has anyone here ever seen a funeral of a suicide casualty?

mw9121970 · 02-08-2011 01:57PM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Comments like "suicide is selfish" and " won't they think of the children" etc make my blood boil and goes even further to create an even bigger stigma that surrounds mental health in this country.

People who comment suicide are not thinking rationally at the time.

Thank you. I think in my brothers case he was so worn down and worn out by the problems that he was dealing with (the full extent of which only started to come to light a week before he died).

Micky Dolenz · 02-08-2011 02:02PM

mw9121970 wrote: »

Thank you. I think in my brothers case he was so worn down and worn out by the problems that he was dealing with (the full extent of which only started to come to light a week before he died).

Very sorry to hear of your recent loss.

Please take a look at my sig, there are some fantastic organisations out there who can support you and your family through this extremely difficult time.

looky loo · 02-08-2011 02:15PM

I offer my sincere sympathies to anyone on this thread who has lost a loved one through suicide, I myself lost my brother through it a few years ago. The things you are left with are guilt....why couldnt he have asked for help?, why didnt he call me, and just WHY?....you never get over it and anyone who says they do is lying. You cope, you learn to live with it.

One of the worst things apart from losing my brother is the stigma attached to being a person whos family member has killed themselves, I've lost count of the number of so called friends who avoid me like the plague, I know its because they dont know what to say, but ffs just say hello, dont dodge into a shop when you seeing me coming down the street.

My brother was a wonderful, wonderful person, I miss him everyday, and I know it was his life to do with what he willed, but you never get over it and all you can do is live with it.

mw9121970 · 02-08-2011 02:21PM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Very sorry to hear of your recent loss.

Please take a look at my sig, there are some fantastic organisations out there who can support you and your family through this extremely difficult time.

You are so helpful I cannot thank you enough.

mw9121970 · 02-08-2011 02:27PM

looky loo wrote: »

I offer my sincere sympathies to anyone on this thread who has lost a loved one through suicide, I myself lost my brother through it a few years ago. The things you are left with are guilt....why couldnt he have asked for help?, why didnt he call me, and just WHY?....you never get over it and anyone who says they do is lying. You cope, you learn to live with it.

One of the worst things apart from losing my brother is the stigma attached to being a person whos family member has killed themselves, I've lost count of the number of so called friends who avoid me like the plague, I know its because they dont know what to say, but ffs just say hello, dont dodge into a shop when you seeing me coming down the street.

My brother was a wonderful, wonderful person, I miss him everyday, and I know it was his life to do with what he willed, but you never get over it and all you can do is live with it.

Thank you.
I have noticed that too, but I'm a bit bolder I will intentionally walk into that person and smile and say something about the weather. I feel that while you will never get over it, you cannot let it change who you are or the type of person you are.

Twilightning · 02-08-2011 02:30PM

People who're saying suicide is a selfish act have to remember a lot of people who're contemplating or planning a suicide are in the mindset that what they're doing is better for the people around them (I'm not for a second saying this would be true, obviously not), thinking everyone else would be better off without them, which I think rules out the whole selfishness aspect. I know this because I've been in that mindset before.

hondasam · 02-08-2011 06:12PM

mw9121970 wrote: »

This post puzzles me - how can you have a quieter funeral. My brother took his own life recently, his funeral was attended by a huge number of people who showed massive support to us. They certainly did not glorify sucide.

I personally would be in favour of private family funerals.

Marty McFly · 02-08-2011 06:16PM

hondasam wrote: »

I personally would be in favour of private family funerals.

Just out of curiousty have you ever known anyone that died of suicide?

RMD · 02-08-2011 06:30PM

To offer a short bit of insight to those who claim it's a selfish act.

I was borderline suicidal before at a point where I was putting serious consideration into it, it came to a point where I couldn't find a viable method which wouldn't be slow / painful / leaving my body in tatters so thankfully that stalled myself long enough I didn't do it. My mindset at the time was the world would be a much better place without me, the people who knew me and were my friends / family would be much better off without me and their lives would be a lot more enjoyable without me around.

