Women proposing to men

Contessa Raven · 20-01-2011 3:33pm #1

This is a topic I have been thinking about recently and I think it would be interesting to see how other women feel about it.

Traditionally the man proposes and the woman gets a token of his committment in the form of a ring etc. But what do men get when they're proposed to? Do they get a ring? A watch?

Would you ever propose to your man? If not, why not?

Has anyone here proposed to their bf? Tell us about it!

On one hand I love the idea of the traditional bf proposing to me on bended knee, ring in hand. On the other hand I think life's too short and couldn't I propose to him? (Think I'd still prefer for him to propose to me though!

)

I've heard of some men saying that they wouldn't like it if their woman proposed to them because they'd feel like their opportunity to "pop the question" was taken from them.

So what do the ladies of the lounge think? Is the man proposing marriage just an old tradition from the age of dowries? Is it just romance? Or do you think women should propose more often?

Discuss!

mariebeth · 20-01-2011 3:45pm

I'd honestly, never imagine myself proposing to a guy. It's not that it's traditional, but I'm just the type of person who would always wonder if he said 'yes' only for the sake of it, and whether he had actually wanted to get married at all.

krudler · 20-01-2011 3:50pm

mariebeth wrote: »

I'd honestly, never imagine myself proposing to a guy. It's not that it's traditional, but I'm just the type of person who would always wonder if he said 'yes' only for the sake of it, and whether he had actually wanted to get married at all.

Men agree to go shoe shopping for the sake of it, or to sit and silent watch a soap or Grey's. marriage is most definitely NOT something your average guy will agree to for "the sake of it" :pac:

I dunno really, I'm not a traditional type either I kinda like the idea of a girl proposing, but its so ingrained into society that the man asks I guess a lot of people would find it a bit strange or offputting.

hondasam · 20-01-2011 3:51pm

I would imagine most couples will have discussed marriage in advance of the proposal. I do not know anyone where it was a total surprise. I have a friend who is dropping hints to her BF of four years and he is not getting the message, she would not dream of asking him.

would most girls be happy with not picking the ring themselves.

krudler · 20-01-2011 3:55pm

Contessa Raven wrote: »

This is a topic I have been thinking about recently and I think it would be interesting to see how other women feel about it.

Traditionally the man proposes and the woman gets a token of his committment in the form of a ring etc. But what do men get when they're proposed to? Do they get a ring? A watch?

Would you ever propose to your man? If not, why not?

Has anyone here proposed to their bf? Tell us about it!

On one hand I love the idea of the traditional bf proposing to me on bended knee, ring in hand. On the other hand I think life's too short and couldn't I propose to him? (Think I'd still prefer for him to propose to me though! )

I've heard of some men saying that they wouldn't like it if their woman proposed to them because they'd feel like their opportunity to "pop the question" was taken from them.

So what do the ladies of the lounge think? Is the man proposing marriage just an old tradition from the age of dowries? Is it just romance? Or do you think women should propose more often?

Discuss!

one of my best friends got an iphone

Contessa Raven · 20-01-2011 4:04pm

hondasam wrote: »

would most girls be happy with not picking the ring themselves.

Personally, I love the idea of him having picked the ring himself already. I would be confident that he'd know what I like and when he gets down on bended knee I'd like it to be with THE ring rather than a token ring.

I think most women would like to pick their own ring though.

WesternNight · 20-01-2011 4:25pm

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Personally, I love the idea of him having picked the ring himself already. I would be confident that he'd know what I like and when he gets down on bended knee I'd like it to be with THE ring rather than a token ring.

I think most women would like to pick their own ring though.

I'd say most women would love to believe that their boyfriend would know them well enough to know what kind of ring they'd want. Or even what size ring they wear. But I suspect that there are few enough men (or even women!) who would just know that without ever having been told specifically.

If I were to propose to a guy I'd probably get a ring if I thought he'd wear it. It would probably be discussed to some extent beforehand though, so any proposal would really be a formality.

Phoenix Park · 20-01-2011 4:30pm

If a guy wants to get married he'll ask. I'd say many men would be freaked out by a girl asking and i could see a swift end for the relationship in many cases. I have sympathy with girls in their late 20's/early 30's who must come under intense pressure from relatives with snide remarks about why aren't they engaged yet, must be frustrating.

