Accepting a post pregnancy body

Ms. Pingui

I think this thread is more suitable here than the parenting forum as it's definately just a womens issue!

I had my daughter almost 3 years ago, when I was 20. I used to be a size 8, now I'm a size 12/14.
I was huge before the birth so my stomach took quite a beating. My whole tummy is covered in wrinkled skin and my belly button is now half in and half hanging out.
My boobs went from a C cup to a G during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I'm now a very, very saggy and stretchmarked D cup. I also have a very visible c- section scar.

The only thing I'm thankful for is that my privates remained intact!

As you can imagine my body confidence is at an all time low. I can't imagine ever wearing a bikini again and the thought of getting naked with a new man is terrifying! (I'm single)

I get so jealous when I see other women with perfect bods!

I was wondering if anyone else would like to share their experience with this issue?
I'd love to hear how other women got their body confidence back and started feeling sexy again!

vitani

My daughter was 2 last month and my body is still getting back to normal. I'm small-chested anyway, and wasn't able to breastfeed so thankfully my boobs haven't changed much. But my stomach was always my problem area and even now, 2 years on, I have loose, saggy skin on it that wrinkles where my stretchmarks were.

In terms of weight and size, I'm lighter than I was when I got pregnant but my body shape itself is different. I've recently just gotten fed up with it and I'm starting to work on getting rid of the last bit of fat. I took up running at the start of the year which has helped and I've just changed my diet to a lower-carb one to try and reduce my overall body fat. I'm giving myself until August and if my body hasn't improved by then, I'll look into getting a personal trainer or something. I'm going to be 30 in two years and I want to have a body I like by then. I wouldn't even consider wearing a bikini at the moment.

Scarinae

I don't have children, but there seems to be a lot of pressure now to get your pre-pregnancy body back as soon as possible after birth. I'm thinking of stories in celebrity magazines or the Daily Mail, where they always seem to be running stories on X celebrity who is back to size Y only Z weeks after giving birth. Would there have been this same pressure 20 years ago?

Lucyfur

I'm yo-yo body. I was a size 6-8 before I got pregnant with my son, a size 10 coming out of hospital, a size 22-24 by the time he was 2 and a size 6 when her was 3.

I have gone through extreme body confidence issues. I HATED my body. I couldn't stomach looking at it myself. I've also had my appendix and gall bladder removed, and had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in keyhole surgery to begin with and ended in being opened just shy of hip to hip...so add those scars to the stretch marks and it ain't pretty!!

But, I have started exercising. And while I'm not Wonder Woman, I am noticing a change in my body. While I'm not body confident, I'm not as utterly repulsed as I used to be. I detest the pressure put on people to get their pre pregnancy bodies back. My son is now 10, and while I wouldn't be strutting around the local beach in a bikini, I have no problem stripping off on holidays. For me, it's much more of a mental thing and I think as I'm getting older, I care much much less about how I'm ''supposed'' to look.

It's actually a breath of fresh air to read that I'm not the only one

Nymeria

Hi OP,

I don't have children either but I think you are being too hard on yourself.

If you are comparing yourself to other women your age who haven't had children then it is not really a fair comparison. Your body has gone through something that theirs hasn't.
As for celebrities and models - its their job to have perfect bodies, and they spend a lot of time, effort and money maintaining them. Most normal women don't look like that and never will.

I know what its like to be very body conscious, but I think you need to focus on what you do have; your lovely daughter, your health etc.

If you do want to try working out, I'm pretty sure there are specific post pregnancy exercises that target certain areas. As for acceptance, that will probably come with time. I'm late twenties and feel 100 times more confident than I did 10 years ago.

Morag

I am never ever going to to get anything close to my pre pregnancy body back.
My body shape has changed I can get back to the same weight but it will be distributed differently. Stretch marks and scars will never go away, I was a trim and toned 16 now average in and around 18/20, if I could get down to a trimmer 18 I would be happy but even then, my figure has matured.

