Accepting a post pregnancy body

Ms. Pingui · 18-03-2013 5:05pm #1

I think this thread is more suitable here than the parenting forum as it's definately just a womens issue!

I had my daughter almost 3 years ago, when I was 20. I used to be a size 8, now I'm a size 12/14.
I was huge before the birth so my stomach took quite a beating. My whole tummy is covered in wrinkled skin and my belly button is now half in and half hanging out.
My boobs went from a C cup to a G during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I'm now a very, very saggy and stretchmarked D cup. I also have a very visible c- section scar.

The only thing I'm thankful for is that my privates remained intact!

As you can imagine my body confidence is at an all time low. I can't imagine ever wearing a bikini again and the thought of getting naked with a new man is terrifying! (I'm single)

I get so jealous when I see other women with perfect bods!

I was wondering if anyone else would like to share their experience with this issue?
I'd love to hear how other women got their body confidence back and started feeling sexy again!

vitani · 18-03-2013 5:55pm

My daughter was 2 last month and my body is still getting back to normal. I'm small-chested anyway, and wasn't able to breastfeed so thankfully my boobs haven't changed much. But my stomach was always my problem area and even now, 2 years on, I have loose, saggy skin on it that wrinkles where my stretchmarks were.

In terms of weight and size, I'm lighter than I was when I got pregnant but my body shape itself is different. I've recently just gotten fed up with it and I'm starting to work on getting rid of the last bit of fat. I took up running at the start of the year which has helped and I've just changed my diet to a lower-carb one to try and reduce my overall body fat. I'm giving myself until August and if my body hasn't improved by then, I'll look into getting a personal trainer or something. I'm going to be 30 in two years and I want to have a body I like by then. I wouldn't even consider wearing a bikini at the moment.

Scarinae · 18-03-2013 6:14pm

I don't have children, but there seems to be a lot of pressure now to get your pre-pregnancy body back as soon as possible after birth. I'm thinking of stories in celebrity magazines or the Daily Mail, where they always seem to be running stories on X celebrity who is back to size Y only Z weeks after giving birth. Would there have been this same pressure 20 years ago?

Lucyfur · 18-03-2013 6:31pm

I'm yo-yo body. I was a size 6-8 before I got pregnant with my son, a size 10 coming out of hospital, a size 22-24 by the time he was 2 and a size 6 when her was 3.

I have gone through extreme body confidence issues. I HATED my body. I couldn't stomach looking at it myself. I've also had my appendix and gall bladder removed, and had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in keyhole surgery to begin with and ended in being opened just shy of hip to hip...so add those scars to the stretch marks and it ain't pretty!!

But, I have started exercising. And while I'm not Wonder Woman, I am noticing a change in my body. While I'm not body confident, I'm not as utterly repulsed as I used to be. I detest the pressure put on people to get their pre pregnancy bodies back. My son is now 10, and while I wouldn't be strutting around the local beach in a bikini, I have no problem stripping off on holidays. For me, it's much more of a mental thing and I think as I'm getting older, I care much much less about how I'm ''supposed'' to look.

It's actually a breath of fresh air to read that I'm not the only one

Nymeria · 18-03-2013 6:35pm

Hi OP,

I don't have children either but I think you are being too hard on yourself.

If you are comparing yourself to other women your age who haven't had children then it is not really a fair comparison. Your body has gone through something that theirs hasn't.
As for celebrities and models - its their job to have perfect bodies, and they spend a lot of time, effort and money maintaining them. Most normal women don't look like that and never will.

I know what its like to be very body conscious, but I think you need to focus on what you do have; your lovely daughter, your health etc.

If you do want to try working out, I'm pretty sure there are specific post pregnancy exercises that target certain areas. As for acceptance, that will probably come with time. I'm late twenties and feel 100 times more confident than I did 10 years ago.

Morag · 18-03-2013 6:38pm

I am never ever going to to get anything close to my pre pregnancy body back.
My body shape has changed I can get back to the same weight but it will be distributed differently. Stretch marks and scars will never go away, I was a trim and toned 16 now average in and around 18/20, if I could get down to a trimmer 18 I would be happy but even then, my figure has matured.

