Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

stupidusername · 07-04-2012 11:20pm

i don't get it as bad as you so. but no i don't think the anxiety would pass

jammstarr · 07-04-2012 11:21pm

I don't get the physical symptoms as much any more, it makes being anxious somewhat easier to handle.

Princess Peach · 07-04-2012 11:29pm

I don't get panic attacks too often anymore, but whenever I do they can last up to a half hour. Its horrible!

I can't explain how I deal with it now. If I start to feel anxious over anything I'll get a fear of a bad panic attack, and that fear kinda stops me. I'm pretty good at relaxation techniques too. I mean the severity of them makes me work really hard to prevent them.

howsyourtusk · 07-04-2012 11:40pm

Everyone is different I suppose. I don't get panic attacks, I just spill it all out and that helps. But it's in situations like stupidusername described, telling a partner or whatever and doesn't end well.

jammstarr · 07-04-2012 11:50pm

My mother recently broached the subject of weaning myself off my medication eventually. While I don't get the extremes of mood and anxiety anymore I am still very much affected by both. I'm stuck in a rut and the meds are the only things making day to day life more bearable. In the long term, would there be any harm staying on medication? At the moment I'd gladly keep taking them forever as they helping me somewhat.

Princess Peach · 07-04-2012 11:53pm

With past boyfriends I used to get very anxious when having to talk about serious things or my feelings. They weren't great boyfriends though.

I dunno if its me or him but everything is just so easy with my current man. He is very understanding and wants to hear about my issues, which the others didn't really. Makes things a lot easier! I was in a pretty bad state of mind when we first met but he really helped me through that, even just as a friend at first.

Sul · 08-04-2012 12:00am

I used to suffer from panic attacks which as a result made me socially anxious and then I started blushing for no reason all the time. Which made it worse it was a vicious cycle. I got a grip on the panic attacks fairly quickly and can generally stop one before it gets bad but I still blush all the time. I went to cognitive behavioural therapy which helped me loads. I still blush but it thought me not to dwell on it or get so wound up about it. I just let it happen. I dunno if ill ever stop blushing but the therapy helped me to get out of my head and stopped me from always worrying about leaving the house. Just wanted to pass on my info for anyone who may not have tried CBT.

stupidusername · 08-04-2012 12:25am

howsyourtusk wrote: »

Everyone is different I suppose. I don't get panic attacks, I just spill it all out and that helps. But it's in situations like stupidusername described, telling a partner or whatever and doesn't end well.

in fairness to him he deals with it quite well. it's more about my fear that i'll push him away. but he doesn't seem to be going anywhere

Gremlinertia · 08-04-2012 3:42pm

Been a bit quiet the last while, needed to do some stuff in real world. Funny enough my life couldn't be considered that 'bad' at the moment, although the physical pain is ever present, but still there are moments when a wave of something like despair catches me and momentarily i can't breath, the mind is a strange land and i definitely have no map.

Captain Graphite · 08-04-2012 4:14pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

When I was really down a few years ago I drank all the time. It was a strange thing. At the time my headspace was that I just really wanted to go out and socialise and get out of the house and make friends and have a good time, that it was good for me. And that part of it was. But I also used to drink to the point of a blackout once/twice a week. I always said it was accident, or it was cause of my medication but looking back on it now I couldn't have accidentally gotten that drunk every single time.

It wasn't really a depressant for me though, I did always have a great time and wanted to go out again straight away. Really can't remember a time that alcohol was the reason for me getting down. But def the drinking myself into oblivion was something serious, could never really pinpoint why I did it.

Much better now, have seriously cut back. Mostly because it wasn't healthy and I was so sick of being known as the drunk mess of my town! I still drink once/twice a week with friends but a smart amount, cause I'm old and wise now.

Looking back on your point now Captain Graphite maybe one of the reasons I drank so much and went out so much was because there was nothing else to do. That was what my friends were doing at the time so I followed along. You're good to throw the vodka away, I could never do that in the past! One thing that has really helped me lately is I have switched to drinking beer. I do really like beer but I would drink it slower than vodka, and cause it fills me I don't drink too much of it.