I changed, my body has changed, I think it's wrong we see the bodies of mother's to be wrong and unsightly and unsexy.

ger vallely

My two daughters are now 14 and 16.They were both c sections. Prior to their births I was about a size 6-8. Now I'm a 12. But I am way more confident in myself as now I exercise. As Lucyfur above says ,now I too care less about how I'm 'supposed' to look. To me it's more of a mental thing, more about how I feel about myself. It's like I've grown into myself better.OP- you have youth on your side-you will look back in 20 years and say 'feck it,I was beautiful,what was I worried about.' But no one can make you see that only yourself. I find on the weeks that I run more i feel so much more body confident. Another week I'd be more lazy and feel frumpy. Obviously there would not be any difference in my appearance but I would feel worse. So, I guess what I am trying to say is,get out there,get active, it's your body, make it work for you.Also, it is so important to let your daughter see you feeling fabulous about yourself. Tis an important topic though OP, an has a huge impact on our lives.

Ms. Pingui

I'm feeling a bit better now that I know I'm not alone!

I spent the first year smothering myself in stretch marks lotions before I gave up on it.
I used to be really fit before I got pregnant, I used to be doing physical work with horses all day and I had killer abs. My stomach muscles stretched so much that they are slightly separated so there's no chance of getting my old tum tum back!
I know that my body has changed for ever, I guess I just haven't quite accepted that yet. I would love to feel confident about they way I am now.

I just find it hard not to compare myself to other young women around my own age, the majority of which have not had kids.

I suppose my my little rascal makes it all worthwhile though.

Morag

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

I just find it hard not to compare myself to other young women around my own age, the majority of which have not had kids.

I used to feel that way but then I figured out that there are young women out there who are easily more then a decade younger then I am, who don't have kids and who are bigger then I am. So really I am not that big and I do have my two brats.

Whispered

I'm not sure if this is on topic or not, but I'm gonna tell it anyway

About 2 years ago I was on a beach in Wicklow, we were there about an hour when a gaggle of young, trendy men and women arrived. The men were in the water flexing their muscles (literally) while the women sunbathed and generally looked divine. They were done up to the nines, it's hard to explain. It looked like they took hours getting their beach hair, makeup and accessories ready. Fab figures, big hats and sunglasses etc. Fair play to them, they all looked brilliant.

However, a little bit away was a family, a mother, her young child (I'm guessing 4 or so) a small baby and who I assume was the dad. Honestly, there was something so beautiful about her. She looked so happy and content, she wasn't wearing makeup or accessories, she didn't have an amazing body like the girls in the other group, she looked like she fell out of bed, saw the sun was out and decided to have a day out with her family.

There was just no comparison between this woman and the others. The fact she didn't seem to care and seemed so happy made her stand out a mile.

I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make really in the context of this thread. I suppose maybe that you should try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm sure this lady (like the rest of us on the beach that day) saw the group arriving and might have thought "Oh nooooo I look like crap". In reality she looked stunning.

Lucyfur

Whispered, that's really lovely!

mariaalice

The way I look at it is, life is short I am middle aged and have two grown up daughters it genuinely seems like only the wink of an eye since they were tiny, do you really want to look back when you are 50 or 60 and realise you spent most of the time hateing youself or not accepting your body its such a wast of time.

I know thats easier said that done:D

Piper101

I'm going through it at the moment, was a 6 to 8 before getting pregnant and ended up putting on over 4 stone!!! Had her nearly 11 weeks ago and the weight is coming off but my body will never be the same. I can't believe how little I care though.

i've always been so body conscious and now I don't even want to be the same size I was before. I wasn't (and certainly didn't look) healthy. That said for some it's a natural size just for me it was too small. My poor stretch marky saggy tummy tho! High waisted bikini for me this summer 😊

Morag

there is a website called http://theshapeofamother.com/

Welcome

One day I sat in a restaurant in Anaheim, California eating breakfast, when a woman passed by my table with her infant carrier in tow. As she lifted it up to fit between the tables, her shirt raised and I saw that, although she was at a healthy weight and her body was fit, she had that same extra skin hanging around her belly that I do. It occurred to me that a post-pregnancy body is one of this society's greatest secrets; all we see of the female body is that which is airbrushed and perfect, and if we look any different, we hide it from the light of day in fear of being seen. That makes me want to cry. Sure we all talk about the sagging boobs and other parts, but no one ever sees them. Or if they do, it's in comical form, mocking the beauty that created and nourished our children.

