No women friends

beks101 · 21-01-2013 5:52pm

I think there might be a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy going on here.

You've been burned by a group of people, so every time you meet more of the same you do so with your back against the wall, shut off, expecting the worst, judging & waiting to be proved right & unwilling to enter that group as anything meaningful except as an observer.

If we're going to generalize here - women can be quite intuitive and being met with that will provoke a reaction, a general distrust & dismay at your apparent sense of superiority that will be discussed among the group. Men often won't pick up on similar as they tend to be a bit more unemotional / emotionally independent than women can be.

Personally, I find it hard to understand when a women is so anti her own sex and is unprepared to look inward at the common denominator in all these social situations, as that would tend to be my first port of call. I've always got on with women and had wonderful, supportive, loving female friendships.

I guess the one common factor in all of these friendships is that we discuss the personal & that's how we become a support to each other as such - just last night I spent two hours on Skype talking to my best female friend , both "venting" about the guys we're seeing because we'd had sh1tty weeks respectively & needed to voice our angst to someone. We were laughing about the lads, thinking "they're probably down the pub talking about yesterday's match oblivious to the absolute headfcuk they're putting us through" but that's just the value of our friendship - we share, we emote, we bond over our need to understand our relationships.

It's not "being bitchy" or putting others down or any number of negative female traits you seem to have concocted in your head, it's finding a safe place to release some pent up emotions & trying to make sense of our lives in the knowledge that someone else understands and cares.

I have a few similar male friendships, but for the most part those friendships would be less emotional & more based on practical, tangible stuff & that's got a great value too.

If you're more used to the male way of things, then getting used to the way women are wired might seem daunting etc, but striking that entire sex off the list because of a few bad experiences means you're not going to be a very balanced or developed person in the long run.

miamee · 21-01-2013 6:10pm

Lunni wrote: »

That's what I used to think, but I've been accused of being unfriendly at work for 'doing my own thing', not being very interested in meeting up after work, not really telling them anything I was up to. They all think I'm sneaky and weird, when really, I knew we just didn't get along and I wanted to be polite, but keep my head down and get on with my life. There's a man at work who does that and nobody talks about him, but because I'm a woman, there seems to be this expectation that I owe them friendship or something.

These people made me feel very uncomfortable (constant b*tching about everything and everyone) and brought me down at a time in my life when I already have enough to worry about, so I tried my best to just not get involved but now apparently even that's rude.

Lunni, I have worked in a small company where the staff were all women and could be very b*tchy at times despite being lovely people most of the time. I'm assuming you are also in a small company/part of a small team. However, you still have to make an effort. Being aloof and not talking to them at all does make it appear that you don't want anything to do with them and it creates bad feeling in such a small team. Getting along with your co-workers is part and parcel of your job IMO and you need to make as much an effort to fit in with the team as with your actual work. There is no harm in chatting to them about what you watched on tv or saw in the cinema or a restaurant you visited at the weekend without giving anything too personal away. A lot of the time the b*tching that you have mentioned arises through stressful situations in the workplace IMO and is basically them letting off steam. It is not nice and can be uncomfortable if they are talking about someone you like but these women are work colleagues, not your friends and you are stuck with them for as long as you work there.

As regards other women outside of work, in my experience women are very open and friendly for the most part. It would be easier to make friends with one woman than a group of them. I don't know if any of your male friends have girlfriends but these might be a more likely source of female friends. Two of my closest friends are male and I love them to bits but there is something very different and special about female friends too. Next time you are out in a group (if this happens) make an effort to talk to one of the women alone and maybe see if there is something you have in common or if she'd like to go for coffee or to the cinema or meet you for a drink one evening

Knockout_91 · 21-01-2013 6:34pm

It's funny reading this thread because I am 21. I was bullied throughout school but always took comfort in the fact that when girls grew up, they turn into these "responsible, loving, mature women" - similar to your mum. (Went to an all girls school).

Then I entered college and realised that there will always still be those "group dynamics" and competitiveness among women, exactly as it was when I was 12. Although women may appear mature on the outside, they are still looking one another up and down on the inside.

