How many people here know someone who committed suicide?

Seren_ · 06-09-2012 11:39AM

My aunt killed herself 8 years ago. She'd been suffering from mental illness for a long time and had attempted before so it wasn't hugely shocking (as horrible as it is to say that). It was really sad, especially as she had a teenage daughter. She was such a lovely person.

I don't think anyone can possibly understand what's going through a suicidal person's mind unless you've been there yourself. There is no worse feeling in the world than thinking you're a horrible, worthless person. Sometimes it seems like things can never get better, so suicide is the only thing to stop the pain. When you get to that stage (or at least when I was suicidal), other people don't even come into it. I just didn't care about life, I though things would be a million times better for them if they didn't have to deal with someone like me.

However, as countless doctors/therapists etc have told me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things can and do get better, they really do.

IvyTheTerrible · 06-09-2012 11:39AM

My brother killed himself three years ago. Also a girl I went to school with.

My brother's death was completely unexpected. Normally he was the life and soul of the party. Now we noticed he was a bit down for a few months before hand, but really suicide would never have crossed our mind.

The speculation is very annoying. People coming up with all sorts of ideas of why he did it, no one can know why except himself (he only left the vaguest of notes).

MidlandsM · 06-09-2012 11:40AM

Biggins wrote: »

Sadly I do.

+1 , its a tough world.

enda1 · 06-09-2012 11:40AM

No one thankfully.

Pj! · 06-09-2012 11:49AM

A couple of friends.

A friend had attempted it a long time ago. Had married. Was retired. Seemed happy out. He obviously put a bit of planning into the act but never even left a note.

Another local man (older generation) I would have known for years done it recently. Had a few drinks with him one weekend. Had a good chat, bit of a laugh. He was dead about 36hrs later.
Really took me by surprise. He was just such a big strong man. Well respected.

Sad. Very sad.
Of course it's all over for the individual but it can really ruin the lives of close ones.

Some suicides are selfish. No question.

supermouse · 06-09-2012 11:50AM

My uncle committed suicide in 2010. Left behind a large family, youngest child was just 16. A successful businessman, well respected in the community. We have no idea why and will never know.

His family have fallen to shreds since.

Heartbreaking.

kerry4sam · 06-09-2012 11:50AM

enda1 wrote: »

No one thankfully.

I hope it remains that way for you too.

castletownman · 06-09-2012 11:56AM

One of my team-mates hanged himself six years ago this week actually. We were due to play championship that day but it was understandably cancelled. Whether it's an indictment to the club I don't know, but there never seems to be any form of a memorial service for him (although I'm not sure if his family requested that there wouldn't). One of my close friends from school drove his car into the sea must have been four years ago now. That is still the most shocking day of my life

Two months ago a fella who was a regular in my local just randomly hanged himself on the Sunday morning, after leaving the pub at the start of a session saying he had to fix his tv aerial down the road. This lad had a history of not being all there (he was a massive Liverpool fan and was known to "start" on people who cheered for the other team when they were on the telly). I wouldn't be lying when I say I never got on with him. Thing is, his friends have portrayed him as some kind of martyr and I have to donate money to some form of charity in his honour every weekend I'm in the pub since. I know they're only raising awareness of depression etc. but it just seems that, without being disrespectful to his family, he's become a lot more popular after ending his life.

Chorcai · 06-09-2012 12:15PM

I can't even imagine how dark a place someone must be in order to take your own life, let alone the grief that a family will endure afterwards. I am so so lucky that I know no one close to me has taken their own life.

This country should be ashamed of itself as a socity in the way we deal with suicide and mental health issues.

For what it's worth, there is always someone there for you, they might not be a family member but there is someone.

ruthloss · 06-09-2012 12:22PM

TURRICAN wrote: »

That's one thing gets on my nerves is people speculating etc.
Doesn't matter , it's too late.
Why didn't they try see if they could be a better person to him /her in the first place, then they probably wouldn't have had to speculate.

Alot of Irish mentality needs to change.

I agree with your sentiments to a certain extent., however, as far as I know, no one had any idea he intended to take his own life, I'm certain if they did, they would have done all they could for him.

As to speculation, that's only human, everyone wonders 'why'., not least his poor family.

Andy-Pandy · 06-09-2012 12:29PM

An old school friend earlier this year, coincidentally on the same day as a good friend of a group of my friend's. It's an awful thing to imagine being in such a dark place, in particular when whatever is going on in their head is usually all in there own head, and has no basis in reality. By this i mean that they had everything going for them and where loved by many people. Its devastating for everyone

ahnowbrowncow · 06-09-2012 12:47PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I always boggle at the mentality of people who condemn it as selfish because "how will their families feel". This person is so depressed, so much in pain, and so much on the edge they want to overcome that innate instinct to hang on to their lives, and all you're concerned about is how you feel. That is selfish.

