Anyone else not want children?

VivaMessi

Erper wrote: »

Whats your point..

Whats your point?

Ciderswigger

Erper wrote: »

They they found perfect match....

Exactly. But you suggested that if I met someone and fell in love and married but still didn't have children that I most likely hadn't found the 'one for me' to change my mind??

looking_around

Erper wrote: »

Well I do understand people who cant have kids but even they will try everything to have...

Again, wishing not to have kids is pretty much selfish from my point of view..
I was raised in not so great conditions but i never felt how the world "works" as my parents were using all their power, knowledge to make me happy and to be a good person.
Even if they were young when they got me.. so...

I would've thought it's more selfish to have kids, when you can't afford them? Won't look after them right/won't love them.

Like I said, more than enough people having brats to make up for those who choose not to.
__
Also
" i never felt how the world "works" as my parents were using all their power" Whats this got to do with anything?

Not having kids does NOT make me a bad person. I'm constantly trying to help people.

But life has always been a struggle for me, I only have fear for the future generations (with ho life is currently, maybe something discovery will be made to change that). Things look rather bleak in years to come. I wouldn't want for any child of mine. And so I won't have any child of mine

Erper

Ive explained myself and my opinion of current situation from OP and from some other people about this subject.
It seems that most of you agree its good to have kids - NEVER...

Those were my 2cents...

Cookie_Monster

Neither of us want kids. We'll get a dog though instead.

Erper wrote: »

Again, wishing not to have kids is pretty much selfish from my point of view..

Don't be so ridiculous. If anything with the global population the size it is it's the exact opposite.

jill_valentine

I don't want kids under any circumstances whatsoever. Jaysus no.

beks101

looking_around wrote: »

Actually biologically, the body screams "get pregnant". Even women who never wanted kids, often go through a period before menopause where they get very "baby" orientated, some give in, some don't.
But, it's a biological thing... they're hardly at fault for that...

I'm female, 28 and my body aint screaming anything at me except "I want chocolate"

looking_around

beks101 wrote: »

I'm female, 28 and my body aint screaming anything at me except "I want chocolate"

I did say before menopause ..which should be your late 30's early 40's.
:rolleyes:

Engine No.9

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Don't be so ridiculous. If anything with the global population the size it is it's the exact opposite.

Global population is fine, its the distribution is the problem. Asia has about half the world's population on about a quarter of the land mass.

jill_valentine

looking_around wrote: »

I did say before menopause ..which should be your late 30's early 40's.
:rolleyes:

The idea that there's a sudden inherent biological - rather than psychological, or socially pressured - urge to have children right before menopause is guff.

Think about it. If a woman's body was going to "scream" "make babies now!" it would be when they're at their youngest, healthiest, most fertile phase. Not when they get to the now-or-never point, when they're at the farthest point from their gestation machine prime.

ShooterSF

gowley wrote: »

lol. dont knock till youve tried it

Like what RentAKid??

yore

looking_around wrote: »

while dating my partner, one of the first things I told him is that I will never have kids.

Trust me. you don't have to use that as an excuse to tell him you want it up the bum all the time

looking_around

yore wrote: »

Trust me. you don't have to use that as an excuse to tell him you want it up the bum all the time

umm, it was about being honest. If I want anal, I'll ask for anal >.>

yore

looking_around wrote: »

umm, it was about being honest. If I want anal, I'll ask for anal >.>

Good for you

Dublinpato

This thread is so far of topic that you people have not only convinced this guy he does not wan't kid's but also does he wan't to be with his girlfriend/wife to be, and also a shout out to "Looking_Around" with all you're "the planet would be better of without people" hahaha good one mate you nearly had me there you're such a joker 8P, Anyway's back to topic "Anyone else not want children" No in fact i would love to have kid's maybe not now because well i'am 23 with a whole life ahead of me and i'am not financially ready for kid's but yes at some point in life i would like to achieve the highest ranking status in life FATHER also known as Dad but not only that but for when my time come's to leave this life i would like to know i have left apart of me behind.

