Tell us about them

tupac10 · 07-12-2010 7:51am

I lost my Grandfather in Sept 09.. He was my best friend.. i spent so much time with him for as long as i can remember, He was always there for me .. he was sick for a few weeks before he died so we were told to prepare.. but nothing can prepare you for the pain.. it was like being kicked in the stomach. It effected my life in a bad way.On top of his death i had lost my job and few weeks after my girlfriend left. I drank alot and kept to myself for a long time.. i was heartbroken,But after a few months a copped on and decided to stop for my Grandmothers sake.. she had Alzheimers and needed constant care. so from xmas of 2010 i spent alot of my time looking after my grandmother.. She passed away a few weeks ago.. words cant express the pain and the heartache. i had a great job since May with crazy hours but good money.. but since i was let go in August. she was my reason for gettin up in the mornings.. its strange that less then 2 years ago when i went to that house the 2 of them where there full of laughter and chat, now when i go in the house is a lonely and silent place.. almost cold.. I never realized how big the house was until it was empty.. Its going to be a very lonely Christmas. nothing im my eyes will ever be the same.. Nor will i ever be as happy as i was with them.. R.I.P granny & grandad..xxx

jay.i.am · 08-12-2010 3:30am

My grandmother on my mothers side passed away today unfortunately we were not close anymore in fact ive had no contact with her for the last 11yrs.We were close one time but since the break up of my mother and fathers marrige things just fell apart with my mother and her side of the family.Cant believe all this time has passed and now its to late to ever reconcile.I just feel sad and angry with everyone [myself included ] for allowing it to come to this.
Im also confused if it would be a good idea to go to the funreal or not dobut my brothers and sister will.Still a lot of hurt towards my mother there.Guess my grandmother just got caught in the middle and lost out on 4 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren for the last 11yrs.
Its just a mess hope this is ok in this forum.

Reesy · 10-12-2010 12:07am

RIP Reesy snr.

Lost my Dad to cancer (a negligent doctor sped him on his way) in March, leaving Mum, my brother & sister & me bereft. He was 77.

He was a great father and a role model to me, and the man who completed my Mum. I owe to him many of my better points.

It's been hard, but thanks to Mum, siblings, friends, colleagues & most of all my darling wife it's getting easier. Every weekend since Dad died I write to my Mum across the water. This helps a lot - helps me connect more with Mum, helps me when I write about Dad, and gives her something to look forward each week to as she tackles the challenge of living alone for the first time in her life.

Dad's death has changed the dynamics of the family somehow. I talked this through with a counsellor which helped me understand what was going on. I'm trying hard to keep a strong connection with my sis, in particular.

Life has changed forever, as at some stage it must, but I'm getting through it.

Dad, thanks for everything.

Johner · 06-01-2011 11:39pm

One of my best friends was taken from us on New Years Eve while standing in the que to go into one of our favourite nightclubs, he was just 21 years of age.

This guy was probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet, I have never seen him without a smile on his face, I really did look up to him. We buried him on Tuesday and it was the hardest thing I have had to do saying goodbye to such a loving caring guy. I still can't come to terms as to why something like this would happen to a guy who had everything going for him. Everytime with him was a good time and I'll never forget him. I really don't know where to go from here but I know Dan will be looking down and minding us in whatever we do in life. RIP Dan you will never be forgotten and not a day will go by that we wont think of you.

JBoyle4eva · 14-01-2011 6:30am

I lost my nan on Saturday the 15th of June 2002. My nan was possibly my favorite person in the world. We got on so so well and after a big family dispute that took place on the night/morning of 1st Jan 2000, I didn't get to see her too much as she lived in England and us in Ireland. The argument didn't concern her, but with other family members living in proximity to her, it wasn't suitable for us to go see her much after then.

Despite suffering from diabetes and complications to her back, she was never in good health in her last few years. But her spirit was always there. Given the family dispute, she handled it fantastically and as such, she bridged the gap between us all.

Her timing of her death couldn't have been worse nor could it have proved to happen at such a memorable stage. Sadly, my parents were beginning to separate in March of 2002. My mum became depressed and was being sent home from work frequently from feeling ill. Two weeks before her death, my mum and I visited her. I have no idea why we chose the June Bank Holiday weekend, I was still in primary school and about to finish 6th Class. I think my mum needed to get away from home for a bit. The weekend flew by, but I did notice my nan was very tired and short of breath. She did to go get checked on our insistince by a doctor, and she was thoroughly examined and was told she was fine, it was probably a reaction to some medication.

We went home on the Monday of that weekend and I went back to school. Two weekends later, me, my brother and my mum decided to visit friends in Sligo, a good two hour drive away. We arrived on the Friday evening. The next morning and following hours are a blank for me. I woke up to my brother stirring me at 9:30, saying our nan had collapsed. Considering this being a blank for the next few hours and my mother being rushed to Knock to catch a flight to England, my only memory of the day was my friend's mother bringing us and her son to see Spiderman in the cinema.