I was in a very, very fúcked up spot to say the least, if I had found a quick method / painless method it's quite likely I wouldn't be here nowadays and thank christ I didn't. I realise I wasn't in as bad as a place I thought I was, but this took hours of help from both friends and professionals to help me through what was the darkest, but in hindset also the most irrational moment of my life.

Committing suicide is very, very hard to do, it's not just done on a whim. Thankfully I haven't lost anyone yet to suicide, but when I eventually likely do I'll know they were in a very very dark and lonely spot. I will never hold it against them, just wonder what could have been done to help them.

The stigma that still surrounds depression is sickening, if people were able to talk about without worry of potential reactions it could save a serious amount of lives. People show endless amounts of sympathy to those with diseases like Cancer, a potentially fatal disease yet when someone is suffering from serious depression, they're an oddball which no one wants to be around. If people changed their attitudes to mental sicknesses such as depression, many lives could be saved. Thankfully I had a family and close group of friends who were very, very helpful.

mud · 02-08-2011 06:30PM

hondasam wrote: »

I personally would be in favour of private family funerals.

In general or just for suicides?

fontanalis · 02-08-2011 06:38PM

RMD wrote: »

To offer a short bit of insight to those who claim it's a selfish act.

I was borderline suicidal before at a point where I was putting serious consideration into it, it came to a point where I couldn't find a viable method which wouldn't be slow / painful / leaving my body in tatters so thankfully that stalled myself long enough I didn't do it. My mindset at the time was the world would be a much better place without me, the people who knew me and were my friends / family would be much better off without me and their lives would be a lot more enjoyable without me around.

I was in a very, very fúcked up spot to say the least, if I had found a quick method / painless method it's quite likely I wouldn't be here nowadays and thank christ I didn't. I realise I wasn't in as bad as a place I thought I was, but this took hours of help from both friends and professionals to help me through what was the darkest, but in hindset also the most irrational moment of my life.

Committing suicide is very, very hard to do, it's not just done on a whim. Thankfully I haven't lost anyone yet to suicide, but when I eventually likely do I'll know they were in a very very dark and lonely spot. I will never hold it against them, just wonder what could have been done to help them.

The stigma that still surrounds depression is sickening, if people were able to talk about without worry of potential reactions it could save a serious amount of lives. People show endless amounts of sympathy to those with diseases like Cancer, a potentially fatal disease yet when someone is suffering from serious depression, they're an oddball which no one wants to be around. If people changed their attitudes to mental sicknesses such as depression, many lives could be saved. Thankfully I had a family and close group of friends who were very, very helpful.

I don't know about that, a few cases I know if it seems like they were.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 02-08-2011 06:39PM

I was only thinking about this thread on Sunday night!.

A few of us were chatting about doorwork (bouncers) and the craic we've had over the years, funny things which happened.

One of the lads mentioned a particularly rough Dublin pub and I gave an account of a mate who worked the door of it, and got that awful gut wrench when it hit me that I'd recently attended Liam's funeral.

Liam hung himself, great guy.. happy go lucky mostly, it was a shock to us all.

Thoughts to you all.

Marty McFly · 02-08-2011 06:45PM

fontanalis wrote: »

I don't know about that, a few cases I know if it seems like they were.

It may seem like they were rash decisions but you can be sure they werent a lot of people can be depressed and youd be none the wiser, but you can be sure theyve been depressed for sometime and and had contemplated sucide on a few occassions before they actually went through with it.

DOC09UNAM · 02-08-2011 06:46PM

Not proud of this, but I've contemplated this before,.mainly during school, I used to sit on the ledge of my window and wonder what if, sometimes the thought would cross my mind while waiting for the school bus, and what would happen if I stepped in front of it.

It was a mixture of the pain of my father passing away as a child, and being bullied by a small group in school, and even though I had alot of friends, I let it get to me, whether it was because I was young or mentally weak I don't know.

I went through a period of acting out against my family and when they got angry with me it put these thoughts in my head, that they would be better off without me.

Eventually I discussed it with a friend who advised me to go get counselling, and I did, and because of it I have turned my life around completely, if anyone is ever in the state I was in, please talk to a friend, it really does help.

