Anyone else not want children?

Malari · 20-06-2013 11:15AM

seamus wrote: »

That's not strictly true. Many traits have been identified across many species (including our own) which an individual possesses that are detrimental to the individual, but which improve the survival and procreating abilities of that individual's community. But you're right in principle - the individual themselves is unaware of the evolutionary effect and are just doing what they've be programmed to do.

In the biological sense, evolution of a species only means one thing - being better at procreating. All other change is superfluous and in many cases leads to evolutionary dead ends and extinctions.

That's what I'm saying. I know, I studied this stuff for a loooong time

Erper · 20-06-2013 11:27AM

so lets say that whole planets start think like individual... than what?

Malari · 20-06-2013 11:31AM

Erper wrote: »

so lets say that whole planets start think like individual... than what?

How would that happen?!

ToddyDoody · 20-06-2013 11:32AM

Its the norm to have children, isn't it?

Wacker The Attacker · 20-06-2013 11:34AM

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

Your views might change as you get older.

When I was 25 I would rather have had my bollocks crushed than have kids.

Now that I've become an uncle I'd be much more open to the idea of having kids of my own

howamidifferent · 20-06-2013 11:36AM

From my earliest teenage years I never wanted children. Made it clear to family and girlfriends whenever it came up. Fast forward past a failed marraige and then at 38 I met my current wife. I am much older than her but once I realised I was in love with her, my thinking changed completely. I didn't want babies, I wanted HER babies. SHE was the defining trigger for me. It was something about her that made me want her children, something I had never thought I would ever feel. Ten years later we now have 4 beautiful children and I couldn't imagine my life without them. I'm convinced that if I hadnt met this woman I would still not want children. The want was directly related to my partner...

madrabui · 20-06-2013 11:37AM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

......Frankly I don't want my boobs down to my knees, my nether region to be as baggy as a bin liner ...............

Gravity will do that for you! I've no kids and you've described me!

Erper · 20-06-2013 11:39AM

Malari wrote: »

How would that happen?!

Im asking like an example...
I see that most of you bashing about "No I dont want this or dont want that, dont want to raise kid in this environment, dont want to wipe their ass" etc...

But lets say that everyone start to think like individual, than what..

Do we have to end like Clive Owen in "Children of men" where we would need to search for a person who might do give a birth and start civilization all over again??

No matter if they are infertility or stubborn or selfish, is that the future that is waiting for us?

Erper · 20-06-2013 11:40AM

howamidifferent wrote: »

From my earliest teenage years I never wanted children. Made it clear to family and girlfriends whenever it came up. Fast forward past a failed marraige and then at 38 I met my current wife. I am much older than her but once I realised I was in love with her, my thinking changed completely. I didn't want babies, I wanted HER babies. SHE was the defining trigger for me. It was something about her that made me want her children, something I had never thought I would ever feel. Ten years later we now have 4 beautiful children and I couldn't imagine my life without them. I'm convinced that if I hadnt met this woman I would still not want children. The want was directly related to my partner...

There you go..
THANK YOU

martic · 20-06-2013 11:46AM

Not sure if this girl wants children

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ps6HaNpHnI

CruelCoin · 20-06-2013 11:47AM

Malari wrote: »

No, evolution does not mean change.

ev·o·lu·tion

/ˌevəˈlo͞oSHən/
Noun

The process by which different kinds of living organisms are thought to have developed and diversified from earlier forms during the...
The gradual development of something, esp. from a simple to a more complex form.

Synonyms
development - growth - progress

Ergo, change.

CruelCoin · 20-06-2013 11:48AM

Malari wrote: »

Not in the way CruelCoin was explaining it. S/He was saying that having kids is no different to what we were doing years ago, which is true, but that does not mean we "evolve" to not have kids!

Evolution can be mental as well as physical.....

ibarelycare · 20-06-2013 11:49AM

Erper wrote: »

Im asking like an example...
I see that most of you bashing about "No I dont want this or dont want that, dont want to raise kid in this environment, dont want to wipe their ass" etc...

But lets say that everyone start to think like individual, than what..

Do we have to end like Clive Owen in "Children of men" where we would need to search for a person who might do give a birth and start civilization all over again??

No matter if they are infertility or stubborn or selfish, is that the future that is waiting for us?