I changed, my body has changed, I think it's wrong we see the bodies of mother's to be wrong and unsightly and unsexy.

ger vallely · 18-03-2013 6:48pm

My two daughters are now 14 and 16.They were both c sections. Prior to their births I was about a size 6-8. Now I'm a 12. But I am way more confident in myself as now I exercise. As Lucyfur above says ,now I too care less about how I'm 'supposed' to look. To me it's more of a mental thing, more about how I feel about myself. It's like I've grown into myself better.OP- you have youth on your side-you will look back in 20 years and say 'feck it,I was beautiful,what was I worried about.' But no one can make you see that only yourself. I find on the weeks that I run more i feel so much more body confident. Another week I'd be more lazy and feel frumpy. Obviously there would not be any difference in my appearance but I would feel worse. So, I guess what I am trying to say is,get out there,get active, it's your body, make it work for you.Also, it is so important to let your daughter see you feeling fabulous about yourself. Tis an important topic though OP, an has a huge impact on our lives.

Ms. Pingui · 18-03-2013 7:44pm

I'm feeling a bit better now that I know I'm not alone!

I spent the first year smothering myself in stretch marks lotions before I gave up on it.
I used to be really fit before I got pregnant, I used to be doing physical work with horses all day and I had killer abs. My stomach muscles stretched so much that they are slightly separated so there's no chance of getting my old tum tum back!
I know that my body has changed for ever, I guess I just haven't quite accepted that yet. I would love to feel confident about they way I am now.

I just find it hard not to compare myself to other young women around my own age, the majority of which have not had kids.

I suppose my my little rascal makes it all worthwhile though.

Morag · 18-03-2013 7:59pm

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I just find it hard not to compare myself to other young women around my own age, the majority of which have not had kids.

I used to feel that way but then I figured out that there are young women out there who are easily more then a decade younger then I am, who don't have kids and who are bigger then I am. So really I am not that big and I do have my two brats.

Whispered · 18-03-2013 8:06pm

I'm not sure if this is on topic or not, but I'm gonna tell it anyway

About 2 years ago I was on a beach in Wicklow, we were there about an hour when a gaggle of young, trendy men and women arrived. The men were in the water flexing their muscles (literally) while the women sunbathed and generally looked divine. They were done up to the nines, it's hard to explain. It looked like they took hours getting their beach hair, makeup and accessories ready. Fab figures, big hats and sunglasses etc. Fair play to them, they all looked brilliant.

However, a little bit away was a family, a mother, her young child (I'm guessing 4 or so) a small baby and who I assume was the dad. Honestly, there was something so beautiful about her. She looked so happy and content, she wasn't wearing makeup or accessories, she didn't have an amazing body like the girls in the other group, she looked like she fell out of bed, saw the sun was out and decided to have a day out with her family.

There was just no comparison between this woman and the others. The fact she didn't seem to care and seemed so happy made her stand out a mile.

I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make really in the context of this thread. I suppose maybe that you should try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm sure this lady (like the rest of us on the beach that day) saw the group arriving and might have thought "Oh nooooo I look like crap". In reality she looked stunning.

Lucyfur · 18-03-2013 8:12pm

Whispered, that's really lovely!

18-03-2013 8:18pm

The way I look at it is, life is short I am middle aged and have two grown up daughters it genuinely seems like only the wink of an eye since they were tiny, do you really want to look back when you are 50 or 60 and realise you spent most of the time hateing youself or not accepting your body its such a wast of time.

I know thats easier said that done:D

Piper101 · 18-03-2013 8:28pm

I'm going through it at the moment, was a 6 to 8 before getting pregnant and ended up putting on over 4 stone!!! Had her nearly 11 weeks ago and the weight is coming off but my body will never be the same. I can't believe how little I care though.

i've always been so body conscious and now I don't even want to be the same size I was before. I wasn't (and certainly didn't look) healthy. That said for some it's a natural size just for me it was too small. My poor stretch marky saggy tummy tho! High waisted bikini for me this summer ðŸ˜Š

Morag · 18-03-2013 8:50pm

there is a website called http://theshapeofamother.com/

Welcome

One day I sat in a restaurant in Anaheim, California eating breakfast, when a woman passed by my table with her infant carrier in tow. As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society's greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it's in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children.

It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I think it would be nothing short of amazing if a few of our hearts are healed, or if we begin to cherish our new bodies which have done so much for the human race. What if the next generation grows up knowing how normal our bodies are? How truly awesome would that be?

