Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

MickFleetwood · 17-10-2013 4:14pm

stinkle wrote: »

Thanks, I was a wreck a couple of weeks ago, and am only beginning to face up to that. I wasn't rock bottom, but just couldnt handle the stress that was building up, and noticed that some of my ways to cope weren;t necessarily the best. To be honest keeping track of this and writing stuff down has helped a lot, I'm very grateful to all the support.

Your description sounds like me a couple of weeks back. Everything that could go wrong seemed to be happening all at once and was dwelling on past bad experiences and feeling a failure. It's awful having those thoughts and the cycle of worry and self blame is neverending. Is there anything positive going on at the moment?

I'm feeling a bit more positive at the moment, although not the way I usually would. Feeling negative about myself is actually quite out of place for me, as usually I'm just depressed about life and things around me.

My feelings flip-flop constantly. I don't have much control over my emotions and I could go from positive to negative several times during the day. Hopefully things will even out in the future.

Call Me Jimmy · 17-10-2013 4:17pm

One thing I've been doing today after meditation and yoga is listening to really good electronic music. But what I'm doing differently is, because sometimes I get the tense stomach of anxiety, I sit here with the headphones and imagining all my cells around my stomach having their own europhic party down there. Started laughing to myself picturing them all dancing away free to their hearts content. Some real pill popper tunes as well so it's a funny image.

Stomach is not tense!

Gremlinertia · 17-10-2013 4:22pm

I'm getting wound up about the idea of finding a masseuse now. Pain when i breath constantly for six weeksish now but the idea of someone touching my back....

I'll have to "man up" wha?!?

Call Me Jimmy · 17-10-2013 4:25pm

What's the prob with someone touching yer back gremlin?

Gremlinertia · 17-10-2013 4:28pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

What's the prob with someone touching yer back gremlin?

I'm a bit of a personal space freak - mainly because of a long standing chronic acute pain issue which hasn't ever been properly diagnosed, i tend to be complicated at times.

ulinbac · 17-10-2013 5:48pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

One thing I've been doing today after meditation and yoga is listening to really good electronic music. But what I'm doing differently is, because sometimes I get the tense stomach of anxiety, I sit here with the headphones and imagining all my cells around my stomach having their own europhic party down there. Started laughing to myself picturing them all dancing away free to their hearts content. Some real pill popper tunes as well so it's a funny image.

Stomach is not tense!

Any house music recommendations?

Having a Yay and Boo-urns moment atm. Just about to arrive at Stansted to fly into Dublin for shrink appointment tomorrow morning. Its yay caus I need to talk and see her. Boo-urns caus I'm disappointes with my progress and thise negative thoughts over the last few months. Also not the biggest fan of flying since having a panic attack on a plane last year.

Appointment at 11 then have to rush back to airport caus friends flying over from Ireland for the weekend to fo on the beer which is nice. Talking to shrink always drains me. Usually come out on a massive high then crash. Have training straight after landing before mates arrive so going to be mentally and physically wrecked.

titan18 · 17-10-2013 6:52pm

Sent two speculative job enquiries to companies today. May send more tomorrow

Call Me Jimmy · 17-10-2013 10:02pm

Sorry to post again but a notable coincidence happened:

I mentioned the europhic cells in my stomach dancing when listening to music and just heard a yogi describing that deep down inside, under the waves of desire is just the 'dance of ecstasy'...

hah pretty close!

NegativeCreep · 17-10-2013 10:19pm

There's definitely something to that. I always feel my anxiety subsiding when I listen to music!

MickFleetwood · 17-10-2013 10:50pm

NegativeCreep wrote: »

There's definitely something to that. I always feel my anxiety subsiding when I listen to music!

Yep. Nothing better than listening to some nice music when you're feeling down....

stinkle · 18-10-2013 10:20am

gotta agree about the music, there's nothing better than just putting on some headphones and zoning out.

hmm today has been the best so far this week. got out of work at a decent time yesterday, ended up having to bring back something I bought recently and had a tough time dealing with that situation, which was kinda stressful but I think worked out ok. Felt a bit cringey about it after but am refusing to dwell on insignificant stuff like that.

Didn't have probs getting up today, though in fairness today is the only day where I'm working to my own schedule somewhat, which is probably why. I just had to track down some people for boring paperwork, and one cannot be found but hey, it'll get sorted.