We got home at some point early evening. After watching TV or playing games, my friend's mother asked us to come into the kitchen. She gave us the news in tears. I remember not knowing what to say or do. My brother didn't look at me when I looked at him. She told us to take our time in there and left. Neither of us said anything. I was 13 and he was 17, so we were pretty shocked and clueless as to what was going to happen over the next few days. I was finishing school and he was sitting the Junior Cert exams.

Even looking back, I still feel shocked reliving the moment I heard. My nan meant so much to me, we could talk for hours so we could and I was only 13 at the time. It's amazing how it's almost 9 years and I still think of it like it only happened recently. Memories like that almost never fade. RIP nanna, love you x

MiniSquish · 14-01-2011 8:50am

Six years ago when I was sixteen my cousin was hit by a car in Sligo and killed. He was only three, it was the worst thing to ever happen in my family. Nothing has been the same since. I miss him every day. I think my aunt and uncle are an inspiration, many couples split up when they lose a child and they have stayed together and maintained a happy family. I think they're so brave.I have always wanted to tell them that I think that but I am embarrassed. I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with my cousin the day he died. Evan, you are never forgotten x

Doogieboogie · 17-01-2011 5:17pm

I'm so glad to have come across this thread.

I lost my husband Ciarán last February. He was working in a community house belonging to St.John of God in Celbridge. I also work for St John of God, in a residential unit.

On Wednesday the 10th February, I got home from work (nightshift) at about 9.15am. Ciarán was standing in the kitchen beside the open fridge door, downing a bottle of actimel to finish his breakfast. I gave him a hug and a quick kiss, and we both pottered about for a bit, fed the dogs, made a cuppa, chatted about banal things, as you do. I asked him to come upstairs and lie down with me until I fell asleep (one of our ''things'') but he had a few appointments and things to do before he went into work. He was due to start two overnight shifts, and would have been finished on Friday morning. I reminded him that my nephew's christening was due to be on the Saturday morning, and that he needed to buy something to wear. I gave him another kiss, and off to bed I went.

I woke up that evening at about six and went into work. He texted me about 11pm to say that he didn't feel well (his quote was ''I have man flu, don't think I'm gonna make it through the night, goodbye!'' - one of his weird morbid jokes!) I responded by saying I'd line up a replacement, he said no-one would ever fill his shoes. I rang him then, just to say goodnight. I asked him to see the doctor in the morning, and said I'd be in Celbridge in the morning if he wanted to meet for breakfast. We said goodnight, and hung up.

The next morning, I left work at half eight. I went to Tesco, where I bought his Valentine's day card and a silly wee present. I then went to the hairdressers, and got my hair cut in preparation for the Christening. I tried to ring and text him a few times but his phone was off. Eventually, I drove home, getting to my door at 11.30am.

When I got home, I saw with shock that my HR manager and a priest were standing outside my door. She came over to me, serious but calm, and said we needed to talk. I was really confused - the only reason I could think that she would be here would be if I had done something heinous at work, and I hadn't. I let her in, and the minute she stepped inside the door (by which stage I was really panicking) she said the words - ''There's no easy way to tell you this. Ciarán passed away this morning''.

As I heard the words, weirdly, I didn't feel surprised. It was like I knew what she was going to say. I pushed past her into the kitchen and ran up and down madly. I felt pure, blind panic; the sort of feeling you get if you'd been caught doing something really wrong. I came back into the sitting room, back to the kitchen. My manager and a woman from the pastoral care team turned up then. I remember many cups of tea being made and shoved at me, me trying desperately to phone my family and not being able to get in touch with anyone, being driven to the hospital, a guard turning up and asking about Ciarán's health. Going to the mortuary, seeing him lie there, still thinking it wasn't happening.

It never occured to me to ask until afterwards what happened. Apparently, Ciarán had got up that morning, started to get ready. The people in his care were already up, getting dressed and ready for their work placements. Ciarán had breakfast, then, at some stage before the driver turned up to collect the residents, he collapsed and died. His body was found by another staff member who had come to collect a resident. I don't really know the sequence of events, it appears nobody knows the full story as nobody was told anything, in an attempt to make sure that I was told before people found out (because my job and his job were linked, a lot of the service users and staff share facilities) and started to text or phone.

The next few days were surreal. I had to go to the Blanchardstown shopping centre to buy an outfit for the funeral. I couldn't eat - it was if my throat had forgotten how to swallow - I didn't sleep for about five days, and my skin all over my body started to blister and peel off. During the removal service, when everyone was standing around his coffin, it occured to me that I was the only person standing alone - everyone else was standing in a couple. We played Bob Dylan at the funeral, as well as Ciarán's own rendition of Albatross. He never got to be a famous rock star, but he did play guitar at his own funeral.