That's never going to happen.

How exactly is it selfish to not want children?

CruelCoin · 20-06-2013 11:49AM

Lams wrote: »

Often times people who become more "cerebral" lose touch with their essence or aliveness inside and it often results in depression and lack of joy.

Yup, i am indeed a sad panda.

Steve.N · 20-06-2013 11:50AM

I knew in my 20s that I didn't want to have children, it may sound selfish to some, but I didn't want to be tied down and miserable like many of my procreating friends/ work colleagues who had families. It just held no appeal for me at all!

I moved to Ireland and met my Irish colleen 12yrs ago when I was 30 (she was 26), I think it's important to be honest with your partner from the offset (not in the 1st few dates but the subject was brought up early on) as having kids for them could be a deal-breaker, if it was a deal breaker then I would fully understand! By chance I'd met one of the very few women in Ireland who also didn't see herself having children.

As a married couple we have spent years of getting sly comments from most of my wives family about our decision and are constantly getting told that we'd change out minds one day or 'it'll be different when a baby comes along' - How deaf are they - WE DON'T WANT CHILDREN!! We know our own minds at 42yrs & 38yrs old.

We are defo not child haters and love having our friend kids around as and they give us such a laugh. My wife is also fabulous with children but, we can hand them back when playtime is over and always give a sigh of relief when we do - Ah piece and quiet again!

Surprisingly two of the couples with new families that we pally around with often openly confess how lucky they think we are and how stuck in a hole they feel - Not lucky guys, we just thought it through thoroughly from every angle!

We have a great life- holiday constantly, do what we want when we want, ride our motorbikes, go flying in our plane, go kayaking and generally spend lots of quality time together without the burden or time constraints of having kids!

There are presently 6 billion people on this planet and will be 11 billion by the turn of the century. We presently can't feed the 6 billion that currently occupy our increasingly squeezed planet so by myself and my wife not having kids won't make any impact on global population levels! In fact, if I had my way the 1 x child rule as per China would be brought in globally for a few decades to bring down world-wide population levels.

I have no issue and also respect people like many of our friends who work hard to provide for their families, love their children and give them everything that they possibly can (not just Ps3s and alike but give them quality time) - after all isn't that why you have children??

As I have respect for them, shouldn't people respect our decision not to have children - after all I can guarantee that we probably put more thought and discussion about the merits for and against than most folk who just churn out baby after baby.

CruelCoin · 20-06-2013 11:50AM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Frankly I don't want my boobs down to my knees,

Why not? Think of all the fun you could be having playing keep-em-ups

CruelCoin · 20-06-2013 11:52AM

ibarelycare wrote: »

That's never going to happen.

How exactly is it selfish to not want children?

Might be coming from the "i can't have kids myself, how ****ing dare you not?" camp?

dark crystal · 20-06-2013 11:52AM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I've always found the condescending attitude that parents show to people who don't want kids to be extremely patronising. I'm a 40 year old woman, I never wanted children and I made it clear to my husband when we first started dating that I never ever would want children.

I really have no interest in other peoples kids. I don't care whether or not people want to have families, that is a personal choice. Frankly I don't want my boobs down to my knees, my nether region to be as baggy as a bin liner or to spend my days covered in sick while cleaning shi*tty bottoms.

If you want kids fine, go ahead and have them but ffs just sod off and stop bothering those of us who don't want them, I'm much happier enjoying debauched afternoons in bed with my husband than I ever would taking care of a child:P:D

So, it's the parents who are mean and condescending, eh...?

I honestly couldn't care less whether anyone else decides to have kids or not - their decision, none of my business. However, the attitude displayed above is just as insulting as the attitude displayed by people who judge others for not having kids.

By the way, plenty of us parents enjoy debauched afternoons in bed too. Despite popular misconceptions, our sex life doesn't stop after we become parents

seamus · 20-06-2013 11:56AM

ibarelycare wrote: »

That's never going to happen.
How exactly is it selfish to not want children?

Well if you're making the "I'm happy with my life as it is, thanks, I don't need the hassle of kids", then it is a selfish decision, because it's made solely with your interests in mind.

