Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

Milly33

Surprised on the first page someone said are you that vain! If anything no because you do not want pictures of yourself up all over the web.. Think it is a quite reasonable request to ask. I would pop it at the end of the invite. I would not think it rude to ask that lets say your guest keep their photos from appearing on facebook or even create a special wedding page that you have control off.

I hate photos and tis the same ding dong all the time although my friends and even my sister knows this they will still post ones on facebook and not even ask if I am ok with them.. It isn't vanity tis plan point I do not like photos of myself or that many photos anywho..

It saddens me that nobody takes photographs for photographs sake anymore, they are frantically uploaded for public viewing at lightning speed, I abhor Facebook for this reason, nothing is sacred, and your wedding pictures should be.

The OP is not vain, very sensible actually-a trait these Facebook fanatics don't seem to possess

grainuaile

Its a personal choice and I don't think people would mind if you put a little note in with the directions etc. Or you could just post a status the couple of days before ... if they're such fiends that's where they'll notice it most anyway!
I was at a wedding last year where the bride was 45min late ... the crowd were getting restless and someone beside me was checking their fb on the phone, would you believe the bride had posted a pic of herself and bms all dressed up and ready before they even left the house!!! I couldn't get over it but thats just me
Personally I don't care how many pics people put up (although hopefully after the ceremony at least!) because I'm after putting two years work into making sure the lot of us in the bridal party are looking half decent on the day!!

biddywiddy

This is such a bugbear of mine too.

I have a Facebook account, but I post very rarely. Usually a check-in at an airport (going home for Christmas, or whatever) or a "bloody hell, it's cold" followed by Polar Vortex pic. I haven't "announced" my engagement on Facebook. My relationship status doesn't appear at all. My fiance and I told our close friends and family, and gradually the word has spread the old fashioned way. The big announcement was just not for us.

We haven't decided what type of wedding celebration we will have, but I really don't want Facebook to be a feature. A friend of mine was outraged when I said once that I would ask my guests to not post any pictures of my wedding on Facebook (this was in a general conversation pre-engagement, probably after a mutual friend had put wedding pictures up). I really don't think it's such a terrible thing to ask. I don't understand why anyone would be hanging out of their seats in a church just to get a good picture to put on Facebook. WTF?

OP, I agree with previous posters that you have every right to ask for privacy regarding your wedding photos. I don't think you should even have to put a timeframe on it (like, please don't post before a certain date). Restricting the "ban" to bridal party photos is one way to maybe get around it, but, personally, I wouldn't like any photos put up at all.

Meangadh

You're not at all vain OP, there is no point being uncomfortable on your wedding day. My friend sent us all a text the night before the wedding asking us not to post pictures on fb and we didn't mind at all.

As for those posters who said that they'd post out of spite, I hope that you have a better class of friends.

Go for it, it's totally reasonable.

michellie

Just reading through these comments. I'm not getting married until 2016 but I am already worrying that there will be people posting photos on the day, I don't care if they do it the following day or week. But I just would like some privacy for that one day to celebrate with everyone!

That comment of doing it out of spite?? That's awful!

kkcatlou

I'm surprised at how precious and self absorbed people are! I mean, you're not celebrities (that we know of!!).

I've had the opposite with my friends - people dying to see some pics of their day while on honeymoon or just back as they wait around for the professional pics to come back! I've had one friend get annoyed cos I waited a full week to post pics of hers yet posted someone else's 2 days after. It's the only chance you get to see the real story of the day, not the professional, paid for one!

I do agree that posting on the day of is rude and when would you get the time anyway?! As far as I'm aware, the etiquette is that once someone from the bridal party has posted photos, it's OK for others to. Most people have their settings set that they need to approve photos before they are posted...for that reason I always tag people. Also, I'd never post photos without asking the B&G first, just out of courtesy, but in this day and age of social media I think it's a given that people are going to want to share a great day they've attended. I've personally never heard of anyone asking people not to post photos (and I've been to over 40 weddings) and would find it quite bridezilla if i did!!

Gatica

kkcatlou wrote: »

I mean, you're not celebrities (that we know of!!).

