Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

nesf

Some thoughts as I sit in my daughter's room waiting impatiently for her to sleep:

The hardest part of overcoming depression is admitting there's something wrong in your thought patterns. That what goes through your head isn't true, accurate or correct. That what you think is as much a product of your illness than it is your own thoughts.

I found this hard years ago when I first started tackling this stuff, but it was the most important lesson I ever learned about the disease. It helped me through the worst of times, the times of suicidal ideation and planning and through the anhedonia that can seem forever lasting when depressed.


For those of you suffering at the moment and feeling only despair and those feeling lost at sea and confused I ask you to consider one thing. That your thoughts aren't your own, that you aren't the only source of them and that somehow deep down there's something in your brain that's trapping you in a particular circle of thinking that isn't healthy or good for you. Consider that seriously, think about it and try to find the truth in it. If you can find your way to accepting it you've the hardest part done and all that's left is finding ways to combat the black dog that generates so much self-criticism and negative thinking. The latter is the much easier part.

Kaching

The black dog has got me by the jugular

stupidusername

right now, i feel like i'm trying to not let myself give in to misery. it's like i know it's there, and i want to feel it, and i've plenty of reasons to. and i don't know why i'm not giving in. a friend seems to be pissed off with me, another has no interest in talking to me, i'm so tired of wanting to have someone and not finding someone, and waiting to see. i don't want to have another bad day tomorrow, but i don't think i can ignore it

girlonfire

cloud493 wrote: »

Cos it is worth living. No matter how hard the intial struggle is. 'It doesn't matter who fired the first shot in this war, all that matters is who will fire the last. And I am certain it will be us'

I really like this. It gives me a fuzzy background feeling of phwoarr. I fuzzy background feeling 'cause I can't really feel anything as such at the moment. Thanks cloud493:)

stupidusername wrote: »

right now, i feel like i'm trying to not let myself give in to misery. it's like i know it's there, and i want to feel it, and i've plenty of reasons to. and i don't know why i'm not giving in. a friend seems to be pissed off with me, another has no interest in talking to me, i'm so tired of wanting to have someone and not finding someone, and waiting to see. i don't want to have another bad day tomorrow, but i don't think i can ignore it

I hear you. I really do. Feeling much the same at the moment and the way I'm getting through it is by not feeling much of anything. I'm not suggesting you ignore the bad feeling - God, if only it was so easy.. But is there some way of distracting yourself so as that you can get through the day? It's bloody tough. I really hope you get through the day okay,x

stupidusername

girlonfire wrote: »

I hear you. I really do. Feeling much the same at the moment and the way I'm getting through it is by not feeling much of anything. I'm not suggesting you ignore the bad feeling - God, if only it was so easy.. But is there some way of distracting yourself so as that you can get through the day? It's bloody tough. I really hope you get through the day okay,x

that's it though I think. it's like it comes back when i've nothing to distract myself. like my friend that (I thought) was pissed off with me had gone offline, and one guy i've been talking to hadn't been around all day, and i think it's cause there's nothing happening, I get bored / lonely / fed up

girlonfire

Yeah, I get you. Too much time to think type of thing? I get paranoid very easily and think people are pissed off and things like that when there's usually a simple non-me-related explanation.
God, I sometimes wish I had a magic wand to wave over everyone dealing with this ****.
Loneliness is the worst 'casue it feeds all of the negative self-talk. At least that's the case for me I think.
Has there been any improvement since last week at all in how you've been feeling?

stupidusername

i'm used to being like that, but what bothers me is people that I know saying things like you have to stop over thinking things etc.... i mean obviously i don't want to cause problems!

my mood is so up and down, and my memory is so bad that I don't even know. i'm more often ok now, than before Christmas, but like yesterday and the day before I can still have those moods so bloody easily.

Kaching

I do hope that in time each and every one of you realises your good qualities and potential because you're all wonderful people

cloud493

I know this sounds empty from someone like me, but the loneliness won't last forever. We find people. We trawl through the crap of people, and hang onto the people worth hanging to. We just have to hold on.

girlonfire

The ups and downs are incredibly hard to deal with but it will pass and if you can hold onto that for now it may help. x
I hope for that too Kaching, for myself and everyone who experiences depression.

stupidusername

Doesn't seem like they'll be passing any time soon

neemish

so hospital is being recommended. Don't know what to do

nesf

neemish wrote: »

so hospital is being recommended. Don't know what to do

Go for it. I personally benefited hugely from a hospital stay.

neemish

Ya, have been there myself. And always found it helpful. But still always a difficult decision

stupidusername

neemish wrote: »

Ya, have been there myself. And always found it helpful. But still always a difficult decision

who is it that's suggesting you do it?

