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Does the abortion debate reveal what some people really think about women?

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    #272
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    lazygal wrote: »
    I honestly don't think its the stigma of adoption that puts women off, its the hassle of pregnancy. I wouldn't go through pregnancy unless I REALLY wanted to and I'd have no hesitation in getting an abortion in certain circumstances. Pregnancy is crap. Even when its totally straightforward its crap. Its intrusive, you have to limit what you eat, drink, wear, do - sure your right to travel is limited by certain airline restrictions. It leaves long term side effects, like having an episiotomy (being cut down below to help baby deliver safely), dental issues (the old wives' tale of losing a tooth for every child is true for some women), your body shape is all out of whack, you might be pucking for months on end (my all day nausea never left me completely) which can do damage to the digestive system. There's days where all you want to eat is a forbidden food, in my case sushi, or do something pregnant women shouldn't, like have a long sauna session. But you can't because you're growing a preshus tiiiiiiineeeeeee baaaaaaayyyyybeeeee.

    Its not a walk in the park being pregnant, and as I said stigma would be the least of my worries if I had an unwanted pregnancy.

    There are so many risks involved in pregnancy that people forget about. A 25% c section rate at present, all sorts of other risks both physical and psychological too, sometimes life threatening. Not to mention expenses. Plus if you already have kids, how to explain to them that you are giving up their sibling? How do you explain to the child you gave up why you kept them and not me? And as you get older the risks to your health increase too.


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    #273
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Neyite wrote: »
    But for some women, adoption does not fully resolve the issue either. You know that in 18 years or so, that child will probably come looking for you. They will want to know why they were given up. They will want to meet any other biological siblings they have, and extended relatives. If you don't meet your biological child as an adult, you go through the hurt all over again and now you reject an adult through no fault of their own.

    So you get judged by friends and the wider family circle for giving up a baby because you were too busy enjoying yourself, or wanted to finish your thesis, or you were unemployed at the time. The child will want to know details of the father, so if it was a disastrous relationship you are forced to dredge up old memories of that time. If you remained with the father and had more children at a later stage, the agony of adoption for all involved seems pointless in hindsight, since you went on to have a family anyway. And people forget to judge the scared penniless 16 year old, they'll judge the successful 34 year old with the nice car house and good job.

    Neyite, with open adoptions there doesn't have to be that seperation for 18 years any more. Adoption is not what it used to be at all.

    The judgement you describe in your second paragraph is something I would like to see eliminated, so that women had an actual choice. I don't know a single peer who gave a child up for adoption, but I know plenty of people who have had abortions. Some with huge regret, some are happy with their choice.

    None of the three options in a crisis pregnancy are easy. Abortion is painful, physically, emotionally, every way. There's plenty of stigma and judgement associated with it too, so much so that many women bear the weight of that secret for decades, or to their grave. Adoption and changing your life for a baby you keep are hard roads to take too.

    I'd like to see the stigma in all three taken outog the equation, so at least that wouldn't be the deciding factor. We all have sex, what's the big secret.


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    #274
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    Neyite wrote: »
    But for some women, adoption does not fully resolve the issue either. You know that in 18 years or so, that child will probably come looking for you. They will want to know why they were given up. They will want to meet any other biological siblings they have, and extended relatives. If you don't meet your biological child as an adult, you go through the hurt all over again and now you reject an adult through no fault of their own.

    So you get judged by friends and the wider family circle for giving up a baby because you were too busy enjoying yourself, or wanted to finish your thesis, or you were unemployed at the time. The child will want to know details of the father, so if it was a disastrous relationship you are forced to dredge up old memories of that time. If you remained with the father and had more children at a later stage, the agony of adoption for all involved seems pointless in hindsight, since you went on to have a family anyway. And people forget to judge the scared penniless 16 year old, they'll judge the successful 34 year old with the nice car house and good job.