Join us now, click to enter. Note, however, that there is nudity contained within and this website is not considered safe for work. Peace.

pwurple · 18-03-2013 8:59pm

This kind of thread is the kind of thing that freaked me out to read when I was younger. Read no further people thinking of having children... these things don't happen to everyone.

So, I am missing most of my nipples from the breastfeeding mis-haps, and got a prolapsed bladder from the pregnancy, which is inoperable. Maybe surgery techniques will move on in a few years though.

Weight is ok, and my stretchmarks have faded a good bit.

Clothes hide it all... And i have a healthy happy child, which so many people long for and never have. It's all good.

I was never particularly interested in my appearance. I was lucky enough to have reasonable skin, hair and weight. It's a bit more work afterwards now, so I have to take the interest now. Undies that pull the tummy in a bit. I pay more attention to my hair since it fell out in a crazy pattern post pregnancy (all back now). And now I do look at clothes and think about what goes with what, and what suits me.

18-03-2013 9:08pm

And another thing ( this has been confirmed by my wonderful husband )
The vast majority of men when you are in bed with them are not judging your body they are thinknig I am in bed with a real live warm naked woman and I am going to have sex with her woohoo, the 1% who are not like that are not worth bothering with.

jumbledideas · 18-03-2013 9:33pm

I was a 12-14 before I had my two children. I was always slightly unhappy about my weight before I had children, I would say I was always about half a stone to a stone above my ideal weight. I put on about three stone roughly for each pregnancy. I breastfed both children and I think the breastfeeding helped me lose the pregnancy weight very quickly. After that I was back to my prepregnancy weight probably within about a month or so after each birth.
Now I am in my early forties and I am a size 8-10 and am slim for the first time since my early twenties and have been for a few years now. I thought I would never have the body that I have now. There isn't any secret though, I just changed the way I eat. Less carbohydrates, more vegetables and a bit of exercise. So anyone who is unhappy with their weight and thinks just because they are a bit older or have had children that they are stuck in a rut= you don't have to be.

Ms2011 · 18-03-2013 9:47pm

I put on 2 stone having my son, almost a year on & I have managed to lose it but have been left with the wrinkled stomach skin & stretched muscles like alot of others plus a c-section scar to complete the package!
It did use to get me down as I was used to having a size 10 figure that could fill a pair of jeans well :-D
But something happened in January, a close friend lost her daughter at 25 weeks pregnant, she never got to the stage where her stomach stretched leaving her permanantly scarred but you know what she wishes everyday that she had & I realise how lucky I am that I did.
That's the thing about people, women in particular, they always think the grass is greener on the other side & can't see the wood for the trees. Everyone has their body issues, while I might be sitting here wishing I had my flat stomached friends abs she's always wanted my hair. It's all about getting to a stage where you can say "this is me take it or leave it" & the older I get the closer I get to that frame of mind :-)

meeeeh · 18-03-2013 9:50pm

Since I was 13 I'm size 10 or 12. I'm 35 now and my body did change. My tummy is bigger, boobs need more support and I do have some streach marks. Bodies change with age too even if you dont have children. For me it's more important to find the clothes that suit me now and not stick to the style that suited me five years ago. I did feel uncomfortable with my body after birth(s) but it does get a bit more presentable after couple of months. I do want to lose some weight and I do make sure not to eat too much junk. The biggest effort seems to be to find the time to be sort of put together and not look scruffy. I liked my life when I didn't have children and I like it now. My life is different and I guess my body just tells me how things always change which is not bad, it means you are not stuck in a rut.

As for men, they usually like women who are happy and comfortable with themselves. Besides their bodies change too and yet we don't dump them when they get beer bellys, grey hair or go bald.

eviltwin · 18-03-2013 9:54pm

I've had body issues since I was a child. Pregnancy didn't make much of a difference.

I was in the midst of an eating disorder during both my pregnancies but it didn't make it worse. If anything I thought it hid my fatness. I was a size 12-14 both times and luckily didn't gain much weight. It was only after the second baby I had to sort myself out.

Now I love my body even though I'm a size 16. I'm taking care of it for the first time in over 20 years and very grateful its still here and still in working order. Maybe its an age thing. I'm mid 30's now and I don't feel the same pressure to look a certain way and even my friends who haven't had kids look different to how they did 10 years ago.

I hope you have a partner who makes you feel beautiful every day OP.

