The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

LaSange

What happened when the black man looked up his family tree?

A gorilla shat on his face

Mod note: user banned

sinjin_smythe

Did you know if you spell Navan backwards,,,,



















































its still a ****hole.

Poor Uncle Tom

I see where McSavage gets his material......

macroboy

Three men walk into a bar....
one of them turns around and around while singing two tribes.
the other two pull down their jocks and take a ****e on the floor.

they walk out.






now if you saw that,tell me you wouldnt be in utter convulsions laughing.


lol

slowlydownwards

Three lads, Italian, Spanish and Irish are bragging about their love making skills.
Italian: "When I finish making love to my bambina, I kiss her gently on her neck and she floats six inches above the bed!"
Spansih: "When I finish making love to my senorita, I kiss her gently behind her knees, and she floats twelve inches above the bed!"
Irishman: "When I'm finished with my bird, I wipe my mickey of the curtains and she goes through the roof!"

--Kaiser--

HenryChinaski wrote: »

I like my women like I like my whiskey. Twelve years old and shtinking of whiskey!!

Tut tut.....it's:
I like my women like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with Coke

Cantona's Collars

shblob wrote: »

What does a liverpool fan do after they've won the league..










Turn off the playstation they nicked and go back to bed with their sister.

Fixed that.:D

claddy

Two situations where the words "rod exposed" causes panic: nuclear reactors and playgrounds.:)

Belle E. Flops

Why does Snoop Dogg have an umbrella??

Fo Drizzle!

Gunsfortoys

Belle E. Flops wrote: »

Why does Snoop Dogg have an umbrella??

Fo Drizzle!

I would put that into the worst joke I have ever heard category.

Belle E. Flops

Gunsfortoys wrote: »

I would put that into the worst joke I have ever heard category.

It kills after a night out!!

Aidric

Belle E. Flops wrote: »

It kills after a night out!!

On heroin?

DublinWriter

Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

mufcboy1999

Gunsfortoys wrote: »

I would put that into the worst joke I have ever heard category.

ah its corny but funny im a hip hop head so it brought a bit of a smile.

saxmaniaque

DublinWriter wrote: »

Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One.

That suppose to be polish joke I suppose. (slightly different). Dont be scared to put the original one. No one will screw you!

Savage Tyrant

A man decides he's going to start making his own Honey. So he visits a bee farm and asks the owner if he can buy 10 bees to get himself started. No problem.
The bee farmer puts the bees in a jar for the man who then pays him and makes to leave. He decides to quickly count the bees and in doing so realises the farmer has put 11 bees in the jar.
Being the honest bloke he is, he turns and tells the farmer of his mistake
"Excuse me sir, you've given me eleven bees here instead of ten"
"No problem" says the farmer, "the extra one is a free bee"

saxmaniaque

Husband tells his wife:
- 'Get ready. Myself, you and dog are going fishing in a minute!'
- 'But I dont want to...' says wife
- 'All right then, but you have to pick one of options: blowj..b or an..l!' he replys. She goes on first one and while sucking says: It tastes like sh..t!!!
- 'Dog didnt want to go fishing as well' husband says.

JimiTime

Dub walks into a corner shop and says, 'Have ye got a Gatox cake mister'.
Shopkeeper looks at him blanky, wondering what the hell he's talking about.
'A fookin Gatox cake, ye know'

Shopkeeper cops on to what he's asking for and says, 'You mean a GatOH cake'

Dub replies,

'Ah ask me bolloh'



Yeah, I know how to spell Gateaux, but the jokes about Phonetics so:P

Coriolanus

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Tut tut.....it's:
I like my women like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with Coke

I like my women like I like my coffee, weak, white and with a spoon sticking out of it.

uch

Fúk this Dyslexia, I thought thread title read " Best Yoke ya ever Had" till I went throught some posts

Poor Uncle Tom

Nevore wrote: »

I like my women like I like my coffee, weak, white and with a spoon sticking out of it.

I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, black, strong and sweet, the first taste and you're hooked but don't dip you're tongue you could get burned and it's hell getting rid of the stains from your teeth.....:eek:

HenryChinaski

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife!

Unpossible

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, black, strong and sweet, the first taste and you're hooked but don't dip you're tongue you could get burned and it's hell getting rid of the stains from your teeth.....:eek:

I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer*





Edit: there is an alternative version to this joke in comic form, but this isn't the thread for comics

spudington16

Why did Mary fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

Why didn't she get back up?

She had no legs.

Why didn't anyone help her?

She had no friends.

What did she get for Christmas?

Leukemia.

MiNdGaM3

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'Coz he was stuck in the chicken

Savage Tyrant

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Catholic priest
beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favour?'
...
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm
afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not
lie!!'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official
asked,

'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to
declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do
you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.
Next!

Cupcake_Crisis

How do you make a hormone?

Kick her in the gee

Spore

Hedgehogs.

Why can't they share the hedge?

Rick Deckard

So who's up for a game of rape?
No one??
That's the spirit!

Firstly, does this cloth smell like cloroform to you?

Rick Deckard

I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, made my way to the cubicle.

Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your penis, hey, lad?"

A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him.

What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a ****.