    I know of someone who was given up for adoption by a very well known actress. She gave him up because she wanted to be a star. That was the reason. She had money, her family had money and she had status, but she wanted stardom. I struggle not being judgemental about this.


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    #275
    jank
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 13,018 ✭✭✭✭jank


    username123 wrote: »
    In the past newborns were ripped out of new mothers hands and taken by religious orders for adoption, thank god that that barbaric practice no longer happens..

    This is not entirely true in ALL cases.
    username123 wrote: »
    Women are not forced to endure a pregnancy and give a child up for adoption anymore and society is a better place for it.

    Thats a strange assumption to make, that society is better place for it? Look at England and the amount of children running around the place lucky to have one parent never mind two.
    username123 wrote: »
    Is it not obvious why people do not consider adoption as a real option?.......


    ....I cant understand why anyone would choose it! ?

    Whatever about you I am glad my mother did. Otherwise I woudn't exist.


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    #276
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    jank wrote: »
    This is not entirely true in ALL cases.

    Nor did I say it was, but it happened.
    jank wrote: »
    Thats a strange assumption to make, that society is better place for it? Look at England and the amount of children running around the place lucky to have one parent never mind two.

    I dont really understand what you mean by this? I meant society is a better place for having enforced pregnancy and not brutally taking newborns away from mothers. Im not sure what connection that has English society?
    jank wrote: »
    Whatever about you I am glad my mother did. Otherwise I woudn't exist.

    If you mean above that you are glad your mother didnt abort, that is simply a fallacious argument, any of us could say the same. We wouldnt be aware of it if our mother had aborted us had so what difference does it make? Its not like emotional distress would have been caused. We are all the product of an extremely chancey outcome of events by which that particular sperm met that particular egg and a successful pregnancy ensued and on back through our ancestors etc.... We may not be here at all for a billion different reasons but we dont go round being thankful for it. Pondering existentialism is fun, but its not really relevant to any debate on abortion.


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    #277
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    I know of someone who was given up for adoption by a very well known actress. She gave him up because she wanted to be a star. That was the reason. She had money, her family had money and she had status, but she wanted stardom. I struggle not being judgemental about this.

    I don't get this. Why would you judge her for this? Is there a list of valid reasons where adoption is acceptable? Just because a woman has money doesn't mean she has to keep the baby.


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    #278
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    Malari wrote: »
    I don't get this. Why would you judge her for this? Is there a list of valid reasons where adoption is acceptable? Just because a woman has money doesn't mean she has to keep the baby.

    I suppose because one of the ways we rate ourselves and each other is how we treat our offspring.

    Adoption and abortion are viewed as tough decisions, often involving pain and sacrifice, so one tends to think that the reasons aren't superfluous, but I guess sometimes they are.


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    #279
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    I suppose because one of the ways we rate ourselves and each other is how we treat our offspring.

    Adoption and abortion are viewed as tough decisions, often involving pain and sacrifice, so one tends to think that the reasons aren't superfluous, but I guess sometimes they are.

    Would you judge her if she had decided to have an abortion instead?


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    #280
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    I suppose because one of the ways we rate ourselves and each other is how we treat our offspring.

    Adoption and abortion are viewed as tough decisions, often involving pain and sacrifice, so one tends to think that the reasons aren't superfluous, but I guess sometimes they are.

    I don't get why you judge any woman for making a decision and her motivations for doing so. Should she have kept the child because she was financially secure? It takes a lot more than money to stop you from resenting a child you never wanted.

    It seems in some people eyes women's choices are never justified. Having an abortion because you don't want children to interfere with a career you've spent years building is bad, giving up a child for adoption because you want a career is bad, keeping a child and resenting it forever is bad. There's no pleasing some people.


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    #281
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    I suppose because one of the ways we rate ourselves and each other is how we treat our offspring.

    Adoption and abortion are viewed as tough decisions, often involving pain and sacrifice, so one tends to think that the reasons aren't superfluous, but I guess sometimes they are.