WesternNight · 20-01-2011 4:45pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

If a guy wants to get married he'll ask. I'd say many men would be freaked out by a girl asking and i could see a swift end for the relationship in many cases.

Do many people propose without having discussed it first and without a fair idea that the answer will be yes, I wonder?

bubblicious · 20-01-2011 5:41pm

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Personally, I love the idea of him having picked the ring himself already. I would be confident that he'd know what I like and when he gets down on bended knee I'd like it to be with THE ring rather than a token ring.

I think most women would like to pick their own ring though.

+1 Contessa Raven! My boyfriend knows that if he ever proposes, I want him to pick out the ring in advance. He's been told by many of his female friends that he should just give me a dummy ring because all girls want to pick out their own one but I certainly don't. Like you, I want to be given THE ring!

Das Kitty · 20-01-2011 5:51pm

It's completely dependent on the couple. I know in our case it wouldn't have gone down well with my husband had I proposed. Now it was just the custom of the proposal, we had already discussed and agreed that we would marry at some point. He found it an honour to be able to perform it and choose the when and where and what to say.

I did get an engagement ring (that I still adore) and he got an Omega Seamaster watch.

SeekUp · 20-01-2011 6:15pm

I thought of proposing many times, and I really wish I had done so before he did! He's quite traditional, though, so I thought he'd be upset if he had missed out on doing it himself. When I mentioned it to him, however, he insists that he would've been fine with it.

Ah well . . . married now, so I suppose it all turned out alright in the end!

PCPhoto · 20-01-2011 6:16pm

as a guy in a relationship for approx 12months (we're both in our early 30's)..... I've been reading a lot of these threads recently....... how much should a guy spend on an engagement ring? how to propose? should I ask for her parents position... etc etc?

while I personally have no problem with herself proposing - we have discussed marriage, we joke that we're "pre-engaged" .... she's just waiting for me to ask.

strangely enough ... its true, I know she'll say yes, but I/we don't plan on doing anything about it for at least another 12 months.... we even talked about it the other night, for her its more of the surprise element of when the proposal will happen.... so she's expecting me to propose !

if the OP has not discussed the "future" with her other half, then maybe she could face a shock if she decides to "throw it out there" and ask.

if you want to be with him.... ask him - tradition doesn't matter - most guys are lazy and happy to go through life as a co-habiting couple... what does a proposal mean... it's a promise to marry, and what is marriage... only a certificate recognised by the state and catholic church, what's more important to each other is commitment - if you are committed to him and he is committed to you.... in this day and age people are loosing faith in the church and no longer feel the need to perform the sacrament of Marriage.

my GF is Protestant and I'm Catholic ....I would be happy to go through the rest of our lives together....but she said she would like her "day out" ...she says she just hopes she wont be a bridezilla.

Phoenix Park · 20-01-2011 6:26pm

You're going out a year and she's talking about marriage?? :eek:

Contessa Raven · 20-01-2011 6:34pm

PCPhoto wrote: »

if the OP has not discussed the "future" with her other half, then maybe she could face a shock if she decides to "throw it out there" and ask.

We're together almost 4 years so we've discussed the future and we both want the same things (house, marriage, kids etc.) I don't think we'll be getting engaged for another couple of years yet, though!

This was more a topic that has developed from having these chats about the future. I thought it would be interesting to see other people's opinions on it as it's not something I gave much thought to before.

Raze_them_all · 20-01-2011 6:36pm

krudler wrote: »

Men agree to go shoe shopping for the sake of it, or to sit and silent watch a soap or Grey's. marriage is most definitely NOT something your average guy will agree to for "the sake of it" :pac:

I dunno really, I'm not a traditional type either I kinda like the idea of a girl proposing, but its so ingrained into society that the man asks I guess a lot of people would find it a bit strange or offputting.

One of my mates is engaged cos his bird is crazy insecure and agreed just to shut her up!

Wedgie · 20-01-2011 6:47pm

She didn't propose, she just told me.

I got nothing, by the way.