Why do you need to be a celebrity not to want pictures of you or your wedding plastered over the net?
Not everyone has their facebook page on private, so it's not just friends of friends that can browse these photos but anyone at all.
It's a personal and private affair for many and they want to keep it that way. If you're their friend, I don't get why it's so hard for people to comply. This obsessive instagramming really amazes me - people just itch to post up every single minute of their life and others', and if they don't get their daily dose they go a bit ape (I'm not saying this about you btw, kkcatlou).

Milly33

Would you ever wonder do people watch out for these things too, like a lot of people who post up pics on the day can be located back to the venue aswell, could cause a gate crash or something like that... Kinda thinking we might put it on our own invites aswell please do not post on facebook at least until the day after. Hoping to set up a web page that people can go to and upload their photos so that all can have a copy of them and so can...

flikflak

My FB is locked down to friends only and all pics with me tagged in them have to be approved. I dont have every Tom, Dick and Harry as my friends on FB, only people who are actually my friends. Will I care if someone who attending my weddings posts a few pics or status updates? No. I will be having too much of a good time to worry about if someone saw us on our wedding day on FB.

I myself might post a few the next day.

We are getting married abroad and there are a lot of people who cant make it. A few pics and status updates from mutual friends who are attending will be lovely for those who cant make it to see.

To be honest I have bigger things to worry about than a few pics on FB.

superman28

I certainly will be asking for this at my wedding as I also value my privacy. All our friends and family will be there so I don't see anyone would want to share every step of a wedding with complete strangers. All the guests and anyone who couldn't make it will be getting a link to the professional photographers pictures, instead of drunkin blurry rubbish.

I think People should be free to take as many pictures as they want of course, but then again the last wedding I was at I noticed alot of people would rather watch the ceremony through their Iphone while taking video instead of just sitting back and taking in the celebration. A bit sad really..

Its your special day do what you want..

Addle

kkcatlou wrote: »

As far as I'm aware, the etiquette is that once someone from the bridal party has posted photos, it's OK for others to.

There's etiquette in this regard?!

I'm not on facebook so I'm oblivious to what of me there is available to see on there. I (naively) like to think that no one would do anything with my image without asking me first, so ignorance is bliss.

rainbowtrout

I'm a teacher and I've been at a couple of teacher weddings where in one case one of the groomsmen went up on the altar before the bride arrived and asked that pictures not be put on facebook etc. If you teach in a small town and live in the area chances are someone who is at the wedding will be friends with someone who is friends with/related to a student on facebook and in no time the photos are around the school. The teachers I know in this situation did not want to go into class and have students comment on their wedding day. Weddings might be in a public setting but they are private ceremonies where people have an invitation to attend, so I don't think it's unreasonable for a bride and groom to request that their photos are not splashed all over facebook. I don't put up photos of myself on nights out - those are nights spent with my friends, not shared with an extensive social network, if I was getting married I wouldn't feel the need to share with a bunch of randomers either.

Vojera

flikflak wrote: »

My FB is locked down to friends only and all pics with me tagged in them have to be approved. I dont have every Tom, Dick and Harry as my friends on FB, only people who are actually my friends. Will I care if someone who attending my weddings posts a few pics or status updates? No. I will be having too much of a good time to worry about if someone saw us on our wedding day on FB.

I myself might post a few the next day.

We are getting married abroad and there are a lot of people who cant make it. A few pics and status updates from mutual friends who are attending will be lovely for those who cant make it to see.

To be honest I have bigger things to worry about than a few pics on FB.

You only approve the tag, not the photo. So the photo will still be there if you decline the tag. And while your privacy settings are tight, those of your friends may not be. That's how my wife's hairdresser saw pictures of our wedding via her brother who knew a guest who put up photos.

username123

superman28 wrote: »

All our friends and family will be there so I don't see anyone would want to share every step of a wedding with complete strangers.

But they may want to share pics with their own friends and family? Its a day out, people get dressed up, they may want to show Great Aunt Bessie in Texas how well they are looking or the good time that was had at your wedding.

