has anyone here ever seen a funeral of a suicide casualty?

CorkMan · 13-07-2011 9:42am #1

I remember just over 11 years ago my 1st cousin hung himself. I wasn't able to attend the funeral as I was released from hospital during it but I saw the burial. My cousin's Mother and Girlfriend where on their knees on the ground when the casket was being lowered, crying out.

Has anyone else been to this type of funeral?

Sykk · 13-07-2011 9:44am

Yes I have. It's the same as every other funeral, though..

FatherLen · 13-07-2011 9:45am

no not the burial but i have been to mass of one. heard the burials are very upsetting.

Elba101 · 13-07-2011 9:46am

I have but i think you're in the wrong form for this... do you need advice or are you asking for the sake of it?

stovelid · 13-07-2011 9:46am

Twice.

Which is two times too much.

theteal · 13-07-2011 9:47am

i've been at a couple unfortunately. I can't say they were much different to any other funeral - except for the one who detailed his own music to be played, i didn't know whether to laugh or cry when "my way" kicked in at the end

Ninjedi · 13-07-2011 9:48am

Yeah, a friend of mine whose brother killed himself a couple of days after their father's funeral (he died of natural causes).

Was absolutely awful, but I don't handle funerals well anyway never mind for something like that.

Marty McFly · 13-07-2011 9:48am

I have yeh and have to say it wa the same as any other funeral ive been to depressing as fook.

sparks24 · 13-07-2011 9:49am

once and its just like any other funeral of a young person

markc1184 · 13-07-2011 9:51am

Yes and there was nearly a riot in the church because of how the priest decided he wanted to word his sermon.

Agricola · 13-07-2011 9:52am

markc1184 wrote: »

Yes and there was nearly a riot in the church because of how the priest decided he wanted to word his sermon.

What did he say?

Orando Broom · 13-07-2011 9:56am

A lot of young people, unfortunately. Only one suicide. Tragic stuff and it is NEVER the answer. no matter how bad a person thinks their situation is, they are wrong. It's not that bad. All these situations are retrievable. Unfortunately only the true extent of how loved these people really are becomes apparent at a funeral.

I am the son of an Undertaker and I can tell each and everyone of you that Suicide solves absolutely nothing and only demolishes and destroys dozens of lives, needlessly. If any of you guys even remotely feel like suicide is an answer I can tell you categorically it is not. It is a selfish mean act that destroys more than just one life. ALWAYS talk to someone about what bothers you. I'm telling you it's NEVER that bad. EVER. I can only beg that people do that.

jester77 · 13-07-2011 9:56am

Yeah, cousins, was an awful experience. Happened during my final exams in uni. Family and priest discussed it and decided it was best not to inform me until the day of the removal. Only had 1 exam left by then and it was on the morning of the funeral. Everyone said I should return and sit the exam as I had a good job based on finishing my exams. Horrible horrible experience sitting in the room that day knowing my cousin was being buried at the same time.

markc1184 · 13-07-2011 10:02am

Agricola wrote: »

What did he say?

Every other sentence seemed to be talking about the chaps selfishness and just general derogatory slurs against the chap. No matter what the priest stance is on suicide the way he was talking about the chap is definitely not what a grieving family wants to be hearing at the funeral. The family let him know that too.

CardBordWindow · 13-07-2011 10:06am

Yes I have.:( Hopefully it's an experience I never have to go through again.

temply · 13-07-2011 10:10am

Orando Broom wrote: »

A lot of young people, unfortunately. Only one suicide. Tragic stuff and it is NEVER the answer. no matter how bad a person thinks their situation is, they are wrong. It's not that bad. All these situations are retrievable. Unfortunately only the true extent of how loved these people really are becomes apparent at a funeral.

I am the son of an Undertaker and I can tell each and everyone of you that Suicide solves absolutely nothing and only demolishes and destroys dozens of lives, needlessly. If any of you guys even remotely feel like suicide is an answer I can tell you categorically it is not. It is a selfish mean act that destroys more than just one life. ALWAYS talk to someone about what bothers you. I'm telling you it's NEVER that bad. EVER. I can only beg that people do that.