Having said that I have had a bad experience with women and likewise to the OP I too have mostly male friends.

I think women need to work together more rather than compete against one another for the attention of men.

Women today seem to be trying harder and harder to act like men it's bizarre - in my age group that is. Using words like "cnuts" in every sentence - talking about ONS's like they're an achievement.

Long gone are the days of feminism and standing up for one another IMO.

21-01-2013 7:03pm

There's a definite vibe of "all women are bitches - except me" about some of these massive, insulting generalisations.

Lia_lia · 21-01-2013 7:33pm

I was never part of a "clique" of female friends. Always hung out with the lads. Not because I hate women and think they are all bitches, I just generally have more in common with guys. Saying that, I have a few very close female friends. They seem to have more male friends too though!

I dunno. Some women are very quick to judge other women, and also just automatically think they dislike them for no reason. It's usually an insecurity/jealously thing. If you give people a chance they will usually give you one too.

And for the record, many men I know constantly bitch about others! You just have to stop caring about it.

Eve_Dublin · 21-01-2013 8:10pm

Das Kitty wrote: »

I used to have few female friends and find it difficult to get on with girls.

Turns out I didn't like myself very much, and when I sorted that out I gained flocks of lady-mates and honestly I'm so happy now.

Not saying that's the case with you, OP. But I really felt I was deflecting the negative feelings I had about myself on other women. I found out that a lot of the people I previously had no time for struggled as much as I did and had the same fears and hopes. It can be easy to write people off, but everybody has something going on in their lives and their heads that you're not aware of.

This.

OP, I thought of this on the way home. When I arrived to Spain 3 and a half years ago, I didn't know anyone here, so made a beeline to the ex pat bar in the city where all the ex pat teachers hang out. The first thing the American barman said to me was, "The Spanish are assholes. Don't bother with them". I kept going to this bar (to make friends...it was the only place at that time that I could as I don't work with anybody) and I kept hearing the same thing.

Over time I realised that it had nothing to do with the Spanish and everything to do with them. They'd alll "fled" to Spain leaving their countries and leaving behind some very messed up situations (divorces, drug dealing etc.) and they're were all essentially functioning alcoholics. Nice people but they didn't like themselves very much.

I found it hard to get started here. I came here without so much as a place to live or even a job. I hadn't even been to Spain before that. Madrid is a large city and city life is hard enough as it is without the different language and not knowing a single person to contend with. It was a really difficult first 6 months or so. My confidence was shot as I took the fact that I couldn't get settled quickly to heart and I wondered what was wrong with me and I found myself projecting my frustration with myself on the whole population (48 million people...I hated them all).

I look back now and laugh but I'll be honest, on the days I don't feel great about myself, I once again blame the citizens of this city.

What I'm trying to say is it's completely illogical to discount the whole population of a country as "assholes" never mind 3.5 billion people on this planet. The Spanish, as it turned out, possess national traits that grate on me but there's as many good and bad people here as anywhere.

Whoopsy asked you if you felt superior to these women but you said that you, in fact, feel inferior. Could it be that you're projecting your own insecurities on a whole gender and discounting them before you even give them a chance?

Can't you see how irrational to put all of us in the same category? Of course there are bitches but unfortunately, arseholes tend to be the loudest in this world. As Beks said, you have to see what the common denominator is in these interactions like I did. I worked on myself, got a bit more self belief and became more open to people here as a result....I'm even going out with one of the arseholes now

This is just my thought. I genuinely think it's a pity you see women this way. I've had my moments in the past (no one is perfect) and I've been called a bitch for things I've said and done on occasion (on here sometimes too) but generally speaking, I'm a good person and generally treat people with respect. If I was judged on every mistake I've made, I'd be a very lonely person as a result. I'm better as I've got older, in fact, more forgiving of others and their faults because I'm more aware of my own.

I've often got people wrong; making judgements about them without knowing them only to discover they're decent skins underneath it all and many of them have even become my frineds. We're only human, OP. No one is perfect and most PEOPLE are good, men and women.