Thankfully I've never got to the stage where I'm blacking out or anything. And I only tend to drink on weekends.

But I can definitely relate to the whole "drinking 'cause there's nothing else to do" thing. I don't think alcohol is even the problem, really; moreso it's loneliness. I drink because I'm bored and then I start feeling lonely and that's hat makes me depressed. If I wasn't drinking, I'd still feel lonely and down. The drink is just an attempt to make me feel less bad about it. Sometimes it works, other times (like last night) it doesn't.

I actually ended up drinking alone again tonight, using the excuse "ah shur it's Easter". :rolleyes: And I was feeling fine until I realised I'd been refreshing my emails and FB pages costantly, hoping someone would leave me a message about something. But nada. Zilch.

Also I ended up FB-stalking someone I don't like and got really annoyed about how good looking they are and how many photos with lots of happy looking friends they have. Raaargh. :mad:

Still, rum isn't as harsh as vodka.

howsyourtusk wrote: »

Everyone is different I suppose. I don't get panic attacks, I just spill it all out and that helps. But it's in situations like stupidusername described, telling a partner or whatever and doesn't end well.

When it comes to relationships, I've got to the point where I'm simultaneously desperate to go out with someone and utterly terrified of the prospect. I suppose my current situation means I'm not gonna be seeing anyone for at least another couple of months, so it's irrelevant. Can't help the mind wandering though.

I was completely honest and open with my two exes. More so than I've ever been with anyone else in my life. Both reassured me that they were ok with my personal problems and that they'd support me and help me when I needed it. But both eventually proved themselves incapable of keeping those promises. For two years in a row I ended up getting dumped, out of the blue, right before my birthday.

Mightn't sound like the end of the world but it's like I have two massive emotional scars permanently on me the whole time.

First ex had his own problems, and I always tried my hardest to support him. Throughout our relationship he was the one who struggled more, and I always did as much as I could for him. As soon as the tables turned, and I became the one who started to struggle, he decided we were "too emotionally dependent" and ran.

The second ex always told me he didn't care about my problems and that he understood. Throughout our relationship there was very little drama and I was doing really well. Then, after one solitary minor incident, he decided I was "too negative" and he couldn't be with me anymore. And he knew how big a deal it was for me having been dumped right before my birthday but that didn't stop him doing the exact same thing.

I know I've typed out this story before, and people I know (both in real life and in an online capacity) are surely fed up of me saying it over and over again at this stage. But I just can't put those demons to rest. I'm now pretty much scared to trust anyone ever again because they always end up running.

If I could move on from those two relationships and gain confidence to find and trust someone else again, I reckon a lot of my other issues would be helped as a result. Sadly, I can't imagine that happening any time soon....

Princess Peach wrote: »

With past boyfriends I used to get very anxious when having to talk about serious things or my feelings. They weren't great boyfriends though.

I dunno if its me or him but everything is just so easy with my current man. He is very understanding and wants to hear about my issues, which the others didn't really. Makes things a lot easier! I was in a pretty bad state of mind when we first met but he really helped me through that, even just as a friend at first.

stupidusername wrote: »

in fairness to him he deals with it quite well. it's more about my fear that i'll push him away. but he doesn't seem to be going anywhere

Well it's nice to see some relationships go ok even when the black dog is lurking.

I hope it works out ok for you both, and they don't end up running from your problems. It'd be nice to have someone like that in my life who actually cared enough to stick around.

cloud493 · 09-04-2012 12:51am

Hope everyones had a nice easter

nesf · 09-04-2012 6:30am

cloud493 wrote: »

Hope everyones had a nice easter

So.. much... chocolate...

cloud493 · 09-04-2012 10:30am

nesf wrote: »

So.. much... chocolate...

Tis the best part of it!

Kaching · 09-04-2012 11:57am

Lucky I didnt get none

cloud493 · 09-04-2012 3:53pm

I wuv chocolate

jammstarr · 09-04-2012 4:15pm

jammstarr wrote: »

My mother recently broached the subject of weaning myself off my medication eventually. While I don't get the extremes of mood and anxiety anymore I am still very much affected by both. I'm stuck in a rut and the meds are the only things making day to day life more bearable. In the long term, would there be any harm staying on medication? At the moment I'd gladly keep taking them forever as they helping me somewhat.