Milly33

You can put the pictures up later the next day perhaps or just wait for the bride and groom to share theres first it doesn't have to be on the day at that exact moment. I swear if I see one iphone out on the walk down the aisle ill stop haha.. It must be very hard being a teacher in a small community alright trying to keep it quite I hope they succeeded with what they wanted

Realtine

Coleman Slawski wrote: »

Are ye really that vain?

I'd have to say it's nothing to do with vanity. I'm not a huge facebooker and i tend not to post photos - I like my online profile to be low key - that's just how I am, himself is more prolific but I do ask that he doesn't post photos of me.

We're getting married in August and while I haven't or won't ask people not to post photos onto facebook on whatever, cos i know they will anyway - I won't allow myself to be tagged and I won't be re-posting them onto my profile.

rainbowtrout

Milly33 wrote: »

You can put the pictures up later the next day perhaps or just wait for the bride and groom to share theres first it doesn't have to be on the day at that exact moment. I swear if I see one iphone out on the walk down the aisle ill stop haha.. It must be very hard being a teacher in a small community alright trying to keep it quite I hope they succeeded with what they wanted

It's not that they wanted it secret just that they didn't want photos all over the Internet. And people complied. To be fair none of the people I knew going would be the 'I must put this up on Facebook 3 seconds after it happened types' anyway.

skippy15

We got married recently and and set up a "Wedding Party App",
It's an app that lets you post wedding details and directions etc: then during the wedding people can add photo's and comments to it.
You are the overall admin and it can only be seen by wedding guests. Was nice because people posted a lot nice photos of reception first dance etc:
We put a little note in the mass booklet and it seen to work out

Etc

Coleman Slawski wrote: »

Are ye really that vain?

Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.

What a horrible attitude. What principle is at stake ? Someone thinks enough of you to share their special day and you're saying f**k you.......

twowheelsonly

We were at a wedding last year (civil ceremony) where the couple both had the same fears but didn't know how to go about telling people.
I sent her this link and advised her to tell people via the invitation that her wedding was 'unplugged'. On the day she also had a blackboard outside the venue stating the same thing and the fella doing the ceremony announced it before the bride arrived. As an aside she had one of the hotel staff outside the room not allowing latecomers in either. Ceremony was awesome!!!! No interruptions, nobody glued to their phones, photographer able to do his job and everyone able to enjoy what was a great ceremony. As it happened it carried on throughout the day as people just put their phones away and didn't bother. There were a few shots posted later but very little and what was there was half decent. Great day and the couple got the pictures they wanted and not the ones that other people wanted.

I think all future bride/grooms should read this.....

http://petapixel.com/2013/05/15/guest-photographers-or-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding/

mrsbyrne

Coleman Slawski wrote: »

Are ye really that vain?

Personally I'm not one for posting many photos on social media anyway but if I was asked to a wedding and was requested not to do it, I would post loads just out of principle.

Why would you be at a wedding if you hated the couple so much? Why would they ask you?

BabysCoffee

Is asking people not to post on Facebook like trying to control the Internet? ie a futile exercise

lazygal

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Is asking people not to post on Facebook like trying to control the Internet? ie a futile exercise

No. For example, we don't post photos of our children on FB or any other site. We're the ones who control their online presence, not friends or relatives, and they know not to put pictures online. It's worked very well for us so far, certainly not futile.

lazygal

twowheelsonly wrote: »

As an aside she had one of the hotel staff outside the room not allowing latecomers in either.

I'm almost certain civil celebrants do not allow anyone into the room once the ceremony has started. I think its a rule that should be applied at all weddings, lateness is so rude.

Ann Landers

lazygal wrote: »

I'm almost certain civil celebrants do not allow anyone into the room once the ceremony has started. I think its a rule that should be applied at all weddings, lateness is so rude.

Harsh, rural churches and some urban ones can be really difficult to find and the directions given are often terrible.

rainbowtrout

Ann Landers wrote: »

Harsh, rural churches and some urban ones can be really difficult to find and the directions given are often terrible.

