The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Catholic priest
beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favour?'
...
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm
afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not
lie!!'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official
asked,

'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to
declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do
you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.
Next!

Hedgehogs.

Why can't they share the hedge?

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store this past
Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told
the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

...The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the
jeweller said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,
'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said
'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT
WEEKEND!'

Mark! wrote: »

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

When I read this I just imagined a horse going around telling people the wrongs of their ways, i.e. the "cop-on horse".

Cop-on Horse: "Here you, stop doing that, cop-on!"

crazym02 wrote: »

I've done worse back when I was in my teens. I was so drunk that I realised about a week too late that I had took a girls number and told her I would call her the next day! Found the number while flicking through my phone when I finally remembered!!

Now that's funny

Some Japanese tourists asked me to take their photo earlier.
I lined up the shot and said "Wave" and they f*ckin legged it...
Nice camera though...

I went to a Bulimia party last night, the place was heaving.

I am terrified to look at Mr.Bean without backing tracks...thats just not a laughing matter!:D

A nice looking gentleman walks into a small country inn and lays 100 dollars on the counter. He rests his hand on the bill and tells the innkeeper, "I'm going upstairs to inspect your rooms. If I find a suitable room, I'll stay the night and you can keep the money." The gentleman walks away and goes upstairs to check on the rooms.

Once he disappears up the stairs, the innkeeper snatches the $100 and immediately runs down the street to pay the butcher the $100 bill he owes him. The butcher takes the $100 and runs over to the hog farmer and pays the hog farmer his $100 credit. The hog farmer takes the $100 bill and runs to the co-op to pay off the $100 loan. The co-op owner, being an ugly and lonely man, runs to the town's hooker and pays off the $100 tab he owed her. The hooker is ecstatic! She can finally pay the innkeeper the $100 she owed him for using his rooms for her business. The town rejoices. Everyone has paid off their creditors!

Now that the innkeeper has been paid by the hooker, he puts the $100 dollars back on the counter. The gentleman returns to the desk and informs the innkeeper that none of his rooms were up to his standards and takes the $100 bill and walks out the door.

Everyone has been paid but no new revenue has been produced.

And that, my fine friends, is your economy in a nutshell.