People don't cheat in happy marriages.

anastasia2 · 13-01-2013 01:49AM

''I don't need experience to tell me someone is a cheat because they're not happy. You think if a man is married to a woman that truly makes him happy, he's be out cheating on her? Of course he wouldn't. Why is that so difficult to understand?'':eek:

''Anyone who gets married and cheats on their partner is completely unhappy, he wants whatever he wants, but it's for damn sure he doesn't want his wife or care what his kids will go through''

Exactly OP. but its not necessarily the womans fault if he is unhappy, there are other underlying factors which have made this man a lying selfish unhappy person who spends a his time looking for the next conquest. Upbringing does come into it for example if someone is brought up in a home where this cheating went on and wasnt challenged then they see it as ok behaviour and will replicate it in their own life.
Its a shame these men cannot get their heads straight as to what they want before there are children involved. The woman left with the chidren has given this man these children because she was clearly happy and secure in the relationship and thought he was a good father figure. The man who cheats in this situation doesnt do so because he is unhappy with his wife, he does so because he thinks he can and that its acceptable.
Love and respect are two powerful words when it comes to relationships regardless if there is marriage or not. If a man or woman had self respect and cared for themseves and their partner they would not be behaving like this. I think marriage does not cause cheaters, its in a persons genes and upbringing.

PaulB1984 · 13-01-2013 01:54AM

anastasia2 wrote: »

''I don't need experience to tell me someone is a cheat because they're not happy. You think if a man is married to a woman that truly makes him happy, he's be out cheating on her? Of course he wouldn't. Why is that so difficult to understand?'':eek:

''Anyone who gets married and cheats on their partner is completely unhappy, he wants whatever he wants, but it's for damn sure he doesn't want his wife or care what his kids will go through''

Exactly OP. but its not necessarily the womans fault if he is unhappy, there are other underlying factors which have made this man a lying selfish unhappy person who spends a his time looking for the next conquest. Upbringing does come into it for example if someone is brought up in a home where this cheating went on and wasnt challenged then they see it as ok behaviour and will replicate it in their own life.
Its a shame these men cannot get their heads straight as to what they want before there are children involved. The woman left with the chidren has given this man these children because she was clearly happy and secure in the relationship and thought he was a good father figure. The man who cheats in this situation doesnt do so because he is unhappy with his wife, he does so because he thinks he can and that its acceptable.
Love and respect are two powerful words when it comes to relationships regardless if there is marriage or not. If a man or woman had self respect and cared for themseves and their partner they would not be behaving like this. I think marriage does not cause cheaters, its in a persons genes and upbringing.

I never said it was the sole fault of the partner, but when someone cheats, they're unhappy in their marriage, if it's anything else, why would sex be on their mind?

Czarcasm · 13-01-2013 02:24AM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I never said it was the sole fault of the partner, but when someone cheats, they're unhappy in their marriage, if it's anything else, why would sex be on their mind?

Alright, I'll keep it simple then-

Do you understand the concept that someone can be happy within their marriage, but unhappy in themselves?

Your simplistic view of cheating means you think it's always based on sex. It's not.

PhlegmyMoses · 13-01-2013 02:29AM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Even the biggest idiot wouldn't cheat on someone they're very happy with. I've never heard of it. Insecurity is unhappiness too, i don't know why everyone here seems to think it isn't.

If someone wants a life of screwing around, fantastic, let them, but why marry, buy home, have kids etc?

Er, if somebody is insecure, they are unhappy. It does not mean that they are unhappy with their partner. They could be perfectly happy with their partner but have far deeper seated emotional issues that cause them to cheat.

Scanlas The 2nd · 13-01-2013 09:24AM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I'm smacking my head off a brick wall right now.

Nobody who is happy with their chosen partner would want to shag anyone else. Not a chance in hell. And cheating on someone who gives you their whole heart and believes your faithful to them is "Exciting and pleasurable"? Sick. Really sick.

So you think people cheat because it's boring and painful?

In the real world people cheat in a variety of circumstances, some are unhappily married, some are happily married. Some people are perfectly happy with their partner but they have a desire for sex with someone different for a change.

Sometimes people don't get the desire for sex with others, sometimes they do and act on it, sometimes they do and don't act on it.

MMAGirl · 13-01-2013 09:46AM

Sometimes you just need a different mickey to play with. Doesn't mean you love the one you have any less.