Lams

Dublinpato wrote: »

This thread is so far of topic that you people have not only convinced this guy he does not wan't kid's but also does he wan't to be with his girlfriend/wife to be, and also a shout out to "Looking_Around" with all you're "the planet would be better of without people" hahaha good one mate you nearly had me there you're such a joker 8P, Anyway's back to topic "Anyone else not want children" No in fact i would love to have kid's maybe not now because well i'am 23 with a whole life ahead of me and i'am not financially ready for kid's but yes at some point in life i would like to achieve the highest ranking status in life FATHER also known as Dad but not only that but for when my time come's to leave this life i would like to know i have left apart of me behind.

You probably have two thirds of your life ahead of you. Lets not exaggerate.

Canis Lupus

Dublinpato wrote: »

yes at some point in life i would like to achieve the highest ranking status in life FATHER also known as Dad

You know all it takes to make a baby is a bit of sex. It's not particularly difficult for the majority of people or an achievement.... Highest ranking status my ass....

Anyway on topic I decided very young that I'd never have kids, couldn't stand the thought of it and now at 32 I'm still very much of that opinion and luckily have a girlfriend with exactly the same thoughts. I don't know why anyone would want to sacrifice their way of life for what amounts to a parasite. If I want unconditional love I'll get a dog.

Frank Black

Thread should be re-named 'Anyone else not want children in their mid-20's?'.

CruelCoin

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

Normally you look after your kids untill they're 18 OP.

CruelCoin

SV wrote: »

I think not wanting children in any shape or form is a bit of an evolutionary stepback tbh.

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

Lams

VivaMessi wrote: »

Yes I lover her dearly, I think I'll have to have a talk 2moro and slow things down, even though the invites are allready sent out.:( Children thing might change in time but for the foreseeable future definitely not! I asked her to marry me and now I want to cancel, this cant end well

What do you want to do that youcan't do when married?

Lams

CruelCoin wrote: »

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

You think people didn't say that in the past??

ibarelycare

Erper wrote: »

Reading this type of posts makes me sick...
What kind of person are you...
You dont want to give a birth to a child and give all your love to the baby..
Seriously..
I had a gf who said the same thing... and i said to her " adios baby"...

Imagine if your parents thought like you now...

Erper wrote: »

After all, you seem to be 25 but in head you are still a selfish child.
Thats my opinion why are you afraid to have kids...

Erper wrote: »

You asking yourself that question??
Answer is simple..
They dont want to have a male around them but want to recieve money for kids...
Its called being selfish...

Give over. How is not wanting to have children selfish? You could easily argue that WANTING to have children is selfish. The earth is majorly over-populated, the more people who don't have children, the better it will be for future generations. Humans are never going to die out naturally.

lil'bug

I am 29 and I really don't want children, I don't have the resources to raise a child, I don't have the energy to raise a child.
Between me and my partners family there is a lot of illnesses that I'd never want to pass on to a child.
This isn't a knee jerk decision by me I've thought long and hard about this and my partner agrees with me.

Kintarō Hattori

LizT wrote: »

That attitude annoys me, it's so condescending. A person can decide in their 20s that they don't want kids and never change their mind.

I'm in my mid 30s and I don't want kids..... but we're having one. My other half really wants one and her happiness is paramount to me so we are. Ideally though it would just be the two of us.

bbam

It's perfectly natural for some people not to want kids. Some may change their minds as time goes by.

But some just don't want to have the responsibility and would rather the freedom to live their life as they want.
It's very important that they stick to their guns on this. Chances are they'd make poor parents. It takes allot of commitment and determination when the going is tough. If they feel they can't make the commitment then they should remain childless.

Nothing as sad as to see bad parents who really exude the notion that they are sorry they have their kids!

CruelCoin

Lams wrote: »

You think people didn't say that in the past??

They did of course, but it was the odd lone freak who did so.

In today's world it is becoming much more commonplace.

In further developed countries than ours (Germany/Japan) single child families are by far the most popular.

In the corporate world, staying childless for life is becoming especially popular, as children hold you back on the career ladder (it shouldn't, but it does).

Mankind is now wholsale evolving beyond the point of "must find mate, repopulate". So, again, how is this an evolutionary step backwards?

seamus

CruelCoin wrote: »

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

Well because the only purpose of existence is to procreate.

In evolutionary terms, a species which loses the desire to procreate, dies. Look at Pandas. So in the most literal sense he's correct that not wanting children is evolutionarily detrimental. The people who are baby mad are the ones with their evolutionary foot forward.