People can also leave enough time to get there. For weddings I've been to where a lot of the same people are present it's always the same ones that are late

Toots

It didn't occur to me to ask my guests not to put wedding pics on facebook after my wedding, but in our situation any of the guests who would have put pictures up were the type to ask me first of all. I think three guests put them up, and they checked with me first. In fairness there were very few of the wedding party, it was mostly of the group at their table cos it was a kind of mini-reunion for them.

I wouldn't have a massive problem with a few pics going up online (providing they weren't of the ceremony and weren't awful ) but I know there would be a lot of guests who would not be happy with their photo on facebook. That's the trouble with taking a picture of the dancefloor for example, because you might only want to capture one or two people but there could be 40 odd other people on the dancefloor who will also be in the shot and might not be happy with their picture being up for potentially the world to see.

I think it depends on your guests. If there are people coming who you feel would be the sort who'd be posting on social media the second the rings were exchanged then by all means make it clear to people that you don't want the pictures going online. You could get the priest/officiant or a groomsman to announce it at the start of the wedding. Another option is to put something in the ceremony booklet. I was chatting about this to my SIL yesterday and she was at a wedding recently where they requested this. She showed me the booklet and on the inside cover said something like "Thank you so much for being a part of our wedding day. It is important to us to share the day with only our nearest and dearest, so we would really appreciate it if photos of our wedding were not posted on social media. Thank you for understanding."

mrsbyrne

Ann Landers wrote: »

Harsh, rural churches and some urban ones can be really difficult to find and the directions given are often terrible.

Nah, 95% of people who come late to church services wedding christenings funerals etc. are late because they are just plain bad mannered. The "church bit" is boring and their not bothered with it and their only interested in the party. They're the first in to sit down for the chow down.

Ann Landers

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Nah, 95% of people who come late to church services wedding christenings funerals etc. are late because they are just plain bad mannered. The "church bit" is boring and their not bothered with it and their only interested in the party. They're the first in to sit down for the chow down.

I disagree, many people are rushing around like mad to make it on time from far flung parts of the country and battling against 3rd class roads or terrible directions. People who are late usually are for very genuine reasons.

rainbowtrout

Ann Landers wrote: »

I disagree, many people are rushing around like mad to make it on time from far flung parts of the country and battling against 3rd class roads or terrible directions. People who are late usually are for very genuine reasons.

If a person knows they are going to a wedding a long distance from where they live, e.g. 3 hours and they don't know where the church is, they should be leaving more than 3 hours to get there, stops for petrol, getting lost, traffic, roadworks etc and they should go on the assumption that the bride will be on time so they should be seated in the church before she arrives and not running in the door in front of her - or after her. In this day and age with satnav, google maps, couple's printing out maps with their wedding invites, and signs posted up on roads all over the place, it's a poor excuse not to be able to find the place. I live in a rural part of the country, and there isn't a week that goes by where I pass signs posted on roads for 'John and Mary's wedding'.

mrsbyrne

Ann Landers wrote: »

I disagree, many people are rushing around like mad to make it on time from far flung parts of the country and battling against 3rd class roads or terrible directions. People who are late usually are for very genuine reasons.

I live in a town with a very popular picturesque big church that would have at least one wedding a week from May till the end of September. I'm driving along and I see the bride has gone in (the wedding car is abandoned at the foot of the church steps) guests are coming out of the two adjacent pubs like browns cows in all their finery and strolling down the road in no particular hurry 20 minutes after the wedding was due to start. These would mostly be locals too. I find that people who have travelled a distance make it their business to be on time especially when they don't know the venue ,parking etc.
Same with funerals people think its fine to arrive anytime before the coffin leaves the church. No respect for mourners the deceased the priest the place, none whatsoever. The priest is trying his best to lessen the grief and here's Shane and Donna clomping about the church looking for Dean and Sharon like its Garth Brooks in Croke Park. Come on time or stay outside for Petes sake.

Milly33

skippy15 wrote: »

We got married recently and and set up a "Wedding Party App",
It's an app that lets you post wedding details and directions etc: then during the wedding people can add photo's and comments to it.
You are the overall admin and it can only be seen by wedding guests. Was nice because people posted a lot nice photos of reception first dance etc:
We put a little note in the mass booklet and it seen to work out

Thanks for this skippy I was going to ask what it was called but I found it haha.. This seems just like what we were looking for..the job thanks

rovoagho

If the bride's going to be late, as has become the fashion for some ridiculous reason, I don't see why I should hurry.