I stayed at my mother's house for several months, I couldn't face going home alone. I moved back in the summer. The first week I was back, I had a full-blown panic attack in the supermarket. I went back to work after four months.

I'm still reeling from it. I've lost any and all motivation. On my days off, I sleep, I eat sporadically and occasionally make half-hearted attempts to try to get back some form of routine. I miss something else about him every day. Watching movies is no fun on your own, following trashy TV series is a couple's sport. I hear people tell me I'll ''meet someone else'' - I have to laugh at that. Even if I was that way inclined, er... where exactly will I meet this person? In work? In my mother's kitchen? In my kitchen, in my PJ's?

Ciarán was one of the gentlest, funniest, and most intelligent people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. I miss his smell, the sound of his guitar floating down the stairs, the way he and I were the only two people who shared the same dark, surreal sense of humour. I miss him warming the bed at night and stomping around way too early in the morning. I miss the craic we had, the company. We could go hours without talking, but it was enough that we were both there. I miss having the one person in the world that no matter what, was on my side - me and him against the world.

Thank you for allowing me to ramble on, it doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not, it's been great just to tell the story. My condolences to all of you who have lost someone.

tbh · 18-01-2011 6:27am

KittyeeTrix · 20-01-2011 9:39pm

I'm in tears for you Doogieboogie:(

Your story just brings it home to me how we have to cherish the time we have with our loved ones and always part on a loving word or hug.......

Rubberlegs · 21-01-2011 1:11pm

My sincere condolences Doogieboogie. Ciaran (sorry no clue how to do fadas:o), looks like a lovely fella, such kind eyes. Thats a lovely photo, shows the closeness ye had. And no doubt still have. " Those we love don't go away. They walk beside us every day". Take care, Cat x

banie01 · 21-01-2011 1:21pm

Doogieboogie wrote: »

I'm so glad to have come across this thread.

I lost my husband Ciarán last February. He was working in a community house belonging to St.John of God in Celbridge. I also work for St John of God, in a residential unit.

Doogieboogie, Thanks for sharing your story

But I'm soooo sorry you ever had this story to tell....
The pain of sudden loss especially in a young partner is heartbreaking and one a few too many people now all too well.
I found some good support on widow.ie....I don't use it much anymore but there are times when the chat box there can be a great help.

I suppose as a 'Man' i found it useful to rant and rave and unburden my grief and sorrow on the good people there who had all been through similar....
As although my family and friends support was great sometimes I honestly felt that my being upset....was feeding their upset(if you know what I mean)

I won't tell you time is a healer.....I haven't found it to be at least.
I'm almost 4 years down the road, and honestly not a second goes by I don't miss my Kate....
But the scab gets thicker....You learn to cope better and and sometimes the tears stay away for more than a few days :-)
And happiness will come again
(And I dont mean in a new relationship....but who knows what the future will bring)
I mean in the company of friends, with your family, in pursuing your interests or even at work ;-)....
You will have joy and happiness but remember not to feel guilty for those smiles that you have without him

Remember ye're goodtimes together and the memories ye built on those dark lonely nights that will come

When all you want is a hug from them and they aren't there

Its much healthier than mourning the future together you lost.....
Sorry again for your loss

sashafierce · 21-01-2011 10:29pm

This post has been deleted.

Doogieboogie · 21-01-2011 11:53pm

Thank you everyone, for your kind words and your support. I'm finding it tougher of late than a few months ago; his first anniversary is coming up fast and I can't believe I've been without him for nearly a year.

73Cat wrote: »

My sincere condolences Doogieboogie. Ciaran (sorry no clue how to do fadas:o), looks like a lovely fella, such kind eyes. Thats a lovely photo, shows the closeness ye had. And no doubt still have. " Those we love don't go away. They walk beside us every day". Take care, Cat x

Thanks Cat, that pic was taken on our honeymoon and it was such a lovely, lovely time - we were completely chilled, with no care for the bumps in the road that were ahead. He was the kindest person I've ever known, it wasn't in him to be nasty. In ten years, he never so much as raised his voice to me. (BTW, for fada's, hold down AltGr and type the letter :P)

banie01 wrote: »

....I found some good support on widow.ie....I don't use it much anymore but there are times when the chat box there can be a great help....

