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Have you ever had depression?

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Comments

  • #752
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    WhiteRoses wrote: »
    I don't think I've ever been actually clinically depressed but there have been periods of my life where I felt really low and hopeless for long periods of time. I never did anything about it though, my own fault really.

    Well why haven't you? Better late than never!


  • #753
    Bazinga_N
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,232 ✭✭✭Bazinga_N


    I get really down at some nights tbh. The other night I got into an argument with a friend I had recently fell out with (my fault) on Facebook. I felt s**t afterwards because I lost a really close friend to whom I would go to when I was down and I knew I couldn't get her back, for now at least. I really wanted to like cut myself or something bad, but I didn't (and never have btw). I managed to stay strong and think positive but sometimes it's hard to do so.


  • #754
    decisions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭decisions


    I think it's time to accept that it is real and I need to dig out that number, get myself some help.


  • #755
    anirishlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 636 ✭✭✭anirishlad


    I dont think ive ever had depression but sometimes I really hate myself. I am such an awkward and shy person and its weird because i actually have a good few friends and im generally liked but i am so bad around women its not right. I literally dont understand myself :o


  • #756
    A Neurotic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,779 ✭✭✭A Neurotic


    Ray D'Arcy documentary on depression on TV3 now if anyone's interested.


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  • #757
    AllyMcFearless
    Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭AllyMcFearless


    I'm 18, and I have depression. At first I was afraid of telling anybody, but I actually ended up more afraid of myself :P Ended up telling my mam, who brought me straight to the GP and I've been on anti-depressants since last November. Completely changed me, I actually sleep and eat properly now.

    It's a hard thing to face, and even harder to admit to anybody, but I've found that making the first step made all the difference, because people will always be there to support you. :)


  • #758
    finality
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,763 ✭✭✭finality


    Anyone else think maybe some voters in the poll may have been mistaking "feeling down" for "suffering from depression"? Over 60% doesn't seem completely realistic.

    I can understand how there could be something of a correlation between spending time on an internet forum and suffering from depression, but 60% still seems very high.


  • #759
    flyswatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭flyswatter


    finality wrote: »
    Anyone else think maybe some voters in the poll may have been mistaking "feeling down" for "suffering from depression"? Over 60% doesn't seem completely realistic.

    I can understand how there could be something of a correlation between spending time on an internet forum and suffering from depression, but 60% still seems very high.

    Where do you draw that correlation from?


  • #760
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Well depression is much more common than people think, if the internet/studies are anything to go by. Its easier to admit you have a problem on the net, plain and simple.


  • #761
    QueenOfLeon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,109 ✭✭✭QueenOfLeon


    finality wrote: »
    Anyone else think maybe some voters in the poll may have been mistaking "feeling down" for "suffering from depression"? Over 60% doesn't seem completely realistic.

    I can understand how there could be something of a correlation between spending time on an internet forum and suffering from depression, but 60% still seems very high.

    Well this thread was previously linked to in a bigger thread about depression in AH. Maybe its just more likely that people who have depression read the threads and answer the poll. If everyone who read that bigger thread answered the poll (the first post had 1500 thanks) the results would probably be more realistic.

    However, even the amount of people who answered as "not on medication" or "Don't know" on a small poll like this would indicate that the figures officially published are way off.


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  • #762
    finality
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,763 ✭✭✭finality


    flyswatter wrote: »
    Where do you draw that correlation from?

    It's a guess really, I don't know of any studies on it or anything.

    Some people with depression don't have the energy to go out and socialize and may turn to the internet to find people to talk to? I'm honestly just pulling this off the top of my head, that wasn't the main focus of my post.

    QueenOfLeon wrote: »
    Well this thread was previously linked to in a bigger thread about depression in AH. Maybe its just more likely that people who have depression read the threads and answer the poll. If everyone who read that bigger thread answered the poll (the first post had 1500 thanks) the results would probably be more realistic.

    However, even the amount of people who answered as "not on medication" or "Don't know" on a small poll like this would indicate that the figures officially published are way off.

    This makes sense, thanks. But then there are posts like these, which make me wonder about the understanding of "depression" some of the voters in the poll might have had.
    jumpguy wrote: »
    I've always been up and down, mostly I find when I'm bored and idle for a long period of time I get down. Then there's some things in life which would bring me down unexpectedly. But tbh, one thing I've learned is that these things pass over and you get on good again.

    One thing I found was when I started playing more sports and began regular jogging etc, I felt alot better. It makes me wonder just how much of it depends on lifestyle (for me personally).

    On the flip-side, when I'm in good form I'm quite happy, between school, sports, and social life things I've a good bit to do, I've good friends, I'm not afraid to talk to good friends really.

    So it really depends on how you define depression. Is it feeling down now and then for a period of time or is it down 24/7? Life is highs and lows, and the teens are difficult times anyway. :)

    All I'm saying is that the colloquial term "depressed" might have had an effect on the poll. You know how some people might say "after I lost my father I was so depressed," but they weren't actually suffering from depression, but rather going through a natural grieving process. I really don't mean to be patronizing or to belittle anyone's grief, I just don't feel this poll would reflect the overall population. I think there are a few factors at play distorting the results to an extent. I suppose people who have been depressed would be more likely to click on this thread too.


  • #763
    Aisling(",)
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,424 ✭✭✭Aisling(",)


    I have definitely felt depressed but I doubt I've ever had depression.the only instance i can think of is when I was going through a very low patch and just felt horrible for about three months,I was hardly sleeping and eating so little that I lost over a stone in three weeks.

    If that's the worst I have to deal with then I'm very lucky.I wish there wasn't such a stigma attatched to metal health issues in Ireland.Some of the attitudes displayed in this country reflect horribly on us as a society.


  • #764
    FanadMan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭FanadMan


    Missed the poll :(

    Am bi-polar and am taking medication. Do I count? lol


  • #765
    flyswatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭flyswatter


    finality wrote: »
    It's a guess really, I don't know of any studies on it or anything.

