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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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    #4382
    anonimous
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37 ✭anonimous


    “Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.

    It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”

    i'm not sure who said this, but i'd love to show it to my friends sometime (if i ever get the nerve...)


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    #4383
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Getting very anxious about college/dissertation now. Even if I do a little work at home it seems like I'm missing a whole day and the guilt piles on. Hate the hold anxiety has over me. :/


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    #4384
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.


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    #4385
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    reallyreallyworriedalot wrote: »
    After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.

    They're pretty expensive you know :/

    I haven't hurt in ages. Some of the scars are actually fading a bit. But I want to so bad :/


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    #4386
    indough
    Registered Users Posts: 2,857 ✭✭✭indough


    feeling like serious crap these days but soldiering on somehow


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    #4387
    Snoopy1
    Registered Users Posts: 4,185 ✭✭✭Snoopy1


    reallyreallyworriedalot wrote: »
    After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.
    I was on one set that cost 30 euro a month. Now I'm in another tablet that's costing me 80 euro a month!!


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    #4388
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    @anonimous
    Great quote. Might use it myself when explaining it to people one day. Hope you’re doing ok.

    @blah01
    I know how it feels to panic about college work and feel guilty for not doing enough. I always found the guilt over not having done enough paralysed me and prevented me from actually doing work anyway! The reality is, is that you probably have loads done and are on track to have it done on time but your anxiety is making you unsure of yourself and your abilities. Well that’s what I found anyway. Go easy on yourself. Set yourself time to do your dissertation and time for relaxing too. Do things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed like listening to your favourite music, going for a short walk or playing with a pet. Call a friend. You don’t need to tell them how you’re feeling if you don’t want to or you think they won’t understand but keep in touch with them. I know you’re really busy at the moment but don’t let yourself become isolated. Are you working on your dissertation at home or in the college library? You might find it easier to concentrate in the library (depending on how busy the library is of course). Less distractions compared to home and I found it easier to cope with mentally because it compartmentalised things a bit. Library – work. Home – relax. Best of luck with it and keep in mind that it will all be over soon.

    @reallyreallyworriedalot
    Like Snoopy1 said it depends on the tablet. I also found that it depends on the chemist you go to. I went to a few different chemists when collecting mine because I didn’t want anyone to know and I found a difference of about €10-€15 overall. Well done on deciding to go to your GP. I know what a really tough decision it is to make. If you feel you might forget to say something or clam up completely it might be a good idea to write down how you are feeling and hand it to her or at least have it with you as back up so you won’t feel as panicky. You said you are a student, I’m sure you’re college has a counsellor. Would you consider talking to him or her? I remember I was dead set against going to see the college counsellor (not implying you are by the way). It’s really hard opening up to someone about your feelings but I have since discovered that the old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is really true. Anyway, best of luck with the appointment Thursday. Hope it goes well and I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

    @cloud493
    You’re doing so well. Please don’t hurt yourself. You are stronger than you think and can resist the temptation.

    @indough
    Hope things get better for you soon.

    ******

    I was doing well for a good few months and was finally starting to gain a bit of confidence and trust in myself but everything is falling apart again. This will sound awful but it feels so cruel to be doing well only to have the rug pulled from under you. I would rather not have been feeling good for a while and felt crap the whole time instead of having everything taken from me again and feeling lower than before. Does that make sense?

    Feeling pretty desperate at the moment and I’m at a loss at what to do to help myself. Can't talk to anyone about it because no-one in my life understands and I also can't go back to the doctor because of what happened last time.


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    #4389
    Seren_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    blah01 wrote: »
    Getting very anxious about college/dissertation now. Even if I do a little work at home it seems like I'm missing a whole day and the guilt piles on. Hate the hold anxiety has over me. :/

    Does your dissertation supervisor know how anxious you're feeling about it? Have a chat with him or her if you can - I found being open with mine last year helped a huge amount as he knew to keep an eye on my progress to make sure I wasn't slipping or feeling too overwhelmed.
    cloud493 wrote: »
    I haven't hurt in ages. Some of the scars are actually fading a bit. But I want to so bad :/

    You're doing amazing, keep it up.

    Justaslost - you know that we're always here if you need to vent. Make sure and get the feelings out some way, be it by talking (to samaritans, counsellor etc), writing them down, using art or anything you find that helps at all. Would you try finding another doctor? It can take a while to find one that suits you.


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    #4390
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Your Text Here wrote: »
    Does your dissertation supervisor know how anxious you're feeling about it? Have a chat with him or her if you can - I found being open with mine last year helped a huge amount as he knew to keep an eye on my progress to make sure I wasn't slipping or feeling too overwhelmed.



    You're doing amazing, keep it up.

    Justaslost - you know that we're always here if you need to vent. Make sure and get the feelings out some way, be it by talking (to samaritans, counsellor here etc), writing them down, using art or anything you find that helps at all. Would you try finding another doctor? It can take a while to find one that suits you.