Raze_them_all · 20-01-2011 6:49pm

Wedgie wrote: »

She didn't propose, she just told me.

I got nothing, by the way.

Twig is that you :pac:

Stink on the inside · 20-01-2011 6:50pm

Seriously If my girlfriend proposed to me my gut reaction would be 'cringe'.

Girls proposing to guys just doesn't seem 'right' to me.

If one of my mates got proposed to and accepted he would probably be ridiculed for years to come, 'whos wearing the boots in the relationship' etc etc. Guys banter..

Now that I think of it It would probably change the whole dynamics of the relationship I now have.

I couldn't see it all ending well

I would probably see my girlfriend as 'needy' and 'clingy', a lot of guys would see it as you (girl) attempting to take his freedom away.

Thats the way I see it

Wedgie · 20-01-2011 6:52pm

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Twig is that you :pac:

Eh, no, I don't think so.

PCPhoto · 20-01-2011 7:07pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

You're going out a year and she's talking about marriage?? :eek:

its not she's talking about marriage - we are both discussing our futures, in your early 30s you have to assess the long term instead of just going with the flow.

we were together for about a year (several years ago) .... and back together for the last 12months.

ratmouse · 20-01-2011 7:12pm

Phoenix Park wrote: »

If a guy wants to get married he'll ask. I'd say many men would be freaked out by a girl asking and i could see a swift end for the relationship in many cases. I have sympathy with girls in their late 20's/early 30's who must come under intense pressure from relatives with snide remarks about why aren't they engaged yet, must be frustrating.

Of course you bringing this issue up doesn't add further frustraion to the situation of said girls in the said age range.

Ickle Magoo · 20-01-2011 7:17pm

Can posters who have nothing constructive to add to the discussion please refrain from posting.

Cheers.

starlit · 20-01-2011 8:09pm

I see no harm in doing or any woman to do so. Its her choice and its the 21st century. Its the modern thing to do for some women who wish to do so. I wouldn't judge them for doing so as I wouldn't judge a guy proposing to a woman.

solerina · 20-01-2011 8:25pm

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix Park
If a guy wants to get married he'll ask. I'd say many men would be freaked out by a girl asking and i could see a swift end for the relationship in many cases. I have sympathy with girls in their late 20's/early 30's who must come under intense pressure from relatives with snide remarks about why aren't they engaged yet, must be frustrating.

Ratmouse
Of course you bringing this issue up doesn't add further frustraion to the situation of said girls in the said age range.
********************************************************
I am in 'said age range' and am not in the slighest bit bothered about being single....not all women are waiting in frustration for the big engagement...If your not happy on your own, you wont be happy in any relationship.....and No I dont think a woman should propose under any circumstances !!!!

cdaly_ · 20-01-2011 8:38pm

A friend of mine proposed to her husband. He turned her down the first time but said yes a year or two later...

Blush_01 · 21-01-2011 12:10am

While part of me would really like to do the proposing, another (much bigger) part of me wants a surprise proposal, with the ring and the blessing from my parents et al.

I'd be afraid he'd say no, and I'd be too gutted to ask again.

Feeona · 21-01-2011 4:01pm

I wouldn't propose, it would just feel wrong for me

strobe · 21-01-2011 4:45pm

My opinion on this. Almost* all of the time women should leave it for the man to propose. I say this because almost* all of the time women will want to get married well before a man does. This is just the reality of the thing.

AnnyHallsal · 21-01-2011 4:54pm

My boyfriend razzes me about this; "You believe in equality, you're not going to take my name, why should I propose? You propose!"

I don't think I ever would, and I'm very liberal. I think the reason is I would want to be 100% certain that the person I agreed to marry really, truly wanted to marry me. For some reason I feel that if I proposed I wouldn't have that certainty.

Also, I suppose, there's the romance of it. Though I wouldn't wear a white dress or marry in a church, inside me there's a girl who wants a proposal.

Damn romance brainwashing!

SarahMs · 21-01-2011 4:54pm

.................... thanks to Wispa.... I asked mine!

I managed to keep it a secret for about 2 weeks and showed him after We went to an Ireland game.... he loved it... still waiting on an answer though :rolleyes:

seenitall · 21-01-2011 5:27pm

Nice one, SarahMS.