Is there any problems with taking meds forever?

Does anyone here plan on getting off of them eventually or has tried to before?

Princess Peach · 09-04-2012 4:22pm

I tried before and it didn't work. My doctor said not to worry, some people just have a longer recovery time. Was supposed to try again around now but with so many changes in my life I don't know if I want to just yet. Going to see a new doctor tomorrow cause I need my prescriptions renewed.

Not sure if I will cut back this year at all, but definitely next year I will try again.

gordon_gekko · 09-04-2012 4:27pm

does anyone here find it very disheartining that its unlikely you will ever get back to where you were prior to when the depression set in , i have depression since 1998 and before it hit me , i was a confident ( albeit insecure due to upbringing ) twenty year old with a sizeable ego , i dont think its remotley possible i could ever return to where i was as i dont have the ego ( which was borne out of having to have built up confidence entirely by myself ) now to think i deserve to be back where i was , depression makes you too humble , i know being humble is usually regarded as being a good thing but most people cannot live like the dali lama and need a reasonable amount of ego and perhaps arrogance to forge ahead in this cut throat world , looking back i loved it when i had a big ego but when i think about it now , i dont think i could ever be that single minded or self assured again , being forced to settle for second best is tough but i really dont think you have any choice once depression becomes a part of your life , you simply cannot push yourself too hard , your not invincible like you once were or at least thought you were

i know the above is a bit all over the place , sorry

jammstarr · 09-04-2012 4:41pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

I tried before and it didn't work. My doctor said not to worry, some people just have a longer recovery time. Was supposed to try again around now but with so many changes in my life I don't know if I want to just yet. Going to see a new doctor tomorrow cause I need my prescriptions renewed.

Not sure if I will cut back this year at all, but definitely next year I will try again.

At the moment I'm more than happy to keep swallowing them hand over fist.

gordon_gekko wrote: »

does anyone here find it very disheartining that its unlikely you will ever get back to where you were prior to when the depression set in , i have depression since 1998 and before it hit me , i was a confident ( albeit insecure due to upbringing ) twenty year old with a sizeable ego , i dont think its remotley possible i could ever return to where i was as i dont have the ego ( which was borne out of having to have built up confidence entirely by myself ) now to think i deserve to be back where i was , depression makes you too humble , i know being humble is usually regarded as being a good thing but most people cannot live like the dali lama and need a reasonable amount of ego and perhaps arrogance to forge ahead in this cut throat world , looking back i loved it when i had a big ego but when i think about it now , i dont think i could ever be that single minded or self assured again , being forced to settle for second best is tough but i really dont think you have any choice once depression becomes a part of your life , you simply cannot push yourself too hard , your not invincible like you once were or at least thought you were

i know the above is a bit all over the place , sorry

I get ya man. It's hard to accept at times and it doesn't seem to get any easier

thrilledskinny · 09-04-2012 7:41pm

gordon_gekko wrote: »

does anyone here find it very disheartining that its unlikely you will ever get back to where you were prior to when the depression set in , i have depression since 1998 and before it hit me , i was a confident ( albeit insecure due to upbringing ) twenty year old with a sizeable ego , i dont think its remotley possible i could ever return to where i was as i dont have the ego ( which was borne out of having to have built up confidence entirely by myself ) now to think i deserve to be back where i was , depression makes you too humble , i know being humble is usually regarded as being a good thing but most people cannot live like the dali lama and need a reasonable amount of ego and perhaps arrogance to forge ahead in this cut throat world , looking back i loved it when i had a big ego but when i think about it now , i dont think i could ever be that single minded or self assured again , being forced to settle for second best is tough but i really dont think you have any choice once depression becomes a part of your life , you simply cannot push yourself too hard , your not invincible like you once were or at least thought you were

i know the above is a bit all over the place , sorry

Yep, find it very disheartening at times, and totally understand what your saying....
Its the confidence thing I think, your confidence is knocked. You think you will never have the same energy and enthusiam to do all the things you used to do...
Its difficult alright....

thrilledskinny · 09-04-2012 7:51pm

jammstarr wrote: »

Is there any problems with taking meds forever?