    Some people with depression don't have the energy to go out and socialize and may turn to the internet to find people to talk to? I'm honestly just pulling this off the top of my head, that wasn't the main focus of my post.

    I get what you're saying. I'm actually listening to a concept album at the moment that kind of looks at this thinking.

    Basically it's about modern age kids and an insular way of living, living life through a virtual world on a computer and also things like bipolar medication and modern phenomenons like ADHD.

    Some of the lyrics are as follows.

    TV, yeah it's always on
    The flicker of the screen
    A movie actress screams
    I'm basking in the shit flowing out of it

    Xbox is a god to me
    A finger on the switch
    My mother is a bitch
    My father gave up ever trying to talk to me

    Don't try engaging me
    The vaguest of shrugs
    The prescription drugs
    You'll never find
    A person inside

    It paints a good picture of the amount of distraction in todays world compared to previous generations and how it sort of destroys curiosity with the real world. I guess it can really harm a person.


  • #766
    Junco Partner
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,291 ✭✭✭Junco Partner


    so there's a history of depression on my mams side my grandad has been on anti depressants as long as i remember and i've watched my mam break down a few times. never thought twould be my future too. until about two years ago when i started going through these increasingly frequent bouts of just feeling like absolute wasted space.

    since i got to college hated my course and subsequently dropped out these periods have been way more frequent. driving to work saturday i suddenly thought to myself "oh crap here comes a big one" i've spent all weekend feeling worse than i ever have and all day today in my room basically feeling the pressure and rage and misery slowly increase, i finally snapped and have spent the past hour blubbering with every horrible thought running through my head, no college next year working a really dehumanising fast food job where part of the job description seems to be receiving abuse which is my future for the next few years till i can finally afford to go back to college, the worry that the job wont last much longer with the regular hour cuts the prospect of no school at all ever and a life on the dole if the job does go. grandad is looking increasingly shook, being stuck in this grim prospectles village the fitness i worked for two years to gain has gone because of college and work. the fact my parents are dense to the fact that i can hardly face the world and just assume i lie in bed all day because im lazy even though i just cant face it all the only bright light in my life is my gf no matter how miserable i am when i get to see her everything is instantly good but shes two counties away and its so hard getting to see her so that does nothing for my happiness either every little speck of misery poured out and ... well i must say i feel much better even if only for a while. bottling things up may be an inferior method i think.


    wow depression really does not believe in punctuation or grammar does it?

    there feel much better
    sorry for the tldr worthy rant.


  • #767
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    Theres a history of depression in my family too...most notably my mom. She used be on some medicine for it but got rid of it because she thought it was making her worse and you know what, regardless of her getting annoyed, cross and agitated fairly regularly she's doing pretty great. I know for a fact atm she's alot happier than I am. Some of ye might have seen me post about my depression in the Leaving Cert forum but yeah I'm 18 and have experienced depression varying from just about pissed off to close to commiting suicide. First thought of suicide when I was like 12 or 13. Lately it's been really crossing my mind. Leaving cert and results is really stressing me out but it's like everything and everyone has changed and left little old me slowly rot away. My friends are making great progress in their lives and as they meet new ppl I'm slowly fading out of their life. And I'm slowly feeling more worthless. I think at times I'd be better off alone forever because I won't have to worry about what people think about me but the truth is I'm a very peoples person and I crave being close with people. It's just atm I feel like blocking out everyone and I dunno why. Suicide is a close topic for me. I know of more than one person who did it and I wonder sometimes how bad they were feeling at the time and how worse off they were feeling compared to me. I'm afraid to carry it through because I'm so young and eventhough at any age it's a waste of life, considering I wouldn't even consider myself anyway grown up I think I'm probably not thinking straight. But it seems like such an escape. A few hours ago after I watched a bit of tv with my parents I went to my bedroom and jumped across my bed. I just sat there thinking about my life atm and friends and leaving cert and all that. My breathing got heavier and faster. I was kind of in a trance and I was whispering stuff to myself. I almost cried because I said 'I can't do this anymore'. Look I know I'm depressed or sad or whatever but I never knew it'd get to the stage where I think I need professional help. Before I always dealt with my pain and hardships every time but I dunno can I do it now. Theres so many things going on I don't think I can focus on getting myself back to normal... Don't worry. I'm not gonna do something stupid for a good while yet at least. Frankly I don't have the balls to do it. But the constant stress and pain and that awful full sick stomach feeling is really taking it's toll on me after only one whole mooth of feeling depressed again. I just fear for the future. Look I've gone blank. I'm gonna stop typin for the moment. Sorry for the length...it's like how I used to be. Talked so much you'd have to pay me to stop. Alright guys take care, stay strong.


  • #768
    jumpguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,962 ✭✭✭jumpguy


    finality wrote: »
    All I'm saying is that the colloquial term "depressed" might have had an effect on the poll. You know how some people might say "after I lost my father I was so depressed," but they weren't actually suffering from depression, but rather going through a natural grieving process. I really don't mean to be patronizing or to belittle anyone's grief, I just don't feel this poll would reflect the overall population. I think there are a few factors at play distorting the results to an extent. I suppose people who have been depressed would be more likely to click on this thread too.
    Did you quote my post by accident there? It's two and a half years old! :o (My god, how time's flown...)


  • #769
    leaveiton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,778 ✭✭✭leaveiton


    This thread is amazing, it's great to see such support. So many people here have been through an awful lot, and I really admire the courage it takes to share your experiences with everyone else. Before reading this thread I'd never have posted my own story, but now I really feel like doing it. Before I would worry about people I know coming across this, as a good few of my IRL friends know who I am on boards. But you know what, let them - this isn't anything I should be ashamed of.

    I really don't know how I'd answer this poll. I can't tick either of the "Yes" options as I haven't been to a doctor. But I can't tick "No" or "I don't know" either, because believe me, I know. There is no doubt in my mind that I have depression. In fact, I'd be shocked if I was told that I didn't have it.