I'd say be honest with yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Do you accept yourself as you are? I believe it's only then that you can be accepting of others. That's what I learned anyway.

wotsit · 21-01-2013 8:39pm

Lunni wrote: »

No, it was a mixed school.

Candie, it's funny you should say that because I've found that women get even worse as they get older. Middle-aged women are the bane of my life at the minute, at work! Bitter, moany, negative, judgemental, rude... when the boss said my colleagues were all middle-aged women, I was expecting maybe a few 'mammy' types who would be friendly and warm, but they're horrible.

Well you certainly fulfilled your own prophecy there lol what do you expect if you go in to any situation where there are 'middle aged women' with a stereotype of middle aged women , and an insulting and unimaginative one at that - ''mammy types'' ???!!!!

Not surprised you're experiencing negativity at the moment :P

Madam_X · 21-01-2013 9:28pm

OP, I was struck by your lack of empathy with women who have really severe periods in another thread, and the way you dismissively said "If you can afford a holiday, you can afford to take measures for painful periods" so if that's any insight into your attitude, well maybe you need to examine your own behaviour around women.
I never believe "It's everyone else, not me" stuff. How come I know countless women who are nothing like what you describe? I do agree women are more likely to be catty than men, but I don't subscribe to that to the point that I start believing it about every woman.

pinkstars wrote: »

ALL women are b*tches, I agree with you....its a fact!
They are jealous, rude, spiteful, the list goes on and on and on.....

Meh, says more about you than all the women whom you don't know but say such things about anyway. If you're a woman also, well... seems to fit with your theory.

dfx- · 21-01-2013 9:36pm

I don't generally make friends with genders, I make friends with people I like/I am around/I am introduced to.

If that means no female friends, OP, then there's nothing wrong with that..

anamara86 · 21-01-2013 9:37pm

I often find myself in the same situation. Growing up as any only girl in a house full of boys, and a mother who I didn't get on particularly well with, I've often felt an affinity with men, a kind of comfort. Growing up, I had a small clique of girl friends who I adored, but sadly as time went on we saw less and less of one another.

I went through the same thing as you, just assuming that I preferred the company of men to women, but at the same time, I always felt like I was missing out on that female connection - there is a very special bond between women, which maybe you wouldn't get with men.

Lunni · 21-01-2013 11:25pm

beks101 wrote: »

I guess the one common factor in all of these friendships is that we discuss the personal & that's how we become a support to each other as such - just last night I spent two hours on Skype talking to my best female friend , both "venting" about the guys we're seeing because we'd had sh1tty weeks respectively & needed to voice our angst to someone. We were laughing about the lads, thinking "they're probably down the pub talking about yesterday's match oblivious to the absolute headfcuk they're putting us through" but that's just the value of our friendship - we share, we emote, we bond over our need to understand our relationships.

It's not "being bitchy" or putting others down or any number of negative female traits you seem to have concocted in your head, it's finding a safe place to release some pent up emotions & trying to make sense of our lives in the knowledge that someone else understands and cares.

Except what you're describing is positive and caring. Not at all the kind of b*tching I'm talking about. 'Who does she think she is, cutting her hair like that?' or 'would she not have ironed that shirt?'

miamee wrote: »

Lunni, I have worked in a small company where the staff were all women and could be very b*tchy at times despite being lovely people most of the time. I'm assuming you are also in a small company/part of a small team. However, you still have to make an effort. Being aloof and not talking to them at all does make it appear that you don't want anything to do with them and it creates bad feeling in such a small team. Getting along with your co-workers is part and parcel of your job IMO and you need to make as much an effort to fit in with the team as with your actual work. There is no harm in chatting to them about what you watched on tv or saw in the cinema or a restaurant you visited at the weekend without giving anything too personal away. A lot of the time the b*tching that you have mentioned arises through stressful situations in the workplace IMO and is basically them letting off steam. It is not nice and can be uncomfortable if they are talking about someone you like but these women are work colleagues, not your friends and you are stuck with them for as long as you work there.