It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I think it would be nothing short of amazing if a few of our hearts are healed, or if we begin to cherish our new bodies which have done so much for the human race. What if the next generation grows up knowing how normal our bodies are? How truly awesome would that be?

Join us now, click to enter. Note, however, that there is nudity contained within and this website is not considered safe for work. Peace.

pwurple

This kind of thread is the kind of thing that freaked me out to read when I was younger. Read no further people thinking of having children... these things don't happen to everyone.

So, I am missing most of my nipples from the breastfeeding mis-haps, and got a prolapsed bladder from the pregnancy, which is inoperable. Maybe surgery techniques will move on in a few years though.

Weight is ok, and my stretchmarks have faded a good bit.

Clothes hide it all... And i have a healthy happy child, which so many people long for and never have. It's all good.

I was never particularly interested in my appearance. I was lucky enough to have reasonable skin, hair and weight. It's a bit more work afterwards now, so I have to take the interest now. Undies that pull the tummy in a bit. I pay more attention to my hair since it fell out in a crazy pattern post pregnancy (all back now). And now I do look at clothes and think about what goes with what, and what suits me.

mariaalice

And another thing ( this has been confirmed by my wonderful husband )
The vast majority of men when you are in bed with them are not judging your body they are thinknig I am in bed with a real live warm naked woman and I am going to have sex with her woohoo, the 1% who are not like that are not worth bothering with.

jumbledideas

I was a 12-14 before I had my two children. I was always slightly unhappy about my weight before I had children, I would say I was always about half a stone to a stone above my ideal weight. I put on about three stone roughly for each pregnancy. I breastfed both children and I think the breastfeeding helped me lose the pregnancy weight very quickly. After that I was back to my prepregnancy weight probably within about a month or so after each birth.
Now I am in my early forties and I am a size 8-10 and am slim for the first time since my early twenties and have been for a few years now. I thought I would never have the body that I have now. There isn't any secret though, I just changed the way I eat. Less carbohydrates, more vegetables and a bit of exercise. So anyone who is unhappy with their weight and thinks just because they are a bit older or have had children that they are stuck in a rut= you don't have to be.

Ms2011

I put on 2 stone having my son, almost a year on & I have managed to lose it but have been left with the wrinkled stomach skin & stretched muscles like alot of others plus a c-section scar to complete the package!
It did use to get me down as I was used to having a size 10 figure that could fill a pair of jeans well :-D
But something happened in January, a close friend lost her daughter at 25 weeks pregnant, she never got to the stage where her stomach stretched leaving her permanantly scarred but you know what she wishes everyday that she had & I realise how lucky I am that I did.
That's the thing about people, women in particular, they always think the grass is greener on the other side & can't see the wood for the trees. Everyone has their body issues, while I might be sitting here wishing I had my flat stomached friends abs she's always wanted my hair. It's all about getting to a stage where you can say "this is me take it or leave it" & the older I get the closer I get to that frame of mind :-)

meeeeh

Since I was 13 I'm size 10 or 12. I'm 35 now and my body did change. My tummy is bigger, boobs need more support and I do have some streach marks. Bodies change with age too even if you dont have children. For me it's more important to find the clothes that suit me now and not stick to the style that suited me five years ago. I did feel uncomfortable with my body after birth(s) but it does get a bit more presentable after couple of months. I do want to lose some weight and I do make sure not to eat too much junk. The biggest effort seems to be to find the time to be sort of put together and not look scruffy. I liked my life when I didn't have children and I like it now. My life is different and I guess my body just tells me how things always change which is not bad, it means you are not stuck in a rut.

As for men, they usually like women who are happy and comfortable with themselves. Besides their bodies change too and yet we don't dump them when they get beer bellys, grey hair or go bald.

eviltwin

I've had body issues since I was a child. Pregnancy didn't make much of a difference.