    I suppose the first time the thought really came into my mind would have been January of this year. I'd been feeling really down constantly, and completely overwhelmed with school. Before Christmas it had just been non-stop work, ending with the Christmas tests. I'd been looking forward to a break over Christmas, but I just ended up sleeping all day and doing nothing. Once I went back to school in January, I just couldn't face it. I couldn't get back into a sleeping pattern, and I couldn't cope with the endless, repetitive work. Constant homework in subjects I had no interest in (English, Irish) and the fact that I'd only come out of Christmas tests, to having to study for mocks, then orals after that, it just piled on top of me. I'd fall asleep regularly in class, I'd come home, stare at a pile of homework before deciding "Fúck it." I wouldn't do it, I'd just in my room until 9 o'clock so that my parents would think I was working. Then I wouldn't be able to sleep, and the pattern would start again. Eventually one day it got too much, I woke up for school and had to beg my mother to let me take the day off, because I was suffering from complete exhaustion.

    This all killed me because I've always been a diligent student. I've always done everything that was expected of me, but at some point in 6th year I just stopped caring. Why would I want to write an essay comparing 3 different texts when I wanted to go into a career in science? What pissed me off most though was that everyone else was able to do it. Everyone else had to do the same work as me, and they got on with it, so why couldn't I? What made me so special that I was allowed to not do my work and take days off? Why couldn't I just get the hell on with it and stop feeling sorry for myself?

    My mother suggested that I might be depressed, as it runs in my father's side of the family. She was all ready to help at first, getting a doctor's appointment, getting me things like Rescue Remedy to try and calm myself down, but she seemed to think that once she did that, it'd be fine. Oh you've been taking your Rescue Remedy, are you feeling better now? No? Just keep taking it so! I did go to the doctor, but I found him a bit useless too. He didn't really listen to me properly. He gave me advice, but a lot of it was common sense, and what he did tell me was a bit unrealistic. He told me to get exercise - okay, fair enough - but he insisted that it had to be swimming. I asked could I not go for a walk, or a run, and he said no, swimming would be the best. When I pointed out that there was no pool near me, he asked his receptionist to google pools in my area :confused: Okay, so exercise is good advice, but my fecking dog could have told me that, there was no need to spend €50 to be told to exercise! He also wanted me to visit him every week (and pay him every week too...), which I didn't do. When I brought up the idea that it could have been an issue to do with the pill I was on, he just dismissed it and said "No, it wouldn't be that." Anyway, I'll stop before this becomes a rant against my doctor!

    So I went back to school after a couple of days off, and it was just expected that things would return to normal. If I said to my mother that I wasn't feeling better after a certain time, she'd almost get annoyed with me, in sort of a "What will we do with you" kind of way. So I lied, told her I was fine. Better to do that than put up with feeling like I was wrong to be depressed - "Sure what have you to be depressed about?" I don't know, and if I did, I'd figure out what it was and fix it. I don't WANT to be like this, I just am.

    My dad isn't supportive in the least, either. He's actually really difficult to deal with when I'm upset about something, but I don't want to go into that fully. The only person I really have is my boyfriend, and I'd be lost without him. I've often rang him up in floods of tears over nothing at all, just because I felt so awful. He's always there for me no matter what, which is definitely something I feel very lucky for. I just wish I had a bit more support at home.

    Actually, in saying that, my sister would be very supportive and easy to talk to (she actually volunteers with the Samaritans), but the problem is that she doesn't live with us at home. She lives with her fiance, and I'd feel a bit awkward going over to her apartment to talk if he was there. He's lovely and everything, I'd just rather he wasn't around if I were to talk about personal stuff.

    I still feel depressed all the time. I thought it would be better when I finished the Leaving Cert, but it's not. All I want to do is stay in bed all day, and when I do get up, I just want to stay online. I remember one post from someone saying that they never feel excited about anything, and that is one thing I've definitely noticed. I've already been away this summer and I'm going again in another week or so. Did I feel excitement for either? Nope. Just sort of accepted that it would happen. I did very much enjoy my last trip away, but when people would ask "Ooooh, are you excited about your holidays?!" I'd often think "God, I'd forgotten about it until you mentioned it." It's horrible, I just feel nothing. I don't get enjoyment out of anything.

    I really want to go to the doctor about this, but I keep telling myself I'll wait until college. I don't have the money to go to my GP (who is actually different now to the one I mentioned above - he was useless), and I really don't feel like I can discuss it with my parents. So I tell myself I'll see the college doctor, the college counsellor, and I'll be fine. My biggest worry though is that I won't be fine. I keep thinking everything will get better once I get to college, but what if it doesn't? :(

    Okay, this has gotten really long and now I'm just rambling. If anyone actually read that, well done. Sorry that it wasn't particularly coherent. :o


  • #770
    LoonyLovegood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,068 ✭✭✭LoonyLovegood


    I don't think I ever posted here. Surprising, considering my article is in here.

    I was diagnosed in 2009. It's just...I don't tend to write about it. It's numb, and it hurts. And it's horrible. I hate having the scars on my legs.

    It's so difficult to explain. ARGH.


  • #771
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    CTYIgirl wrote: »
    I don't think I ever posted here. Surprising, considering my article is in here.

    I was diagnosed in 2009. It's just...I don't tend to write about it. It's numb, and it hurts. And it's horrible. I hate having the scars on my legs.

    It's so difficult to explain. ARGH.

    I know about scars :/ but they are what they are I guess.


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  • #772
    Lawliet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,761 ✭✭✭Lawliet


    Speaking of scars, I actually wore short sleeves recently, in public during the day, something I haven't done since I was thirteen. I was a bit nervous, most of my scars have turned white and flattened out but they're still huge, so I thought some people would notice, but no one seemed to. Anyone that was looking at my arm just seemed to be checking out my tattoo. I probably wont be wearing tee-shirts around my family any time soon, but it's actually a pretty big confidence boost to not feel like I have to cover up all the time


  • #773
    LoonyLovegood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,068 ✭✭✭LoonyLovegood


    Lawliet wrote: »
    Speaking of scars, I actually wore short sleeves recently, in public during the day, something I haven't done since I was thirteen. I was a bit nervous, most of my scars have turned white and flattened out but they're still huge, so I thought some people would notice, but no one seemed to. Anyone that was looking at my arm just seemed to be checking out my tattoo. I probably wont be wearing tee-shirts around my family any time soon, but it's actually a pretty big confidence boost to not feel like I have to cover up all the time

    That's brilliant for you! Most of mine are still pinky-purple, so anything that's slightly above my knees is out.