Most of the time I eat Chinese. But sometimes i like to gobble an Italian.
Doesn't mean I don't love Chinese.

sunflower27 · 13-01-2013 09:50AM

MMAGirl wrote: »

Sometimes you just need a different mickey to play with. Doesn't mean you love the one you have any less.

Most of the time I eat Chinese. But sometimes i like to gobble an Italian.
Doesn't mean I don't love Chinese.

Come on now, rationalising cheating in relationships with food is pretty lame.

smash · 13-01-2013 10:00AM

MMAGirl wrote: »

Most of the time I eat Chinese. But sometimes i like to gobble an Italian.
Doesn't mean I don't love Chinese.

I gobbled an Italian once, she was tasty. Never tried a Chinese though.

MMAGirl · 13-01-2013 10:02AM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Come on now, rationalising cheating in relationships with food is pretty lame.

Who was talking about food :0

PaulB1984 · 13-01-2013 02:51PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Alright, I'll keep it simple then-

Do you understand the concept that someone can be happy within their marriage, but unhappy in themselves?

Your simplistic view of cheating means you think it's always based on sex. It's not.

A lame excuse for someone to screw around, as old as time. Up there with "My wife doesn't understand me!".

Cheating IS sex when you think about it. Does anyone cheat without it? Although even looking at another woman/ man and for a second wishing you were with them instead of your partner is still cheating.

If someone is unhappy in themselves, they won't destroy the only thing that has a chance of making them happy, their family.

PaulB1984 · 13-01-2013 02:53PM

MMAGirl wrote: »

Sometimes you just need a different mickey to play with. Doesn't mean you love the one you have any less.

Most of the time I eat Chinese. But sometimes i like to gobble an Italian.
Doesn't mean I don't love Chinese.

If you need a different "mickey to play with", obviously you're not happy with the person you're with. If you were, their "mickey" would be enough.

Czarcasm · 13-01-2013 03:42PM

See? You just did it again- digging your heels in and completely unwilling to see any point of view beyond your own nose, beyond your view that is define by your lack of experience of relationships.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

A lame excuse for someone to screw around, as old as time. Up there with "My wife doesn't understand me!".

It actually wasn't offered as an excuse, it was posed as a question. You clearly don't understand the concept. My point was that you cannot depend on other people to "make" you happy. You have be happy within yourself first, and then you can share that with other people. You cannot "make" them happy either, they choose to be with you because you're a good person to be around. You share your happiness and it makes them forget their own insecurities in your company.

Cheating IS sex when you think about it.

Nope, no it's not. I'm trying to keep a straight face as I type this because with all due respect- you sure do have some laughable notions. Cheating is deception. In the context of this discussion, cheating would be defined as deceiving your partner, or would you like to steer the discussion your way again? Cheating as you've pointed out yourself can be on an emotional level, with no physical activity involved whatsoever! You would still be deceiving your partner.

"Emotional cheating" isn't particularly a concept I buy into myself, but I understand there are people that do. I indulge in viewing adult entertainment and there are swathes of people that would consider that emotionally cheating on my wife. Is my wife then cheating on me too when she watches adult entertainment and uses a vibrator to get herself off? Fantasizing about the on-screen lothario and what he wouldn't do to her (or her to him for that matter?

).

Does anyone cheat without it? Although even looking at another woman/ man and for a second wishing you were with them instead of your partner is still cheating.

Well you just answered your own question there? You asked does anyone cheat without sex, and then went on to say that even looking at another person is still cheating? I think you're only confusing yourself tbh and looking for an argument for the sake of argument. I look at other women all the time, my wife looks at other men all the time. And hold on to your seat for this one, but sometimes we'd even talk to them! :eek: :pac:

If someone is unhappy in themselves, they won't destroy the only thing that has a chance of making them happy, their family.

Again with the simplistic view, but how and ever- I've already mentioned that other people won't make you happy. If you're not happy within yourself, the only and best thing other people will be able to do, is make you forget about your own unhappiness within yourself.

As for destroying their family, well some people do stupid things some of the time, it's human nature that we make mistakes. The important thing is what we learn from those mistakes. And so to go back to the original question in your OP-

PaulB1984 wrote: »

If a man or woman cheats on their life partner, how is it that people always believe they can make it work?

Because, hold on to your chair again- People's experience (which you sadly lack) tells them they can make it work. People make it work all the time, contrary to your ingrained opinion.

13-01-2013 03:50PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Although even looking at another woman/ man and for a second wishing you were with them instead of your partner is still cheating.

Thats not cheating, thats being human.