Thanks Banie, I'm actually on widow.ie, I find it great, a really nice bunch of people on there, all sadly united by losing their other half. We're meeting up next month

I'm sorry you lost your Kate x

Dusty87 · 03-02-2011 4:01am

Ok guys, im not good at talkin about my feelings but i feel i need to now. I lost my gran uncle tonight. A man who was told he had ten years left after a bypass 24 year ago. He sadly passed tonight after a week long stay in hospital. He has been in and out the last few weeks. He never lost his cheeky wit til the end. I spent most of the day wit him today and was on the 3 to 6 shift wit my uncle but he passed shortly after i left for a few hours sleep. He was raving a bit today, asking did i let out the pigs (he hasnt kept pigs in 40years, as his words, they're feckers to keep in:) ). He also asked me 'when did i die' at one stage, to which i replyed, tommy your still fightin. His kidneys failed and heart and just lost his fight tonight. I miss him now. I miss his story's, his cheeky wit, his little cheeky smile. It hurts knowing i can never call down again, chat about years ago, hear his stories, check his cattle, cut up timber for him etc. He was 78. I know he is not suffering anymore and i glad of that but it hurts knowin il never see or talk to him again. He was a good man, didn even get to cash his cheque from the last two cows he sold, he wont be happy about that though:).

Conor Bourke · 13-02-2011 12:14am

I lost my brother on the 9th of September 2010. He was a keen boardsie and I can imagine if he knew I was posting in PI he'd give me some flack for it... but in a nice way.

There was 2 years and 10 months between us, so we shared many interests, activities and friends. We had the same warped sense of humour, so many similar likes and dislikes yet we had many differences.

I moved to Galway in 2009 and in a strange way, my little brother looked after me. He used to ring every now and again to invite me over for dinner or just hop on the bus to bring me over a sample of his latest confectionary concoction. I moved to Limerick a year later and he always had a bed or a couch for me if I wanted to crash when I was back in Galway.

He confided in me last summer that he'd been having seizures. We talked about it at length, I told him to go get an appointment with a neurologist and to mind himself but not to worry (I should point out that I'm a nurse and have looked after countless people with epilepsy and saw that it was easy to control with medication). I never dreamed for a minute that his was so severe.

Colm suffered a seizure at work on August 6th and was hospitalised as a precaution due to banging his head when he fell. When he got out the next week, I came up to stay with him and offered to bring him out for dinner as a treat but in true Colm style he had dinner on the plate for me when I arrived. I left the next morning and that was the last time I saw him alive.

I was in Galway on Wed 8th Sept and was going to ring him to call in but I was in a hurry and I knew he was getting ready for going back to college and had a lot to do, so I decided to leave it be, as we had plans to go out on the Friday night and we could have a proper catch-up then. I regret that decision so much now.

On the Thurs night my Mum rang, concerned that she hadn't heard from Colm in a few days and his phone was off. She asked me to try him but I had no joy either, so I rang a friend of ours and asked her to call in to him. Mum had also rang one of his work friends and she arrived at the house at the same time as my friend. His housemate let them in, not having missed him, as they all kept irregular hours in the house and could go days without seeing each other. The ambulance and a doctor were called but there was nothing they could do. My friend had been ignoring my calls for almost 2 hours as the Gardaí had advised her not to tell me until they got someone from the station at home to tell my parents but eventually she couldn't take it any longer and rang me back with the awful news.

A friend drove me to Galway, where I got to see him laid out in the mortuary.

He looked perfect.

I honestly expected him to hop up off the slab and say "HAHA! GOTCHA!" (I'm not lying, our sense of humour really is warped).

I didn't know what to do or where to go, so my friend brought me back to Limerick. I drove back up the next day, closely followed by my colleague who wanted to drive me up but I needed my car. A guard from home commandeered an unmarked car and brought my Dad, other Brother and Cousin down, and we got to see him again. My cousin drove my car home, and I was ferried back in the squad car. Arriving at my home that night to an assembly of neighbours and friends was surreal. I can barely remember anything except sitting in the kitchen, drinking lucozade. Mountains of food arrived already but I couldn't eat a thing. I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, and didn't for days after (and trust me, I have one hell of an appetite. Colm would've appreciated the irony).

The next morning I went to town to buy something to lay Colm out in. Surreal to say the least. I was floating along, appearing to the outside world as if everything was fine. Because of the Post Mortem, the outfit I chose wasn't suitable, but the undertaker improvised. Going up to the funeral home that night to bring him home was actually the hardest part now that I look back. My sister and mother saw him then for the first time, and I can still hear their cries.

The following days were a blur of people, until the night of the funeral when we eventually came home to silence. That night the first episode of the of the Inbetweeners was on and my bro and sis watched and laughed our heads off, much to our parents upset, but if Colm was there he'd have been watching and loving it (he introduced the rest of us to it in fact).

We've been coping the best we can ever since. I went back to work a week later, I didn't know what else to do. I didn't even cry properly until a day or two before the month's mind when it really hit me full force.