Queen-Mise · 19-03-2013 2:49am

mariaalice wrote: »

And another thing ( this has been confirmed by my wonderful husband )
The vast majority of men when you are in bed with them are not judging your body they are thinknig I am in bed with a real live warm naked woman and I am going to have sex with her woohoo, the 1% who are not like that are not worth bothering with.

Is your husband a character from The Big Bang Theory

Isn't that what Leonard says?

I had my first baby at 17 - so lost pre-pregnancy body very young:(

I am hitting an important age milestone this year & have had another two children.
I'd be happy with a 14/16 and good quality swimwear. Curves are good. I'm tall so can carry extra weight - just not as much as I am carrying now.

The hard part about the weight for me - was on my last pregnancy (she is 7 now). I got post-natal that turned into a severe depression for past 7 years. So weight crept up and I didn't care and/or wasn't really able to do anything about it.

So trying again at the moment to tone up/get a little fitter. Am off the cigarettes again so will try. I'd love to do a marathon - see how we go.

Pilates anyway to start with as my back is fcuked from the 11 year old's labour.

IvyTheTerrible · 19-03-2013 9:47am

vitani wrote: »

My daughter was 2 last month and my body is still getting back to normal. I'm small-chested anyway, and wasn't able to breastfeed so thankfully my boobs haven't changed much.

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

My body has not changed much since I got pregnant. I was always a 12/14 before, I put on hardly any weight during pregnancy (I didn't change many of my eating habits, I think it was just my pregnancy metabolism!), and I lost the pregnancy weight and more within a couple of months. I've gone back up to my pre-pregnancy weight since the frequency of breastfeeding went down. I didn't get stretchmarks (I already had stretch marks on my thighs from weight gain before my pregnancy, they are still there!). My tummy is perhaps not as flat as it was before but it's not obvious. To be perfectly honest, the bit that has changed the most is my vagina! Not that I've gotten loose but it's different somehow. Luckily it doesn't change anything in my sex life.

I actually feel MORE feminine since I had my baby.

Pugins · 19-03-2013 10:34am

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

.

Agree. I read when in one of my pregnancy books that its not the breast feeding as such but the weight gain during pregnancy and feeding that causes the sagging. So all during my pregnancies and feeding I wore a bra even at night so the muscles weren't overstretched with the extra weight. So am no more saggy now then before.

But have all the other issues mentioned- scars, saggy belly, stretch marks, changed body shape. Bothers me some days more than others

Honey-ec · 19-03-2013 10:59am

There was a very good article on this in the magazine that comes with the Star on Saturdays; two weeks ago, if anyone still has it knocking around.

It was written by a doctor and he basically told pregnant women to forget about trying to get your body back within the 4-6 weeks most celebs seem to manage, that it's just not achievable for the vast majority of women.

However, he also made the (possibly obvious) point that the best way to make it easy for yourself to lose your pregnancy weight is not to put too much on in the first place, that the vast majority of Irish women gain too much weight during pregnancy.

IvyTheTerrible · 19-03-2013 11:04am

Honey-ec wrote: »

There was a very good article on this in the magazine that comes with the Star on Saturdays; two weeks ago, if anyone still has it knocking around.

It was written by a doctor and he basically told pregnant women to forget about trying to get your body back within the 4-6 weeks most celebs seem to manage, that it's just not achievable for the vast majority of women.

However, he also made the (possibly obvious) point that the best way to make it easy for yourself to lose your pregnancy weight is not to put too much on in the first place, that the vast majority of Irish women gain too much weight during pregnancy.

That's pretty much what my gynaecologist said when I asked him what creams were good to prevent stretch marks. He said none, just don't put on too much weight!

I have heard the the "Nine months on, nine months off" is a good marker to use for the baby weight.

meeeeh · 19-03-2013 11:09am

Yeah, I'm one of those. I was panicking that I'm putting on too much weight but nurses just looked at me wondering what the hell I'm talking about. It still didn't stop me eating crap though. I have fondness for salt and vinegar crisps when pregnant. I gained about 5kg more than I should and without that I'd be at my pre pregnancy weight at about 3 months. Breastfeeding does wonders for loosing weight.

vitani · 19-03-2013 11:37am

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

That's interesting - you hear different things from different people, but I didn't get the chance to see for myself. I didn't put much weight on while pregnant so maybe that was more of a factor.