No, I don't know someone who did, but I did talk someone out of it a long time ago.

I also didn't do it by complaining "but how will I feel?"

It depends on the case, not every suicide is selfish but you're just as wrong saying every suicide isn't selfish. I know one person who had a wife and kids and lost his job, a few days later he killed himself.

How is that not selfish, who knows what was going through his head or what was going on in his life but he made his wife's and children's lives a lot tougher, leaving them with a large mortgage, no means of income and no husband or father.

And people who commit suicide just to get back at someone. They deliberately kill themselves to make someone else feel really guilty for the rest of their lives, that's incredibly selfish.

bbam · 06-09-2012 12:47PM

I know of about ten in our locality, some I knew well, others I didn't know

I hate to hear people saying "what were they thinking off" or "they were just thinking of themselves" or "I can't understand why they did it".

What isn't understood is that these people are at their lowest mental strength and not thinking rationally so many of us just don't and can't understand it. To me it seems like the last desperate act of someone who just can't see any other solution to their situation, try to imagine it folks, things are so bad, dark and desperate that taking your own life seems like an improvement.
Please don't criticise these people, try to understand them and learn to look out for the signs of troubled souls.

Owryan · 06-09-2012 12:48PM

Hersheys wrote: »

I've lost a few people to suicide.

I've also attempted suicide. Don't judge. When you're at rock bottom it seems like the only way out.

I'm in counselling now & not suicidal but I'm still losing people to suicide.

Sucks.

Same for me, i know too many people who choose the suicide option yet it didnt stop me taking an overdose

out the other side and doing well but the really scary thing is, every now and again the urge to end it all will grip me and tho i know i wont act on it the fact i still feel the urge is frightening, and this is after 2 years of counselling and help.

Not a bit surprised so many people cant save themselves esp when they dont seek help, wanting to commit suicide is a scarily powerful feeling .

Dave! · 06-09-2012 12:56PM

Couple of friends of friends is all. One of them was following a fight with his girlfriend... Goes home and hangs himself. He was about 22. Devastating.

Thankfully my family hasn't been touched by it directly, I can only imagine what it would be like. Everyone's lives would be destroyed along with the victim.

Tabnabs · 06-09-2012 01:00PM

A guy I was in school with, the sister of another guy I went to school with and the brother of a friend. It's a horrible, evil situation.

cruiser178 · 06-09-2012 01:02PM

In the last 22 years iv'e known 8 people personally who have committed suicide. The youngest was 16, the oldest was 38 which was only 3 weeks ago, so sad.

cyrusdvirus · 06-09-2012 01:04PM

4.
One classmate the week before the leaving.

One schoolmate who was also the brother of a colleague.. That funeral was about the hardest i've ever been at, as the same family had also lost their father and mother.. the priest opened the service with the words "this is the third time I've stood here and looked down at (Brother and 2 sisters) in the front pew of my church"... there was a collective intake of breath at that, as people realised just HOW much this family had been through.

And two exes. One killed herself in the UK, one at her mothers place in Raheny.

In both cases we had split up a while beforehand and lost contact, but it still dwells in the back of my mind, if things had gone differently, would they still be here....

tmc86 · 06-09-2012 01:07PM

I knew 2 people who took their own lives.

When you look at the amount of posters on here who knew someone who has taken their own life it shows how bad of a problem it is in Ireland.

The good old Irish way, bottle everything up, god forbid you should talk to someone about your problems. Same goes for sex, sexual abuse etc.

If we can't see it, it's not there. We need to shake that mindset.

TeddyTedson · 06-09-2012 01:08PM

It might be better to ask how many people don't know someone who killed themselves.

With the long dark nights ahead and worsening of the economic issues I suspect someone reading this thread will know someone who kills themselves by the end of the year. The sad reality of it.

Madam_X · 06-09-2012 01:16PM

Nobody close to me, but acquaintances.

For those who see it as selfish, who have never suffered depression: think of the saddest/most heartbroken you've ever been and how you longed for the pain to end and to be able to just curl up, go to sleep and wake up with all the hurt gone. Now multiply that several times over - and throw debilitating, hopeless, mind-distorting depression into the mix. People end their lives because the pain becomes too overwhelming and suffocating at a certain point - everyone can only be pushed so far.
That's not to say it's not one of the most dreadful things that can happen to their loved ones, but they don't mean to hurt them, they just literally cannot go on...

Think of physical pain that's too great to tolerate and the patient begging for an overdose of morphine (and this being allowed in some places) or of being trapped a few floors up in a burning building and just jumping out because there is nowhere else to turn. The same applies to suicide. Emotional pain can be just as unbearable.