neemish

Consultant

stupidusername

i don't know anything about it to give my opinion, but if you have benefited from it before, it may be good for you

milkiemoo

Hi there...
Its my first post although I read the thread for couple of weeks now. Firstly, thank you all for sharing your thoughts here, I can honestly say, I cant imagine my life now without you all... I wish I could give each and every one here a big hug and just bluntly say: it will be all right...
I try to keep my story short, many times I tried to post here, never found enough courage... I used to be a bubbly girl with smile on my face, plenty of friends and having fun every weekend. Exactly year ago I lost sbd special for me, than after a week I lost my dad, broke up with my bf (long relationship, just lacking love, we still friends, no hard feelings) than I lost my job and within a month I had to move out of the apartment i was renting. that was end of January 2011 and since than I am numb. I was thinking, girl give yourself time, sadness will pass, everyone feel low from time to time...
Last week I realize its been more than a year now and I developed some serious issues. Luckily I have a place to stay in friends house, but... that's all... Cant talk to people, my longest stay in bed was probably just over two weeks,usually its 3-4 days bad form, one day fairly good form where I go out of the room at least for a little while... had a serious breakdown over NYE and I am having those worst thoughts nearly all the time...
My brain is like busy train station, its just the thoughts they don't stop for a second, they are just running faster and faster and it always gets to a point where i cant breath, I cant even look at the walls anymore, I hide in my own duvets terrified of everything. Than like a light in the tunnel one thought comes: you can end it all, you can do it now... and the worst thing is the suicide thoughts are the ones to calm me down, even for a while... I don't know if anyone will understand what I am saying here but I found myself in the circle where I am able to live only because I know I can kill myself...
Having no money I stopped eating, stopped talking and even going to the shop other than tesco "mashine-cashier" is a really big deal. I am foreign and my family doesn't know whats going on, I pushed ALL my friends away simply by not answering the phone... I wasn't even able to be grateful to those who were trying to see me and talk to me simply because I was too scared to talk or to thank them... I feel guilty about everything, scared of everything and at that point where everything looks only black or white and its my turn to make the decision...
I don't have money to go to the doctor, I cant imagine telling those things to anyone, I tried in the past and all I hear was "go for a walk it will clear your mind" I am alone all the time and it doesn't help. I recon all this year I was looking for a simple remedy to make me feel ok, where now I see I am at the point where I can start winning my life only by small, painful steps, all my own fault:(

There was lately so many positive stories (Princess Peach I am sooo happy for your life being better now...) and I suppose it gave me strenght to go thru the last weeks... And I am thinking about you all and asking will we ever be ok and if there is a chance we will, how to get there? I would like to thank you all, stupidusername, nesf, starviewadams, sometimes its like I could be writing your posts...

Thanks for reading, I think I just had to let it out...

nesf

neemish wrote: »

Ya, have been there myself. And always found it helpful. But still always a difficult decision

Yeah it's a bloody hard one to make. You do literally drop everything to go in. Still, I'd listen to your consultant on this one, it's not something they tend (in general) to recommend lightly in my experience.

nesf

milkiemoo wrote: »

Hi there...
Its my first post although I read the thread for couple of weeks now. Firstly, thank you all for sharing your thoughts here, I can honestly say, I cant imagine my life now without you all... I wish I could give each and every one here a big hug and just bluntly say: it will be all right...
I try to keep my story short, many times I tried to post here, never found enough courage... I used to be a bubbly girl with smile on my face, plenty of friends and having fun every weekend. Exactly year ago I lost sbd special for me, than after a week I lost my dad, broke up with my bf (long relationship, just lacking love, we still friends, no hard feelings) than I lost my job and within a month I had to move out of the apartment i was renting. that was end of January 2011 and since than I am numb. I was thinking, girl give yourself time, sadness will pass, everyone feel low from time to time...
Last week I realize its been more than a year now and I developed some serious issues. Luckily I have a place to stay in friends house, but... that's all... Cant talk to people, my longest stay in bed was probably just over two weeks,usually its 3-4 days bad form, one day fairly good form where I go out of the room at least for a little while... had a serious breakdown over NYE and I am having those worst thoughts nearly all the time...
My brain is like busy train station, its just the thoughts they don't stop for a second, they are just running faster and faster and it always gets to a point where i cant breath, I cant even look at the walls anymore, I hide in my own duvets terrified of everything. Than like a light in the tunnel one thought comes: you can end it all, you can do it now... and the worst thing is the suicide thoughts are the ones to calm me down, even for a while... I don't know if anyone will understand what I am saying here but I found myself in the circle where I am able to live only because I know I can kill myself...
Having no money I stopped eating, stopped talking and even going to the shop other than tesco "mashine-cashier" is a really big deal. I am foreign and my family doesn't know whats going on, I pushed ALL my friends away simply by not answering the phone... I wasn't even able to be grateful to those who were trying to see me and talk to me simply because I was too scared to talk or to thank them... I feel guilty about everything, scared of everything and at that point where everything looks only black or white and its my turn to make the decision...
I don't have money to go to the doctor, I cant imagine telling those things to anyone, I tried in the past and all I hear was "go for a walk it will clear your mind" I am alone all the time and it doesn't help. I recon all this year I was looking for a simple remedy to make me feel ok, where now I see I am at the point where I can start winning my life only by small, painful steps, all my own fault:(

There was lately so many positive stories (Princess Peach I am sooo happy for your life being better now...) and I suppose it gave me strenght to go thru the last weeks... And I am thinking about you all and asking will we ever be ok and if there is a chance we will, how to get there? I would like to thank you all, stupidusername, nesf, starviewadams, sometimes its like I could be writing your posts...