PaulB1984 · 13-01-2013 03:52PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

See? You just did it again- digging your heels in and completely unwilling to see any point of view beyond your own nose, beyond your view that is define by your lack of experience of relationships.

It actually wasn't offered as an excuse, it was posed as a question. You clearly don't understand the concept. My point was that you cannot depend on other people to "make" you happy. You have be happy within yourself first, and then you can share that with other people. You cannot "make" them happy either, they choose to be with you because you're a good person to be around. You share your happiness and it makes them forget their own insecurities in your company.

Nope, no it's not. I'm trying to keep a straight face as I type this because with all due respect- you sure do have some laughable notions. Cheating is deception. In the context of this discussion, cheating would be defined as deceiving your partner, or would you like to steer the discussion your way again? Cheating as you've pointed out yourself can be on an emotional level, with no physical activity involved whatsoever! You would still be deceiving your partner.

"Emotional cheating" isn't particularly a concept I buy into myself, but I understand there are people that do. I indulge in viewing adult entertainment and there are swathes of people that would consider that emotionally cheating on my wife. Is my wife then cheating on me too when she watches adult entertainment and uses a vibrator to get herself off? Fantasizing about the on-screen lothario and what he wouldn't do to her (or her to him for that matter? ).

Well you just answered your own question there? You asked does anyone cheat without sex, and then went on to say that even looking at another person is still cheating? I think you're only confusing yourself tbh and looking for an argument for the sake of argument. I look at other women all the time, my wife looks at other men all the time. And hold on to your seat for this one, but sometimes we'd even talk to them! :eek: :pac:

Again with the simplistic view, but how and ever- I've already mentioned that other people won't make you happy. If you're not happy within yourself, the only and best thing other people will be able to do, is make you forget about your own unhappiness within yourself.

As for destroying their family, well some people do stupid things some of the time, it's human nature that we make mistakes. The important thing is what we learn from those mistakes. And so to go back to the original question in your OP-

Because, hold on to your chair again- People's experience (which you sadly lack) tells them they can make it work. People make it work all the time, contrary to your ingrained opinion.

Someone gives me a block of cheese = I'm happy. Someone takes back the block of cheese = I'm unhappy.

Where are you getting all that hilarious rubbish from? It's not up to other people to make us happy? Who's it up to then? I'm to shag myself? I'm to give myself cheese? I'm to buy myself the new movie box set i want? Answer me a question... How do i do that without help from other people?

Simple fact is, people who cheat are unhappy, unloyal and should end up with nothing at all for being a no-good lying lowlife. Unhappy people, get out of your marriage, instead of making a fool out of the person you promised your love and "mickey" too.

PaulB1984 · 13-01-2013 03:55PM

Candie wrote: »

Thats not cheating, thats being human.

And it's being unhappy with what you already have. If i'm out for dinner with, say, Cheryl Cole, and someone passes by, will i say "Oh God, i wish i had and not Cheryl Cole!". No. Why? Because i'm happy with what i have.

From what i see here, there's a lot of cheats and liars in Ireland, i'm scared for the country.

Squ · 13-01-2013 03:59PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I'm being deadly serious. The sole reason of cheating in marriages is the want for change, for something that may be deemed better.

Thats like saying when you go on holiday, and enjoy it, you should live there?

Yeah the holiday is fun, but its always nice to get home after..

13-01-2013 04:00PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

And it's being unhappy with what you already have. If i'm out for dinner with, say, Cheryl Cole, and someone passes by, will i say "Oh God, i wish i had and not Cheryl Cole!". No. Why? Because i'm happy with what i have.

From what i see here, there's a lot of cheats and liars in Ireland, i'm scared for the country.

People look at others all the time. Because its programmed into us, because people catch our eye, because we have preferences that a random stranger in the street might sum up in one total attractive package. It doesn't mean we'll act on it, it doesn't mean we'll give them more than a passing glance. It means we're human animals and we're still partially slaves to certain primal urges and instincts.

Glancing at someone for a moment doesn't make you a cheat or a liar, and it doesn't mean you aren't happy with what you've got. Only the most insecure and jealous person would extrapolate that from it.

You're really clutching at straws to shore up a fragile argument.

Scanlas The 2nd · 13-01-2013 04:03PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

If you need a different "mickey to play with", obviously you're not happy with the person you're with. If you were, their "mickey" would be enough.

Well it would be hard for her to find a man with numerous mickeys. From reading her post she seems happy in her relationship, however no relationship with one man can satisfy her desire for "new mickey". So there is nothing wrong with her relationship as a monogomous relationship can ne'er provide "new mickey".