  • #774
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    Wow. Well I've been doing some reading and stuff and *I think* that I might be bipolar. I know you're probably like nah man you can't just self diagnose yourself like that but I've read up about symptoms and all that and even did those online tests which I know really aren't completely accurate but it would make alot of sense you know? Like feeling great one hour, complete sh*t the next - definitely. Talkative then not talking at all - again yep. Focused then scattered mind - yes. Craving for people and social life then wanting away from everything - oh hell yes. And so on. It would make alot of sense you know... I know I'd have to go to a doctor and all that to know for sure but you know what in a way I feel sorta good now. Just looking at what I wrote above there about not knowing why I was/am doing these things and with this is explains a little why and thats a bit of a relief. I've always thought that I was going through more than just the average bad dose of puberty and the like but yeah all of this really fits into me personally. Even stuff like history of depression in your family and alcoholism. Thats all in my blood for sure and not just one offs either. It's nearly in every generation of my family..some even on both sides. It's hard to think that all this is just coincidences or whatever you want to call it. I'm pretty convinced here atm.


  • #775
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Hope everyone's doing reasonably well at the moment :)


  • #776
    Duffy the Vampire Slayer
    Registered Users Posts: 5,382 ✭✭✭Duffy the Vampire Slayer


    TheComeUp wrote: »
    Wow. Well I've been doing some reading and stuff and *I think* that I might be bipolar. I know you're probably like nah man you can't just self diagnose yourself like that but I've read up about symptoms and all that and even did those online tests which I know really aren't completely accurate but it would make alot of sense you know? Like feeling great one hour, complete sh*t the next - definitely. Talkative then not talking at all - again yep. Focused then scattered mind - yes. Craving for people and social life then wanting away from everything - oh hell yes. And so on. It would make alot of sense you know... I know I'd have to go to a doctor and all that to know for sure but you know what in a way I feel sorta good now. Just looking at what I wrote above there about not knowing why I was/am doing these things and with this is explains a little why and thats a bit of a relief. I've always thought that I was going through more than just the average bad dose of puberty and the like but yeah all of this really fits into me personally. Even stuff like history of depression in your family and alcoholism. Thats all in my blood for sure and not just one offs either. It's nearly in every generation of my family..some even on both sides. It's hard to think that all this is just coincidences or whatever you want to call it. I'm pretty convinced here atm.

    You've actually summed up how I feel. I've been going through a particularly bad spate of mood swings lately and although they've been worse whenever I'm going through actual problems (For example, I had some serious money worries for a few weeks) they're still around whenever I should really have nothing to worry about. I'm currently working on my thesis but I'm usually pretty happy with how that's going and I don't get too stressed over it- in fact, I'm approaching it in a far too relaxed manner. Other irrelevant things really get to me at times however- for example, if I've had a bad night out lately I fell absolutely awful and go to bed in a horrible mood, only to wake up in great form the next day. I'm really not sure whats causing it all. I've also felt a craving to turn to a bottle of whiskey when I'm feeling down and my efforts at quitting smoking aren't faring all that well. I think I might just need to get out of Galway for a while, or maybe Ireland altogether.


  • #777
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »
    You've actually summed up how I feel. I've been going through a particularly bad spate of mood swings lately and although they've been worse whenever I'm going through actual problems (For example, I had some serious money worries for a few weeks) they're still around whenever I should really have nothing to worry about. I'm currently working on my thesis but I'm usually pretty happy with how that's going and I don't get too stressed over it- in fact, I'm approaching it in a far too relaxed manner. Other irrelevant things really get to me at times however- for example, if I've had a bad night out lately I fell absolutely awful and go to bed in a horrible mood, only to wake up in great form the next day. I'm really not sure whats causing it all. I've also felt a craving to turn to a bottle of whiskey when I'm feeling down and my efforts at quitting smoking aren't faring all that well. I think I might just need to get out of Galway for a while, or maybe Ireland altogether.

    I completely get what you're saying! Why don't people who're with me every day get this stuff?!? Glad to see that your thesis is going well :) the very best of luck with it. Thats amazing how you mentioned the aftermath of a night out...back when I was out every weekend I used feel like that alot. Like if I was too drunk or I messed it up with a girl I fancied or something I'd feel awful going to bed and be all self critical and all that. And eventhough my body was drunk my mind was perfect. I was completely aware of what was happening. Thankfully I've lost interest in drink now, eventhough technically at this age I probably should be drinking my most ever now. I just got sick of getting drunk to numb myself only to feel worse after. But yeah if you put a bottle of spirits in front of me I'd probably drink until I'd pass out after some convincing. I definitely don't have a drink problem because I've constantly refuse drink from people and am happy with my pints now and the odd shot but it's just a way of release you know? Chewing gum is my cigarettes eventhough I've stopped chewing it alot in the last few weeks. What you said there about getting out of the place you're in is the exact same as me. I'm literally burning to get out of Cork. I swear if my results go right in a few weeks it'll be a pleasure overload. That weight off my shoulder would be astounding for me. I told my mom today about that I may be bipolar and she was quite understanding but she didn't seem to get me at the same time...like it all started when I said that I thought I was a strange person and she was like how and I basically told her about my mood swings and my thoughts and worries and stuff and she maintained it was just teenager stuff but I nearly screamed at her by saying it's more than that. I didn't tell her about my suicidal thoughts at times because I know she'd really think I was crazy then and that really isn't an issue if I solve this problem. She told me that I'd be fine if I saw my friends and I told her that sometimes I want to be alone all the time and she just couldn't understand how I could swing from one side to another. Then I told her about the break I need from here and how college would bring that if I got it and she thought and thinks that I'm just sick of my family and I'm being selfish and being a snob and all that which really got me angry because it's not. I just need to like re boot myself in new surroundings and with new people. People just don't seem to get that...but I really do get what you're saying there :)

    All the best


  • #778
    Duffy the Vampire Slayer
    Registered Users Posts: 5,382 ✭✭✭Duffy the Vampire Slayer


    Like I was saying a while back, I sometimes get the idea I'm bipolar in some way. For the last week or so I'll felt on top of the world and I've been having a great time and dealing with things I normally couldn't. Now I'm back to the same old feeling of depression and meaninglessness and I'd say it'll last for a week or two before I return to being happy again.