I always have chatted about the weekend, suggested films to see, bars to visit, shops to check out. Apparently that's not good enough.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Over time I realised that it had nothing to do with the Spanish and everything to do with them. They'd alll "fled" to Spain leaving their countries and leaving behind some very messed up situations (divorces, drug dealing etc.) and they're were all essentially functioning alcoholics. Nice people but they didn't like themselves very much.

Funny you should bring up Spain because that's where I am and all my colleagues have that anti-Spanish attitude and they too are all 'escaping' something from back home. I've had the last 4 months of trying to defend the Spanish against my colleague's opinion that they're stupid, arrogant, ignorant, rude lazy and that it's all their own fault the country is a mess.

What I'm trying to say is it's completely illogical to discount the whole population of a country as "assholes" never mind 3.5 billion people on this planet. The Spanish, as it turned out, possess national traits that grate on me but there's as many good and bad people here as anywhere.

Whoopsy asked you if you felt superior to these women but you said that you, in fact, feel inferior. Could it be that you're projecting your own insecurities on a whole gender and discounting them before you even give them a chance?

Can't you see how irrational to put all of us in the same category? Of course there are bitches but unfortunately, arseholes tend to be the loudest in this world. As Beks said, you have to see what the common denominator is in these interactions like I did. I worked on myself, got a bit more self belief and became more open to people here as a result....I'm even going out with one of the arseholes now

I'd say be honest with yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Do you accept yourself as you are? I believe it's only then that you can be accepting of others. That's what I learned anyway.

I get your point...I know it's illogical. Yes, I am happy with myself as a person. I think I'm a nice person. I'm not fake, I don't b*tch, always willing to lend a hand etc. I know I'm far from perfect which is why I let a lot of stuff go in other people. For God's sake, my colleague used to moan about Irish people and how thick they are and how they can't speak proper English, knowing full well I'm Irish, and I still tried to be polite and diplomatic!

wotsit wrote: »

Well you certainly fulfilled your own prophecy there lol what do you expect if you go in to any situation where there are 'middle aged women' with a stereotype of middle aged women , and an insulting and unimaginative one at that - ''mammy types'' ???!!!!

Not surprised you're experiencing negativity at the moment :P

Could you be any more nickpickey? It was meant in a positive way - as in I was expecting these women to be mature, caring, wise, positive, like the few middle-aged women I'm close to and adore (such as my MIL). I wasn't expecting bitter, nasty, judgemental, childish people. Most of my colleagues are less mature than the kids I teach. One of them asked for 2 days off next week to make it 'fair' because I have 2 days off next week. I'm going to be in the hospital!

Madam_X wrote: »

OP, I was struck by your lack of empathy with women who have really severe periods in another thread, and the way you dismissively said "If you can afford a holiday, you can afford to take measures for painful periods" so if that's any insight into your attitude, well maybe you need to examine your own behaviour around women.
I never believe "It's everyone else, not me" stuff. How come I know countless women who are nothing like what you describe? I do agree women are more likely to be catty than men, but I don't subscribe to that to the point that I start believing it about every woman.

Meh, says more about you than all the women whom you don't know but say such things about anyway. If you're a woman also, well... seems to fit with your theory.

To be honest, that post struck a nerve with me because the poster said something about wishing for early menopause, which I found pretty offensive, even in jest. I haven't had a period in years. I really don't know if I'll be able to have children. When I did have periods, they were very heavy and painful, but that's absolutely nothing compared to NOT having them. I don't think early menopause is really an OK thing to 'wish' for on a women's forum, just because your period is going to arrive during your holiday, so perhaps I'm not the only one 'lacking in empathy'?

Any woman I know who is that bothered, has gone on the pill or another type of treatment to postpone or get rid of their periods. Yes, I did see that post as very 'drama queeny' and insensitive, but I do realise a lot of that is my own issue.

Eve_Dublin · 21-01-2013 11:47pm

Lunni wrote: »

Funny you should bring up Spain because that's where I am and all my colleagues have that anti-Spanish attitude and they too are all 'escaping' something from back home. I've had the last 4 months of trying to defend the Spanish against my colleague's opinion that they're stupid, arrogant, ignorant, rude lazy and that it's all their own fault the country is a mess.