My boss kinda freaked me out a few mins ago though by mentioning a link-up with one of the bullies in work... It was mentioned before and I managed to put it on the long finger. I'd rather not deal with them if I can avoid it (and that's definitely possible, they may be surplus to requirements). I've bought myself some time there in relation to that. Just hope my plan works out, will know in a few days how to proceed there. My plan might actually involve even more people and is possibly more stressful in a practical sense, but I desperately don't want to work with this person. I'm actually afraid to, and reluctant for them to get any recognition after all they've put me through. Happily boss wasn't pushing it, so that's a positive, and I wouldn't have a problem speaking to them about my concerns there if it comes down to it.

Noodleworm · 18-10-2013 1:43pm

I've been to two different Aware meetings in Dublin. I'm finding it helps. People are usually nice and once you work up the courage to talk it feels nice that your not hiding problems form them. I find you kind of have to go more than once to get a sense of the group. I'm going to try and keep it up. Yesterday we all went for coffee after. I think Id actually love if I could set up a depression/mood disorder coffee meetup or something

Hugo Stiglitz · 18-10-2013 1:51pm

Noodleworm wrote: »

I've been to two different Aware meetings in Dublin. I'm finding it helps. People are usually nice and once you work up the courage to talk it feels nice that your not hiding problems form them. I find you kind of have to go more than once to get a sense of the group. I'm going to try and keep it up. Yesterday we all went for coffee after. I think Id actually love if I could set up a depression/mood disorder coffee meetup or something

My only criticism of the Aware meetings is that I found the ones where I am located to consist of older people mostly. I find it hard to talk to people generally but I felt that made it just that extra bit harder. Don't get me wrong, they are lovely people so it's not a criticism of them at all.

Hersheys · 18-10-2013 2:05pm

I'm an emotional fish today. I have a desire to just cry. I don't know why, I just do.

cloud493 · 18-10-2013 2:07pm

I've been deciding to step out of my comfort zone a bit. I was elected as class rep, and I've organised a 'night out' for Wednesday. And trying to be more... cordial. As your woman at pieta house says. Talking to people. Smiling and all that. Very nervous though.

Hugo Stiglitz · 18-10-2013 2:33pm

Well done on getting the class rep gig Cloud

titan18 · 18-10-2013 2:38pm

Well, job hunting sucks, it's all grad programs for next year or needing 5 years experience. This isn't going to be fun at all

murria · 18-10-2013 2:40pm

Hersheys wrote: »

I'm an emotional fish today. I have a desire to just cry. I don't know why, I just do.

Well don't hold back Hersheys, have a cry it's good for you. If possible share your tears with someone who cares, however, I'm sending you a hug just in case there's no one around.

xx

Hersheys · 18-10-2013 2:42pm

Thanks murria. I may indulge this evening.

Gremlinertia · 18-10-2013 2:43pm

I have received a letter from work.. I missed two days and have now been summoned to dublin to discuss my performance. It has completely knocked me.. Suicidal thoughts, a wall of them.. Won't do anything though.. Just curled on couch feeling in shock.

cloud493 · 18-10-2013 2:48pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I have received a letter from work.. I missed two days and have now been summoned to dublin to discuss my performance. It has completely knocked me.. Suicidal thoughts, a wall of them.. Won't do anything though.. Just curled on couch feeling in shock.

I'm really sorry to hear them Grem. They can't fire you for problems like this surely?

Call Me Jimmy · 18-10-2013 2:48pm

titan18 wrote: »

Well, job hunting sucks, it's all grad programs for next year or needing 5 years experience. This isn't going to be fun at all

Is there any hurry on it? For me I look at this time between college and work as probably the greatest opportunity of my life to find peace. I am slowly finding it too. Is it a distraction you are looking for with a job partially?

murria · 18-10-2013 2:50pm

cloud493 wrote: »

I've been deciding to step out of my comfort zone a bit. I was elected as class rep, and I've organised a 'night out' for Wednesday. And trying to be more... cordial. As your woman at pieta house says. Talking to people. Smiling and all that. Very nervous though.

Cloud493 you have cartwheeled out of your comfort zone, great stuff! you're allowed be nervous by the way.

Gremlinertia · 18-10-2013 2:59pm

cloud493 wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear them Grem. They can't fire you for problems like this surely?