  • #779
    flyswatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭flyswatter


    Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »
    Like I was saying a while back, I sometimes get the idea I'm bipolar in some way. For the last week or so I'll felt on top of the world and I've been having a great time and dealing with things I normally couldn't. Now I'm back to the same old feeling of depression and meaninglessness and I'd say it'll last for a week or two before I return to being happy again.

    I think it's important to bear in mind though that Bipolar extends beyond the realms of just mood shifts.


  • #780
    Duffy the Vampire Slayer
    Registered Users Posts: 5,382 ✭✭✭Duffy the Vampire Slayer


    flyswatter wrote: »
    I think it's important to bear in mind though that Bipolar extends beyond the realms of just mood shifts.

    I know, I can't really be bipolar. I just get serious mood swings on a regular enough basis, usually for absolutely no reason.


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  • #781
    Leftyflip
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,463 ✭✭✭Leftyflip


    Welll fuck, can't find me lexapro. Tonight will be fun....


  • #782
    D4RK ONION
    Moderators Posts: 8,678 ✭✭✭D4RK ONION


    Hey everyone! Today is world Suicide Prevention today. We all lost a very good friend, Pygmalion, to suicide this year and it's truly heartbreaking. To know he felt so bad about his life, to know that he thought nobody cared, and to know that those were his final thoughts in this world, it tears me apart.

    So I beg you, acquaintance or best friend or whatever's in-between, if you feel like no one cares *you are wrong*... I care. I give a crap. So please Message or call me (or someone else/a helpline) and get it off your chest or even just have a chat. There is nothing weird or embarrassing about depression. Thanks.


  • #783
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Something off AH to go with world suicide prevention day
    A new survey was released by St. Patrick's hospital for World Suicide Prevention Day today.....

    "The disturbing findings show that over a fifth of people surveyed believe that those suffering from mental health problems are of below average intelligence. 31% of respondents stated that they would not willingly accept someone with a mental health problem as a close friend. 62% would discriminate against hiring someone with a history of mental illness on the grounds that they may be unreliable and 42% felt that undergoing treatment for a mental health problem is a sign of personal failure."


  • #784
    D4RK ONION
    Moderators Posts: 8,678 ✭✭✭D4RK ONION


    cloud493 wrote: »
    Something off AH to go with world suicide prevention day
    A new survey was released by St. Patrick's hospital for World Suicide Prevention Day today.....

    "The disturbing findings show that over a fifth of people surveyed believe that those suffering from mental health problems are of below average intelligence. 31% of respondents stated that they would not willingly accept someone with a mental health problem as a close friend. 62% would discriminate against hiring someone with a history of mental illness on the grounds that they may be unreliable and 42% felt that undergoing treatment for a mental health problem is a sign of personal failure."
    So basically 20%, 31%, 62% and 42% of those surveyed, respectivly, are complete nob-ends. That last one in particular disgusts me deeply.


  • #785
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Just remember there is always help- there's no need to suffer alone.


  • #786
    LoonyLovegood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,068 ✭✭✭LoonyLovegood


    I've been feeling worse lately, if I'm honest. I was cooking earlier, and gashed my thumb off a piece of metal from a tin, and I felt like I did when I self harmed. If it's accidental, but you get the feeling, is it?

    I just want the lonliness to go away. I'm gonna see if I can make an appointment in college to see if I need to change my meds or smth.


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  • #787
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    Although I must admit I've been pretty much on cloud nine since I got my LC results and got my first choice in Limerick...I gotta say I've been having negative and critical thoughts with the last few days...maybe week. Look I love Limerick. I love the buzz, the change in scenery etc...college is good for the most part. Some of the stuff is really interesting and beneficial but I dunno it just seems everything is just flying and it's like a blur and I feel like I'm falling on my own. I knew it'd be hard moving away from friends and family and all that but honestly loads of people who I've only seen with about a month know me....it's not like I'm this anti social loner who doesn't know anyone...but yeah loads of people know of me whether thats a good thing or not I dunno...I've already formed a 'group' of 4 lads including me and we're dead tight...honestly we talk and laugh about EVERY bloody thing...I'm pretty well known by my class mates and say hi to most every day...it just seems theres something been kept hidden from me!? I dunno whats in it but I get the impression that people in college think I'm this c*cky guy from Cork who's a party animal and borderline man whore whos an ignorant little f*ck and speaks his mind too often but wont tell me directly...I'm know i'm being abit harsh on myself yeah but I def get that vibe from most people...girls and lads...and sometimes I feel like I'm really alone. Eventhough I've the lads, they're living fairly far away from me and my housemate has his own friends from years ago with him and I feel awkward around them a little. Then theres the lads and girls who I just drink with and they rarely talk to ya outside of that scene bar stuff like 'oh you're some lad for it like!'... That coupled with the fact my 'friends' from home haven't been in contact with me with over a month and it doesn't seem to be any changing that...I'll admit I'm overdoing the partying and whole college life thing a little but I'm still leaving off steam so to speak. I've needed this release but it's time to stop a little. I've already decided I'm cutting down my drinking seriously from now on. I'll still go out maybe twice a week but the drink has to go or be limited....i know that gene is present in me and will only get more dominant the more I feed it.... I've always had a really good sense of humour and I'd say it's a positive trait but I think I have to be more shy and kinda sad for a while.... I'd much rather be that average chill guy who people respect and can be comfortable around rather than the loud intimidating guy whos expected to provide laughs and tell stories about him being a psycho.... I'll see how it goes. I planned to calm down this week but that didn't last past a day but I'm really gonna try it now starting monday. I'm going to be starting going to the gym too so maybe that'll take some of my energy away in a safe way. I gotta be more conscious of my studies and forget about trying to be this guy who craves the laughs and whatever from people.......and the whole thing of pulling girls. Like everyone loves a bit of that but I gotta just chill and take a breather. It's like theres a demon there and it's all I think about when drinking before the club...I've never been one for relationships but I'd love to have that one person who I could just hold and be chill with rather than the one nighters who only give you the awkward hi the next day....maybe I'm overthinking stuff and I'm not being true to myself and just accept who I am but I dunno like...I always wonder could I be someone else and whats stopping me. This mightn't even be a valid post eventhough I am down about this whole thing but yeah thats the rant eh I'm so bad at typing my thoughts :P

