People don't cheat in happy marriages.

IM0

In theory cheating [ha well not obviously cheating] would be part of a marriage. you can still be in love, but isnt it healthy to let your natural instincs out once you stay within the law? and just have healthy lusty sex?

I mean we are constantly sizing up people we see all the time thinking 'would I?' ect, but then it kind of depends on the other person to not take the piss with the freedoms. so for that reason just like communism, in theory it works but practice no.

As someone has said its an open relationship/swinging you want if so, not a till death do us part marriage.

Id say in a generation or two open relationships will constitute a higher percentage of couples married than the ratio it does now.

so if its

married 90% now open relationship 10%
it will drift to something like
married 65% open relationship/swinging 35%

swimming in a sea

a lot of black and white opinions here, you can be in loving marriage/relationship but sometimes you just fancy a bit of nasty:D

Micky Dolenz

All this talk of sex is making me hungry.

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

Yes, I was perfectly happy to be with my childhood crush at the time, and I used look at other girls, but I was unhappy in myself at the time, and my childhood crush could not make me happy, but I used talk to and enjoy the company of another girl in the school, so you could say I was emotionally cheating on my girlfriend at the time. I hadn't thought of having sex with this girl mind.

Then a new girl joined the class, and still things were great between my girlfriend and I, I was very happy in her company, but then when I was away from her I was not happy. But one day the new girl came over to my house to study, and within minutes we ended up in bed together. I wasn't happy that I'd cheated on my girlfriend and the other girl wasn't as good in bed as my girlfriend, and really she wasn't much to talk to either, but a stunning looking girl all the same, but I wasn't happy.

I admitted to my girlfriend what I'd done, and we decided we would try to work things out, but then I discovered that my girlfriend was over-compensating and compromising herself as a person, for something she wasn't responsible for in the first place, her only intention was to try and make me happy by sacrificing herself and who she was to do so. Discovering this made me unhappy around her, and still I was unhappy in myself, so I broke up with her and was single for a while.

Then I met another girl and we had a relationship for a while, and she made me incredibly happy, but again, without her I was unhappy, and then I began to think about my ex in the times I was without my then girlfriend. I decided I had been foolish to break up with her, but when I contacted her again, she had met someone else. I decided that it was unfair on my then girlfriend to continue the relationship when I realised that while she made me incredibly happy, I was still unhappy within myself, and I was an emotional burden on her.

And so I decided to become single again so I could have space to work on my own issues and my own insecurities. And after a lot of time and a lot of work, I dealt with my own insecurities and issues and became much happier within myself. This enabled me to be able to share my happiness with others and it's worked out well for me thus far not to be dependent on other people to make me happy.

I hope that helps, though if it goes over your head, ask someone who has been or is in, a relationship, to explain it to you.


As for your question, what I believe you should do with your life, well, that's completely up to you. It's not for me to say, you're old enough and bold enough to make your own decisions, but I would suggest you learn to take other people's opinions on board when forming your opinion in a discussion.

So you say you were happy with your childhood crush, became unhappy and cheated on her because she couldn't make you happy ? But then the girl you cheated with couldn't make you happy either, so you tell your girlfriend, she forgives you, you dump her because you're unhappy , then start a relationship with another girl, but this makes you unhappy because you want to get back with your ex who didn't make you happy in the first place, but she's moved on, and now you're single? Are you happy now? Or are you high?

Where exactly have i been wrong if all of that is true? You've spent your whole life cheating on women because you're not happy with them and "yourself", why are you lecturing me for "not knowing what i'm talking about" when apparently i do?

Czarcasm

PaulB1984 wrote: »

So you say you were happy with your childhood crush, became unhappy and cheated on her because she couldn't make you happy ? But then the girl you cheated with couldn't make you happy either, so you tell your girlfriend, she forgives you, you dump her because you're unhappy , then start a relationship with another girl, but this makes you unhappy because you want to get back with your ex who didn't make you happy in the first place, but she's moved on, and now you're single? Are you happy now? Or are you high?

Where exactly have i been wrong if all of that is true? You've spent your whole life cheating on women because you're not happy with them and "yourself", why are you lecturing me for "not knowing what i'm talking about" when apparently i do?

Pippa Middleton's Arse wrote: »

All this talk of sex is making me hungry.

This is clearly going nowhere.

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

This is clearly going nowhere.

It went where i thought it would go. Someone would come along, show off to everyone by talking complete and utter tripe, only to then completely agree with everything the OP says, and then throw a tantrum with no way out and say "This is clearly going nowhere.". Clearly it did . You're an unhappy cheater, uttered by your very own fingers.

Czarcasm

PaulB1984 wrote: »

It went where i thought it would go. Someone would come along, show off to everyone by talking complete and utter tripe, only to then completely agree with everything the OP says, and then throw a tantrum with no way out and say "This is clearly going nowhere.". Clearly it did . You're an unhappy cheater, uttered by your very own fingers.

And what benefit did YOU get from this thread that you can take with you going forward?

Scanlas The 2nd

PaulB1984 wrote: »

It went where i thought it would go. Someone would come along, show off to everyone by talking complete and utter tripe, only to then completely agree with everything the OP says, and then throw a tantrum with no way out and say "This is clearly going nowhere.". Clearly it did . You're an unhappy cheater, uttered by your very own fingers.

If you think it's normal and healthy to expect your partner not to even look at attractive people or be attracted to someone else you are living in a fantasy land.