I disclosed both medical issues before i started with them, but many companies can work their way around stuff if they need.. Think it's time for me to move..

cloud493 · 18-10-2013 3:01pm

Well thats real **** in my opinion :mad:

Gremlinertia · 18-10-2013 3:03pm

cloud493 wrote: »

Well thats real **** in my opinion :mad:

Yup, but that's how it is.. Not able..

Hersheys · 18-10-2013 3:05pm

Unless maybe they're trying to see if there is anything they can do to help you? Positivity and all that...

murria · 18-10-2013 3:13pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I disclosed both medical issues before i started with them, but many companies can work their way around stuff if they need.. Think it's time for me to move..

Have they been accommodating up to now Grem? Could they maybe just want to make things easier for you in work?

herisson · 18-10-2013 4:44pm

**** sake I'm trying to get through to my counsellor, been trying all day. Think she would answer? Eh no!

I stopped seeing her in April and went for 2 top up sessions. I really need to get back into counselling sessions. It really hit me today how much I am struggling, I wish she would just pick up the phone!!!

titan18 · 18-10-2013 5:57pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Is there any hurry on it? For me I look at this time between college and work as probably the greatest opportunity of my life to find peace. I am slowly finding it too. Is it a distraction you are looking for with a job partially?

Nah, no hurry, just starting to get bored, and longer I leave it off, the harder it will be to get back into it I think.

LegacyUser · 18-10-2013 8:36pm

Hi I've visited this page many times but never posted before.

I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for many years. I have never gone to a doctor or sought any professional help.
I have been unemployed for a long time because of it. Lately I've been feeling way worse than ever before and apart from collecting my unemployment payment I hardly leave the house. I can't face having to meet and deal with people.
Today I received a letter from social welfare saying I have to meet someone from FAS to try to get me back to work or on a course. It also said if I don't turn up my payment will be stopped.
I know I won't be able to go to the meeting because as I said I am not able to leave the house at the moment and certainly not able to meet anyone.
If they take away my payment I will not be able to survive so I am sick with the worry of this on top of how I was already feeling.

delthedriver · 18-10-2013 11:27pm

murria wrote: »

Have they been accommodating up to now Grem? Could they maybe just want to make things easier for you in work?

Grem, take it easy. Try not to second guess what they have to say. Perhaps they may be genuinely trying to help you. Your Employers have a duty of care to you and all its employees. Attend the meeting and see what they have to say. If you are nervous of meeting them alone, ask would it be possible for someone, a colleague or friend to accompany you.:)

Hersheys · 18-10-2013 11:58pm

delthedriver wrote: »

Grem, take it easy. Try not to second guess what they have to say. Perhaps they may be genuinely trying to help you. Your Employers have a duty of care to you and all its employees. Attend the meeting and see what they have to say. If you are nervous of meeting them alone, ask would it be possible for someone, a colleague or friend to accompany you.:)

Grem, am around Dublin next week if you need moral support x

JenEffy · 19-10-2013 12:01am

I have a degree from UL and years worth of experience in retail, but I can't even get a job in Aldi. I had an interview with them last week but a friend told me that they don't hire people with degrees. All I want is a boring job in Tesco or wherever so I can move out of home. It makes the depression so much harder to handle. I know lots of people are in the same position but when you're already depressed it doubles it. If I can't get a job what's the point? I've never felt so useless in my life.

OkayWhatever · 19-10-2013 12:10am

Well then take that and try your best to move on from it, although it's so much easier said than done.

I know how hard it is to not allow things to get to you, and how small things feel like the biggest setbacks. Just keep applying for jobs and hopefully one turns up soon.

I'm jobhunting at the moment aswell, and every rejection email just makes you wanna give up, but don't, or you won't be moving out anytime soon!

Just keep moving out in your mind and move forward, and don't feel useless, you have that degree and all that experience - you're defo not useless!

handbagmad · 19-10-2013 1:08am

nights are awful lonely. Finding it really tough to be anyway positive. I start counselling next week. It's never really worked for me in the past but apparently its about trust and finding the right one.
I really just think my gp is sick of the sight of me tbh. Although she'd never say.
I get the vibes though. She used to be my safety net.
Anyways hopefully something good will come of it so I can begin to crawl out of this black hole im in.

Don't be on this much as don't have internet anymore but always check in when I can.