Sorry for the format, posting from phone.

hondasam · 02-08-2011 06:50PM

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

It may seem like they were rash decisions but you can be sure they werent a lot of people can be depressed and youd be none the wiser, but you can be sure theyve been depressed for sometime and and had contemplated sucide on a few occassions before they actually went through with it.

you think everyone who commits suicide had tried it on a few occasions before succeeding. This is not true for everyone and not everyone is depressed.

Marty McFly · 02-08-2011 06:52PM

hondasam wrote: »

you think everyone who commits suicide had tried it on a few occasions before succeeding. This is not true for everyone and not everyone is depressed.

I never said tried suicide, I said have contemplated sucide many times before they actually went through with it. Nor did I say everyone is depressed

I really think you should re read my post

hondasam · 02-08-2011 06:55PM

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

I never said tried suicide, I said have contemplated sucide many times before they actually went through with it. Nor did I say everyone is depressed I really think you should re read my post

you think no one ever committed suicide on a whim?
people can make a snap decision.

Marty McFly · 02-08-2011 07:00PM

hondasam wrote: »

you think no one ever committed suicide on a whim?
people can make a snap decision.

Yes it can happen on a whim but in the overall majority of cases the fact i the person has been depressed for some time and has contemplated it before then finally something happens that makes them snap and follow through and turn there thoughts of sucide into a reality. I do feel this is something I can talk about being someone who once suffered from depression in my teens and often contemplated suicide and also self harmed, plus ive also known people who have commited suicide.

hondasam · 02-08-2011 07:06PM

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Yes it can happen on a whim but in the overall majority of cases the fact i the person has been depressed for some time and has contemplated it before then finally something happens that makes them snap and follow through and turn there thoughts of sucide into a reality. I do feel this is something I can talk about being someone who once suffered from depression in my teens and often contemplated suicide and also self harmed, plus ive also known people who have commited suicide.

you will be familiar with the Factors in suicide reporting, copycat and cluster suicides?

mfceiling · 02-08-2011 07:07PM

Yes....cousin, late 30's wife and 2 kids.
Had a laugh you could hear a mile away.
Had plenty of money, no apparent worries, worked for the father and was set to take over a thriving business.
Depression had taken hold but no-one knew as he stayed the same and kept it bottled up.
Wife and kids found him with a rope around his neck - sitting down with the other end tied to the door handle.
4 years have passed...his parents have aged about 40 years...i think about him nearly every day - was like an older brother to me.

Never,ever,ever contemplate suicide - if it crosses your mind it's time to seek help....there is no stigma attached - no-one will judge you or think less of you - there is help and it's there for you.

LollieB · 02-08-2011 07:11PM

I attempted suicide 7 years ago, and it was something that I contemplated for a long time before I actually made the serious attempt on my life.

I'm so lucky that i was found in time that my life was saved. Facing my family was the one hardest things I had to do for various reasons but mostly because I was so ashamed and felt so guilty for my actions. My family were fantastic & never once tried to make me feel guilty.

I think anyone who commits suicide due to depression does not take the decision lightly. Suicidal thoughts plague you constantly and your patterns of thinking are so warped that you really feel like a burden on everyone around you. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone, I even felt like I had no right to call the Samaritans because I couldn't find any specific reason for the way I felt. I just thought I would be better off dead and my family would continue on without me. I couldn't see that things could be better.

Family members & friends are often the last people to realise that the person has been suffering. Often in the last days before the person takes their life, they feel better/ more positive as they have made a decision & have regained some sense of control on their life. That's why there are often comments heard from relatives/friends like "we had no idea" or "she seemed so happy" etc.

Again, I am so lucky & glad that my attempt was unsuccessful. I don't speak about my experience very much as I have had very nasty comments about how selfish I was, how weak a person I was, how I was a freak, which really hurt & just shows how people can feel that they have no one to talk to.

There are far too many young & older people in our society feeling lonely & desperate for help. There have been too many lives that have been lost. The more people talk about the way they feel or their experiences of this topic, the more the stigma of mental health issues can be lifted.