    But you don't know the reasons she gave the baby up, do you? Are you surmising that because she was wealthy enough and she wanted to be a star that her choice was poor? What about everything else that may have been going on with her? I just feel so strongly that no-one but the woman herself knows the true reasons and motivations for doing something like this.


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    #282
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    I suppose because one of the ways we rate ourselves and each other is how we treat our offspring.

    Adoption and abortion are viewed as tough decisions, often involving pain and sacrifice, so one tends to think that the reasons aren't superfluous, but I guess sometimes they are.

    I dont really understand this.

    I personally wouldnt rate people by how they treat their offspring (unless they are neglecting or torturing them!), I dont see giving a child up for adoption as "treating" your offspring in any negative way no matter what the reason.

    As for abortion and adoption being tough decisions, for me the decision to keep the baby would be a lot tougher. I simply dont want a child. Now we could add some kind of further causal relation to that, I dont want a child because I want to study/travel/have personal freedom/have more money etc.... but the bottom line is - I dont want a child. Perhaps the "star" didnt want a child and the being a "star" was simply an extra unnecessary explanation to that. Either way, its no worse or better a reason than any other imo.


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    #283
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    Ok I was very honest about struggling not to be judgemental about this particular family, whom I know. As I said it's a struggle, it's not a conviction I have.

    However, I am feeling a little bit judged myself here, not to mention gang busted, so I am withdrawing from this dialogue.

    Enjoy ladies.


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    #284
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    Ok I was very honest about struggling not to be judgemental about this particular family, whom I know. As I said it's a struggle, it's not a conviction I have.

    However, I am feeling a little bit judged myself here, not to mention gang busted, so I am withdrawing from this dialogue.

    Enjoy ladies.

    I wasn't judging you, just curious. You can't help how you feel but its interesting that you feel that way. I just wondered more about what was behind your feelings, you mentioned her desire for fame, presumably she would have had an abortion on the same grounds so I'm just wondering if people's judgements are based more on a woman's reasons for making their choice to have an abortion/put child up for adoption rather than the act itself iykwim

    I hope you come back to the conversation, you raised some good points.


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    #285
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    Ok I was very honest about struggling not to be judgemental about this particular family, whom I know. As I said it's a struggle, it's not a conviction I have.

    However, I am feeling a little bit judged myself here, not to mention gang busted, so I am withdrawing from this dialogue.

    Enjoy ladies.

    I genuinely just didnt understand what you meant. I wasnt judging you - although your post raised an excellent point regarding the fact that women do get judged for their choices re abortion/adoption - and that even though adoption would be seen as the lesser of two evils for some, the woman in question may still end up being judged.

    I am sorry you felt gangbusted, I actually was writing my post and hadnt realised other people had quoted and answered your post when I posted mine.

    I think you have made an excellent contribution to this thread and Id be sorry to see you leave.


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    #286
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    It's ok. It's just when you see about six people asking you the same question consecutively it's a bit much. I may have read the tone wrong too. Easy to do on this medium.

    The man in question is in his 40s so this would have happened at a very different time than now.

    I suppose it depends too on the adoptees response too to hearing his mother didn't want him. Somehow it might help if they hear it's a result of hardship rather than a desire for public admiration.

    I do think the reasons behind why anyone does something has a lot to do with how we judge it. Take for example the simple act of showing up late for work. "I felt like it" is not acceptable. Neither is "I couldn't find my lipstick. ""Bad weather" more acceptable. "My mother/father had a heart attack" even more so.

    If you know people who have had a painful experience as a result of adoption, it's very very hard not to be judgemental, at least for me and the circumstances have a lot to do with it.

    Maybe for some, this is an easy choice to make, but if it weren't so problematic, I don't think we would be having this conversation.