Thanks for listening / reading x

cloud493 · 19-10-2013 10:14am

Always hear to listen

And I know I've said before I'm not a fan of counselling, but pieta house is really very good. She keeps trying to persaude me to go the GP, but otherwise she's great

I do have something I'd like to run by you guys though. I don't want to cause more college trouble like, but this guidance counsellor, same one as before. She calls me into her office, and we're just talking, I'm trying to be cordial, and she says 'right your gonna keep those arms covered. Cos all those cuts and scars are disgusting people don't wanna see them its repulsive'

Thats not ok to say is it"?

stinkle · 19-10-2013 1:12pm

No its not ok. How do you feel when you're told this?

cloud493 · 19-10-2013 1:20pm

Well I don't disagree with it like. I wouldn't put as much effort as I do into covering up otherwise. But she shouldn't be saying it to me like. I was pretty. Hurt? If thats the right word. And I wasn't sure if I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

murria · 19-10-2013 1:22pm

cloud493 wrote: »

Always hear to listen

And I know I've said before I'm not a fan of counselling, but pieta house is really very good. She keeps trying to persaude me to go the GP, but otherwise she's great

I do have something I'd like to run by you guys though. I don't want to cause more college trouble like, but this guidance counsellor, same one as before. She calls me into her office, and we're just talking, I'm trying to be cordial, and she says 'right your gonna keep those arms covered. Cos all those cuts and scars are disgusting people don't wanna see them its repulsive'

Thats not ok to say is it"?

No! Of course that's not ok, it's not even insensitive, it's ignorant, and insulting. I realise she's trying to act in the interests of everyone after what happened, but she's the Guidance Counsellor for goodness sake, surely she's had some basic training. I'm so sorry that you hsd to put up with that Cloud.

Grr I feel like going down there and giving her a piece of my mind.

cloud493 · 19-10-2013 1:26pm

I think I'l do that myself. Or go to the principal even and say this is the second time she's made insensitive remarks and its not on. Keep it to yourself etc. I just don't wanna be the dude who makes a big deal out of nothing.

NegativeCreep · 19-10-2013 1:28pm

cloud493 wrote: »

I think I'l do that myself. Or go to the principal even and say this is the second time she's made insensitive remarks and its not on. Keep it to yourself etc. I just don't wanna be the dude who makes a big deal out of nothing.

Send an email to your tutor and head of school.

murria · 19-10-2013 1:39pm

Good idea Negative Creep. Cloud could you make a phone call to your counsellor before you address the matter? She might be able to help you put your message across without you feeling like you're making a fuss about nothing (youre not of course).

cloud493 · 19-10-2013 3:25pm

murria wrote: »

Good idea Negative Creep. Cloud could you make a phone call to your counsellor before you address the matter? She might be able to help you put your message across without you feeling like you're making a fuss about nothing (youre not of course).

That's a good idea, thanks

20-10-2013 3:50pm

JenEffy wrote: »

I have a degree from UL and years worth of experience in retail, but I can't even get a job in Aldi. I had an interview with them last week but a friend told me that they don't hire people with degrees. All I want is a boring job in Tesco or wherever so I can move out of home. It makes the depression so much harder to handle. I know lots of people are in the same position but when you're already depressed it doubles it. If I can't get a job what's the point? I've never felt so useless in my life.

You'll get there in the end buddy. Life would never feel good if we didn't have the bad times to remember from the past...... Believe it, thing's always eventually pick up. It's just a matter of when. Don't get too hard on yourself...............:)

stinkle · 21-10-2013 8:44am

up and down today. The weekend flew by, but was nice as I got to see lots of friends. Feel a bit crap today as after eating well for a good while, I had a few drinks and some junk food yesterday and my stomach isn't very happy. It's good to know that it's a trigger though. I'm very uneasy this week about work - a few things are up in the air and I can't move forward till I know for sure how they'll turn out. Will have answers this week though. I have to encounter the bullies at a meeting and am really wary for some reason. It's normal for my stuff to be criticised to high heaven, it previously didnt bother me too much, but I'm so fed up with them that I'm already dreading the meeting and hoping I can stand up for myself. Myabe it's good to be forewarned though.

A former workmate is going to call me later in the week. They had hassle too and it's nice to have a sympathetic person who knows what I'm going through. I'm still fed up over the conversation with my boss on Fri, I'm actually very tempted to just spell it out that I'm not happy to work alongside the bully. No point beating around the bush, my feelings will be out in the open and we can go from there. I plan to discuss this with my therapist in a couple of days.