    Thanks :) how are you?


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    #4391
    Seren_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    cloud493 wrote: »
    Thanks :) how are you?
    I'm doing okay at the minute. Last week was pretty bad, especially Thursday. I had extremely intense mood swings and I had to physically stop myself from
    bashing my head into things and running out in front of cars
    . Don't know what brought them on =/ Home for a while now though as we've the week off college, so I've just been taking it easy and trying not to stress out.

    How are you getting on?


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    #4392
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you for the posts.

    The library is my main place of study. I actually like it there, it's generally quiet and I can get work done. Home is generally the reverse, so it's my own fault for not going in. I'm just being lazy and making excuses in the Easter hols haze. I've been up and down all year, it's very frustrating. When I'm in the groove I'm committed and work hard, when I procrastinate, it's all blah. It's not as if I do nothing at home, but it's a real banana skin. Things will get back to normal by the end of the week (I hope), though plenty of anxiety will still be around. Need to keep an eye on my sleep as it's a slippery slope once it falls apart. Even when I go out for a walk or something like lunch I still feel guilty about that, stupid! I am seeing a psychologist, so at least that's something. I am pretty isolated socially, I don't know if I've time to fix it or how I would. Counsellor is aware of it and we've talked about making plans to be more social.

    Supervisor is hard to reach this year, she is away at the moment and is overloaded with extra students. Classmates are also going on about the level of work they've done, trying to ignore this and my supervisor has actually said to pay no heed...she's right.

    Thanks for letting me vent here.


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    #4393
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Your Text Here wrote: »
    I'm doing okay at the minute. Last week was pretty bad, especially Thursday. I had extremely intense mood swings and I had to physically stop myself from
    bashing my head into things and running out in front of cars
    . Don't know what brought them on =/ Home for a while now though as we've the week off college, so I've just been taking it easy and trying not to stress out.

    How are you getting on?

    Oh dear :/ how are you feeling now? Still got those urges you spoilered?

    I'm alright. I'm not trying to quit cold turkey, I haven't thrown all my razors out or nothing. Just.. don't know the word. Give the scars time to heal, and all that.


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    #4394
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    cloud493 wrote: »

    I'm alright. I'm not trying to quit cold turkey, I haven't thrown all my razors out or nothing. Just.. don't know the word. Give the scars time to heal, and all that.

    Completely different situation, but I found when giving up cigarettes, it was a lot easier to say I'm just taking a break as opposed to cold turkey, it takes some of the pressure off, stick with it cloud493, you're doing great.

    I'm doing ok, big decisions though. They've brought in voluntary redundancies in work, it not actually for my department, but I've been thinking of leaving anyway, so planning on discussing it with my manager anyway and sending a cheeky email to HR. On the plus side, it's not really a job I like and I've worked out how much I'd get, I could clear my credit card / loan and live okish for twelve months but on the negative side I know jobs are hard to come by and also I get on great with nearly all my colleagues (on my days off, it wouldn't be unusual to not talk to anyone- maybe that's why I talk to myself). Probably the biggest decision I've had to make in absolutely years and no idea how to go.

    I'd be kinda worried that work is a motivation to get up and do something but if I did manage to get redundancy it may also be the kick up my ass to really change my life.
    Sorry, I suppose I looking for opinions but also kinda ranting at the same time.


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    #4395
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    I guess :) I'm sure I will again in the future, but for now :)

    And if I were you, I'd stick with the job gillo.


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    #4396
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Sometimes I'd love a sponsor, like in AA, to stop me doing stupid things. !

    That's a great idea, I would love to talk to someone who has gone through depression and come out the otherside.

    Having a bit of a "low" day today :(


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    #4397
    girlonfire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 337 ✭✭girlonfire


    I haven't posted in here for ages and I feel selfish posting now, but I really need to vent.
    Life has been a nightmare over the past couple of months. Things just seem to be going from bad to worse. My mood swings are unbearable. I go from feeling super motivated, ready to take on the world to feeling like I want to die. I feel like I'm constantly trying to avoid a path of utter self destruction, which is taking up every bit of energy I have. I'm talking to people, feel like I'm doing the right things, etc, but deep down, I feel there's no hope. I know these feelings will pass, but they're such a f**king bitch at the moment.

    On another note, hope people are doing a bit better.


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    #4398
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    You're not selfish (or if you are I must be a right stingy fecker as I tend to drop in and out of here, that said I like coming back in here, it's more like chatting to friends as there are a number of regulars!).

    I've been having the same thing, I find though if I keep myself busy it stops the swings. It nearly got to the point where I was wondering could I be bipolar. Try to capitalise on the motivated times, do a lot and when the low times come around accept them, maybe if you know you should be doing something write it do to do later in?