I'd say you deserve a "yes" just for going against the grain so publically (a JOKE - just in case your b/f reads tLL

).

I will never propose, but that is only because I have no intention of marrying again. Sorry, but just once around with all that palaver will have done me just fine.

I also dislike on principle the double-standard, power-play thing that goes on with this; guys dangling the proposal in front of their g/fs as if it is the Holy Grail (which they are only able to do because women, in general, want to get married more than they do).

Had an interesting little exchange about marriage with an ex once. Discussing someone else getting married,

HIM: "You, m'dear, will have to wait till I propose."

ME: "You, hunny-bunny, will have to wait till I'm divorced". :P

That shut him up! :cool: :pac:

Acoshla · 21-01-2011 6:41pm

I would totally propose to a boyfriend, I see no problem with women doing it, I hate nothing more on this earth than a woman "waiting" for a proposal, how sad, just ask him if you wanna get married!

I overheard a conversation in a bar bathroom recently, three girls talking about a recently engaged friend. They said "Isn't it great, and she was waiting so long for it, she had the dress picked and the hotel picked and everything but she was waiting on him to ask her! And he finally has..." Oh my God, if I knew people were talking about me like that, like some clingy puppy following a boyfriend around saying "How about now? What about now? Now? Now?". If you want to marry him then ask him, or at least stop going on about waiting for him to ask you!

Xiney · 21-01-2011 7:35pm

I guess technically, we had no proposal. But I always say I was the one to propose, because I was the first one to say that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and get married eventually. (He agreed that he saw us going that way)

Then, because I'm Canadian and he's Irish, he was going to get a working holiday visa to come over for a year, but they ran out in 17 minutes and he couldn't. So I just said.. well... there is another way. And we decided to get married.

If it wasn't for immigration purposes, we probably still wouldn't be married, but we'd be together. I'm glad now that we're already married and that we had an excuse to do it super inexpensively though - and despite the fact that it cost very little, it was a classy enough affair and the best party I ever threw!

Jemmy · 21-01-2011 9:01pm

I would dont see any problem with it. Had considered it once before but held off then circumstances changed quickly & changed my mind. :-/

telboy · 21-01-2011 9:45pm

It makes women seem desperate. As a man I would be humiliated and feel immasculated if the wife had proposed to me. Why can't you feminists just leave some traditional values alone!!

Ickle Magoo · 21-01-2011 9:51pm

telboy, read the charter before posting in this forum again.

Jemmy · 21-01-2011 10:31pm

telboy wrote: »

It makes women seem desperate. As a man I would be humiliated and feel immasculated if the wife had proposed to me. Why can't you feminists just leave some traditional values alone!!

All I can think in response to that is... LOL

I'm not a feminist at all and I don't believe wanting to show the men that we love that we want to spend the rest of out lives with them makes us feminists either.

Different strokes for different folks tho I guess.

Panthro · 21-01-2011 11:14pm

When I was going out with the ex, I was adament that if the time came in the relationship when we starting talking about marriage, she would propose to me and it would have to be done on a leap year, that way I would know if she wanted to marry.
I'm odd!:pac:

SarahMs · 21-01-2011 11:16pm

for me personally it wasn't a feminist move... it was an opportunity to show him my level of commitment. it was something fun, silly, unusual and memorable. I was only half being serious, because I know we are not ready.

Stheno · 22-01-2011 12:38am

SarahMs wrote: »

for me personally it wasn't a feminist move... it was an opportunity to show him my level of commitment. it was something fun, silly, unusual and memorable. I was only half being serious, because I know we are not ready.

Did he say yes?

Novella · 22-01-2011 1:02am

I've no problem with a woman proposing to a man. I mean, if I really wanted to marry someone, I'd come out and say it or ask as opposed to wondering and waiting. I can't see myself proposing though, 'cause marriage isn't exactly important to me or high on my list of priorities but hey, never say never.

SarahMs · 22-01-2011 3:17pm

His words were 'I'll do anything, once your paying' :rolleyes:

Panthro · 22-01-2011 3:33pm

SarahMs wrote: »

His words were 'I'll do anything, once your paying' :rolleyes:

hehehehehe!