So basically theres a few things hanging over me. Not great for a monday, and coupled with an upset stomach I;m not in the best form today. This feeling of being trapped and also not having much time left to get through everything is really draining. I feel I cant win and am very alone.

delthedriver · 21-10-2013 9:32am

stinkle wrote: »

up and down today. The weekend flew by, but was nice as I got to see lots of friends. Feel a bit crap today as after eating well for a good while, I had a few drinks and some junk food yesterday and my stomach isn't very happy. It's good to know that it's a trigger though. I'm very uneasy this week about work - a few things are up in the air and I can't move forward till I know for sure how they'll turn out. Will have answers this week though. I have to encounter the bullies at a meeting and am really wary for some reason. It's normal for my stuff to be criticised to high heaven, it previously didnt bother me too much, but I'm so fed up with them that I'm already dreading the meeting and hoping I can stand up for myself. Myabe it's good to be forewarned though.

A former workmate is going to call me later in the week. They had hassle too and it's nice to have a sympathetic person who knows what I'm going through. I'm still fed up over the conversation with my boss on Fri, I'm actually very tempted to just spell it out that I'm not happy to work alongside the bully. No point beating around the bush, my feelings will be out in the open and we can go from there. I plan to discuss this with my therapist in a couple of days.

So basically theres a few things hanging over me. Not great for a monday, and coupled with an upset stomach I;m not in the best form today. This feeling of being trapped and also not having much time left to get through everything is really draining. I feel I cant win and am very alone.

Bullying is a very serious issue.
Does you Employer have a policy against bullying in the workplace? If not why not?
Bullying has always existed in some shape or form, but it should not be tolerated by any right minded Employer.
If the bullying persists I think you are right to confront the bully head on. It may ease the tension for a while, but bullies by their psychopathic nature rarely ease up and the issue may continue.
Please keep notes of any conversations you have with the bully.
If you have an HR Dept. it may be appropriate to raise the issue there also.
Some Employers have an Employees Assistance Programme, usually operated by an outside agency with whom you can speak with in confidence about the issues you are encountering.
Your health is your wealth, you most definitely don't have to endure bullying in the workplace ,as it is degrading and injurious to your health.
If the Employers are less than cooperative, you may well have to consider taking legal advice and action to bring this matter to a conclusion. If you are a member of a Union, seek the advices of your Union Representatives.
It would appear you are not the only one suffering from the actions of this bully, you mentioned a colleague who is enduring similar behaviour.
I accept the Business World is a tough environment at present , however this does not mean that an individual or individuals should suffer bullying, harassment etc in the work place.
Have a good week, and keep us updated

token56 · 21-10-2013 11:00am

I've been really struggling lately. I've seen my consultant recently enough and the last times I've been with her we have agreed to increase my medication. It has helped in that I am not getting as emotionally distressed as I had been but the dark thoughts I am having are still there and I can't shake them. It is really impacting my motivation in college which has just been a disaster the last year. I've had to take several breaks and I just can't seem to get back into it.

I keep being told not to believe my own logic when I am feeling so low but the problem is even when things are going relatively well I still have fleeting thoughts of suicide and the logic behind it is still sound. I feel like things are just getting closer to the edge and I just don't know how to pull myself back. I really don't want another stay in hospital, I'm just getting more and more lost as the days goes on.

stinkle · 21-10-2013 11:12am

thanks you so much! yeah it's a big place with anti-bullying policy, but that's hard to implement in a day-to-day situation. My first step has been to discuss with an outside agency, which is the therapist I mentioned. I find it good, but havent been in almost 3 months.

Am finishing up projects before my time here is up (not long left), so am very reluctant to take legal action etc. Nothing too bad has happened recently, but there's just an unpleasant atmosphere when Im around these people. Im deliberately avoiding them as much as possible which is great, but not without its own issues - ive pretty much "fled" to a different dept. Sometimes I jsut wish I belonged somewhere - i dont really belong in the nice dept and it causes stress, and I hate the horrible dept for obvious reasons.

If I could only make some progress with job hunting it'd be fab. I'd know where I stand and wouldnt need to worry about looming unemployment etc.

MickFleetwood · 21-10-2013 4:24pm

Just had a seriously strong feeling of anxiety, felt as if something terrible was happening and that there was a hole in my defense, so to speak. I started medication a few days ago.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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