    Laters.


  • #788
    Whatsernamex33
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭Whatsernamex33


    I don't know whether I would say I was depressed nowadays, but years ago when I was 14 it was a serious issue. To the point I nearly committed suicide a few years ago, infront of my friends. I don't like thinking about it, none of us can talk about it since.

    Anyhows, after a failed relationship, yeah all those feelings came back. Emptiness, etc etc. I didn't leave my house for a few months, didn't socialise with anyone, besides people in school because I kind of had to. I didn't want to, though. Basically I just liked sleeping, and going out walking, listening to music. One thing that actually made me happy and positive, music. Learned a few things about myself during those few dark months. Half the people I socialized with at the time, when I did actually socialize, brought me down a lot. I think what depressed me a lot though, was growing up. I'm a super big child, really, and I'm watching friends move away, have a child, college, ya knowssss, when all I want is to take it back a few years, when everything was easier. I hate the whole thought of growing up and life and shizz...

    Tbh, I kind of realized that I can't explain how I really feel, it sucks. :/


  • #789
    Hairycopper
    Registered Users Posts: 497 ✭✭Hairycopper


    Was at a funeral today of a guy who committed suicide, the sadness and the devastation of it all :( Lads seriously if any of ye have a lot on your heads and feeling down just talk, tell someone! Talk to a friend, teacher, family even me just talk it through.


  • #790
    Robby91
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 830 ✭✭✭Robby91


    After deciding to read through my previous post in this thread, I can't help but think that, right now, it seems like pure and utter bull****. Everything just seems to be crumbling around me nowadays. College used to be really exciting but now it's just becoming 'eh' - I like the course I'm doing but I feel that I'm losing interest and, eventually, will just stop giving a **** about learning while carrying on going to lectures because it's the only thing I know.

    Everything just feels so much duller than it used to, I can't think of anything that excites me and hearing other people talk and get excited about whatever it is they like frustrates me because while they're off talking about/doing the stuff they like, I'm just sitting here shrugging my shoulders trying to think of something that I like doing and come up with next-to-nothing - playing games seems to be quickly losing whatever charm it once had, and every setback I suffer when programming just feels like a crushing defeat and makes me feel like ****.

    At this stage, I don't really know what to do. Technically, I know one thing I can do but (a) the thought of picking up the phone to make that one simple phone call scares the crap out of me because I don't know what to say and being in a position where I don't know what to say really ****s me up and (b) for some stupid reason, I try to convince myself that there's nothing wrong and I'm just trying to make up over-the-top excuses to try and excuse laziness, lack of motivation and an unwillingness to do anything.

    Now, I need some music but I don't think any of the songs I have for cheering myself up are going to do any good right now... :(


  • #791
    Hairycopper
    Registered Users Posts: 497 ✭✭Hairycopper


    I've really really gotten very down he last few weeks. I hate my school, i don't want it is because i have great friends but i feel like the biggest failure and all the teachers are looking down on me. Its really getting me down and making me doubt everything in my life. Me and my parents are going to talk through options later but I'm in 6th year and its nearing the end of November, i'm afraid it's going to be too late to change or anything :( I just want a clean start again.


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  • #792
    Whatsernamex33
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭Whatsernamex33


    There's a few things that gets me down in this life and I know I should never ever let them get to me.
    The first, well after a countless number of times being broken up with for another girl, your confidence shatters. I tried and tried to make myself prettier, tried to change my personality, everything. After it all, I hated myself. I wondered why I just couldn't look like that seriously pretty girl down the street who could get any guy she wanted. I'm not the loudest girl, pretty quiet actually, and that was one of the reason a guy wouldn't go out with me before. Such an 11 year old issue :rolleyes: but it's true. How I look has always been a huge issue for me. Not that I'm vain or anything, but at times I just wished someone would tell me I looked beautiful and truly mean it. I find it very hard to accept it. I guess I just gotta accept it. I've been let down my whole life by people... I find it hard to trust people. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I can't stand lies at all, whether they be a small white lie or a bigger one. Truthfulness in a person means alot to me.

    Secondly, I got bullied an awful lot growing up. I really considered leaving school after 3rd year because I couldn't handle it anymore. All through 6th class, every few weeks I'd feign sickness so I wouldn't have to face that girl. Lies and rumors were made up and spread around. And from 6th class actually to 3rd year, it was the same girl... Bullying is a sick, sick thing and noone should ever have to be a victim to it. When I was five, I was absolutely terrified of a girl my sister hung around with. While my sister was gone, she'd hit me, push me down, whatever. My mam did go up to this girl's parents too, and while it did seem sorted out, it wasn't. Anytime I walk around the estate and see her, all those memories come crashing back.