Does anyone here plan on getting off of them eventually or has tried to before?

My psyh would say if you had heart problems you woouldnt hesitate taking meds forever.

I must admit i go through phases where I wouldnt dare come off them, and gladly swallow them.
At other times i'd like to see that I can do this on my own. I'd like to be myself unmedicated. I'd like to see what I'm like with out them.

Had been considering coming off them this summer, but for some reason have had a really bad few days of it, and now am wondering should i just stay on them...been feeling so crap was even thinking should i up them.

Its a vicious cycle, that is very disheartening...

No harm trying jammstarr, if thats how you feel, and if your doc agrees eh...

shopaholic01 · 09-04-2012 7:54pm

howsyourtusk wrote: »

Everyone is different I suppose. I don't get panic attacks, I just spill it all out and that helps. But it's in situations like stupidusername described, telling a partner or whatever and doesn't end well.

Are you ok?

jammstarr · 09-04-2012 7:56pm

thrilledskinny wrote: »

My psyh would say if you had heart problems you woouldnt hesitate taking meds forever.

I must admit i go through phases where I wouldnt dare come off them, and gladly swallow them.
At other times i'd like to see that I can do this on my own. I'd like to be myself unmedicated. I'd like to see what I'm like with out them.

Had been considering coming off them this summer, but for some reason have had a really bad few days of it, and now am wondering should i just stay on them...been feeling so crap was even thinking should i up them.

Its a vicious cycle, that is very disheartening...

No harm trying jammstarr, if thats how you feel, and if your doc agrees eh...

No I don't want to wean off them at all. Was just something my mother said to me that got me wondering about it is all.

gordon_gekko · 09-04-2012 8:51pm

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Yep, find it very disheartening at times, and totally understand what your saying....
Its the confidence thing I think, your confidence is knocked. You think you will never have the same energy and enthusiam to do all the things you used to do...
Its difficult alright....

being confident doesnt come naturally to you anymore so you have to work ten times as hard to feel good about yourself , youthfull arrogance is a wonderfull thing but once lost cannot be gotten back , depression is a form of death , the old you is gone and you find yourself often mourning for the loss of the old self , i remember a therapist going on about inner child some years ago , i think when depression enters your life , your inner child dies , innocence is lost in a way

Gillo · 09-04-2012 10:18pm

jammstarr wrote: »

No I don't want to wean off them at all. Was just something my mother said to me that got me wondering about it is all.

Wait until you feel ready and then discuss it with your doctor, it's hard enough coming off so you'll have to gradually phase it.

I'd like to come off at some stage but can see myself staying on for quite a while anyway. If I had to stay in indefinitely or for life it wouldn't bother me apart from one scenario.

jammstarr · 09-04-2012 10:37pm

Gillo wrote: »

If I had to stay in indefinitely or for life it wouldn't bother me apart from one scenario.

Could I ask what scenario would that be? Sorry for being nosy, am just keen to get all views on this.

Princess Peach · 09-04-2012 11:00pm

Sometimes I'd love a sponsor, like in AA, to stop me doing stupid things. Or a life coach if I were rich!

Snoopy1 · 09-04-2012 11:05pm

Wow only just found this thread.
Im on anti depressants since January, this has resulted from me being so injured and being a night shift worker, so basically im getting no sleep. Im constantly fed up, have no energy or interest in things
Well there's a bit more to it than that, but that's the short version.
My Mum keeps trying to push me off the tablets. Says "cheer up" and "I dont need to be on them" and "there's worse people out there than me"
I know she means well, but its just really frustrating when people say things like that to me.

Gillo · 10-04-2012 9:01am

jammstarr wrote: »

Could I ask what scenario would that be? Sorry for being nosy, am just keen to get all views on this.

Bare in mind that SSRI's affect different people in different ways so what's happening for one person may not be the same for someone else.
Basically, SSRI's are known to change libido, let's just say I can run the race no problem but no matter how far I run I never reach the finish line. At the moment that's actually kinda cool but assuming I settle down and try for kids it's obviously going to be a problem. Also since I'm single it's really no issue for me at the moment.