I find that's a common attitude among expats in Spain though. Those moaners I was talking about were ALL men. In fact, the women I met seemed to have assimilated and adjusted better than the expat fellas that frequented that bar.

Can't you see it's not down to gender in that case? We both have experiences of both genders being moany holes.

beks101 · 22-01-2013 12:01am

Lunni wrote: »

Except what you're describing is positive and caring. Not at all the kind of b*tching I'm talking about. 'Who does she think she is, cutting her hair like that?' or 'would she not have ironed that shirt?'

Honestly, this is just 'Mean Girls' to me. It's a comedy film for a reason - it's too one-dimensional, most women are just not that comically bitchy. Any of the blatant 'bitches' I know (and it's few and far between, I'm really wracking my brains) are well known for that and are ignored/barely tolerated/secretly mocked accordingly.

And men can be just as bad. Met a male friend for dinner yesterday who started relentlessly bitching about his 'insufferably boring' flatmate's friend; then moaning about a project his (male) friend is busting his ass on which he thinks is 'stupid'.

People bitch; both men and women do it. If you don't like it, tune it out. Ignore it and move on with your day. But don't selectively hear the things you need to hear in order to validate a deep-seated belief you hold about women all being bitches when the fact is that it's simply not true.

Maybe that person is having a bad day and taking it out on the world around them. Or maybe that person is just generally a negative, petty, bitter character who engages in that kind of behaviour regularly. Either way, it doesn't say anything about their sex and says everything about their character. They're doing it because that's who they are as an individual, not because of what's between their legs.

Eve_Dublin · 22-01-2013 12:04am

OP, do you literally have NO female friends?

Lunni · 22-01-2013 12:23am

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

OP, do you literally have NO female friends?

I had a few good female friends in college but we live in separate countries now. I was very good friends with a girl I worked with a few years ago, but she turned out to be not such a nice person - she was cheating on her fiance with her flatmate and getting others to lie about it. I still e-mail her and have fond memories of the times we spent chatting in bars for hours, but we'll never be a close as we were.

At the moment, no, I don't really have any real female friends. Acquaintances from college/work I got on well with and a few local Spanish girls I've been meeting up to practise Spanish/English with, but no real, close friends, no.

Stheno · 22-01-2013 1:35am

Lunni wrote: »

I had a few good female friends in college but we live in separate countries now. I was very good friends with a girl I worked with a few years ago, but she turned out to be not such a nice person - she was cheating on her fiance with her flatmate and getting others to lie about it. I still e-mail her and have fond memories of the times we spent chatting in bars for hours, but we'll never be a close as we were.

At the moment, no, I don't really have any real female friends. Acquaintances from college/work I got on well with and a few local Spanish girls I've been meeting up to practise Spanish/English with, but no real, close friends, no.

Do you have any close male friends?

SueBoom · 22-01-2013 1:39am

So many women seem to be in near constant competition with each other. I don't see this kind of thing in men, this degrading of their own gender. What makes particular women think they stand out among all women? What is it that makes them think they're different? Surely your decision on whether you like people should be based on a personality to personality basis. Writing off an entire gender, your OWN gender, seems a little out there. I don't see how you could have any close female friends if that's how you feel. A change of attitude and how you perceive them may help.

Stheno · 22-01-2013 2:24am

SueBoom wrote: »

So many women seem to be in near constant competition with each other. I don't see this kind of thing in men, this degrading of their own gender. What makes particular women think they stand out among all women? What is it that makes them think they're different? Surely your decision on whether you like people should be based on a personality to personality basis. Writing off an entire gender, your OWN gender, seems a little out there. I don't see how you could have any close female friends if that's how you feel. A change of attitude and how you perceive them may help.

I'd not agree with your points about men at all. I have worked almost all of my professional life (15 years) in male dominated professions, been on teams of 40 where I was the only woman e.g. I spent six months in a team of 10 women and 1 man, and it was markedly different in that the women were much more interested in each other, can't say they were bitchy, just nosier.

My current role I am the one of two women on a team of ten, manage 8 guys, and in a broader context of my company am the only woman there in a technical role.