Toots

Just a reminder that the thread is about wedding photos on social media, not about guests/brides arriving late.

irish_goat

If a bride or groom told me not to put wedding photos on Facebook I'd probably just make an album they can't see and put them up anyway.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

newtoboards

I'm not on facebook or instagram or the like. I told people who asked that I preferred not to have any pictures up and for the most part people accepted mine and my husbands request of sorts. Some still decided to put up pictures but it's their camera and their social media account so there's not much I can/will do. Could you sort of make a joke of it at the wedding and make it a social media free zone?

lazygal

irish_goat wrote: »

If a bride or groom told me not to put wedding photos on Facebook I'd probably just make an album they can't see and put them up anyway.

Why?

zoomaway

dipdipdoo wrote: »

Hi all,

I am just looking for some feedback in relation to wedding photo etiquette.

We are getting married soon, and several of our guests (mother of the groom included) are big social media fiends, and tend to post photos quite frequently. However, some of those guests take really awful photos of people (unflattering angles, unattractive expressions, mouth full of food, etc...), and see no issue with posting them all over facebook.

While my fiancé and I are social media users ourselves (although less so in recent times), and have posted photos of nights out, etc. many times, we would really like to restrict publicly-posted photos (particularly of us and our family) to the professional photos we will have of the day.

While we have no issue with people taking all the photos they want, do you think that it would be unreasonable to request that people not post the photos to Facebook, etc.? I definitely don't want to annoy anyone, but, in the past, I have seen some of these people post photos online while still at the ceremony, before the couple are even married!

I'd be really grateful for any feedback, and (if you think it is acceptable to ask at all) any tips for how to word the request.

Thanks!

I think you have been given good advice by many people here. If it were me I would get the priest or bestman to announce it at the altar as well as writing it on the invitation. Maybe something like was suggested, asking them to kindly refrain from posting pics on social media ie facebook. I sympathise with you because I would not like my wedding vow pics etc to appear on facebook. When I got married facebook wasn't around or hadn't taken off.It is your special day and your privacy should be respected. Why does the whole world need to share in your day - no need at all. I don't have a facebook account anymore closed it because I thought there was too much nonsense as well as showing off on it. Also I am not interested in every detail of others lives if people are really my friends we speak in person or on the phone.

Wishing you a very special wedding day.

mrsbyrne

irish_goat wrote: »

If a bride or groom told me not to put wedding photos on Facebook I'd probably just make an album they can't see and put them up anyway.

.....because obviously even though its their wedding day not yours and your a "cherished" trusted friend/family member , you know your rights and entitlements and you'll show them who's boss?

Toots

irish_goat wrote: »

If a bride or groom told me not to put wedding photos on Facebook I'd probably just make an album they can't see and put them up anyway.

Why would you do that? Odds are on that someone who sees them would know the bride and groom and could very well mention it to them. Whatever about if they'd asked you not to post them and you just stuck up a few anyway, but if you deliberately went out of your way to go behind their backs I'd imagine they'd be pretty hurt/angry.

BabysCoffee

Is it pics of themselves that the bride and groom generally don't want posted by others on FB? I think that is fair enough.


But do they have the right to object against someone putting a pic of themselves and other guests at dinner in the reception for example?
Personally I think that is a step to far and possibly an indicator of an over controlling bride and groom

rainbowtrout

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Is it pics of themselves that the bride and groom generally don't want posted by others on FB? I think that is fair enough.


But do they have the right to object against someone putting a pic of themselves and other guests at dinner in the reception for example?
Personally I think that is a step to far and possibly an indicator of an over controlling bride and groom

In my experience its pics of the bride and groom they don't want up there. If the guests want to take pics of each other and post them online fire ahead.