The run-up to Christmas was incredibly difficult. Everyone was "Happy, happy, happy... Be with your family..... a time to be together....". I felt like screaming at the radio/tv "HOW DARE YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE, DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH, YOU'RE JUST RUBBING IT IN!"
The drive home on Dec 23rd was horrid, I bawled from Galway on, thinking that I should have been collecting him, remembering an argument we'd had last year because I told him I'd bring him home then ****ed off a few days early, leaving him to get the bus. I hate that I missed out on that time with him, I feel like such a bad person considering how he was always so good to me.

We still don't have a result from the post mortem and I'm dreading the call from the coroner because it'll just upset any progress we've made this far, but it'll be nice to get some answers finally.

We lost a cousin (Karen) on 14th August 2010 to suicide, I never thought when I was sympathising with their family that the tables would be turned a short month later. My heart breaks for her, because I know what it is to feel so low and think that suicide is the only option. Thankfully I never acted on it, mainly because I had one person that I knew I could talk to, she had been in that black place too before. I wish me and Karen were closer and she might have been able to confide in me. What a waste of a beautiful person inside and out.

My friend Gary died on 22nd Jan 2008 of a brain haemmorhage, he was only 23 and a good friend of Colm's as well. I miss him terribly since then. His sister Louise lost her battle with cancer on 10th January 2004 and she is also desperately missed.

Jesus this is hands down my longest ever boards post, I know if I saw it from someone else I'd probably just skim and say TL;DR, so if you've read this the whole way through, fair ball to you! And if you haven't, don't worry, I don't blame you and neither would JIZZLORD/Colm

Thanks for letting me vent it out.

ChewChew · 13-02-2011 12:27am

Alaskimo-cake... what an absolutely perfect post. Beautifully worded.

tbh · 13-02-2011 10:56am

Great post al, great post. Jizzlord. Can't see that name without smiling.

Crackle · 18-02-2011 1:18am

It's been just over 4 weeks since my best friend died over in Australia. He was 22 and we'd known each other since our first day of school. He died just 3 months after his brother died aged 24.

The trip to Australia (he was with his 2 other brothers) was something he was looking forward to and was supposed to help him heal after his brother's death. The last message I got from him was the day before he died. He was having the time of his life. The next morning his brother found his body in his bedroom. Initial tests were inconclusive and I honestly don't know if a cause of death was determined. I never asked, and I wasn't told. It doesn't really matter at this point I suppose.

The 10 days after are just a blur, spent waiting for them to bring him home. It didn't seem real. It hit hard when I saw him in the funeral home. I looked down at him, expecting him to sit up any moment.

I can't begin to imagine what his family have gone through these last few months with the 2 boys going.

I try to keep busy at work but it's constantly on my mind. I struggle to sleep most nights and when I wake up I sometimes wonder did it actually happen.

Looking back at some of the pics of his trip, and some older pics, make me laugh and cry. Laugh because of the funny poses and stunts he pulled. He was a bit mad and didn't care if people laughed at him or if he made a fool of himself. Cry because I miss him.

The worst thing though is the feeling of regret I get for not doing more for him in the last few months, even though he was constantly thanking me for being there for him. I still feel I should have done more.

If nothing else, it helps a little to get some of this off my chest, even if it is only online. My deepest condolences to all you who have posted such beautiful messages on here.

LegacyUser · 21-02-2011 1:40pm

My beautiful boy, I miss you so much.

It is five years this week since the Universe decided that this was not your time. There is still a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you. I have learned to live with the grief, but it is still always there. You would be proud of your Mummy, I have built myself back up and can smile now, and I know that you know how much I love you and how much I wanted to be your Mummy, how much I longed for you and how much it hurt that that chance was taken away from me.

Your little cousins are wonderful, you would love them, and there are days when it kills me to watch them grow and know that if life was fair you would be running around with them, bossing them about, getting into all sorts of scrapes with them. I know you would have been so smart, so loving, so funny, so mischievous, I know you would have tested my patience, I know you'd have been headstrong and that we'd have had some big arguments, I miss not being able to read to you, to cuddle you, to watch you grow, to wonder at you, because I know, I know, I know that you would have been the greatest and most wonderful child.

I miss you dearheart, I know you're with your Granddad now and that he minds you and that you both watch over me, I know that you know I love you, and that I will always remember you.

I love you, I will always love you, I will love you until my dying day, I love you.

Mummy.

banshee_bones · 17-04-2011 6:18pm

Today I found out my grand aunt died, she would have been 90 in November. She passed peacefully in her sleep last night with one of her sons by her side.

Tomorrow I am being conferred with a Masters, my aunt was due to come along, but due to the funeral she won't be able to make it and I in turn won't be able to make the funeral.