Something I didn't say earlier, but I think my confidence in my body rose quite a bit when I was pregnant. Even though I was uncomfortable and couldn't walk for much of the last few months, I loved my shape. I felt comfortable wearing tight tops that showed off my bump, rather than my pre-pregnancy fashion which was to cover my stomach up. I think some of that confidence has stayed with me since, even if I don't like everything about my body.

Neyite · 19-03-2013 11:56am

Like Ivy, I breastfed for nearly a year and my breasts haven't changed, they are still the same as they were beforehand, but I think that its because they were lovely and full for so long in the early days when I had lots of milk, it seems like they are deflated now, but really, they were just like that all along.

I went back to my pre-pregnancy size fairly quickly, and without stretchmarks - which was strange because I did get stretchmarks before on my thighs after I quit smoking years ago. I would agree that Breastfeeding is excellent for losing the post pregnancy weight.

I put on slightly more than they average according to the books during pregnancy, but I still ate very healthily and was as active as I could be. One of the later antenatal appointments the midwife commented that I put on a fair bit of weight and I wondered then would I have problems the other side of birth, but it seemed to be mostly baby.

lazygal · 19-03-2013 1:36pm

I think the only reason I didn't put on more weight last time was because I spent so much of the time puking. I ate a lot of crap, whatever I could stomach in whatever quantities I could manage and did no exercise. This time round I'm handling the sickness much better and get out for a 45 minute walk most days and do an exercise class once a week. I'm still the same weight as I was when I got pregnant with number one. I think I'll put on a bit towards the end as I won't be able to do as much exercise. I was conscious of eating well while BF and I'm eating far better this time, I don't eat a tenth of the rubbish I did last time.
I'm the same size I was when I got pregnant first but my shape has changed. I'm curvier and 'softer' and my boobs are definitely less shapely. Once number two is here we'll take a break before going again and I plan on resuming the running and weights I loved before the babies. I've accepted I won't be the shape I was the day I got married, but like everything in life I'll work with what I have and make the best of it.

wolfpawnat · 19-03-2013 1:49pm

It's easy to say "don't compare yourself" and "sure they are celebs so of course they are back to normal" but it makes no difference to that voice in your head and it never will. People often think mum's are being petty and ridiculous when they get upset, but it is seemingly normal. I lost a fortune of weight when I had my son four years ago. Size 12 to a size 8, and my C's became D's, but my God, you will have some job trying to show off my "better body". A fortune of faded stretch marks have stayed and an ugly still red C-Scar to boot. I hate my body. It looked great with clothes, but the idea of showing any skin is a definite no-no.

I am now pregnant with no.2 and am more worried about my body than anything else. And I am only 26. People tell you "the younger you have children, the easier it is to recover", well at 22 I was left mutilated, so I am near tears at what my 26 year old body will look like.

It seems petty to some, but no matter how dismissive you want to be, you never can. The voice still niggling at you.

meeeeh · 19-03-2013 2:23pm

I was frying eggs when 12 and dropped pan into my lap. I was left with a nice scar on my belly and was very self conscious about it for a long time. But after a while you realize it's there to stay and most people don't notice it or at least make a lot less of a big deal out of it. I have no problems wearing a bikini now if I think it suits me. If it doesn't I feel uncomfortable in it. The same goes for any other type of swimwear. Any later changes because of pregnancy had a lot lesser effect on me.

Siuin · 19-03-2013 2:46pm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

People tell you "the younger you have children, the easier it is to recover"

Nah, don't worry about it- it's really not true at all. My mom was a size 12-14 when she had me at 37 years old (I was born 11 months after my brother). One year later she was down to a size 8 and now at 60 years old she's a size 6-8 and looking better than ever. That said, she did say that after I was born she "didn't have time to eat anymore"...!

Das Kitty · 19-03-2013 3:29pm

I was pretty lucky with my pregnancy and how my body changed.

I was quite heavy afterwards and only piled on more weight as I was both depressed and eating for convenience over anything else. However the general shape of my body was good. I had a much nicer dip from my hip to my waist than I had prior.

My tummy sagged a lot until I started to lose weight, and I genuinely believe that the healthier diet and gentle weight loss (about a pound a week) woke up the skin elasticity. As I got slimmer, the skin on my tummy contracted. Now it still had that sort of "vellum" texture but it wasn't visible anymore.