There's a common misconception that being more cerebral, intellectual and in control of one's baser self make you "more evolved". This isn't the case. Evolution isn't a race to become a intellectual super being, evolution is just a race to procreate, over and over again.

This discussion is often muddied by the condescending remarks from people who thought they never wanted kids and then had one. "Ah, you'll know different when you're older", "I never thought I wanted kids, but now that I have one I can't imagine life without them".
I think people who always wanted children are much more "live and let live" about it.
Of course having a child changes your perspective on it. Every fibre of your being is screaming at you to protect your offspring, so whether you planned it or not, your biology will turn you into an emotional hormonal mess about your own children. That doesn't mean that people who don't want children are making the wrong move or they "don't know", it just means that your perspective is badly tinted by your own child.

Do I think that people without children are missing out? Yes. Do I think that everyone should have a child? Fnck no. Is raising a child easy? Fnck no. Is it worth it? Fnck yes. But then my base self has fncked with the hormonal balance in my brain and I have no option except to say that

The only thing I'd say to people who decide to never have kids is to live with reckless abandon. The only person you have to think of is yourself. So why are you wasting your time saving your money, buying a mortgage or working 50 hours a week doing something you hate? You can't take your money with you when you die, and nobody else is relying on you to provide for them, so go enjoy yourself. Blow your savings on expensive holidays, do that low-paying but really enjoyable job, and rent property from someone else and let them worry about mortgages and taxes.

I'm in my mid 30s and I don't want kids..... but we're having one. My other half really wants one and her happiness is paramount to me so we are. Ideally though it would just be the two of us.

Now, more than ever buddy, you need to be honest and open. For men in particular the biggest shock to your life when the first child comes along is the restriction on your freedom. No longer can you just decide to go out the door to the pub or for a walk or whatever. You won't even have time to sit down for 20 minutes to play a computer game in peace. Seriously. Your priority becomes the two of them. And if they need something, you can't just walk out and leave them at it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're on call.

It's hard enough when you wanted the child to adjust to having zero time to yourself, but if you're having the child under silent protest it'll become a million times harder.
Maybe try negotiate some "me time" - for both of you - now, before the child is born. Agree that, for example, on a Friday night you get a 3 hour pass to go off and do whatever you want, and she gets the same pass on another night. You really only need this agreement for a couple of months - as the child gets older, it gets easier to take care of them - but it will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship for both people to get a regular breather, away from the family and free to be on their own again.

Ciarabear

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

I'm in my mid 30s and I don't want kids..... but we're having one. My other half really wants one and her happiness is paramount to me so we are. Ideally though it would just be the two of us.

It's really admirable that you would prioritise someone else's happiness so much over your own but I really don't think it's wise for anyone to knowingly produce a child they actively don't want.

Kintarō Hattori

seamus wrote: »

Now, more than ever buddy, you need to be honest and open. For men in particular the biggest shock to your life when the first child comes along is the restriction on your freedom. No longer can you just decide to go out the door to the pub or for a walk or whatever. You won't even have time to sit down for 20 minutes to play a computer game in peace. Seriously. Your priority becomes the two of them. And if they need something, you can't just walk out and leave them at it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you're on call.

It's hard enough when you wanted the child to adjust to having zero time to yourself, but if you're having the child under silent protest it'll become a million times harder.
Maybe try negotiate some "me time" - for both of you - now, before the child is born. Agree that, for example, on a Friday night you get a 3 hour pass to go off and do whatever you want, and she gets the same pass on another night. You really only need this agreement for a couple of months - as the child gets older, it gets easier to take care of them - but it will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship for both people to get a regular breather, away from the family and free to be on their own again.

Seamus I don't need to be honest and open about anything. She knew my stance on the matter beforehand. I'm well aware of how drastically my life is going to change but I'm prepared for that. My partner is the most important person in the world to me and I didn't want her looking back in 30 years wishing that she had kids. I've told her that when the baby does arrive I'll be a doting father. I may not have wanted a child in an ideal world but it's a sacrifice I've made. The fact of the matter is I'm great with kids and always have been.

No offence Seamus but I don't need the advice you've given me above. I'm well aware of how my life is going to change- I planted the seed afterall- this was no accident. I knew what I was getting into when the deed was done and that's fine. My partners happiness is my foremost concern.