06-09-2012 01:17PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I always boggle at the mentality of people who condemn it as selfish because "how will their families feel". This person is so depressed, so much in pain, and so much on the edge they want to overcome that innate instinct to hang on to their lives, and all you're concerned about is how you feel. That is selfish.

Again, whatever about what their "motives" are, the act is still selfish. People can have incorrect "reasons" or "logic" for doing anything, it doesn't mean those reasons are accurate. I don't need to imagine what people feel like when they get to that point, I can just reminisce. The 3 people who off the top of my head I know had proper suicide attempts all agree it's a selfish thing to do. It seems to generally be people trying to be understanding who take offence to it being called a selfish act.

Madam_X · 06-09-2012 01:21PM

Well yeh if you were to be reductive about it, it is selfish - in that it destroys those left behind, but that also implies that the person who does it doesn't give a sh1t about those left behind, which nobody can prove is true. And no doubt usually isn't.

It's not a case of "trying to be understanding" - it's a case of empathising, seeing the bigger picture, recognising not everything is black and white.

KKkitty · 06-09-2012 01:30PM

I know of a handful. One young man was one of the worst. Like a few already said there was no signs there to indicate this young man would do it. He seemed so full of life and positive and he went to a shed near his house and hung himself. He had lost his dad when he was young and never got over it. I slit my wrists and tried to overdose on painkillers on two separate occasions. I felt like a failure on both occasions and thought everyone would be better off without me around.

Placebo Effect · 06-09-2012 01:30PM

I've read all this thread, so sad.

Tim the Enchanter · 06-09-2012 01:41PM

I knew 4 people, 3 shot themselves and 1 hung himself. I was the last person to see the lad that hung himself alive. He never said anything to me, just went home, went up to his attic and strung himself up. It was hard seeing his family, they had so many questions, but he never gave the slightest indication he was going to do anything.

Bannasidhe · 06-09-2012 01:51PM

Madam_X wrote: »

Well yeh if you were to be reductive about it, it is selfish - in that it destroys those left behind, but that also implies that the person who does it doesn't give a sh1t about those left behind, which nobody can prove is true. And no doubt usually isn't.

It's not a case of "trying to be understanding" - it's a case of empathising, seeing the bigger picture, recognising not everything is black and white.

I agree. Different people have different reasons.

Now that I think about it, I've known a few people who took their own lives over the years. Some of them I do feel were being selfish, others were acts of desperation, some were people who had given up on life a long time ago.

Before anyone jumps down my throat, the one's I think were selfish it's more how they chose to kill themselves - they were 3 middle aged men (one was my cousin, one was married to my cousin and one was my sister's best friend's husband) all three were very controlling of their wives and children, all 3 were heavy drinkers, all three were separated and all three phoned one of their children(late teenage to young adults) to meet them in a certain place at a certain time.
In every case the 'child' phoned was supportive of their mothers decision to divorce. Inquests revealed the time of death (all 3 hanged themselves) for each of them was around ten minutes before they had arranged to meet their children. These men decided they would have their children find their bodies. One left a note saying it was all his wife's fault. That to me is selfish. Shades of 'stay with me or I'll kill myself and then you'll be sorry.'

Others just couldn't cope, the first person I knew who committed suicide was the father of a kid I played with growing up, the family were neighbours of ours and people did wonder how a man who was the manager of a small DIY/paint shop could afford to send 5 kids to private schools (this was the 1970s when few people had that kind of income). He was a lovely man, but his wife was one of those Hyacinth Bucket types. Turned out he was defrauding his employers for years to pay the school fees and an audit was about to expose him. My Dad found him in the river.

Another had been doing coke with her mate when he OD'd. She just couldn't live with the guilt. She drove her car into the river on the anniversary of his death.

Two were young Gay people from very fundamentalist Christian backgrounds. They couldn't reconcile what they had been taught with their sexual orientation. In both cases their families refused to claim the bodies of these 'sinners'.

A guy who grew up on the same street as me went down a wrong path in his late teens. Junkie, pimp, HIV positive, countless convictions. He committed suicide on this 50th birthday. Left a note for his family saying he was sorry he had f**ked up his life and caused them so much shame and pain.

I knew many men through work in the 1980s who had AIDS and decided to die with dignity at a time of their own choosing. I fully supported their decisions.

GAAman · 06-09-2012 01:53PM

Funny this thread is created today, it is the 5 year anniversary of a very close friend of mine. Still hurts like all hell.

mrsdewinter · 06-09-2012 01:56PM

This thread makes harrowing reading. I'm sitting in a cafe, with tears in my eyes as I read the various stories.

Teyla Emmagan · 06-09-2012 01:56PM

My friend Jude, when we were in college. She was 21. Beautiful, smart, funny and stylish. An absolute and horrific waste of such a young and promising life.

How many people here know someone who committed suicide?

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