I was in the midst of an eating disorder during both my pregnancies but it didn't make it worse. If anything I thought it hid my fatness. I was a size 12-14 both times and luckily didn't gain much weight. It was only after the second baby I had to sort myself out.

Now I love my body even though I'm a size 16. I'm taking care of it for the first time in over 20 years and very grateful its still here and still in working order. Maybe its an age thing. I'm mid 30's now and I don't feel the same pressure to look a certain way and even my friends who haven't had kids look different to how they did 10 years ago.

I hope you have a partner who makes you feel beautiful every day OP.

Queen-Mise

mariaalice wrote: »

And another thing ( this has been confirmed by my wonderful husband )
The vast majority of men when you are in bed with them are not judging your body they are thinknig I am in bed with a real live warm naked woman and I am going to have sex with her woohoo, the 1% who are not like that are not worth bothering with.

Is your husband a character from The Big Bang Theory Isn't that what Leonard says?

I had my first baby at 17 - so lost pre-pregnancy body very young:(


I am hitting an important age milestone this year & have had another two children.
I'd be happy with a 14/16 and good quality swimwear. Curves are good. I'm tall so can carry extra weight - just not as much as I am carrying now.

The hard part about the weight for me - was on my last pregnancy (she is 7 now). I got post-natal that turned into a severe depression for past 7 years. So weight crept up and I didn't care and/or wasn't really able to do anything about it.

So trying again at the moment to tone up/get a little fitter. Am off the cigarettes again so will try. I'd love to do a marathon - see how we go.

Pilates anyway to start with as my back is fcuked from the 11 year old's labour.

IvyTheTerrible

vitani wrote: »

My daughter was 2 last month and my body is still getting back to normal. I'm small-chested anyway, and wasn't able to breastfeed so thankfully my boobs haven't changed much.

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

My body has not changed much since I got pregnant. I was always a 12/14 before, I put on hardly any weight during pregnancy (I didn't change many of my eating habits, I think it was just my pregnancy metabolism!), and I lost the pregnancy weight and more within a couple of months. I've gone back up to my pre-pregnancy weight since the frequency of breastfeeding went down. I didn't get stretchmarks (I already had stretch marks on my thighs from weight gain before my pregnancy, they are still there!). My tummy is perhaps not as flat as it was before but it's not obvious. To be perfectly honest, the bit that has changed the most is my vagina! Not that I've gotten loose but it's different somehow. Luckily it doesn't change anything in my sex life.

I actually feel MORE feminine since I had my baby.

Pugins

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

.

Agree. I read when in one of my pregnancy books that its not the breast feeding as such but the weight gain during pregnancy and feeding that causes the sagging. So all during my pregnancies and feeding I wore a bra even at night so the muscles weren't overstretched with the extra weight. So am no more saggy now then before.

But have all the other issues mentioned- scars, saggy belly, stretch marks, changed body shape. Bothers me some days more than others

Honey-ec

There was a very good article on this in the magazine that comes with the Star on Saturdays; two weeks ago, if anyone still has it knocking around.

It was written by a doctor and he basically told pregnant women to forget about trying to get your body back within the 4-6 weeks most celebs seem to manage, that it's just not achievable for the vast majority of women.

However, he also made the (possibly obvious) point that the best way to make it easy for yourself to lose your pregnancy weight is not to put too much on in the first place, that the vast majority of Irish women gain too much weight during pregnancy.

IvyTheTerrible

Honey-ec wrote: »

There was a very good article on this in the magazine that comes with the Star on Saturdays; two weeks ago, if anyone still has it knocking around.

It was written by a doctor and he basically told pregnant women to forget about trying to get your body back within the 4-6 weeks most celebs seem to manage, that it's just not achievable for the vast majority of women.

However, he also made the (possibly obvious) point that the best way to make it easy for yourself to lose your pregnancy weight is not to put too much on in the first place, that the vast majority of Irish women gain too much weight during pregnancy.

That's pretty much what my gynaecologist said when I asked him what creams were good to prevent stretch marks. He said none, just don't put on too much weight!

