The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Man walks into a bar.....the lump went down 3 days later.

Mate of mine was a gynecologist for nearly thirty years. He retired lately and bought himself a motorbike. I called over to his place last Saturday to find him with the bike up on a bench and him behind it with a huge tweezers up the exhaust pipe. "What're you doing??" says I. He looked up: "Valve clearances!"

A husbands job in a marriage is to make his wifes panties wet, not her eyes.
A wifes job in a marriage is to make her husbands dick hard not his life

If you have 9 dogs, 4 cows and 6 pigs, what do you have?

A hen party in temple bar...

A couple in a restaraunt have finished their dinner and ask the waiter to bring the dessert trolley over to see if there's anything they fancy.
The man points to a dessert and says 'Tell me, is that a cheesecake or a meringue?'.
The waiter replies 'No, your not wrong sir, it's a cheesecake'.

I waited all night for the sun to come up

Then it dawned on me.

Deleted User wrote: »

Eleven pigs in Galway formed a football team,









They’re called West Ham!

Worst

Joke

Ever

When did you get the Mod job Rollie?

rolliepoley wrote: »

who's modding?

Just making a point, there is no need to get the fingers cracking just because you dont like somebodys else's joke and dont bother to leave your own.

maybe that was his joke Rollie

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:


1. Religion
2. Royalty
3. Physical Disability
4. Racism
5. Homosexuality

The prize-winner wrote:


'My God,' cried the Queen, 'That one-legged coon is a poofter.

On the first day of classes at Trinity College, the lecturer asked the new students a question to see if they really belonged in his English Literature class.

He asked the first student, a girl from Dublin, What is the opposite of Joy? That would be Sadness answered the student. Correct said the Professor.

To the next student, a lad from Cork, he asked what is the opposite of depression? That would be elation answered the student. Correct said the Professor.

To the third student, a young lad from Limerick, he asked, What is the opposite of woe? The student replied, that would be Giddy up!

A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?", asked the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"