However, the one person who I truly would love to see me graduate tomorrow is my dad. While my grandaunt would be 90 this November, this November will be my dad's 11th anniversary. I still miss him a great deal and its on occassions like this I miss him the most.
He was an avid bookworm and used to sit with me in the library in the house and we used to read together and he used to test me on my spelling. He placed a fair importance on education and encouraged me to read at all opportunities. He was always at every parent teacher meeting,school play and mass.

Guess I just want to say that I credit alot of the person I am today down to his influence, and for that I will always be more grateful than I can ever express.

LegacyUser · 26-05-2011 4:52pm

My Granny died the day before yesterday. She was 97 and had not been well since Christmas. Up until then she was just fine, more energy and life in her than anyone else I know. People couldn't believe she was 97.
I was her youngest grandchild at 28. She looked after me when I was a child and my mother was at work. She was in her seventies then but still managed to run around and keep up with me.
I feel so numb. I just cant believe she is gone. I knew for a while that it was coming and am glad she is no longer suffering but I just don't think I am coping with it. Expecting it didn't prepare me at all. She was buried just 1 day after she died and it all seemed to come and go so quickly that I haven't processed it.
I know time heals etc etc but right now I just feel so heartbroken. She is the only grandparent I knew and the first close family member I have lost.

tbh · 27-05-2011 9:03am

todayisahardday wrote: »

My Granny died the day before yesterday. She was 97 and had not been well since Christmas. Up until then she was just fine, more energy and life in her than anyone else I know. People couldn't believe she was 97.
I was her youngest grandchild at 28. She looked after me when I was a child and my mother was at work. She was in her seventies then but still managed to run around and keep up with me.
I feel so numb. I just cant believe she is gone. I knew for a while that it was coming and am glad she is no longer suffering but I just don't think I am coping with it. Expecting it didn't prepare me at all. She was buried just 1 day after she died and it all seemed to come and go so quickly that I haven't processed it.
I know time heals etc etc but right now I just feel so heartbroken. She is the only grandparent I knew and the first close family member I have lost.

My sympathies. It's very tough isn't it? especially since it seems they are buried before you realise what's happened. Just thought I'd share what the priest said at my grandads funeral (he was 94) - "Imagine how unfair it would be if Tommy didn't get to die. All his brothers and sisters have died, his wife and most of his friends. It must be hard to be left to last". At the time I didn't really understand his point, but it's given me a lot of comfort since. May your grandmother rest in peace x.

LeeHoffmann · 27-05-2011 3:52pm

My Dad died 1 and a half years ago. For most of my life, it was him, me and my bro. He was my link to my Mum, and though he could never really talk about her too much because it hurt, he was my best link. Sometimes he saw things in me that reminded him of her - he'd say I walked the same, sit the same and give him the same questioning quizzical look. We were a family. When he died, that sense of family went. I have a stepmother and 2 stepbros who are just my bros to me, but they're kids and they have a different history and family in a way. My (full) bro is slightly younger than me. I always did my bit to look out for him. He's able to do that for himself now. It's great the way he's grown - even since Dad died. Dad would love to see it. I feel old because there's no one behind me so to speak. Both my parents died, I have no older bros or sisters, my grandparents...
I felt guilty for a long time. I try not to get into that now. I know Dad would HATE that and it doesn't do anything anyway, it doesn't help a bit, so...I'm living on, I'm looking forward to having a family of my own and telling them all about Dad. I'm getting married next year and I find myself imagining his ghost turning up on that morning, and we'd have the craic, the banter and closeness we always did. He'd laugh at me but in a way that spoke of love, just as he always did when he was happy or proud. I know that aint gonna happen - it's laughable. How can I tell you about him? Giving a list of his traits...that's hardly 'him'! Can I tell you his little idiosyncracies? Will that give you a better idea of him? I think so. I need to know becuase his youngest son was only 1.5 years old when Dad died and my children won't meet him either, so we have to keep his memory alive somehow. I know I always missed that other people were too hurt to keep my Mum's memory alive. I know I've said almost nothing about him. He was an amazing listener, intellect sharp as a knife, a crazy all-redeeming sense of humour (too black I always said), and very deep and loving, genuine, sensitive. He loved debating. We did it all the time. I have nobody in my life I can do that with anymore. Maybe that's why I'm on boards!

I miss him and I feel so much more alone because he's not here anymore. I aged about 20 years when he died. We were friends and he was my Dad. Maybe it's stupid to keep whinging about it. He's my Dad not my child or my husband or something. I'm glad this thread exists and that it's filed away sort of!