(mods, hope this point isn't crossing the line if so edit/ delete it- and yes pun intended).

neemish · 10-04-2012 9:21am

I'm relieved to hear other people saying what i feel about meds. I feel like they're both my friend and foe.
I recently came off my meds cold turkey, against medical advice. It was NOT a pretty sight. Within a fortnight I was a complete mess. The worst part were the Jekyll and Hyde like mood swings. I never knew how I was going to be.
What was nice though was feeling more like "me" at times. My sense of taste was normal, I could actually taste my food. Plus I never knew that most people want to have sex! I wasn't more awake, I was more aware of everything. My senses were heightened.

That said, this was my moment of madness. I wanted to see what I'd be like. I was curious. My consultant was not a happy camper when he found out. In fact, I had to go into hospital the mood swings were so bad. The moral of the story: don't go cold turkey. Ever. Talk to your doctor about your concerns.

And yes, I'm back on the dreaded meds.

anonimous · 10-04-2012 11:44am

“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.

It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”

i'm not sure who said this, but i'd love to show it to my friends sometime (if i ever get the nerve...)

LegacyUser · 10-04-2012 2:42pm

Getting very anxious about college/dissertation now. Even if I do a little work at home it seems like I'm missing a whole day and the guilt piles on. Hate the hold anxiety has over me.

LegacyUser · 10-04-2012 9:52pm

After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.

cloud493 · 11-04-2012 12:28am

reallyreallyworriedalot wrote: »

After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.

They're pretty expensive you know

I haven't hurt in ages. Some of the scars are actually fading a bit. But I want to so bad

indough · 11-04-2012 12:32am

feeling like serious crap these days but soldiering on somehow

Snoopy1 · 11-04-2012 12:39am

reallyreallyworriedalot wrote: »

After months of severe lows, crying, panic attacks and just feeling down, I have decided to go to my GP Thursday. I'm hoping she will recommend antidepressants. How much will these cost a month? I am not entitled to a medical card, and I am a full time student, so I'm kinda hoping they will be cheap. It isn't something I want my family to know atm.

I was on one set that cost 30 euro a month. Now I'm in another tablet that's costing me 80 euro a month!!

LegacyUser · 11-04-2012 2:52am

@anonimous
Great quote. Might use it myself when explaining it to people one day. Hope you’re doing ok.

@blah01
I know how it feels to panic about college work and feel guilty for not doing enough. I always found the guilt over not having done enough paralysed me and prevented me from actually doing work anyway! The reality is, is that you probably have loads done and are on track to have it done on time but your anxiety is making you unsure of yourself and your abilities. Well that’s what I found anyway. Go easy on yourself. Set yourself time to do your dissertation and time for relaxing too. Do things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed like listening to your favourite music, going for a short walk or playing with a pet. Call a friend. You don’t need to tell them how you’re feeling if you don’t want to or you think they won’t understand but keep in touch with them. I know you’re really busy at the moment but don’t let yourself become isolated. Are you working on your dissertation at home or in the college library? You might find it easier to concentrate in the library (depending on how busy the library is of course). Less distractions compared to home and I found it easier to cope with mentally because it compartmentalised things a bit. Library – work. Home – relax. Best of luck with it and keep in mind that it will all be over soon.

@reallyreallyworriedalot
Like Snoopy1 said it depends on the tablet. I also found that it depends on the chemist you go to. I went to a few different chemists when collecting mine because I didn’t want anyone to know and I found a difference of about €10-€15 overall. Well done on deciding to go to your GP. I know what a really tough decision it is to make. If you feel you might forget to say something or clam up completely it might be a good idea to write down how you are feeling and hand it to her or at least have it with you as back up so you won’t feel as panicky. You said you are a student, I’m sure you’re college has a counsellor. Would you consider talking to him or her? I remember I was dead set against going to see the college counsellor (not implying you are by the way). It’s really hard opening up to someone about your feelings but I have since discovered that the old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is really true. Anyway, best of luck with the appointment Thursday. Hope it goes well and I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

@cloud493
You’re doing so well. Please don’t hurt yourself. You are stronger than you think and can resist the temptation.