I breastfed and I do have some scarring on one of my nipples, but it eventually stopped being tender. +1 on what Ivy said about it not being the feeding that can leave the breasts looking empty but the weight gain and engorgement (that pretty much every woman will get regardless of their feeding choice). Mine are pretty similar to what they were before. (Lucky again)

I have had problems with piles since, on and off. That's the one thing I really wish I could change. I'm not even 12 weeks pregnant this time and I'm already feeling it.

ash23 · 20-03-2013 10:15am

I was always unhappy with my body, even pre-kids. I was self conscious and awkward and I felt unattractive and just very paranoid that people were looking at me.

My body has definitely taken a rough ride to where I am now. Surgeries, pregnancy, weight gain, weight loss, MS.......it's been battered and stretched and deformed and malfunctioned.......but I'm far more happy in my own skin than I ever was as a blemish free teenager.
It was definitely a change in mindset as opposed to a physical change. I no longer care what people think and I can look at photos or look in the mirror and think "not bad".
I'm far from perfect and I know that I wouldn't be everyones cup of tea. But nobody has ever given me as hard a time about my body as I have given myself in the past. I've never repulsed anyone or had anyone shudder upon seeing me. But I've done those things to myself.

I'm average but that's ok.

And for sure, I feel more attractive and seem to be found more attractive now that I am content with what I've got. I try not to compare myself physically to anyone else, either in a positive or negative way. I don't dwell on my flaws and I try to make the most of my good points.

I've no idea where or how the change happened. I didn't go to counselling or anything. Maybe it was just part of getting older and wiser

CathyMoran · 20-03-2013 7:53pm

I was a more boyish shape before I had mine - I still have my father saying to me that I am fat even though I am a size 6 on the waist, 8 on the hips and 12 on the bust. I do have issues as he can be very cruel. My husband loves me and I know in my heart that I am not fat. I am the same weight that I was when I was an 18 year old.

flutterflye · 24-03-2013 2:13am

I've 3 kids. After first I'd put on 4 stone. Lost it over the following two years.
After second, I put on 3 stone. Lost it over the next year.
Third was the worst - baby is 6mths now. I put on 5 stone. I've only managed to lose a stone so far. I'd say it'll realistically be another year before I've lost it all again.
At the moment - I do feel like crap. I don't bother with make up or even attempt to dress nicely, because I think there's no point - I'll still look crap like.
Your body does change forever after a baby, but it's not necessarily a major change.
Stretch marks and scars are something you really just have to accept because they're going nowhere!
They fade with time, but they'll always be there.
There are various ointments and that - vitamin e - I think that's supposed to be good for scars? Ask a doctor or pharmacist maybe?
Or you could always cover them with a tattoo?
Boobs - you can wear different shaped bras to push them up or whatever, or if you feel really strongly about it - there are surgeries or non surgical options that could help.
And the weight - you can lose it - it just takes a lot of time and motivation.
Just little steps and you'll get there.

There is an awful lot of pressure on women in general to look a certain way - it's everywhere you turn - mass media to your peers to your parents.
And it can be very hard looking in the mirror and not seeing yourself - instead seeing what you'd see if you looked into one of those stretched mirrors in a fun house at an amusement arcade. And when you look at all your clothes, but know there's no point in trying them on because you'll only rip them.

In one sense, I think we shouldn't put pressure on ourselves, but on the other - that's how I get things done.
I mean - I will wallow about for a while, and then one day it gets bad enough that I snap into action, and once I've started, there's no going back.
I guess it depends what kind of pressure you're putting yourself under, as well as what works for you.
Calling yourself all sorts of horrible names and being really hard on yourself for instance - all that does is feeds into the cycle of worthlessness.

I don't know really. It's late and I'm rambling.
So yeah - I feel similarly to how you feel at the moment I think, but I know that I will lose the weight, in a realistic time frame, because I have done it twice before.

CathyMoran · 24-03-2013 10:23am

One funny thing that I did that I regretted was to get rid of my mini skirts - have had to buy them all again. For the pregnancies I was painfully underweight as I had been very ill so they brought me up to a ormal weight which I am greatful for but about a year later I put on 5lb which was a bit too much for my small frame. Had to eat a small bit less. The change in shape permanantly from straight up and down to hour glass was the biggest difference.

icescreamqueen · 24-03-2013 11:03am

I'm expecting at the minute and that's my one big worry, outside of the welfare of the child. I'm 23 weeks gone and haven't put on too much weight, just around the bump but I find my appetite is insatiable and I'm eating constantly. For the woman who have children, what are the reasons mothers put on weight? I think I'm naive in that after 6 weeks, I'm aiming to be back in the gym and be out walking and exercising again. I hope it's realistic but I see plenty of women who are mothers and have maintained great figures.