Czarcasm · 13-01-2013 04:12PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Someone gives me a block of cheese = I'm happy. Someone takes back the block of cheese = I'm unhappy.

Where are you getting all that hilarious rubbish from? It's not up to other people to make us happy? Who's it up to then? I'm to shag myself? I'm to give myself cheese? I'm to buy myself the new movie box set i want? Answer me a question... How do i do that without help from other people?

Simple fact is, people who cheat are unhappy, unloyal and should end up with nothing at all for being a no-good lying lowlife. Unhappy people, get out of your marriage, instead of making a fool out of the person you promised your love and "mickey" too.

I've been reluctant to mention it up to now, but from the time I originally read your OP, it came across that you seem to have far deeper seated issues than just a discussion on whether or not people can make a marriage work after one of them, or even both, have cheated.

I mean this with the greatest of respect, and hopefully you'll take it as a helpful suggestion, but you might be better off to take yourself over to the "Personal Issues" forum, or even the "Relationship Issues" forums, as there seems to be more going on than just posing a question and being open to discussion about it with people whose points of view differ to your own. You are completely unwilling to listen to those that have entertained your ridiculous notions and awful analogies thus far.

MMAGirl · 13-01-2013 04:42PM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

If you need a different "mickey to play with", obviously you're not happy with the person you're with. If you were, their "mickey" would be enough.

I love one mickey and it's fantastic. But very now and then I like to try out a different one. Let's me know how good the main mickey is, but also gives me something different to play with for a night.

PaulB1984 · 14-01-2013 12:10AM

Candie wrote: »

People look at others all the time. Because its programmed into us, because people catch our eye, because we have preferences that a random stranger in the street might sum up in one total attractive package. It doesn't mean we'll act on it, it doesn't mean we'll give them more than a passing glance. It means we're human animals and we're still partially slaves to certain primal urges and instincts.

Glancing at someone for a moment doesn't make you a cheat or a liar, and it doesn't mean you aren't happy with what you've got. Only the most insecure and jealous person would extrapolate that from it.

You're really clutching at straws to shore up a fragile argument.

Looking at someone else is the beginning. I really don't see how it's a fragile argument. First, it's hardly fragile, everyone (who's not cheating on their partner and trying to make excuses for their behaviour) knows that someone will only cheat if they're not happy in their marriage. Secondly, it's not an argument, it's a debate. People here wanna throw crap my way and suggest i shouldn't have an opinion because i'm not married, go ahead, it really doesn't make the point any less valid. And the fact that people here believe insecurity is not being unhappy just baffles me.

PaulB1984 · 14-01-2013 12:12AM

MMAGirl wrote: »

I love one mickey and it's fantastic. But very now and then I like to try out a different one. Let's me know how good the main mickey is, but also gives me something different to play with for a night.

By this silly post, you're either getting none, or getting too much. But if you think it's ok to cheat on your partner, go tell him his "mickey"'s not enough to keep you happy. See what happens.

Please Kill Me · 14-01-2013 12:20AM

Candie wrote: »

Glancing at someone for a moment doesn't make you a cheat or a liar, and it doesn't mean you aren't happy with what you've got.

But it does! That's EXACTLY what it means. If you were happy with who you're with, you wouldn't be looking in the first place!

MMAGirl wrote: »

I love one mickey and it's fantastic. But very now and then I like to try out a different one. Let's me know how good the main mickey is, but also gives me something different to play with for a night.

You almost say that like you're proud! That's disgusting and disgraceful. You are what's wrong with society today!! :mad:

Czarcasm · 14-01-2013 12:29AM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Looking at someone else is the beginning. I really don't see how it's a fragile argument.

Following your logic then, everyone would still be with their childhood crush, whereas you haven't even gotten off the starting blocks.

First, it's hardly fragile, everyone (who's not cheating on their partner and trying to make excuses for their behaviour) knows that someone will only cheat if they're not happy in their marriage.

You really can't speak for "everyone", and has been indicated in this thread alone time and again- your assumptions are completely wrong as you base your whole opinion around sex. It's also been pointed out to you time and again that cheating is not just about sex, but you're still unwilling to accept this.

Secondly, it's not an argument, it's a debate. People here wanna throw crap my way and suggest i shouldn't have an opinion because i'm not married, go ahead, it really doesn't make the point any less valid.

No contributor to this thread suggested you shouldn't have an opinion, you're perfectly entitled to your opinion. Your opinion is however invalid, because your opinion is an uninformed opinion, because you have no experience on which to base your argument. You are completely unwilling to listen to informed opinion.