I have heard the the "Nine months on, nine months off" is a good marker to use for the baby weight.

meeeeh

Yeah, I'm one of those. I was panicking that I'm putting on too much weight but nurses just looked at me wondering what the hell I'm talking about. It still didn't stop me eating crap though. I have fondness for salt and vinegar crisps when pregnant. I gained about 5kg more than I should and without that I'd be at my pre pregnancy weight at about 3 months. Breastfeeding does wonders for loosing weight.

vitani

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I just want to address this point. This idea that breastfeeding changes breast shape is often not true. It's actually the weight gain during pregancy that can affect the shape of your breasts afterwards. I breastfed for a year and my boobs are just as shapely and perky as they were before I got pregnant.

That's interesting - you hear different things from different people, but I didn't get the chance to see for myself. I didn't put much weight on while pregnant so maybe that was more of a factor.

Something I didn't say earlier, but I think my confidence in my body rose quite a bit when I was pregnant. Even though I was uncomfortable and couldn't walk for much of the last few months, I loved my shape. I felt comfortable wearing tight tops that showed off my bump, rather than my pre-pregnancy fashion which was to cover my stomach up. I think some of that confidence has stayed with me since, even if I don't like everything about my body.

Neyite

Like Ivy, I breastfed for nearly a year and my breasts haven't changed, they are still the same as they were beforehand, but I think that its because they were lovely and full for so long in the early days when I had lots of milk, it seems like they are deflated now, but really, they were just like that all along.

I went back to my pre-pregnancy size fairly quickly, and without stretchmarks - which was strange because I did get stretchmarks before on my thighs after I quit smoking years ago. I would agree that Breastfeeding is excellent for losing the post pregnancy weight.

I put on slightly more than they average according to the books during pregnancy, but I still ate very healthily and was as active as I could be. One of the later antenatal appointments the midwife commented that I put on a fair bit of weight and I wondered then would I have problems the other side of birth, but it seemed to be mostly baby.

lazygal

I think the only reason I didn't put on more weight last time was because I spent so much of the time puking. I ate a lot of crap, whatever I could stomach in whatever quantities I could manage and did no exercise. This time round I'm handling the sickness much better and get out for a 45 minute walk most days and do an exercise class once a week. I'm still the same weight as I was when I got pregnant with number one. I think I'll put on a bit towards the end as I won't be able to do as much exercise. I was conscious of eating well while BF and I'm eating far better this time, I don't eat a tenth of the rubbish I did last time.
I'm the same size I was when I got pregnant first but my shape has changed. I'm curvier and 'softer' and my boobs are definitely less shapely. Once number two is here we'll take a break before going again and I plan on resuming the running and weights I loved before the babies. I've accepted I won't be the shape I was the day I got married, but like everything in life I'll work with what I have and make the best of it.

wolfpawnat

It's easy to say "don't compare yourself" and "sure they are celebs so of course they are back to normal" but it makes no difference to that voice in your head and it never will. People often think mum's are being petty and ridiculous when they get upset, but it is seemingly normal. I lost a fortune of weight when I had my son four years ago. Size 12 to a size 8, and my C's became D's, but my God, you will have some job trying to show off my "better body". A fortune of faded stretch marks have stayed and an ugly still red C-Scar to boot. I hate my body. It looked great with clothes, but the idea of showing any skin is a definite no-no.

I am now pregnant with no.2 and am more worried about my body than anything else. And I am only 26. People tell you "the younger you have children, the easier it is to recover", well at 22 I was left mutilated, so I am near tears at what my 26 year old body will look like.

It seems petty to some, but no matter how dismissive you want to be, you never can. The voice still niggling at you.

meeeeh

I was frying eggs when 12 and dropped pan into my lap. I was left with a nice scar on my belly and was very self conscious about it for a long time. But after a while you realize it's there to stay and most people don't notice it or at least make a lot less of a big deal out of it. I have no problems wearing a bikini now if I think it suits me. If it doesn't I feel uncomfortable in it. The same goes for any other type of swimwear. Any later changes because of pregnancy had a lot lesser effect on me.