Sorry about the lack of punctuation. Stream of thought....

banie01 · 28-05-2011 1:20pm

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

My Dad died 1 and a half years ago. For most of my life, it was him, me and my bro. He was my link to my Mum, and though he could never really talk about her too much because it hurt, he was my best link. Sometimes he saw things in me that reminded him of her - he'd say I walked the same, sit the same and give him the same questioning quizzical look. We were a family. When he died, that sense of family went. I have a stepmother and 2 stepbros who are just my bros to me, but they're kids and they have a different history and family in a way. My (full) bro is slightly younger than me. I always did my bit to look out for him. He's able to do that for himself now. It's great the way he's grown - even since Dad died. Dad would love to see it. I feel old because there's no one behind me so to speak. Both my parents died, I have no older bros or sisters, my grandparents...
I felt guilty for a long time. I try not to get into that now. I know Dad would HATE that and it doesn't do anything anyway, it doesn't help a bit, so...I'm living on, I'm looking forward to having a family of my own and telling them all about Dad. I'm getting married next year and I find myself imagining his ghost turning up on that morning, and we'd have the craic, the banter and closeness we always did. He'd laugh at me but in a way that spoke of love, just as he always did when he was happy or proud. I know that aint gonna happen - it's laughable. How can I tell you about him? Giving a list of his traits...that's hardly 'him'! Can I tell you his little idiosyncracies? Will that give you a better idea of him? I think so. I need to know becuase his youngest son was only 1.5 years old when Dad died and my children won't meet him either, so we have to keep his memory alive somehow. I know I always missed that other people were too hurt to keep my Mum's memory alive. I know I've said almost nothing about him. He was an amazing listener, intellect sharp as a knife, a crazy all-redeeming sense of humour (too black I always said), and very deep and loving, genuine, sensitive. He loved debating. We did it all the time. I have nobody in my life I can do that with anymore. Maybe that's why I'm on boards!

I miss him and I feel so much more alone because he's not here anymore. I aged about 20 years when he died. We were friends and he was my Dad. Maybe it's stupid to keep whinging about it. He's my Dad not my child or my husband or something. I'm glad this thread exists and that it's filed away sort of!

Sorry about the lack of punctuation. Stream of thought....

Lee, As I sit here reading your post I'm in tears....:'(
I posted early on in this thread and its a great comfort to just put your words and feelings out there as a little record of your love.
But of all the other posts on here, yours has touched me more than most as I have a son who's 7 now, but was 3 when his mam passed on.
And in a very similar manner to what you describe, he's still my link to the woman we lost

His little mannerism's and quirks of behaviour, His smile and dark eyes, spark my memory often and we talk about her lots, my biggest fear was always that he'd never 'really' know her and so I'd best share as much of what I remember about her as I can.
Doing that, and leaving him develop his own personality rather than just focusing on what reminds me of his mam....he is after all his own l'il person

, has already I'm proud to say helped my Son become a caring, responsible, sharing, intelligent,and all to often contradictory

(But able to argue his point and even accept when he's wrong.....Once you prove it to his liking) I'm happy and proud to say that at 7, I can already I know he is going to be happy in his life and that matters more than anything else, because he has the skills to make the best of what comes his way.

I know this may not mean much to you, especially as I'm only basing it on the 1 post above....
But I know that when the time comes, when I pass on that if my Son made a post makes a post like the one you just have.
One that is redolent with your own sense of loss yet actually more worried about the loss others will experience either by forgetting or never knowing, that my pride for him would grow even more!
Your dad is looking at that thinking, I did a good job!

I'm very sorry for your loss, But know that as long as his memory is alive in your heart, part of him is always with you....
And if you share those memories aswell with your family as you just have in that post, he'll always be with ye all in some small way!

LeeHoffmann · 30-05-2011 9:39am

I know this may not mean much to you, especially as I'm only basing it on the 1 post above....
But I know that when the time comes, when I pass on that if my Son made a post makes a post like the one you just have.
One that is redolent with your own sense of loss yet actually more worried about the loss others will experience either by forgetting or never knowing, that my pride for him would grow even more!
Your dad is looking at that thinking, I did a good job!

Thank you so much. I guess we never grow out of wanting to make our parents proud. Your post brings me endless comfort.
I read your post at the beginning of this thread. I was sorry to hear about what happened. You obviously made each other very happy. I hope you and your son find the strength in each other to live as she would want you to. Well done on all you're doing for your family. It sounds like you're doing an awesome job. Take care

damone · 31-05-2011 12:36am

Will's Mummy wrote: »

My beautiful boy, I miss you so much.

It is five years this week since the Universe decided that this was not your time. There is still a hole in my heart that will never be filled. I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you. I have learned to live with the grief, but it is still always there. You would be proud of your Mummy, I have built myself back up and can smile now, and I know that you know how much I love you and how much I wanted to be your Mummy, how much I longed for you and how much it hurt that that chance was taken away from me.

Your little cousins are wonderful, you would love them, and there are days when it kills me to watch them grow and know that if life was fair you would be running around with them, bossing them about, getting into all sorts of scrapes with them. I know you would have been so smart, so loving, so funny, so mischievous, I know you would have tested my patience, I know you'd have been headstrong and that we'd have had some big arguments, I miss not being able to read to you, to cuddle you, to watch you grow, to wonder at you, because I know, I know, I know that you would have been the greatest and most wonderful child.