:rolleyes:

hondasam · 13-07-2011 10:11am

CorkMan wrote: »

I remember just over 11 years ago my 1st cousin hung himself. I wasn't able to attend the funeral as I was released from hospital during it but I saw the burial. My cousin's Mother and Girlfriend where on their knees on the ground when the casket was being lowered, crying out.

Has anyone else been to this type of funeral?

The funeral of a person who commits suicide is no different to someone who dies in a car crash.

everyone reacts differently to death, of course some people measure grief in how much crying is done.

I do feel people who commit suicide should have quieter funerals. It's not something to be glorified and it gives the wrong impression to other vulnerable people.

Captain Darling · 13-07-2011 10:12am

Yeah, two young guys from our town killed themselves within a year of each other. Heart breaking seeing their friends carrying the coffins. The two lads were friends.

Very, very sad.

Orando Broom · 13-07-2011 10:14am

temply wrote: »

:rolleyes:

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 13-07-2011 10:15am

Yes, unfortunately. And I wouldn't agree with what people said earlier in the thread, I feel its worse than a funeral of someone who died in any other way.

temply · 13-07-2011 10:17am

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

I've lost a family member to suicide.

Hence my reaction to your horrible remark.

ColeTrain · 13-07-2011 10:19am

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

I've never seen such an argument against a single smiley face before!

13-07-2011 10:19am

Orando Broom wrote: »

I am the son of an Undertaker and I can tell each and everyone of you that Suicide solves absolutely nothing and only demolishes and destroys dozens of lives, needlessly. If any of you guys even remotely feel like suicide is an answer I can tell you categorically it is not. It is a selfish mean act that destroys more than just one life. ALWAYS talk to someone about what bothers you. I'm telling you it's NEVER that bad. EVER. I can only beg that people do that.

Oh cop on.

mgmt · 13-07-2011 10:21am

bluewolf wrote: »

Oh cop on.

How can someone argue against that statement?? Suicide is a selfish mean act and to suggest otherwise is just glorifying it.

ejmaztec · 13-07-2011 10:23am

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

There was one a few years ago where a guy in his 50s was being buried. Two of his sons were shouting and screaming abuse at him for doing what he did, just as the coffin was being lowered into the ground. I've never seen anything so feckin insane.

13-07-2011 10:23am

mgmt wrote: »

How can someone argue against that statement?? Suicide is a selfish mean act and to suggest otherwise is just glorifying it.

I am not glorifying anything.
People suffering enough from depression to want to commit suicide are in a bad enough state already and need help, not to be told they're even more horrible for wanting to end the pain. They need to be talked to and helped.

How exactly is someone going to react when they tell you they want to commit suicide and the reaction is "that's selfish and mean"? Think that'll help?!
For god's sake, some of them might already think they're a burden on their families and friends in that messed up state of mind.

hondasam · 13-07-2011 10:23am

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

No one knows what goes through the mind of someone who is just about to take their own life
but I personally would like to think that they feel what they are about to do is the best thing ever
because otherwise families would never cope with suicide.

secrecy_ie · 13-07-2011 10:23am

temply wrote: »

I've lost a family member to suicide.

Hence my reaction to your horrible remark.

I was just about to comment on that. People who say suicide is selfish are wrong. If you have ever been at the point where you are so depressed, that you convince yourself that the world would be a better place without you, then you know what goes through the mind of someone contemplating suicide.

Of course, they are wrong, and it's extremely sad for the people who are left behind.

temply · 13-07-2011 10:23am

mgmt wrote: »

How can someone argue against that statement?? Suicide is a selfish mean act and to suggest otherwise is just glorifying it.

so ignorant.

hondasam · 13-07-2011 10:29am

temply wrote: »

so ignorant.

It's not ignorant really, people commit suicide for many different reasons.

People who commit suicide over financial problems and leaving partners and kids to cope alone is a bit selfish.

Not everyone who commits suicide is depressed, sometimes it is a snap decision that cannot be reversed.

ejmaztec · 13-07-2011 10:33am

hondasam wrote: »

It's not ignorant really, people commit suicide for many different reasons.

People who commit suicide over financial problems and leaving partners and kids to cope alone is a bit selfish.