    Do you mind me asking, if I remember you went back to college, how are you finding it coming up to exam time? Just curious because I would love to head back myself.


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    #4399
    Seren_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    What would you like to study if you went back to college Gillo? It could be something to look into you know, might give you something to work towards if you decide to quit your job.

    And girlonfire (and anyone else who feels the same), posting in here when you feel you need to, no matter how long between posts, is in no way selfish! That's what the thread is here for. I know myself that I find it useful when I need a rant, cuz you guys can empathise with the thoughts and feelings going through my head, and I can with yours.


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    #4400
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    Your Text Here wrote: »
    What would you like to study if you went back to college Gillo? It could be something to look into you know, might give you something to work towards if you decide to quit your job.

    .
    To be honest I'm not sure, I'd live to go back and study psychiatric nursing, I've always had an interest in psychology and was really touched by the level of care which I saw been giving by nurses when I was in hospital. I'm a bit concerned that it may be a bit too close to home so to speak. The other thing is financing it.
    Failing that it'd be a standard business degree with psychology thrown in.

    But yeah if I quit the job now I'd be able to qualify for the back to education allowance next year so I could do the nursing. I know that sounds a but scabby, but I've been working full time hours since 1997 so I've well paid my share of PAYE.

    How's everyone else doing?


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    #4401
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Just... here you know.


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    #4402
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    yeah not so good.


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    #4403
    Kaching
    Registered Users Posts: 478 ✭✭Kaching


    stressed


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    #4404
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Apparently this sickening sadness and the painful memories that make me want to... do things. Don't last forever. But to be honest, seems like they do.


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    #4405
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Just as lost wrote: »
    @reallyreallyworriedalot
    Like Snoopy1 said it depends on the tablet. I also found that it depends on the chemist you go to. I went to a few different chemists when collecting mine because I didn’t want anyone to know and I found a difference of about €10-€15 overall. Well done on deciding to go to your GP. I know what a really tough decision it is to make. If you feel you might forget to say something or clam up completely it might be a good idea to write down how you are feeling and hand it to her or at least have it with you as back up so you won’t feel as panicky. You said you are a student, I’m sure you’re college has a counsellor. Would you consider talking to him or her? I remember I was dead set against going to see the college counsellor (not implying you are by the way). It’s really hard opening up to someone about your feelings but I have since discovered that the old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is really true. Anyway, best of luck with the appointment Thursday. Hope it goes well and I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

    Thank you, the trip went quite well. The doctor was quite understanding and nice about it. She said I probably have a touch of depression or an anxiety disorder. I have been put on lexapro - it was only €40 a month. I have to ring back in a week, just to check about side effects. Lets hope this works.


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    #4406
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    cloud493 wrote: »
    Apparently this sickening sadness and the painful memories that make me want to... do things. Don't last forever. But to be honest, seems like they do.
    From experience they do go away but I know what you mean they can take what feels like a lifetime. Know what you mean though, if one more person tells me that time is a healer....


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    #4407
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    Gillo wrote: »
    From experience they do go away but I know what you mean they can take what feels like a lifetime. Know what you mean though, if one more person tells me that time is a healer....

    It's been 5 years, almost. 8 years, for another thing. And I can still remember it, like yesterday.


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    #4408
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    i'm sick of feeling all this stuff. have to work out if it's normal, if it's ok, is it crazy. and now someone i thought understood me apparently holds it against me, having to work around me. feel quite lonely. feel like i'm viewed like a crazy person. why would anyone choose to be like this.


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    #4409
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Gillo wrote: »
    To be honest I'm not sure, I'd live to go back and study psychiatric nursing, I've always had an interest in psychology and was really touched by the level of care which I saw been giving by nurses when I was in hospital. I'm a bit concerned that it may be a bit too close to home so to speak. The other thing is financing it.
    Failing that it'd be a standard business degree with psychology thrown in.

    But yeah if I quit the job now I'd be able to qualify for the back to education allowance next year so I could do the nursing. I know that sounds a but scabby, but I've been working full time hours since 1997 so I've well paid my share of PAYE.

    How's everyone else doing?

    It's not scabby really, loads of people do it and its just kinda the price you have to pay to get a good job. Kind of a shame that's how you have to go about getting funded in Ireland, but what can you do :)

    Friend of mine has a degree in English but just started a psychiatric nursing degree this year. The reason she chose it is mostly because I'd say she has spent about 2 years of her life as either an inn patient or a day patient of St Pats. It would probably give you a really good perspective of things!

    I'm doing very well. Finals this week so have been a bit lazy and not too stressed :) Looking forward to a few weeks off from college anyway!


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    #4410
    mizhell
    Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭mizhell


    Help? anyone there... don't now whether to post here or elsewhere


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    #4411
    Gillo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    mizhell wrote: »
    Help? anyone there... don't now whether to post here or elsewhere
    What's the matter mizhell?
    If its easier feel free to pm me


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