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    #287
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Just to echo what other ladies said, I'm sorry you felt attacked Claire! I guess I agreed with most of what you posted previously on the thread so questioned what you posted because it seemed incongruous and I was genuinely interested in what made you feel that way. Especially as you admitted to feeling almost reluctantly judgemental :-)


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    #288
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I also think I posted as others were posting. The second part of my post, on how women are judged no matter what decision they make, was a general observation, not aimed at anyone in the thread.


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    #289
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    Malari wrote: »
    Just to echo what other ladies said, I'm sorry you felt attacked Claire! I guess I agreed with most of what you posted previously on the thread so questioned what you posted because it seemed incongruous and I was genuinely interested in what made you feel that way. Especially as you admitted to feeling almost reluctantly judgemental :-)

    I'm thinking it through myself as I go along here and I don't pretend to be evenly consistent and without contradiction, such is the price of being human. It's what makes us flawed and what makes us interesting right?

    Aside from the moral quagmires of abortion, I think there are a lot of reasons women choose it over adoption outside of stigma, one being the answerability one day to the adult child you gave up. The consequences of your decision are both invisible and also alive. I can't imagine how that must feel. But I have come close, become close to a couple of people who had been adopted and some are ok with it, and others have really struggled with it [I had found one friend's mother for him when he was 35. He died a year later. His mother lost him then for a second time, and that time for good, it ripped me apart that she felt indebted to me for giving her one year to get to know her son and to meet her grandson.] For those who sufferred it is very hard not to be judgemental because when you encounter their hurt, you encounter the consequences of their mother's decisions.

    And yet despite that judgementalism, I know it's not productive, I know it gets us nowhere in the end. Because what we need is more understanding, and if there were more of that going around, perhaps there would be less women making these difficult choices and less children, women, families, all of us hurting.

    I'm preaching and it aint even Sunday.:rolleyes::rolleyes:


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    #290
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    ^^ Well that makes a lot more sense that your original post on the subject :) It's the way I feel about adoption personally and a reason I would never do it if I had an unplanned pregnancy. But I have to accept that it is the right choice for others, no matter what the circumstances. And I know a woman who did meet up with her birth parents very late in life and it was one of the best things that ever happened to her. I guess my stance is if we feel we can't tell women they shouldn't abort we can't tell people that their adoption reasons have to have a certain standard of desperation and sacrifice too.


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    #291
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    And yet despite that judgementalism, I know it's not productive, I know it gets us nowhere in the end. Because what we need is more understanding, and if there were more of that going around, perhaps there would be less women making these difficult choices and less children, women, families, all of us hurting.

    Yeah big time. There is judgmentalism from both sides in the abortion debate and somehow no matter what choice a woman makes - there is always someone who finds a reason to judge it (and find it lacking). Interestingly, men seem free of any judgment attached to reasons for adoption. Ive never really heard any adoptee friends mention any particular feelings towards birth fathers but I have listened to a spectrum of emotion on the subject of birth mothers (some great stories, some sad ones, some just full of anger).

    Similar to Malari - I dont think we can tell anyone what they should be doing in relation to abortion or adoption or indeed motherhood. People need to do what is best for them for whatever reason is relevant for them and it is not for us to judge that reason. As was already said in the thread - we all have sex - so why is there any judgment on the outcome of it?


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    #292
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    username123 wrote: »
    Yeah big time. There is judgmentalism from both sides in the abortion debate and somehow no matter what choice a woman makes - there is always someone who finds a reason to judge it (and find it lacking). Interestingly, men seem free of any judgment attached to reasons for adoption. Ive never really heard any adoptee friends mention any particular feelings towards birth fathers but I have listened to a spectrum of emotion on the subject of birth mothers (some great stories, some sad ones, some just full of anger).

    Similar to Malari - I dont think we can tell anyone what they should be doing in relation to abortion or adoption or indeed motherhood. People need to do what is best for them for whatever reason is relevant for them and it is not for us to judge that reason. As was already said in the thread - we all have sex - so why is there any judgment on the outcome of it?