@indough
Hope things get better for you soon.

******

I was doing well for a good few months and was finally starting to gain a bit of confidence and trust in myself but everything is falling apart again. This will sound awful but it feels so cruel to be doing well only to have the rug pulled from under you. I would rather not have been feeling good for a while and felt crap the whole time instead of having everything taken from me again and feeling lower than before. Does that make sense?

Feeling pretty desperate at the moment and I’m at a loss at what to do to help myself. Can't talk to anyone about it because no-one in my life understands and I also can't go back to the doctor because of what happened last time.

Seren_ · 11-04-2012 11:26am

blah01 wrote: »

Getting very anxious about college/dissertation now. Even if I do a little work at home it seems like I'm missing a whole day and the guilt piles on. Hate the hold anxiety has over me.

Does your dissertation supervisor know how anxious you're feeling about it? Have a chat with him or her if you can - I found being open with mine last year helped a huge amount as he knew to keep an eye on my progress to make sure I wasn't slipping or feeling too overwhelmed.

cloud493 wrote: »

I haven't hurt in ages. Some of the scars are actually fading a bit. But I want to so bad

You're doing amazing, keep it up.

Justaslost - you know that we're always here if you need to vent. Make sure and get the feelings out some way, be it by talking (to samaritans, counsellor etc), writing them down, using art or anything you find that helps at all. Would you try finding another doctor? It can take a while to find one that suits you.

cloud493 · 11-04-2012 11:27am

Your Text Here wrote: »

Does your dissertation supervisor know how anxious you're feeling about it? Have a chat with him or her if you can - I found being open with mine last year helped a huge amount as he knew to keep an eye on my progress to make sure I wasn't slipping or feeling too overwhelmed.

You're doing amazing, keep it up.

Justaslost - you know that we're always here if you need to vent. Make sure and get the feelings out some way, be it by talking (to samaritans, counsellor here etc), writing them down, using art or anything you find that helps at all. Would you try finding another doctor? It can take a while to find one that suits you.

Thanks

how are you?

Seren_ · 11-04-2012 11:53am

cloud493 wrote: »

Thanks how are you?

I'm doing okay at the minute. Last week was pretty bad, especially Thursday. I had extremely intense mood swings and I had to physically stop myself from

bashing my head into things and running out in front of cars

. Don't know what brought them on =/ Home for a while now though as we've the week off college, so I've just been taking it easy and trying not to stress out.

How are you getting on?

LegacyUser · 11-04-2012 12:42pm

Thank you for the posts.

The library is my main place of study. I actually like it there, it's generally quiet and I can get work done. Home is generally the reverse, so it's my own fault for not going in. I'm just being lazy and making excuses in the Easter hols haze. I've been up and down all year, it's very frustrating. When I'm in the groove I'm committed and work hard, when I procrastinate, it's all blah. It's not as if I do nothing at home, but it's a real banana skin. Things will get back to normal by the end of the week (I hope), though plenty of anxiety will still be around. Need to keep an eye on my sleep as it's a slippery slope once it falls apart. Even when I go out for a walk or something like lunch I still feel guilty about that, stupid! I am seeing a psychologist, so at least that's something. I am pretty isolated socially, I don't know if I've time to fix it or how I would. Counsellor is aware of it and we've talked about making plans to be more social.

Supervisor is hard to reach this year, she is away at the moment and is overloaded with extra students. Classmates are also going on about the level of work they've done, trying to ignore this and my supervisor has actually said to pay no heed...she's right.

Thanks for letting me vent here.

cloud493 · 11-04-2012 3:21pm

Your Text Here wrote: »

I'm doing okay at the minute. Last week was pretty bad, especially Thursday. I had extremely intense mood swings and I had to physically stop myself from
bashing my head into things and running out in front of cars
. Don't know what brought them on =/ Home for a while now though as we've the week off college, so I've just been taking it easy and trying not to stress out.

How are you getting on?

Oh dear

how are you feeling now? Still got those urges you spoilered?

I'm alright. I'm not trying to quit cold turkey, I haven't thrown all my razors out or nothing. Just.. don't know the word. Give the scars time to heal, and all that.