There are plenty of women in the company, just not on my team/in my area, and we get on well, have a right laugh, and they can be incredibly supportive (stupid **** like "heck I've laddered my tights, and I've a meeting in ten minutes, anyone a spare pair?" to just being good to each other) There is plenty of gossip in the company, and I tend to hear it from the guys as I interact with them more, due to the nature of my job, and believe me, from 15 years of experience, men are not only potentially as bitchy as women, they are also far less likely to live within the boundaries of being pc when you breach the "oh we can't say that in front of a woman" barrier.

I've friends both male and female, but tend to be a bit of a solitary person, I have a tendancy to limit what I am willing to share, and a lot of the time am much more happier on my own

I know that if I had a dreadful personal issue in the morning to deal with, I'd get plenty of support from casual, close friends and family and to be honest I don't care about the gender.

At this stage in my life it's a good mix, it was a funny enough mix when I was younger.

Lunni · 22-01-2013 10:35am

Stheno wrote: »

Do you have any close male friends?

Loads.

SueBoom wrote: »

So many women seem to be in near constant competition with each other. I don't see this kind of thing in men, this degrading of their own gender. What makes particular women think they stand out among all women? What is it that makes them think they're different? Surely your decision on whether you like people should be based on a personality to personality basis. Writing off an entire gender, your OWN gender, seems a little out there. I don't see how you could have any close female friends if that's how you feel. A change of attitude and how you perceive them may help.

Where's the constant competition? I don't get your aggression. I don't think I'm special or better than other women, I just can't understand or fit in with the vast majority of women. I have tried for my ENTIRE LIFE. Any time I've been with a group of women, I always feel left outside on the margins, even when the women have seemed nice and friendly. I suffer from mild Aspergers Syndrome, so I can't 'do' much small talk. Like I said earlier on the thread, I think a lot of women assume I'm being bitchy or rude (because perhaps that's what THEY expect from a woman) when really I'm just being myself. I find that men are more able to accept me as I am.

SueBoom · 22-01-2013 10:43am

Lunni wrote: »

Where's the constant competition? I don't get your aggression. I don't think I'm special or better than other women, I just can't understand or fit in with the vast majority of women. I have tried for my ENTIRE LIFE. Any time I've been with a group of women, I always feel left outside on the margins, even when the women have seemed nice and friendly. I suffer from mild Aspergers Syndrome, so I can't 'do' much small talk. Like I said earlier on the thread, I think a lot of women assume I'm being bitchy or rude (because perhaps that's what THEY expect from a woman) when really I'm just being myself. I find that men are more able to accept me as I am.

No aggression intended at all. I just find it a bit confusing. I've seen this kind of thing before and I think it's more about your feelings towards and about them rather than anything they've done or said and perhaps your own feelings about yourself. As you said yourself, you feel "left outside on the margins even if the women have seemed nice and friendly." That's all I was trying to say really.

22-01-2013 10:57am

If you don't like women, then move on, and be happy with the male friends you have got. In all honesty, I have no idea why you would have any interest in making female friends if you have such a bad view of them, it makes no sense. If you truly want women friends, you need to wake up to reality and ask yourself, what's the common demoninator here? Is it all the women you've ever met, or is it you?

Lunni · 22-01-2013 10:59am

Deleted User wrote: »

If you don't like women, then move on, and be happy with the male friends you have got. In all honesty, I have no idea why you would have any interest in making female friends if you have such a bad view of them, it makes no sense. If you truly want women friends, you need to wake up to reality and ask yourself, what's the common demoninator here? Is it all the women you've ever met, or is it you?

Where did I say I didn't like women?

22-01-2013 11:06am

Lunni wrote: »

Where did I say I didn't like women?

I said if you don't. I also said if you do want to make friends.

You've completely ignored the point if my post though.

Wibbs · 22-01-2013 11:07am

Deleted User wrote: »

If you truly want women friends, you need to wake up to reality and ask yourself, what's the common demoninator here? Is it all the women you've ever met, or is it you?