It's all just so sad.

hilloftara · 02-08-2011 07:11PM

MY BROTHER WAS NOT SELFISH TO THOSE WHO THINK HE WAS:mad:

stupidusername · 02-08-2011 07:12PM

I'm curious as to what help people think there is available? I mean the last time I spoke to my psychiatrist he asked how I had been, asked if I'd any thoughts of self harm or suicide, I was honest with him and said yes. do you think they said oh my god we must get you help right now, we'll take you in and treat you until you don't feel like this any more? no, he said 'mmmhmmm' as he'd done to everything else I'd said, and noted it. the biggest problem with mental illness in this country is that help is so not available.

kerash · 02-08-2011 07:14PM

All funerals are sad and awful. I think the feeling around a suicide funeral can be very different due to the nature of the grief. A lot of times we dont know 'why' so people are wrapped up in questions, confusion, anger and wondering if they could have done or said something to prevent it.

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

:rolleyes:

We have no idea what is going through a persons mind when they kill themselves. Your views are terribly judgemental and I can't even imagine what horrors a person is going through when they do that.

Marty McFly · 02-08-2011 07:14PM

hondasam wrote: »

you will be familiar with the Factors in suicide reporting, copycat and cluster suicides?

No I wouldnt instead of reading up on thing reported on I prefer to speak about and gather my own opinons on things through life experience and not what some so called expert wrote on paper. Now instead of questioning other people posts why dont you tell me what it is you have against people who commit suicide? Or have you ever felt depressed yourelf? Or had someone youve known commit suicide?

Azureus · 02-08-2011 07:24PM

Those who have the attitude that people who commit suicude are selfish I can understand-as to those left behind it feels like an unfair way to leave your friends and family, but I think these people need to realise that to go ahead with taking your own life means that you are not thinking rationally and usually believe that they're ultimately doing people a favour by killing themselves. Obviously its not as black and white as that, but I think to apply the same logic to people who are depressed and seek suicide as a way out is not fair-its a very complex issue.

In answer to the OP, yes I have been to a funeral of suicide-very strange considering most people had not got their heads around the death especially considering the person who did it was incredibly religious.

RainbowRose81 · 02-08-2011 07:31PM

I never been to a funeral of a person that ended their life. It would be a lot to take for anyone especially the loved ones. Suicide doesn't surprise me I can understand that life is very hard and people can feel that bad its very sad that they feel so bad that they don't want to live. It can happen to anyone. no one has the right to judge, it only adds to the pain and sigma of mental health and suicide that does still exist. Male are the highest and young males between 15-34 higher. I know many people who have many of these factors I think for people living alone who have a mental health/physical illness/disability and are unemployed they would be very high risk. it's very complicated it depends on the person, their background and their circumstances and situation. These are some of the other risk factors of suicide the Irish assoc of suicide gave on their website:

Marital Status
Family history of suicide
Family history of affective disorder
Easy access to means
History of mental illness particularly major depression
A history of personality or behavioral disorder
Drug or Alcohol abuse
Family breakdown or conflict or other relationship breakdown
Physical or sexual abuse
Absence of a confiding relationship
Unemployment
Physical illness
Social isolation/ living alone
Prison

Micky Dolenz · 02-08-2011 07:32PM

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

No I wouldnt instead of reading up on thing reported on I prefer to speak about and gather my own opinons on things through life experience and not what some so called expert wrote on paper. Now instead of questioning other people posts why dont you tell me what it is you have against people who commit suicide? Or have you ever felt depressed yourelf? Or had someone youve known commit suicide?

First off, you have no right to demand answers. It's an emotive subject and everyone has an opinion. It may not be an opinion you agree with, but it is valid to the person stating it all the same.

mw9121970 · 02-08-2011 07:34PM

hondasam wrote: »

I personally would be in favour of private family funerals.

This is almost like blaming the family for the suicide. Surely they are entitled to be shown support - the suicide is how the person ended their life - and quite possibly during there life helped and supported alot of people.

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 02-08-2011 07:37PM

stupidusername wrote: »

the biggest problem with mental illness in this country is that help is so not available.

All due respect,i think the system is been blocked up by troubled souls who have been in and out of of system for years,mixed in with people who are not sleeping well at night due to financial worries/threatening phone calls from bank.