    Thirdly, atm I'm not in school/college, whatever, until next year. The fact that I'm not, yeah it depresses me alot. It's absolutely ridiculous the amount of people who say that I wouldn't have a clue on life, or just education in general. I know of people who paid 5k into their course, and who are rubbing it in my face, that they're doing the course I've wanted to do for years and years. I'll get there eventually. And in fairness, I probably do have a lot more cop on in this life than they'll ever have. A college degree means nothing. Between family deaths, financial strains, problems in general, I know exactly what it's like.


    From all this, I self harmed, I've thought about suicide a fair few times, I attempted it once a long time ago. The thing I've learned however, is that you do come out stronger each time. Yes, there are days I wake up and think, what's the point... And those familiar feelings of sadness and depression come back, but you take each day with a pinch of salt, and remember tomorrow is a new day, new adventures and experiences to be had.


  • #793
    Aoifey!
    Registered Users Posts: 4,571 ✭✭✭Aoifey!


    I just hit an all time low. I never admitted it before, but I think I need help...


  • #794
    floutingmaxims
    Registered Users Posts: 764 ✭✭✭floutingmaxims


    I've scrolled through this page a lot but never posted about myself until now.

    I left college after a year in my course. Since then everything has gone to pot. I live at home with my parents and I feel like a worthless piece of s**t. I get angry with them a lot even though they never ask much of me. I make out that living at home with my parents is whats killing me but really they're great and im just horrible to them. I get angry so easily, its like turning on a switch. I feel so bad afterwords, i usually go up to my room and just have a long cry. I work 2 days a week in a local pub and they are the only days of the week i do something constructive with my time while I'm at home.The rest of the time i just spend in bed, dreading to get up and face the monotony of yet another day of the same crap. The thought of getting another job (which i know is hard but not impossible) scares me to death. The only reason i like working where i am now is because ive grown used to it. The first 2 years i was there i would feel physically ill before I went in and needed constant reassurance and a hug before i went out the door (Thanks Ma) I want to go back to college asap but i dont know what i want to do. And I need to figure that out before i go spending loads of money i dont have on a course i dont even like. One of my cousins told me recently that my aunt hated me. I dont think he realised how much this statement hurt me. He said she never had a bad word to say about me until i left college and that now she cant stand me. That made me feel even more worthless. That got back around to her anyway and there were apologies and she loved me etc

    I know she wants the best for me but no one ever really discussed with me why i left college. They just made their own assumptions and decided to judge me like that. Now i feel like everybody's against me and the pressure's on to do something with myself. Not just for me but so that everybody else will be happy with me. I cant handle it.

    All of my friends are in college and i have nobody who lives nearby to go to for support. My family have their own problems.

    Hopefully in January, I'll be moving to Limerick to live with my boyfriend. I really think that will be the kick i need. A change of pace will be good and my boyfriend is great to lean on when i need support too. I cant wait for that time to come but now im just doing the motions and trying to get by day to day. Ive found myself hating almost everything, making conversation is becoming increasingly difficult as i seem to get annoyed by everything. I went to bed instead of watching the toy show lastnight because i couldnt stand watching those smug little children with their toys. Thats not the person i am, im usually happy, outgoing and friendly but that person is a little lost right now.

    Hopefully i can kick this feeling soon, so its not all that bad. Just thought that writing it down and having people understand would really be beneficial for me.


  • #795
    Peanut Butter Jelly
    Registered Users Posts: 1,831 ✭✭✭Peanut Butter Jelly


    I just sunk into it for no reason really during the summer of '10. Sat around all day, never did anything, didn't eat much and simply lost the will to live. I've eventually gotten over it, but I fear that it may return. I suppose I'm only one close loss away from falling back in.


  • #796
    Junco Partner
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,291 ✭✭✭Junco Partner


    christmas is a horrendous time of year, thank god it has left us behind. spent the last 8 or nine days looping through feeling a little bit sad then sinking down to pretty dark moods. being so angry at everything and everyone i could nearly feel myself vibrating. having this lump of all the horrible feelings , the anger the anguish the crushing loneliness, the numbness sitting right at point where my neck meets my chest. this got worse and worse as the week wore on and i couldn't get in touch with the people i feel comfortable pouring this stuff out to at all and i couldn't bring myself to talk to the people who were there willing to listen and asking how i was, stiff upper lip, be a man and all that jazz. so this lump gets bigger and bigger as the week goes on to the point where anger and loneliness are making me feel physically nauseous. New years was the worst. get to work at 11.45 pm, knowing what lay ahead. time ticks ever closer, 11.52, 11.57 11.59, midnight rolls around all my workmates getting phonecalls from loved ones, some of their partners even come in for the midnight kiss. check my phone nothing, from anyone. hours roll by and the texts come in dribs and drabs but still does not reverse how awful and small and unwanted you feel at midnight on nye by yourself. felt so numb at that point i was praying for some drunk to swing his fists at me over the counter i needed a release for it all.

    there that feels better I've just rubbed the lump all over this page, good riddance to it


  • #797
    MauraTheThird
    Registered Users Posts: 818 ✭✭✭MauraTheThird


    I got fairly sad again over Christmas. Overthinking things over and over in my head which is exactly what you shouldn't do. I keep "what if"-ing situations. It's pointless, there's nothing I can do to change what's happened. I just want to feel completely ok again. Hopefully going back to college will help.


  • #798
    Precious flower
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,812 ✭✭✭Precious flower


    So annoyed at myself over taking my mum's advice and not going on Erasmus because I was afraid of traveling somewhere my myself. Why am I such a coward and when will I ever grow up? I know I'm going to be really depressed during the first semester of third year when everyone's on Erasmus and I'm still traveling into college to do alternative modules. I mean, it was my one chance to not be living at home during college. Every time I think about it I want to kick myself. Everything seems to be going wrong at the moment!:( Why am I so afraid to venture out of my comfort zone? Everyone's having a blast in college except me. College has just made me really depressed. It's like I'm too afraid to experience life and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.