Neyite · 24-03-2013 12:34pm

icescreamqueen wrote: »

I'm expecting at the minute and that's my one big worry, outside of the welfare of the child. I'm 23 weeks gone and haven't put on too much weight, just around the bump but I find my appetite is insatiable and I'm eating constantly. For the woman who have children, what are the reasons mothers put on weight? I think I'm naive in that after 6 weeks, I'm aiming to be back in the gym and be out walking and exercising again. I hope it's realistic but I see plenty of women who are mothers and have maintained great figures.

I had an insatible appetite too - but I made sure that what I snacked on was good stuff - I filled a desk drawer at work with fruit, and had proper dinners.

Breastfeeding really helps you get back into shape, which for me was a nice benefit for me - I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans 15 days after the birth. Now they were very snug, where before they had been loose, but it still counts, right??

Afterwards, you will be eating when you get a chance, gobbling something down in the 5 mins you get for yourself, and its easy to go for the quick, convenient things that might be less healthy, so make sure you stock up on healthy quick snacks, and limit the sweet stuff in the house altogether. Have lots of homemade freezer meals and soups to bung in the microwave quickly.

I got out and walked any day that I could with the buggy, and I think that helped too. I had to because I'd a section and hated the compression stockings that they make you wear for 6 weeks, so the compromise with the PHN was that I'd get plenty of exercise if I stopped wearing them.

That's what worked for me. Others may find they did all the right things and still maintain weight, you'll just have to see what you are dealing with afterwards.

vitani · 24-03-2013 12:54pm

icescreamqueen wrote: »

I'm expecting at the minute and that's my one big worry, outside of the welfare of the child. I'm 23 weeks gone and haven't put on too much weight, just around the bump but I find my appetite is insatiable and I'm eating constantly. For the woman who have children, what are the reasons mothers put on weight? I think I'm naive in that after 6 weeks, I'm aiming to be back in the gym and be out walking and exercising again. I hope it's realistic but I see plenty of women who are mothers and have maintained great figures.

I was out walking within a couple of weeks of the birth, but it was months before I felt up to any strenuous exercise.

That said, losing weight is 90% diet. Stick to non-processed, whole, healthy food as much as possible and the weight will come off - and don't worry if it takes a little time.

wolfpawnat · 24-03-2013 2:43pm

icescreamqueen wrote: »

I'm expecting at the minute and that's my one big worry, outside of the welfare of the child. I'm 23 weeks gone and haven't put on too much weight, just around the bump but I find my appetite is insatiable and I'm eating constantly. For the woman who have children, what are the reasons mothers put on weight? I think I'm naive in that after 6 weeks, I'm aiming to be back in the gym and be out walking and exercising again. I hope it's realistic but I see plenty of women who are mothers and have maintained great figures.

I walked everywhere after no1 was born, but I walked a lot while pregnant with him too. Same this time. And plenty of healthy meals and snacks while pregnant and afterwards. I make sure to remove temptation by never having much unhealthy snack foods in the house. I know if I had them, I wouldn't be able to stop myself, so I only get some every so often.

Exercise and good foods are the key really. Breast feeding is really good too. I was back in my looser pre-pregnancy jeans in no time and I was expressing only since he wouldn't latch.

I actually went down 2 sizes after no1. This time I am healthier again, so hopefully I will go back to that size again. Though it took a few months to do so. I am not sure how the celebs do it within a few weeks

CathyMoran · 24-03-2013 5:55pm

9 months on and 9 months off - please remember that you have just had a baby or babies and that is amazing.

shed head · 24-03-2013 7:02pm

its called exercise, you can have your body back if you put in the effort, hard work, you would be surprised how a few sessions will transform your way of thinking and inspire you! Join a gym, and get the instructor to give you a routine, inclusive of weights, it will be tough at the start, stay determined and it will be so. A half hour walk and a trip to weight watchers is not good enough, push your body and reap the rewards!

However, if your just sitting around, stuffing your face with snacks each day, i have no sympathy for you!