But selfishness is not a bad thing. It shouldn't be a negative word. Selfishness is bad when it hurts someone else. When it hurts nobody, it can be a great thing. Be selfish, enjoy yourself! You only get one life, there's nothing after this, so make yourself happy! Those of us who suffered a religious education have been condition to believe that selfishness in all its forms is evil. Fnck that. Being selfish is awesome if it hurts no-one.

ibarelycare · 20-06-2013 12:02PM

Steve.N wrote: »

I knew in my 20s that I didn't want to have children, it may sound selfish to some, but I didn't want to be tied down and miserable like many of my procreating friends/ work colleagues who had families. It just held no appeal for me at all!

I moved to Ireland and met my Irish colleen 12yrs ago when I was 30 (she was 26), I think it's important to be honest with your partner from the offset (not in the 1st few dates but the subject was brought up early on) as having kids for them could be a deal-breaker, if it was a deal breaker then I would fully understand! By chance I'd met one of the very few women in Ireland who also didn't see herself having children.

As a married couple we have spent years of getting sly comments from most of my wives family about our decision and are constantly getting told that we'd change out minds one day or 'it'll be different when a baby comes along' - How deaf are they - WE DON'T WANT CHILDREN!! We know our own minds at 42yrs & 38yrs old.

We are defo not child haters and love having our friend kids around as and they give us such a laugh. My wife is also fabulous with children but, we can hand them back when playtime is over and always give a sigh of relief when we do - Ah piece and quiet again!

Surprisingly two of the couples with new families that we pally around with often openly confess how lucky they think we are and how stuck in a hole they feel - Not lucky guys, we just thought it through thoroughly from every angle!

We have a great life- holiday constantly, do what we want when we want, ride our motorbikes, go flying in our plane, go kayaking and generally spend lots of quality time together without the burden or time constraints of having kids!

There are presently 6 billion people on this planet and will be 11 billion by the turn of the century. We presently can't feed the 6 billion that currently occupy our increasingly squeezed planet so by myself and my wife not having kids won't make any impact on global population levels! In fact, if I had my way the 1 x child rule as per China would be brought in globally for a few decades to bring down world-wide population levels.

I have no issue and also respect people like many of our friends who work hard to provide for their families, love their children and give them everything that they possibly can (not just Ps3s and alike but give them quality time) - after all isn't that why you have children??

As I have respect for them, shouldn't people respect our decision not to have children - after all I can guarantee that we probably put more thought and discussion about the merits for and against than most folk who just churn out baby after baby.

Your life sounds awesome, this is exactly what I want!

I'm happy to spend time with my nephews and nieces, and I'll be happy to spend time with my friends' children when they come along, but that's enough for me. I'm not good with kids anyway. I'm great with babies, I adore them, but I start to lose interest when they start talking.

ibarelycare · 20-06-2013 12:04PM

seamus wrote: »

Well if you're making the "I'm happy with my life as it is, thanks, I don't need the hassle of kids", then it is a selfish decision, because it's made solely with your interests in mind.

But selfishness is not a bad thing. It shouldn't be a negative word. Selfishness is bad when it hurts someone else. When it hurts nobody, it can be a great thing. Be selfish, enjoy yourself! You only get one life, there's nothing after this, so make yourself happy! Those of us who suffered a religious education have been condition to believe that selfishness in all its forms is evil. Fnck that. Being selfish is awesome if it hurts no-one.

Yeah you're right

Hell most of the things we do on a day-to-day basis are selfish in some way. However that poster is continuously using it in a negative sense.

Malari · 20-06-2013 12:08PM

CruelCoin wrote: »

ev·o·lu·tion

/ˌevəˈlo͞oSHən/
Noun
The process by which different kinds of living organisms are thought to have developed and diversified from earlier forms during the...

The gradual development of something, esp. from a simple to a more complex form.

Synonyms
development - growth - progress

Ergo, change.

Yes, and as I already said, I get it. :rolleyes:

Malari · 20-06-2013 12:11PM

howamidifferent wrote: »

From my earliest teenage years I never wanted children. Made it clear to family and girlfriends whenever it came up. Fast forward past a failed marraige and then at 38 I met my current wife. I am much older than her but once I realised I was in love with her, my thinking changed completely. I didn't want babies, I wanted HER babies. SHE was the defining trigger for me. It was something about her that made me want her children, something I had never thought I would ever feel. Ten years later we now have 4 beautiful children and I couldn't imagine my life without them. I'm convinced that if I hadnt met this woman I would still not want children. The want was directly related to my partner...