Gatica

twowheelsonly wrote: »

I think all future bride/grooms should read this.....

http://petapixel.com/2013/05/15/guest-photographers-or-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding/

I think that article really makes you think about photography at a wedding as a guest. I think all guests should read it...

skippy15 wrote: »

We got married recently and and set up a "Wedding Party App",
It's an app that lets you post wedding details and directions etc: then during the wedding people can add photo's and comments to it.
You are the overall admin and it can only be seen by wedding guests. Was nice because people posted a lot nice photos of reception first dance etc:
We put a little note in the mass booklet and it seen to work out

What a wonderful idea! I've recommended to lots of friends now

stinkle

Wedding party App sounds like a great compromise - it's not ruffling any feathers but its keeping pics private. We were at a wedding recently (family wedding) and some had set up a WhatsApp group which worked for planning stuff and meant photos could be shared. It was great cos a few people couldnt make it, and were in the loop. I love taking pics on my camera, but am not one for camera phones or uploading them so the group was a bit wasted on me, but it definitely removed the "facebook effect" from that wedding. I once put up pics on fb *after* a mates wedding (and with her permission!) but only certain guests could see them as it was a private album - so that can be done too. I've definitely been guilty of trying to get nice pics in the past - stuff like bride+dad walking her down the aisle (esp friends that are known to my parents for example, as my mam loves to see the proud parents!) but would never put em on fb for all to see either. No doubt the same friends will be trying to get those same pics of me too!

I kinda dont want ceremony pics put up and really dont want anyone getting in the photographer's way as the room is small! Best man isnt on fb and would have no problem announcing it beforehand! I'm thinking get him to say it and draw the attention to the booklet which has a link to the app might work well?

I dont see that banning photosharing outright would go down well - I'm thinking family group pics and friend reunions and even funny ones minus bridal party as the night progresses are all gonna happen! Also, I'll probably be dying to see pics once it's all over!

Larbre34

Im surprised at people getting so uppity about this, "Im paying so much to go to this gig, ill do what I like"

Ive been at two or three weddings where everyone was asked not to post stuff, and I didnt even bat an eyelid. The event belongs to the couple, they are damn well paying enough for control over the quality of the photography, as well as for your dinner and possibly accommodation, if youre not enough of a grown up or dont respect your friends or family enough that you cant adhere to a courteous request, then stay away.

For me it would be on the same level as people asking others not to post pics of their kids in third party pictures without approval, and who would dream of violating that? Well probably some folk would, but that would be the same ignorant types who dont respect others generally.

Mrs OBumble

Deleted User wrote: »

Personally, as a photographer myself, ...

A quick question for you: does your standard wedding cotnract allow couples to print additional copies of your photos, and to upload them to social media?

I know that years ago, wedding photo contracts at home said that the photograpy studio had sole reproduction rights - and I've had photo stores refuse to make copies for me on this basis.

Of course changing technologies has meant that this stranglehold is no longer effective.

But it occurred to me to wonder how contracts are done now.



Also, fyi, if the ceremony includes any music that is still copyright (either the lyrics, tune or an arragement), then recording it, even for personal use, is possibly y illegal. People who do so are very unlikely to be prosecuted - but it's worth pointing out in terms of respect for the law.

lazygal

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

A quick question for you: does your standard wedding cotnract allow couples to print additional copies of your photos, and to upload them to social media?

I know that years ago, wedding photo contracts at home said that the photograpy studio had sole reproduction rights - and I've had photo stores refuse to make copies for me on this basis.

Of course changing technologies has meant that this stranglehold is no longer effective.

But it occurred to me to wonder how contracts are done now.



Also, fyi, if the ceremony includes any music that is still copyright (either the lyrics, tune or an arragement), then recording it, even for personal use, is possibly y illegal. People who do so are very unlikely to be prosecuted - but it's worth pointing out in terms of respect for the law.

We have full rights to our professional wedding photos. We've printed photos and books ourselves. We ruled out any who kept the rights.

ABajaninCork

lazygal wrote: »

We have full rights to our professional wedding photos. We've printed photos and books ourselves. We ruled out any who kept the rights.

Although the photographer gave us all the negatives, and printed the photos/albums for us, we still held all rights to his work. We also ruled out any photographers who held rights to the pictures.