  • #799
    playedalive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭playedalive


    Precious flower wrote: »
    So annoyed at myself over taking my mum's advice and not going on Erasmus because I was afraid of traveling somewhere my myself. Why am I such a coward and when will I ever grow up? I know I'm going to be really depressed during the first semester of third year when everyone's on Erasmus and I'm still traveling into college to do alternative modules. I mean, it was my one chance to not be living at home during college. Every time I think about it I want to kick myself. Everything seems to be going wrong at the moment!:( Why am I so afraid to venture out of my comfort zone? Everyone's having a blast in college except me. College has just made me really depressed. It's like I'm too afraid to experience life and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

    Hi! I know how you are feeling. I would have loved to have gone on Erasmus and moved abroad for a year. Like yourself, I always felt that everybody in college was having a better time than me. Sometimes, I have those feelings that I have missed out on so much because of my low Self Esteem and Depression. But, life does get better if you want it to. I'm 22 myself and, since the age of 14/15, I was consistently miserable. It eventually led me to Depression and Anxiety. I never thought I was good enough for people because people in school always talked behind my back and slagged me, my alcoholic father never tried to bond with me and always blamed me for that, and I was confused with my bisexuality (which I am only getting comfortable with now).

    All these problems followed me into college and made my life even more miserable than in school. I found it difficult to make friends, didn't think I was good enough to do any activities and was afraid people would judge me/treat me like s**t. It reached the point that I was so self-destructive that I had to go to my doctor and was diagnosed with depression. With my medication, I've definitely turned a corner. I'm a lot happier and thinking much more clearly; I am more comfortable in my own skin. I stopped hanging around with people who made me feel like crap. I deleted facebook and stopped comparing myself to others on it. Best thing I ever did. Even though people stay to take facebook with a pinch of salt, it can be quite destructive if you see others having fun, going out on the town/abroad/J1 while you are at home with nothing better to do than to study.

    Sorry I know I have gone off topic. But I just wanted to say that you never know what's around the corner and there are always possibilities to travel. I am hoping in September (after my languages degree finishes) to teach English in France or Spain. You are the only one that can truly map out your destiny. I always remember that quote from Vanilla sky that goes something like "Every waking moment is another chance to turn it all around". It is very true.

    Best of luck! :)


  • #800
    Precious flower
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,812 ✭✭✭Precious flower


    playedalive wrote: »
    Hi! I know how you are feeling. I would have loved to have gone on Erasmus and moved abroad for a year. Like yourself, I always felt that everybody in college was having a better time than me. Sometimes, I have those feelings that I have missed out on so much because of my low Self Esteem and Depression. But, life does get better if you want it to. I'm 22 myself and, since the age of 14/15, I was consistently miserable. It eventually led me to Depression and Anxiety. I never thought I was good enough for people because people in school always talked behind my back and slagged me, my alcoholic father never tried to bond with me and always blamed me for that, and I was confused with my bisexuality (which I am only getting comfortable with now).

    All these problems followed me into college and made my life even more miserable than in school. I found it difficult to make friends, didn't think I was good enough to do any activities and was afraid people would judge me/treat me like s**t. It reached the point that I was so self-destructive that I had to go to my doctor and was diagnosed with depression. With my medication, I've definitely turned a corner. I'm a lot happier and thinking much more clearly; I am more comfortable in my own skin. I stopped hanging around with people who made me feel like crap. I deleted facebook and stopped comparing myself to others on it. Best thing I ever did. Even though people stay to take facebook with a pinch of salt, it can be quite destructive if you see others having fun, going out on the town/abroad/J1 while you are at home with nothing better to do than to study.

    Sorry I know I have gone off topic. But I just wanted to say that you never know what's around the corner and there are always possibilities to travel. I am hoping in September (after my languages degree finishes) to teach English in France or Spain. You are the only one that can truly map out your destiny. I always remember that quote from Vanilla sky that goes something like "Every waking moment is another chance to turn it all around". It is very true.

    Best of luck! :)

    Oops, only saw this reply now! Looking back at my post and reading yours, I thought I came across as whiny, some people on here have such bigger issues than me. I've dealt with Erasmus and I'm glad I decided not to go. I suppose back when I wrote that post I was down because my college work/grades were not going very well, but I did good in the Christmas exams earlier so that brought back up my spirits. The whole traveling in every day to college had me down too, because I felt my friends were experiencing a freedom I wouldn't get the chance to do and I was thinking it kept me put of some activities too, but I now realise that yes, it does impact on me, but it also down to my laziness which is something I can cure if I try!:pac: Too, I think the fact that I'm not the going-out-to-clubs every night had me down because I thought I was missing out, but I've kind of accepted I'm just not that person and it won't make me happy if I try to act like something I'm not. I mean I like drinking :pac: just not going out to loud noisy places to do it which as a result means I don't drink often!:pac: Thanks for the advice though.:)


  • #801
    Cherry Blossom Girl
    Registered Users Posts: 713 ✭✭✭Cherry Blossom Girl


    Hey C&Hers,

    I don't know if any of you are aware (I only found out a few minutes ago) but today is Global Self Injury Awareness Day.

    Self injury is something that often goes hand in hand with depression but it's also something that is even more stigmatised and misunderstood than depression itself. Self injury is not sonething to be ashamed of. It's more common than you think. It doesn't neccessarily mean someone is suicidal. Often they are just trying to find some way to expess the pain they feel on the inside. In an effort to remove the stigma surrounding self injury, I used to self harm. I didn't want to die, I just needed some way to express all the hurt I had inside. Mostly I just wanted to gain some sort of control over my emotions. I stopped a long time ago but I'd be lying if I said it never occasionally crossed my mind when things are particularly bad. Since then though I have learned better ways to cope with my negative feelings.

    Self-harm is a coping strategy but it's not a healthy one. If you self-harm or if you've given serious thought to it, please, please, please talk to someone about it. If you know someone who does, be there for them. Encourage them to talk about it. Talk to a friend, an adult you trust, a teacher, guidance counsellor, college counselling service. If you feel like you can't talk to someone in person call a helpline. PM me if you need to. People care. I care. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Self harm and depression are not weird or embarrassing. Don't let them control your life because your life is worth so much more than that.

    Take care guys.


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