Not everyone who commits suicide is depressed, sometimes it is a snap decision that cannot be reversed.

They're cult-members who think they're going to be whisked away on a space-ship. I'd say that the rest are more than depressed.

Tails142 · 13-07-2011 10:34am

It seems like a selfish act to me, but I guess that is just my opinion.

I imagine that the person committing suicide feels that things are too difficult to continue and just wants to give up and escape rather than fight onward.

But what he/she is really doing, even if they don't realise it at the time, is transferring their difficulties, burdens and grief to those that love and care for them.

So even though the person all their lives might have been the most caring and selfless person, I think committing suicide is selfish as it solves absolutely no problems, except ending their own hardship, and causes unimaginable grief for their loved ones.

Obviously people who have had loved ones commit suicide have a completly different persepective on this so I would cede to their experience, but that's the way I feel about it.

13-07-2011 10:35am

Someone brought it up on the humanities thread on the subject, so I will link bill zeller's letter here as well:

http://pastebin.com/xjbFQJHx

Micky Dolenz · 13-07-2011 10:39am

Orando Broom wrote: »

When you see how many people are crushed, destroyed by it you'd fücking agree. So stick your roll eyes where the sun don't shine.

I'll refrain from really expressing my true feelings for you for fear of a ban.

If anyone thought about who they leave behind and the emotional wreckage left they might think twice about going through with it.

You have to call a spade a spade.

Comments like "suicide is selfish" and " won't they think of the children" etc make my blood boil and goes even further to create an even bigger stigma that surrounds mental health in this country.

People who comment suicide are not thinking rationally at the time.

Agent Oso · 13-07-2011 10:40am

I have to agree it is a totally selfish act. I am speaking from my own experience, as a stupid 19 year old who thought the world was ending I attempted it and came through the other side and got the help I need after much reflection I think it was a cry for help. My parents and friends slowly but surely made sure I knew what I was about to put them through and in the end they came out and told me they couldn’t believe I was so selfish. Unfortunately I have been to 2 such funerals in the past year and I curl up so bad at the thought this may have been the same situation for my family, It eats at me for days but thankfully I have learned to open my big gob and do something to help myself!

louise5754 · 13-07-2011 10:42am

Have been to a couple unfortunately one was a guy who hung himself after a row with his girlfriend. It came a month after a local girl passed away from cancer. It was an odd situation two funerals of two local young people from two very different circumstances. Grief still the same though.

xzanti · 13-07-2011 10:43am

CorkMan wrote: »

I remember just over 11 years ago my 1st cousin hung himself. I wasn't able to attend the funeral as I was released from hospital during it but I saw the burial. My cousin's Mother and Girlfriend where on their knees on the ground when the casket was being lowered, crying out.

Has anyone else been to this type of funeral?

Sounds almost identical to my experience, my Cousin did the same thing at 21 years old, that was 16 years ago and I'll never forget it.. My Aunt was inconsolable, almost going into the grave after him.. Horrible time.

DrumSteve · 13-07-2011 10:44am

What an uplifting thread.

Ticktactoe · 13-07-2011 10:49am

Agent Oso wrote: »

My parents and friends slowly but surely made sure I knew what I was about to put them through and in the end they came out and told me they couldn’t believe I was so selfish.

I am utterly speechless re the above.........

GavRedKing · 13-07-2011 10:52am

Yup, 1st cosuin also and only a year and a half ago.

hondasam · 13-07-2011 10:54am

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Comments like "suicide is selfish" and " won't they think of the children" etc make my blood boil and goes even further to create an even bigger stigma that surrounds mental health in this country.

People who comment suicide are not thinking rationally at the time.

That comment is unfair if it is aimed at me.

I know people who commit suicide are not thinking rationally.

I should not have posted in this thread and you know why.

13-07-2011 10:54am

hondasam wrote: »

That comment is unfair if it is aimed at me.

I know people who commit suicide are not thinking rationally.

I should not have posted in this thread and you know why.

