre34 wrote: »

The bride and groom, who are your hosts for the day, are entitled to ask for whatever level of control they like over probably the most significant day of their lives. If anyone thinks their feelings and impulses are bigger than the bride and groom, maybe should decline an invitation.

I have been at 2 weddings where guests were kindly asked not to post pics until after the bridal party did. I had absolutely no issue with that and respected it, or more correctly my snap happy wife did!

I totally agree with you. Months, if not years, of planning will have gone into preparations for this very special day. The couple have every right to request control over the publication of their wedding pictures. Posting pictures of the bride and groom while they are still at the altar is the grossest invasion of privacy, I believe.

brooke 2

Eutow wrote: »

If people can't go to a wedding without posting every photo they take onto facebook, and they know the bride and groom would not be happy about it, then they are the one with the problem.

The obsession with cr@ppy facebook is ridiculous.

.

Spot on!!

brooke 2

pwurple wrote: »

I like that idea. Thankfully FB was not as popular when I got married as it is now, I've seen some truely godawful photos of people on their wedding days and at other events. I've honestly wondered if the person posting them is just a moron, has no eyesight, or is out to get them.

Muppets on the dancefloor with massive flash switched on, or videoing the wedding with a phone is the other one that gets my goat.

A friend of mine, who is not on FB, was livid when a cousin of hers
informed her that she saw she was having a great time at a wedding which she had recently attended. The cousin had seen
the pictures on FB. Even though my friend was only dancing (and
doing nothing untoward!) she was appalled at what she considered the invasion of her privacy.

Roxirose

we politely request no photos of the bride and groom on any social media websites

I think it's fine, and of course you need to bear in mind the wedding mantra: those who matter dont mind and those who mind don't matter

brooke 2

GarIT wrote: »

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

+1000!!!!!

brooke 2

GarIT wrote: »

In the case here I don't think the couple want non photographer pictures put up ever. I could be mistaken but that's how it reads to me.

If that is their wish, it should be respected.