    It makes you feel powerful for a few minutes. So the question is what vulnerability is it protecting you from? My guess is that our parents might not love us, that deep down abandonment was always there lurking somewhere possibly and that its a truth not universally acknowledged that a mother's love is unconditional. And those conditions run the gamut.

    We like to think its because they were poor or abused or whatever and that's why they couldn't, not because they didn't feel like it.


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    #293
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    We like to think its because they were poor or abused or whatever and that's why they couldn't, not because they didn't feel like it.

    Yes, that could certainly be a reason. Perhaps a feeling of moral superiority in some cases also (Im specifically thinking religious judgmentalism on that).


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    #294
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    username123 wrote: »
    Yes, that could certainly be a reason. Perhaps a feeling of moral superiority in some cases also (Im specifically thinking religious judgmentalism on that).

    Moral choices like these are never easy and when you make moral choices, whether it's abortion, adoption, the death penalty, euthanasia, war, you are going to face criticism and judgement. It can't be avoided. It's one of the sucky things about adulthood.


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    #295
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭Morag


    Tuesday I was invited to a meeting in Lenister House by one of my TDs.
    Patrick Nulty held a meeting for constituents who had contacted him in support of XCase Ruling legislation. He said that TDs need to be encouraged to vote for it, that the majority of the people in the country agree with having such legislation but that they get swamped with messages from the other side.

    So if you have the time please contact your TDs they need all the encouragement they can get. http://www.nwci.ie/takeaction/


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    #296
    Fizzlesque
    Registered Users Posts: 668 ✭✭✭Fizzlesque


    clairefontaine wrote: »
    Aside from the moral quagmires of abortion, I think there are a lot of reasons women choose it over adoption outside of stigma, one being the answerability one day to the adult child you gave up.

    The accountability to your adult child is an enormous factor which is often overlooked (along with a myriad of factors that are overlooked when anti-choice people offer adoption as an alternative). I struggle enormously with the fact that my decision to have my baby adopted wasn't as selfless as people always try to tell me it was, when they learn I chose to have my child adopted. The fact I was 20 years old (a very young and immature 20 years old at that) with no support, no job, no money, and was more than a little emotionally damaged from a neglectful/abusive childhood, and the fact my father talked me into believing I'd make a dreadful mess of both our (mine and the baby's) lives are what I'll be focusing on when/if my (now-24 year old) daughter decides she'd like to get to know me and asks me the inevitable 'why' question, but, I'd be a liar if I pretended part of me didn't appreciate the opportunity to keep my freedom and to live my young life without having to mature overnight and without a child depending on me.

    I've noticed myself mentally stuff that part of my story into a cupboard in my mind because it fills me with all sorts of negative emotions: (1) will my child hate me when/if she learns my decision wasn't 100% based on what's better for her (2) do I deserve the deep emotional turmoil that finally found its way to the surface (after I'd buried it deeply for years) when I attended counseling for depression and discovered extreme unresolved grief related to my child's adoption was the culprit, and not, as I'd erroneously presumed, related to my abusive childhood - like a form of self harm, berating myself for being weak and heartless and making my child suffer, even though, at the time I thought I was saving her (thanks to my father's ability to convince me of almost anything).

    Since starting to follow this thread, I've been trying to remember back to when I was pregnant, with regard to stigma, and did it play a part. I didn't make my decision to adopt until I was five months pregnant, before then I was fully intending on keeping my baby and becoming a mother, but, as I mentioned earlier, my father talked me into believing I'd make a royal mess of everything and, perhaps indicative of how immature and 'still-a-child-myself' I was, I fully embraced the picture of my incompetence and agreed to consider adoption. As this idea was solidifying in my mind, I used worry about what to tell people - at one point I considered pretending the baby was still-born. I laugh when I think back because in the end I opted for the total opposite: to never allow my daughter's existence to become something nobody mentions, helped enormously by the fact her adoption is semi-open so I've had photographs to show people over the years.