And the fact that people here believe insecurity is not being unhappy just baffles me.

Nobody suggested insecurity wasn't being unhappy, so where you got that from baffles me too tbh!

PaulB1984 · 14-01-2013 12:33AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Following your logic then, everyone would still be with their childhood crush, whereas you haven't even gotten off the starting blocks.

You really can't speak for "everyone", and has been indicated in this thread alone time and again- your assumptions are completely wrong as you base your whole opinion around sex. It's also been pointed out to you time and again that cheating is not just about sex, but you're still unwilling to accept this.

No contributor to this thread suggested you shouldn't have an opinion, you're perfectly entitled to your opinion. Your opinion is however invalid, because your opinion is an uninformed opinion, because you have no experience on which to base your argument. You are completely unwilling to listen to informed opinion.

Nobody suggested insecurity wasn't being unhappy, so where you got that from baffles me too tbh!

"Else". Not childhood crush, please read what i said. "Else".

As for the rest, i don't quite understand what you mean by uninformed? Have you cheated on your partner? That's what it sounds like. You believe i should be married, cheat on my chosen partner and then claim it's not about sex?

Czarcasm · 14-01-2013 01:04AM

PaulB1984 wrote: »

"Else". Not childhood crush, please read what i said. "Else".

As for the rest, i don't quite understand what you mean by uninformed? Have you cheated on your partner? That's what it sounds like. You believe i should be married, cheat on my chosen partner and then claim it's not about sex?

Yes, I was perfectly happy to be with my childhood crush at the time, and I used look at other girls, but I was unhappy in myself at the time, and my childhood crush could not make me happy, but I used talk to and enjoy the company of another girl in the school, so you could say I was emotionally cheating on my girlfriend at the time. I hadn't thought of having sex with this girl mind.

Then a new girl joined the class, and still things were great between my girlfriend and I, I was very happy in her company, but then when I was away from her I was not happy. But one day the new girl came over to my house to study, and within minutes we ended up in bed together. I wasn't happy that I'd cheated on my girlfriend and the other girl wasn't as good in bed as my girlfriend, and really she wasn't much to talk to either, but a stunning looking girl all the same, but I wasn't happy.

I admitted to my girlfriend what I'd done, and we decided we would try to work things out, but then I discovered that my girlfriend was over-compensating and compromising herself as a person, for something she wasn't responsible for in the first place, her only intention was to try and make me happy by sacrificing herself and who she was to do so. Discovering this made me unhappy around her, and still I was unhappy in myself, so I broke up with her and was single for a while.

Then I met another girl and we had a relationship for a while, and she made me incredibly happy, but again, without her I was unhappy, and then I began to think about my ex in the times I was without my then girlfriend. I decided I had been foolish to break up with her, but when I contacted her again, she had met someone else. I decided that it was unfair on my then girlfriend to continue the relationship when I realised that while she made me incredibly happy, I was still unhappy within myself, and I was an emotional burden on her.

And so I decided to become single again so I could have space to work on my own issues and my own insecurities. And after a lot of time and a lot of work, I dealt with my own insecurities and issues and became much happier within myself. This enabled me to be able to share my happiness with others and it's worked out well for me thus far not to be dependent on other people to make me happy.

I hope that helps, though if it goes over your head, ask someone who has been or is in, a relationship, to explain it to you.

As for your question, what I believe you should do with your life, well, that's completely up to you. It's not for me to say, you're old enough and bold enough to make your own decisions, but I would suggest you learn to take other people's opinions on board when forming your opinion in a discussion.

14-01-2013 01:08AM

Please Kill Me wrote: »

But it does! That's EXACTLY what it means. If you were happy with who you're with, you wouldn't be looking in the first place!

That is exactly the reasoning of every jealous and controlling partner.

You can look at another person and still be happy with your partner. Looking doesn't equal cheating. Looking doesn't equal unhappiness. Looking just equals looking.

Please Kill Me · 14-01-2013 01:10AM

Candie wrote: »

That is exactly the reasoning of every jealous and controlling partner.

Of course it is, that's why I said it. :rolleyes:

14-01-2013 01:15AM

Please Kill Me wrote: »

Of course it is, that's why I said it. :rolleyes:

Tumbleweed.

Please Kill Me · 14-01-2013 01:34AM

Candie wrote: »

Tumbleweed.

*yawns*

People don't cheat in happy marriages.

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