The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

mcgarry098 wrote: »

a blonde walks into an electrical shop, goes up to the counter and says id like to be this t.v. The man says sorry did you not see the sign " no blonde's allowed, now get out".

So she walks out of the shop and puts on a brown wig, then goes back in and again goes "hi id like to buy this t.v." The man starts getting angry and says "i told you already no blonde's allowed, now get out".

So she walks out of the shop takes of her make up and dresses up as a man, she's unrecognisable at this stage, then she goes back into the shop goes up to the counter and says "Hi id like to buy this t.v". The man goes crazy and says "thats it, ill tell you one last time no blonde's allowed, so get out now and dont come back or im calling the gaurds" . the woman says " fine but just tell me this, how do you know im a blonde". the man reply's : " because thats a microwave not a t.v."

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord !".
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit annoyed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Really angry now that this guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartypants. You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....



" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

seafood dunleavy wrote: »

An Irishman,an Englishman and Angelina Jolie are on a train.The train goes under a bridge and the train goes into darkness.When the train comes out the Englishman is holding his nose in pain.

The Englishman thinks to himself,"That Irishman must have tried to feel Angelina Jolie's arse and she hit me thinking I did it!"

Angelina Jolie thinks to herself,"That Englishman must have felt my arse and the Irishman hit him because of it!"

The Irishman thinks to himself,"I hope we go under another bridge so I can deck that English cúnt again!"