CathyMoran · 24-03-2013 7:04pm

shed head wrote: »

its called exercise, you can have your body back if you put in the effort, hard work, you would be surprised how a few sessions it will transform your way of thinking and inspire you! Join a gym, and get the instructor to give you a routine, inclusive of weights, it will be tough at the start, stay determined and it will be so. A half hour walk and a trip to weight watchers is not good enough, push your body and reap the rewards!

However, if your just sitting around, stuffing your face with snacks each day, i have no sympathy for you!

I never had time for the gym - being a parent is a lot of exercise from walking with your child to playing with them...

24-03-2013 7:05pm

shed head wrote: »

its called exercise, you can have your body back if you put in the effort, hard work, you would be surprised how a few sessions will transform your way of thinking and inspire you! Join a gym, and get the instructor to give you a routine, inclusive of weights, it will be tough at the start, stay determined and it will be so. A half hour walk and a trip to weight watchers is not good enough, push your body and reap the rewards!

However, if your just sitting around, stuffing your face with snacks each day, i have no sympathy for you!

Yeah, people with newborns just sit around all the time, there's definitely no further effort required :rolleyes:

Lucyfur · 24-03-2013 7:11pm

Shed Head, people with newborns rarely have time for the gym and personal trainers. If you've nothing constructive to say, don't post

shed head · 24-03-2013 7:27pm

Lucyfur wrote: »

Shed Head, people with newborns rarely have time for the gym and personal trainers. If you've nothing constructive to say, don't post

new borns - 3 years ago!! Don't have time for an hours exercise each day, please your comment is farcical. If the op or any of you think this is a good excuse you deserve to be out of shape.

I have 3 kids, both myself and my gf and mother of my children go to the gym together each evening! Whilst i appreciate the op is single, surely she has somebody to mind the child for an hour, also check out bodyrock tv for home exercises! Clearly Lucy your in the same boat - lazy!
regards

Lucyfur · 24-03-2013 7:29pm

Shed head is taking a week off

wolfpawnat · 24-03-2013 8:17pm

I think the likes of Paula Radcliffe would be able to start training again very soon after birth, but for the most of us, our body would almost just shut down and scream "Did you not notice you had a baby last week!!!!"

I am planning to do some post pregnancy yoga to tone up a little after the birth slowly, because I don't think anyone could honestly work out properly if they are running around trying to keep a home and up two/four times a night with a baby.

I don't have the luxury of someone to look after my kids for me to pop off to the gym for an hour or two every other day. Daddy is gone from 7am to 7-8pm each evening. I would be too tired to go then and we don't live near family to depend on. So it will be the walk dropping my son to school and then going to the local park for a stroll and Tesco's after for the shopping for me. As CathyMoran said, 9 months on, realistically 9 months(ish) off. Some are faster, some are slower. Each person is different.

Piper101 · 25-03-2013 8:02am

I'm happy to admit I'm lazy

after an emergency section after 12 hours of labour, back in hospital a week later with an internal infection and minding a newborn while my OH works 12 hour days (how do single mothers do it?). When I get a chance to be lazy, by god I am !!!! and I can see that continuing when I get back to work and things get even more manic. While I get shed heds point, however blunt, he and his partner seem to be in a privileged position!

How Strange · 25-03-2013 8:26am

I definitely subscribe to the 9 months on/9 months off theory. It's important to let your body recover for the first few weeks. It's done the hardest job it's designed to do so let it heal.

After that walking is the best thing for you and your baby as getting outdoors and having fresh air will help you psychologically as well as physically. It's also great for the baby.

Get your tummy checked for a separation of your tummy muscles at around 6-8 weeks. A reputable physio will be able to check this and give you gentle exercises to close any gap. If there's a mum and baby pilates or yoga class go to that too as it will focus on repairing damaged muscles and getting your tone back.

After that it's down to diet. Last time around we had a lot of cakes and biscuits hanging around for far too long. This time I'm going to have healthy, nutritious foods at home and save the cakes etc for treats just like I would pre pregnancy.

My body did eventually return to pretty much normal after my son but it was probably 12-14 months before my shape returned to before and it took a considerable amount of effort. I definitely noticed I'd put weight on much quicker since he was born but then again I'm older and I didn't exercise as much as before (running etc) as I didn't have the spare time or energy.

Accepting a post pregnancy body

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