It's a standard simpsons quote and he wasn't quoting you in reply...

mgmt · 13-07-2011 10:54am

bluewolf wrote: »

Someone brought it up on the humanities thread on the subject, so I will link bill zeller's letter here as well:

http://pastebin.com/xjbFQJHx

I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise
everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional,
dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a
better place when they're dead--one with less hatred and intolerance.

If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist
Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially
when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.

It sounds like a terrible life he had, but he seems to be using his suicide to hurt others too.

Micky Dolenz · 13-07-2011 10:56am

hondasam wrote: »

That comment is unfair if it is aimed at me.

I know people who commit suicide are not thinking rationally.

I should not have posted in this thread and you know why.

I used that phras because it is a catch all comment to indicate outrage. It wasnt aimed at anyone.

Agent Oso · 13-07-2011 10:56am

Ticktactoe wrote: »

I am utterly speechless re the above.........

I don’t see why this is making you speechless I went around with this I am the victim persona when I wasn’t willing to stand up and get help for myself, someone was bound to bring me back to earth with a bang. I couldn’t see anything past me and my suffering and when we went to a counselling session he asked my friend and mam to tell them how they felt so I could see who as affected by my actions and this was their response which I feel they are entitled too.

hondasam · 13-07-2011 10:59am

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

I used that phras because it is a catch all comment to indicate outrage. It wasnt aimed at anyone.

I was the only one who mentioned kids.

forget about it micky.

Minstrel27 · 13-07-2011 11:00am

Orando Broom wrote: »

It is a selfish mean act

I wish people that say this would **** off and refrain from comment.

Do you really believe that someone who ends their own life is thinking in a clear and concise manner? You haven't a clue.

13-07-2011 11:01am

mgmt wrote: »

It sounds like a terrible life he had, but he seems to be using his suicide to hurt others too.

No he didn't, he was using it to get it off his chest. The rest of the note clearly indicates why he felt he couldn't go on.

I don’t see why this is making you speechless I went around with this I am the victim persona when I wasn’t willing to stand up and get help for myself, someone was bound to bring me back to earth with a bang. I couldn’t see anything past me and my suffering and when we went to a counselling session he asked my friend and mam to tell them how they felt so I could see who as affected by my actions and this was their response which I feel they are entitled too.

So because you went through a phase and you look down on it, and your family told you you were being selfish (and your counsellor did too...), you think everyone must be really selfish no matter their reasons for suicide...

omega666 · 13-07-2011 11:03am

bluewolf wrote: »

Someone brought it up on the humanities thread on the subject, so I will link bill zeller's letter here as well:

http://pastebin.com/xjbFQJHx

Its sad he didn’t even at least attempt to seek help from anyone for his issues due to his own paranoia and conviction that its won’t help him.

sensibleken · 13-07-2011 11:04am

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Comments like "suicide is selfish" and " won't they think of the children" etc make my blood boil and goes even further to create an even bigger stigma that surrounds mental health in this country.

People who comment suicide are not thinking rationally at the time.

This.

I have had far too much experience with it. 3 good friends, one I was the one who discovered the note and had to deal with the initial informing of all the other friends and family.

I can fly into a rage at times and go 'selfish cúnts', fúk em they made their choice etc but I know thats only a defense mechanism so i dont blame myself for doing more. I know everyone that was close to them is thinking the same thing.

But they were not rational. In all but one they just didnt want to live anymore. Its a cruel illness that sneaks up and kills often without sufficient warning like meningitis. calling people selfish may stop people talking about their feelings, drive them further into depression because they more than likely agree with you and can increase the risk of suicide.

Ticktactoe · 13-07-2011 11:04am

Agent Oso wrote: »

I don’t see why this is making you speechless I went around with this I am the victim persona when I wasn’t willing to stand up and get help for myself, someone was bound to bring me back to earth with a bang. I couldn’t see anything past me and my suffering and when we went to a counselling session he asked my friend and mam to tell them how they felt so I could see who as affected by my actions and this was their response which I feel they are entitled too.

People who contemplate suicide dont generally see themselves as the victim but rather the burden.
An understanding family can go along way.

Of course they are entitled to tell their relative that they are selfish, hurtfull etc but it can also have a reverse effect to what you state above and be the final straw for the person contemplating suicide.