    In 24 years I've only had three people abuse me for my choice ("dirty slag who discards her baby so she can sleep around and party non stop") everyone else has been emotionally supportive (listening to me when I need to talk about my daughter) and understanding that the pain never goes away (drying my tears for the thousandth time) it just hides itself better at times and refuses to hide itself at other times.

    However, unfortunately, there is only one person in the world who has the power to make me feel at peace with my decision, and all I can do is wait in limbo for her to be ready to begin that process. I both dread that day and desperately want it to hurry up and arrive - it's an emotional 'push-me-pull-you' that colours every day of my life.

    My apologies for the length of this post - I always try not to post on this topic because once I start it's difficult to stop, but I think it's as important for women who've chosen adoption to share their experiences as it is for women who've chosen abortion to share their experiences. If I could go back in time, I'd want to know what I now know, so I could make a different choice.


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    #297
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Fizzlesque wrote: »
    In 24 years I've only had three people abuse me for my choice ("dirty slag who discards her baby so she can sleep around and party non stop") everyone else has been emotionally supportive (listening to me when I need to talk about my daughter) and understanding that the pain never goes away (drying my tears for the thousandth time) it just hides itself better at times and refuses to hide itself at other times.

    Jesus christ, I cannot believe I just read that - and that it actually happened!!! All I can say is that anyone who said that to you or thought that of you was a complete moron and by the sounds of it a sociopath as well!! I am so glad that this attitude has been in a minority but sorry you had to suffer it at all.
    Fizzlesque wrote: »
    However, unfortunately, there is only one person in the world who has the power to make me feel at peace with my decision, and all I can do is wait in limbo for her to be ready to begin that process. I both dread that day and desperately want it to hurry up and arrive - it's an emotional 'push-me-pull-you' that colours every day of my life.

    This is very powerful and there must be women for whom it is only dread also. Its very difficult. I hope she makes contact.


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    #298
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    username123 wrote: »
    Jesus christ, I cannot believe I just read that - and that it actually happened!!! All I can say is that anyone who said that to you or thought that of you was a complete moron and by the sounds of it a sociopath as well!! I am so glad that this attitude has been in a minority but sorry you had to suffer it at all.



    This is very powerful and there must be women for whom it is only dread also. Its very difficult. I hope she makes contact.

    Yep. And if she had kept the child she would have been called a dirty slag who kept her child for a meal ticket, and like other single mothers can drink party and sleep around on benefits or some other rotten motivation.


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    #299
    clairefontaine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    Fizzalesque,

    Your post makes me really sad. It makes me sad because I read it that the adoption really wasn't a choice for you, but an extension of your father's abuse to make you give up your child and the kind of abuse that will hurt you over and over again without him having to say a word or lift a finger. It's unfathomably cruel.


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    #300
    krankykitty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,518 ✭✭✭krankykitty


    Fizzalesque, I just wanted to say I feel sad after reading your post, what you went through must have been (and be) so incredibly hard. I wish everyone who rolls out the "but what about Adoption" as an argument could read your story to see what it's not a simple solution but something that will affect numerous people so much throughout their lives. Thank you for sharing it with us. I hope you get your peace (hugs)


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    #301
    dark crystal
    Registered Users Posts: 10,962 ✭✭✭✭dark crystal


    krankykitty wrote: »
    Fizzalesque, I just wanted to say I feel sad after reading your post, what you went through must have been (and be) so incredibly hard. I wish everyone who rolls out the "but what about Adoption" as an argument could read your story to see what it's not a simple solution but something that will affect numerous people so much throughout their lives. Thank you for sharing it with us. I hope you get your peace (hugs)

    I don't believe anyone on this thread implied it was a simple decision at all.


    I absolutely applaud Fizzalesque for being so open and honest about her experience. We talk about others judging our decisions, but sometimes there can be no harsher judge than ourselves.

    I really hope the future holds much happiness for you and you find the peace you need to heal. You deserve it :)


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