:):D
Thats the stuff!

iguana · 22-01-2011 11:35pm

Neither of us proposed. We discussed it a bunch of times, both agreed it was on the cards and when we were ready, got married.

magneticimpulse · 23-01-2011 5:00am

I think "why not"? I mean why should the man have to do it, and why should the woman have to "wait" for the man to ask?

Surely he is either going to say yes or no...and if he says no, at least you found out sooner or later that he is a loser. If he loves you enough, he is obviously going to say yes. Simple as.

I cant be doing with relationships, where the woman waits for a text message, where she expects for him to take her out for dinner and pay for all meals, and when she then sits around waiting for him to ask her to marry him??

I think most people are under the idea, that asking people out can be done by guy or woman these days, that going on dates are 50:50 and now i think its no different that equally a man or woman can propose a marriage! People should do what they feel right in a relationship and shouldnt have to wait for anything...life is too short to wait.

Malari · 23-01-2011 9:37am

iguana wrote: »

Neither of us proposed. We discussed it a bunch of times, both agreed it was on the cards and when we were ready, got married.

Yep, this is what would happen in our case. We've discussed before and neither of us want to be married right now. That might change or we might get old together as boyfriend and girlfriend, which I really like! Either way it will be a joint decision and at that point we will be "engaged" with no proposal from either.

pow wow · 23-01-2011 3:41pm

A friend of mine proposed to her bf one February 29th and he said yes

. They'd been going out a couple of years and if there was a proposal to be done it wasn't going to come from him - not so much that he didn't want to get married, he was just one of those guys who could go on in a relationship forever without ever needing/wanting to get hitched. Four kids later they're happy as ever and still married of course!

Personally I'm torn between being very traditional about it (i.e. I think I'd like to be asked rather than do the asking) and being at a point in my life where if I met the guy I was sure I wanted to marry I'd just say 'hey, let's get married'. I don't know about orchestrating some teary proposal but I suppose I'd have to get him something :pac: A guy friend of mine wants to propose to his gf and she is so non-traditional she doesn't want a ring, but has suggested a macbook pro instead. I think she'll get it too!

Oleander · 24-01-2011 12:31pm

Why do people get married (apart from the reason of having children)?

I'd like to get married someday but I don't feel confident that he will ask me. I'm putting it down to bad experience of marriage when he grew up and that is not fair. I am 39 and he is 42 and we've been together 9 years. I have no bother at all doing the asking, I don't even want a big day out but I feel that we are going somewhere if we do get married.

Clare Bear · 24-01-2011 3:50pm

A friend of my boyfriend's got proposed to recently by his girlfriend. They've been together 5 years I think and she said she just got sick of waiting for him. Everyone thinks she's really ballsy for doing it but I think it's kind of sad that she felt like he'd never get around to it. Fair play to her for doing it but I felt sorry for her. Now that they are engaged he keeps stressing that it's going to be a very long engagement so I'm not sure if this is what he even wants.

Then again it's even worse when a girl forces the guy to ask, I've been hearing that far too much lately, like the guys felt like they had no choice, the hints were getting stronger and stronger so they finally gave in because they felt like they had to. Romantic!

Malari · 24-01-2011 4:03pm

Oleander wrote: »

Why do people get married (apart from the reason of having children)?

I'd like to get married someday but I don't feel confident that he will ask me. I'm putting it down to bad experience of marriage when he grew up and that is not fair. I am 39 and he is 42 and we've been together 9 years. I have no bother at all doing the asking, I don't even want a big day out but I feel that we are going somewhere if we do get married.

Have you spoken together about it? Has he mentioned that his experience of his parents' bad marriage is putting him off or do you just think that's the case? He may be unlikely to just ask out of the blue if you haven't discussed it. Similarly, you may not get a positive response if you ask out of the blue and don't sound him out first.

It's an easy topic to bring up in a roundabout way, by speaking about someone else's wedding and saying you would never do it that way. Or that you don't know why people go to so much trouble when you'd be happy going to the registry office and a meal with a couple of friends. (For example! I don't know what your views are!).

Women proposing to men

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