I miss you dearheart, I know you're with your Granddad now and that he minds you and that you both watch over me, I know that you know I love you, and that I will always remember you.

I love you, I will always love you, I will love you until my dying day, I love you.

Mummy.

Beautiful ,just beautiful ,i cry every time i read this and the love and tenderness just floors me ,Will was blessed to have such an all round brilliant mother !!!
I can empatise with every single word you wrote ! ,i am nowhere near strong enough to tell you my daughters story! im crying now writing this but i couldnt have said it as well as you did!!!
Thank you for writing this and as much as i know the unbelievable ache you have in youre heart !believe me you helped me by writing this beautiful piece !
Thank you Wills Mummy!!!

curlzy · 20-06-2011 2:23pm

I'm just back from a 2 month holiday around the USA. The last month was in Hawaii. Yesterday I logged onto Facebook and had a message from a friend telling me that Wild Bill was dead. I'm just in shock. We met Wild Bill on the beach in Hawaii where he'd been living for a few months. He was an amazing person. He taught us to snorkel and brought us on adventures to underground caverns and did fire staff on the beach and we all drank rum and laughed and sang. He started every day shouting "I love my life" at sea. There's no one else here who knew him and I feel kind of angry that life is just going on as normal, it's like I feel like screaming "do you not know? We've lost Wild Bill, he's gone". I just can't believe someone so full of life, so full of kindness and happiness and adventure and laughter is gone. He was so much larger than life but now he's gone. He died while scuba diving so at least he was doing what he wanted right up until the end. I lit a candle and said a prayer to him, I'm atheist but I think he would appreciate the sentiment. The last words I said to him were "we'll met again Bill" and he said "oh we'll definately met again". I suppose I just wanted to express what I'm feeling and put it out there in some small way the world has lost someone truly unique and precious.

Rest in Peace Wild Bill, you were an amazing person, I feel blessed to have met you.

All my love,
Mairead.

Mental Mickey · 21-06-2011 5:00pm

If you see my mother
Tell her I'm keeping fine
Tell her that I love her
And I'll try and write sometime

These four lines are from a song entitled "Philomena" written by the late, great Philip Lynott from Thin Lizzy. I lost my beautiful mother to cancer on the 8th June this year, at the age of 68, and I read these lines to myself every morning when I turn on my computer.

Also, that poem "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" is quite nice too. I am considering going to counselling to talk things out......

I spoke to the Social Worker(in the Hospice where Mam died) earlier today, and some tears came. I guess it is still a bit raw inside me, and will take time to come to terms with.....?

Rubberlegs · 21-06-2011 5:51pm

Mental Mickey wrote: »

If you see my mother
Tell her I'm keeping fine
Tell her that I love her
And I'll try and write sometime

These four lines are from a song entitled "Philomena" written by the late, great Philip Lynott from Thin Lizzy. I lost my beautiful mother to cancer on the 8th June this year, at the age of 68, and I read these lines to myself every morning when I turn on my computer.

Also, that poem "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" is quite nice too. I am considering going to counselling to talk things out......

I spoke to the Social Worker(in the Hospice where Mam died) earlier today, and some tears came. I guess it is still a bit raw inside me, and will take time to come to terms with.....?

Hi Mental Mickey,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Nothing can prepare you for the death of a parent. I posted on here last November about a week after losing my Dad to a very short and unexpected battle with cancer on Nov 8th last year. I would strongly recommend counselling. I went to our local Cancer Foundation 2 months after losing Dad, I was actually beginning to think I was losing the plot. It helps so much to talk through your feelings with someone that isn't directly involved. I think it's what got me through tbh. Yes, it certainly does take time to come to terms with, so don't be hard on yourself. I started to feel the smallest bit better, 4 months after Dad passed. 6 months after, I began to feel a sense of normality again. It does get easier, and it's different for everyone, there is no time frame on grief. But I can assure you, good times will come again. Though if someone had told me that when it was as soon after for me as it is for you, I would have felt like punching them:o. I love your Phil Lynott quote, am a fan of his, and his mother is a wonderful woman. I actually put Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep, on Dad's memorial cards, its beautiful. Look after yourself.

CathyMoran · 21-06-2011 6:14pm

I was at my mothers funeral today - she had a brain haemmorage several years ago and had multiple strokes about 6 weeks ago - I could not get to see her as I was heavily pregnant (andd ill) with her first grandaugher but went into see her a few days after my daugher was born (she was too young to go in herself). I wonder if my mother saw her granddaugher. It has been a strange time - I can see my mother when I look in the mirror. RIP mummy.

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