Maybe, or maybe there's another angle? Maybe her personality just doesn't "get" women in general? I mean that as a generalisation of course as "women" arent a hivemind. I've known men who are far happier in their own genders company, ditto for women being happier in their own genders company and of course the complete opposite where people are more comfortable in the other genders company. With no judgement attached. Most of us would hopefully be in the middle, but extremes exist and it may just be down to that?

I'd wholeheartedly agree with this though;

If you don't like women, then move on, and be happy with the male friends you have got

Lunni · 22-01-2013 11:10am

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe, or maybe there's another angle? Maybe her personality just doesn't "get" women in general? I mean that as a generalisation of course as "women" arent a hivemind. I've known men who are far happier in their own genders company, ditto for women being happier in their own genders company and of course the complete opposite where people are more comfortable in the other genders company. With no judgement attached. Most of us would hopefully be in the middle, but extremes exist and it may just be down to that?

I'd wholeheartedly agree with this though;

Exactly, that's pretty much how I feel. I might just have to resign myself to the fact that I just get on better with men and that I won't bother having a hen party etc.

Wibbs · 22-01-2013 11:31am

Cool, but you're really missing out if you exclude 50% of the people on earth. Like I said, while each gender may have some gender specific differences, many if not most are social constructs and there are lot of men and women who don't follow them.

22-01-2013 11:48am

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe, or maybe there's another angle? Maybe her personality just doesn't "get" women in general?

Absolutely, but that essentially the point I was making. If the OP wishes to make female friends, something which she has tried her entire life to do, she needs to look to her own personality rather than generalise her own gender.

tomboylady · 22-01-2013 11:49am

I have a few female friends (i'm not even sure I'd call them 'friends'), but only one that I'm in any way close to. The majority of my friends are male, and I have two or three that I'm really close to.

I've always found it easier to get on with guys rather than with girls. This is going to sound ridiculous but I'm usually stumped by what to talk to girls about. Growing up I was always surrounded by girls who were obsessed with fashion, or make-up, or finding a boyfriend. I just don't think like that. I feel like girls are always in competition with each other as well, and life is too short for that kind of thing.

I've also lived with both genders in the past and found it 100 times easier to live with guys than girls The girls I have encountered were always messy, inconsiderate, bitchy, and loud. I'd love to have more female friends but I just find that I usually have nothing in common with them, or I get fed up talking to them after a while.

Bubblefett · 22-01-2013 3:48pm

I think whoopsadaisydoodles said it best at the start of this thread

Deleted User wrote: »

I know very few of the women you describe and the ones I do, simply aren't my friends. I've no interest in associating with people (male or female) who carry on like that.

If I met girls that were bitches, I didn't become friend with them. Same with lads- if a guy was an ass I wouldn't want anything to do with him. And I've met both guys and girls like this in equal measure to be honest (maybe slightly more girls because of going to an all girls secondary school). Life's too short for crappy friends, it's just better to stick to people who are nice, who you trust and who you get on with, regardless of gender.

shoos · 22-01-2013 9:19pm

This thread has been great for the sweeping generalisations and stereotypes!

OP,

I've experienced plenty of girls just like you've described. Girls in school destroying friendships, college girls stabbing their "friends" in the back, and then of course, the odd girls you see strutting through a party with her only plan of the night to be horrible and hurt feelings.

Those girls undoubtedly exist. But either you live in the most awful and hostile county in Ireland, or there's a bigger picture going on here with why these are your only female-friendship experiences.

I have a small group of female friends - they're lovely.
Friend's of theirs from college I've met - just as lovely.
My boyfriend's friend's girlfriends - sweeter than sugar, all of them.
Random ladies I've got chatting to in queues, waiting rooms, toilets, house parties etc. - many a face I never got to know, but could easily have become a friend.

It's just too crazy that you haven't found something similar.

I would double-check that your negative expectations aren't doing something to your demeanour or your attitude when meeting new women or beginning friendships, because as we all know, women are very intuitive. There might be something a bit "off" about you when you're getting to know us, which is hindering friendships.

But also, from what I've read about your workplace - that seems like a nasty little hole you've found yourself in. Is it possible to look elsewhere for work?

No women friends

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