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

And what benefit did YOU get from this thread that you can take with you going forward?

The benefit of being correct. Thanks for asking.

PaulB1984

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

If you think it's normal and healthy to expect your partner not to even look at attractive people or be attracted to someone else you are living in a fantasy land.

Perfectly fine to look, it's the wanting i'm talking about.

smash

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Perfectly fine to look, it's the wanting i'm talking about.

Wanting is normal. Acting upon it is different.

PaulB1984

smash wrote: »

Wanting is normal. Acting upon it is different.

Wanting something else means you're unhappy with what you already have. Hence my original post.

smash

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Wanting something else means you're unhappy with what you already have. Hence my original post.

No it doesn't. Every time I see a Ferrari I want to take it for a spin, but I don't just hop out of the car and rob it. Doesn't mean I'm unhappy with my current car either.

PaulB1984

smash wrote: »

No it doesn't. Every time I see a Ferrari I want to take it for a spin, but I don't just hop out of the car and rob it. Doesn't mean I'm unhappy with my current car either.

Someone walks up to you with the keys to that Ferrari and says "I'll give you my Ferrari in a straight swap for your car.", you wouldn't accept?

Czarcasm

PaulB1984 wrote: »

The benefit of being correct. Thanks for asking.

You figured you were correct from the beginning, so you haven't actually LEARNED anything.

Pointless thread has been pointless.

smash

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Someone walks up to you with the keys to that Ferrari and says "I'll give you my Ferrari in a straight swap for your car.", you wouldn't accept?

That's a strange reply to my point but yes of course I would. Doesn't mean I don't love my own car though.

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

You figured you were correct from the beginning, so you haven't actually LEARNED anything.

Pointless thread has been pointless.

I figured i was correct from the beginning because i was .

Thread has been anything but pointless. The guts of 6 thousand clicks saw you admit to being an unhappy cheat after spending half the thread telling me i'm wrong.

HondaSami

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Wanting something else means you're unhappy with what you already have. Hence my original post.

No it does not, life is not that simple.

Kev_2012

I'm single for the past 5 years and I've had great times and it's cool being able to do whatever you want maybe 10% of the time, but I'd have no problem staying with someone if I got on really well with them and it was mutual! I wouldn't cheat on anyone, especially someone I really like

Scanlas The 2nd

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Someone walks up to you with the keys to that Ferrari and says "I'll give you my Ferrari in a straight swap for your car.", you wouldn't accept?

I think this is where the car analogy breaks down, there is a special bond in a relationship that doesn't exist with a car. You can desire other people physically, that doesn't mean you want to cheat on your spouse as that would be a betrayal of someone you love.

Czarcasm

smash wrote: »

That's a strange reply to my point but yes of course I would. Doesn't mean I don't love my own car though.

You missed the crazy cheese analogies earlier in the thread then!

BBDBB

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I figured i was correct from the beginning because i was .

Thread has been anything but pointless. The guts of 6 thousand clicks saw you admit to being an unhappy cheat after spending half the thread telling me i'm wrong.

ahh, thats the mistake you made, go back and take a look at the replies you have generated with a more neutral stance and see what other folk have to say. You will get a lot more from the thread that way

PaulB1984

HondaSami wrote: »

No it does not, life is not that simple.

Yes it does. If you have something, but want something else, you're not happy with what you have.

smash

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Yes it does. If you have something, but want something else, you're not happy with what you have.

Your logic is mind baffling...

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

You missed the crazy cheese analogies earlier in the thread then!

Yeah yeah, now you're making jokes. Good. You're still wrong.

Czarcasm

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I figured i was correct from the beginning because i was .

Thread has been anything but pointless. The guts of 6 thousand clicks saw you admit to being an unhappy cheat after spending half the thread telling me i'm wrong.

And still six thousand odd clicks later, and poster after poster pointing out to you that you misunderstand the dynamics and complexities of relationships; you don't understand the concept of being perfectly happy within a relationship with your partner, but unhappy within yourself.

HondaSami

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Yes it does. If you have something, but want something else, you're not happy with what you have.

No it means you are happy with what you have but you want something else as well.
Most people don't set out to cheat but sometimes it happens, does not mean you are unhappy at home.

PaulB1984

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I think this is where the car analogy breaks down, there is a special bond in a relationship that doesn't exist with a car. You can desire other people physically, that doesn't mean you want to cheat on your spouse as that would be a betrayal of someone you love.

Want is want, regardless of relationship or car. That person who said they'd give up their car for a Ferrari (Can't find their comment, just a quote of it), they've got the point without knowing it.

PaulB1984

Czarcasm wrote: »

And still six thousand odd clicks later, and poster after poster pointing out to you that you misunderstand the dynamics and complexities of relationships; you don't understand the concept of being perfectly happy within a relationship with your partner, but unhappy within yourself.

Well, apparently you don't agree with your own opinion, as you clearly stated that your old girlfriend made you unhappy, then a new one, then another and yada yada yada. You fell off the cliff, you can't claw back up.

PaulB1984

HondaSami wrote: »

No it means you are happy with what you have but you want something else as well.
Most people don't set out to cheat but sometimes it happens, does not mean you are unhappy at home.

Most people don't set out to cheat? Oh right. So their clothes just fall off and their junk just falls into someone's trunk, huh? That's for clearing that up.

If you're happy with something, you don't need another. Marriage is give all or get f***ed. There are no loopholes.