Thanks for reading, I think I just had to let it out...

Bemusingly the "go for a walk, sure t'will make it all better!!" advice though coming from a lack of understanding is actually by chance quite good. Exercise can be key for many people to getting over their depression. Even just a half hour's walk a day can turn some people's mood around, or at least get them to a less bad place.

Hardest thing in the world to do though, to get up, go outside and walk for a while can seem like being asked to climb Everest without oxygen. I've spent since 8am this morning trying to convince myself to go out and I'm still not able to leave the house.

thrilledskinny

I've spent since 8am this morning trying to convince myself to go out and I'm still not able to leave the house.


I can spend from before 8am each morning trying to convinve myself to get up, it can be twelve or one o clock by the time I do, but once you do get up just congratulate yourself for that small step.

Its one step at a time, next step yes is ideally to get yourself out of the house for a walk, if you can, if not dont beat yourself up too much. We have to listen to our bodies too.

Dont be too hard on yourself, Milkiemoo youv'e gone through a lot in a short space of time and it can take a while for mind and body to recover, so just congratulate your self for the baby steps, and add a new step in when you feel up to it, and soon it will come back to normal....

Also I know how you feel as i'm sure many here do re the non stop thoughts, and i also know how rewarding sleep is for that, so sometimes sleep isnt a bad thing it give are brains a chance to stop and also to mend itself....

do ask for help though.....
ts also very good that you have found this outlet to chat.....
best wishes:)

I've just subscribed to this thread after lately becoming very anxious and down myself. I feel very nervous about going out. I can't describe it but I just want to stay home where it's safe. Pathetic really. I just feel jumpy and shaky and don't want to be out especially where it might be very busy. I'm just wondering what you other guys do for necessities like food etc? I'm thinking internet shopping with Tesco is the way to go.

thrilledskinny

Kaching wrote: »

I've already resigned

Why did you resign ?

nesf

thrilledskinny wrote: »

I can spend from before 8am each morning trying to convinve myself to get up, it can be twelve or one o clock by the time I do, but once you do get up just congratulate yourself for that small step.

Yeah, for some reason I can always get out of bed even on my worst days. I usually make it to a chair and then sit there for the day on a bad day and not move. Spending hours trying to summon the energy to leave the chair and make myself food and similar. Or on even worse days I'm too restless to sit down or do anything for long, I hate these days the most.

Edit: I'm odd though. I feel worst (normally) in the middle of the day or very late at night rather than first thing in the morning which might explain why I can get out of bed.

thrilledskinny

nesf wrote: »

Yeah, for some reason I can always get out of bed even on my worst days. I usually make it to a chair and then sit there for the day on a bad day and not move. Spending hours trying to summon the energy to leave the chair and make myself food and similar. Or on even worse days I'm too restless to sit down or do anything for long, I hate these days the most.

Edit: I'm odd though. I feel worst (normally) in the middle of the day or very late at night rather than first thing in the morning which might explain why I can get out of bed.

Funny the way every one is differant.
I always think if i could even get up and make it to the couch. At times when I'm bad and my partner has made me get it, I end up on the couch like you.
If left to my own devices I could get up at 2 or 3 or 5 !! just keep saying to myself another 15 minutes or half an hour !

In a way i'm the same, like today my partner got me up and i spent the morning and into the afternoon panicing over all i thought i have to do and wanted to do, eventually getting nothing done !! I too hate these days.

I can also get really panicy and upset later in the day, worrying about the next and dreading it....hope you;ve found some ways to cope ;-)

Unreal the way our brians work....I would just love to have a brain transplant !!

Kaching

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Why did you resign ?

Rather not say here . I'll just get hate bombed

periwinkle

Just watching The Frontline with Pat Kenny - they are discussing depression.

George Hook frequently suffers from depression. He has never taken an anti-depressant in his life - he says the problem lies within himself. Gee Hookie, way to make those of us who choose the medication feel lousy about ourselves.

I finally got relief in the last year after ten years of suffering with a diagnosis of bipolar and new meds.

I'll keep taking the tablets - no way am I going back there!

George's comment helpful or no?

nesf

George doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. Apparently no one suicidal sets a time and date for their attempt. :rolleyes:

Kaching

nesf wrote: »

Apparently no one suicidal sets a time and date for their attempt. :rolleyes:

He clearly hasnt a notion

nesf

thrilledskinny wrote: »

In a way i'm the same, like today my partner got me up and i spent the morning and into the afternoon panicing over all i thought i have to do and wanted to do, eventually getting nothing done !! I too hate these days.

Yeah, you just described today for me. I had a good two hours 6-8 and been crap the rest of the time. Got my walk in at 7 (yah!) but that's about the sum total of stuff I got done off my own motivation today, and I'm bloody happy about even managing that.