Gillo · 11-04-2012 3:44pm

cloud493 wrote: »

I'm alright. I'm not trying to quit cold turkey, I haven't thrown all my razors out or nothing. Just.. don't know the word. Give the scars time to heal, and all that.

Completely different situation, but I found when giving up cigarettes, it was a lot easier to say I'm just taking a break as opposed to cold turkey, it takes some of the pressure off, stick with it cloud493, you're doing great.

I'm doing ok, big decisions though. They've brought in voluntary redundancies in work, it not actually for my department, but I've been thinking of leaving anyway, so planning on discussing it with my manager anyway and sending a cheeky email to HR. On the plus side, it's not really a job I like and I've worked out how much I'd get, I could clear my credit card / loan and live okish for twelve months but on the negative side I know jobs are hard to come by and also I get on great with nearly all my colleagues (on my days off, it wouldn't be unusual to not talk to anyone- maybe that's why I talk to myself). Probably the biggest decision I've had to make in absolutely years and no idea how to go.

I'd be kinda worried that work is a motivation to get up and do something but if I did manage to get redundancy it may also be the kick up my ass to really change my life.
Sorry, I suppose I looking for opinions but also kinda ranting at the same time.

cloud493 · 11-04-2012 3:55pm

I guess

I'm sure I will again in the future, but for now

And if I were you, I'd stick with the job gillo.

LegacyUser · 11-04-2012 5:44pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

Sometimes I'd love a sponsor, like in AA, to stop me doing stupid things. !

That's a great idea, I would love to talk to someone who has gone through depression and come out the otherside.

Having a bit of a "low" day today

girlonfire · 11-04-2012 11:11pm

I haven't posted in here for ages and I feel selfish posting now, but I really need to vent.
Life has been a nightmare over the past couple of months. Things just seem to be going from bad to worse. My mood swings are unbearable. I go from feeling super motivated, ready to take on the world to feeling like I want to die. I feel like I'm constantly trying to avoid a path of utter self destruction, which is taking up every bit of energy I have. I'm talking to people, feel like I'm doing the right things, etc, but deep down, I feel there's no hope. I know these feelings will pass, but they're such a f**king bitch at the moment.

On another note, hope people are doing a bit better.

Gillo · 12-04-2012 4:20pm

You're not selfish (or if you are I must be a right stingy fecker as I tend to drop in and out of here, that said I like coming back in here, it's more like chatting to friends as there are a number of regulars!).

I've been having the same thing, I find though if I keep myself busy it stops the swings. It nearly got to the point where I was wondering could I be bipolar. Try to capitalise on the motivated times, do a lot and when the low times come around accept them, maybe if you know you should be doing something write it do to do later in?

Do you mind me asking, if I remember you went back to college, how are you finding it coming up to exam time? Just curious because I would love to head back myself.

Seren_ · 12-04-2012 5:45pm

What would you like to study if you went back to college Gillo? It could be something to look into you know, might give you something to work towards if you decide to quit your job.

And girlonfire (and anyone else who feels the same), posting in here when you feel you need to, no matter how long between posts, is in no way selfish! That's what the thread is here for. I know myself that I find it useful when I need a rant, cuz you guys can empathise with the thoughts and feelings going through my head, and I can with yours.

Gillo · 12-04-2012 7:43pm

Your Text Here wrote: »

What would you like to study if you went back to college Gillo? It could be something to look into you know, might give you something to work towards if you decide to quit your job.

.

To be honest I'm not sure, I'd live to go back and study psychiatric nursing, I've always had an interest in psychology and was really touched by the level of care which I saw been giving by nurses when I was in hospital. I'm a bit concerned that it may be a bit too close to home so to speak. The other thing is financing it.
Failing that it'd be a standard business degree with psychology thrown in.

But yeah if I quit the job now I'd be able to qualify for the back to education allowance next year so I could do the nursing. I know that sounds a but scabby, but I've been working full time hours since 1997 so I've well paid my share of PAYE.

How's everyone else doing?

cloud493 · 12-04-2012 8:12pm

Just... here you know.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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