Erper wrote: »

There you go..
THANK YOU

I don't think he's saying that everyone should strive to find someone they want to have kids with!

It's possible my boyfriend would have met a woman he would have had kids with if he hadn't met me.

old hippy · 20-06-2013 12:11PM

Not for me, thanks. Besides, it's too late for us at this stage - and we both enjoy our freedom to travel and do our own thing.

Yeah, we both had brief periods of broodiness but at the end of the day - we're happy where we're at.

Erper · 20-06-2013 12:17PM

Malari wrote: »

I don't think he's saying that everyone should strive to find someone they want to have kids with!

It's possible my boyfriend would have met a woman he would have had kids with if he hadn't met me.

Im saying that people can change their mind if they meet right person....

Malari · 20-06-2013 12:19PM

Erper wrote: »

Im saying that people can change their mind if they meet right person....

And I'm saying that you can meet the right person without either of you ever wanting kids.

Your attitude is that you should be having kids and if not you are with the wrong person and that's just wrong. You may meet someone who you want to have kids with OR you may never meet anyone you want to have kids with and lead an equally happier or indeed HAPPIER life.

Erper · 20-06-2013 12:24PM

Malari wrote: »

And I'm saying that you can meet the right person without either of you ever wanting kids.

Your attitude is that you should be having kids and if not you are with the wrong person and that's just wrong. You may meet someone who you want to have kids with OR you may never meet anyone you want to have kids with and lead an equally happier or indeed HAPPIER life.

My "politic" about having kids is different than yours.

All Im saying is that if you dont want kids now and meet someone who will change your mind I say go ahead and do it. You will be more happy with that decision and when the baby is in your hands you would definitely feel that this was correct decision to make.
If you never had that kind of feeling than i dont know what to say anymore.
I do understand that people want everything for themselves and in a way that makes us selfish, but to share all your love and give yourself for raising a kid and to become a man or woman tomorrow based on your "picture" than i think that is the greatest gift and pleasure you can have.

Thus, im not gonna continue this argument.

Freddy Smelly · 20-06-2013 12:27PM

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

stand in an xray machine without lead protection on yur nads... that will nuke them sterile :P

Malari · 20-06-2013 12:31PM

Erper wrote: »

My "politic" about having kids is different than yours.

All Im saying is that if you dont want kids now and meet someone who will change your mind I say go ahead and do it. You will be more happy with that decision and when the baby is in your hands you would definitely feel that this was correct decision to make.
If you never had that kind of feeling than i dont know what to say anymore.
I do understand that people want everything for themselves and in a way that makes us selfish, but to share all your love and give yourself for raising a kid and to become a man or woman tomorrow based on your "picture" than i think that is the greatest gift and pleasure you can have.

Thus, im not gonna continue this argument.

Yes, if anyone wants to have a kid and feels strongly about it, it probably is the correct decision for them. The difference between you and me is that I don't think everyone should think like me about this.

There is nothing inherently selfish about the way childfree live their lives and your comment is insulting. Especially when you back it up with implying that kids are the greatest gift and pleasure you can give yourself! Which makes it...selfish? It's nonsense.

keith16 · 20-06-2013 12:32PM

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I've always found the condescending attitude that parents show to people who don't want kids to be extremely patronising. I'm a 40 year old woman, I never wanted children and I made it clear to my husband when we first started dating that I never ever would want children.

I really have no interest in other peoples kids. I don't care whether or not people want to have families, that is a personal choice. Frankly I don't want my boobs down to my knees, my nether region to be as baggy as a bin liner or to spend my days covered in sick while cleaning shi*tty bottoms.

Yeah, cos that's all there is to being a parent. You might want to take a look at your own condescending attitude there.

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

If you want kids fine, go ahead and have them but ffs just sod off and stop bothering those of us who don't want them, I'm much happier enjoying debauched afternoons in bed with my husband than I ever would taking care of a child:P:D

How about you stop bothering those of us who really have no interest what you get up to in your bedroom. Because, and trust me when I say this, nobody gives a damn.

Anyone else not want children?

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