Women proposing to men

seenitall

Nice one, SarahMS. I'd say you deserve a "yes" just for going against the grain so publically (a JOKE - just in case your b/f reads tLL ).

I will never propose, but that is only because I have no intention of marrying again. Sorry, but just once around with all that palaver will have done me just fine.

I also dislike on principle the double-standard, power-play thing that goes on with this; guys dangling the proposal in front of their g/fs as if it is the Holy Grail (which they are only able to do because women, in general, want to get married more than they do).

Had an interesting little exchange about marriage with an ex once. Discussing someone else getting married,

HIM: "You, m'dear, will have to wait till I propose."

ME: "You, hunny-bunny, will have to wait till I'm divorced". :P

That shut him up! :cool: :pac:

Acoshla

I would totally propose to a boyfriend, I see no problem with women doing it, I hate nothing more on this earth than a woman "waiting" for a proposal, how sad, just ask him if you wanna get married!

I overheard a conversation in a bar bathroom recently, three girls talking about a recently engaged friend. They said "Isn't it great, and she was waiting so long for it, she had the dress picked and the hotel picked and everything but she was waiting on him to ask her! And he finally has..." Oh my God, if I knew people were talking about me like that, like some clingy puppy following a boyfriend around saying "How about now? What about now? Now? Now?". If you want to marry him then ask him, or at least stop going on about waiting for him to ask you!

Xiney

I guess technically, we had no proposal. But I always say I was the one to propose, because I was the first one to say that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and get married eventually. (He agreed that he saw us going that way)

Then, because I'm Canadian and he's Irish, he was going to get a working holiday visa to come over for a year, but they ran out in 17 minutes and he couldn't. So I just said.. well... there is another way. And we decided to get married.



If it wasn't for immigration purposes, we probably still wouldn't be married, but we'd be together. I'm glad now that we're already married and that we had an excuse to do it super inexpensively though - and despite the fact that it cost very little, it was a classy enough affair and the best party I ever threw!

Jemmy

I would dont see any problem with it. Had considered it once before but held off then circumstances changed quickly & changed my mind. :-/

telboy

It makes women seem desperate. As a man I would be humiliated and feel immasculated if the wife had proposed to me. Why can't you feminists just leave some traditional values alone!!

Ickle Magoo

telboy, read the charter before posting in this forum again.

Jemmy

telboy wrote: »

It makes women seem desperate. As a man I would be humiliated and feel immasculated if the wife had proposed to me. Why can't you feminists just leave some traditional values alone!!

All I can think in response to that is... LOL

I'm not a feminist at all and I don't believe wanting to show the men that we love that we want to spend the rest of out lives with them makes us feminists either.

Different strokes for different folks tho I guess.

Panthro

When I was going out with the ex, I was adament that if the time came in the relationship when we starting talking about marriage, she would propose to me and it would have to be done on a leap year, that way I would know if she wanted to marry.
I'm odd!:pac:

SarahMs

for me personally it wasn't a feminist move... it was an opportunity to show him my level of commitment. it was something fun, silly, unusual and memorable. I was only half being serious, because I know we are not ready.

Stheno

SarahMs wrote: »

for me personally it wasn't a feminist move... it was an opportunity to show him my level of commitment. it was something fun, silly, unusual and memorable. I was only half being serious, because I know we are not ready.

Did he say yes?

Novella

I've no problem with a woman proposing to a man. I mean, if I really wanted to marry someone, I'd come out and say it or ask as opposed to wondering and waiting. I can't see myself proposing though, 'cause marriage isn't exactly important to me or high on my list of priorities but hey, never say never.

SarahMs

His words were 'I'll do anything, once your paying' :rolleyes:

Panthro

SarahMs wrote: »

His words were 'I'll do anything, once your paying' :rolleyes:

hehehehehe!
:):D
Thats the stuff!

iguana

Neither of us proposed. We discussed it a bunch of times, both agreed it was on the cards and when we were ready, got married.

magneticimpulse

I think "why not"? I mean why should the man have to do it, and why should the woman have to "wait" for the man to ask?

Surely he is either going to say yes or no...and if he says no, at least you found out sooner or later that he is a loser. If he loves you enough, he is obviously going to say yes. Simple as.

I cant be doing with relationships, where the woman waits for a text message, where she expects for him to take her out for dinner and pay for all meals, and when she then sits around waiting for him to ask her to marry him??

I think most people are under the idea, that asking people out can be done by guy or woman these days, that going on dates are 50:50 and now i think its no different that equally a man or woman can propose a marriage! People should do what they feel right in a relationship and shouldnt have to wait for anything...life is too short to wait.

Malari

iguana wrote: »

Neither of us proposed. We discussed it a bunch of times, both agreed it was on the cards and when we were ready, got married.

Yep, this is what would happen in our case. We've discussed before and neither of us want to be married right now. That might change or we might get old together as boyfriend and girlfriend, which I really like! Either way it will be a joint decision and at that point we will be "engaged" with no proposal from either.

pow wow

A friend of mine proposed to her bf one February 29th and he said yes . They'd been going out a couple of years and if there was a proposal to be done it wasn't going to come from him - not so much that he didn't want to get married, he was just one of those guys who could go on in a relationship forever without ever needing/wanting to get hitched. Four kids later they're happy as ever and still married of course!

Personally I'm torn between being very traditional about it (i.e. I think I'd like to be asked rather than do the asking) and being at a point in my life where if I met the guy I was sure I wanted to marry I'd just say 'hey, let's get married'. I don't know about orchestrating some teary proposal but I suppose I'd have to get him something :pac: A guy friend of mine wants to propose to his gf and she is so non-traditional she doesn't want a ring, but has suggested a macbook pro instead. I think she'll get it too!

Oleander

Why do people get married (apart from the reason of having children)?

I'd like to get married someday but I don't feel confident that he will ask me. I'm putting it down to bad experience of marriage when he grew up and that is not fair. I am 39 and he is 42 and we've been together 9 years. I have no bother at all doing the asking, I don't even want a big day out but I feel that we are going somewhere if we do get married.

Clare Bear

A friend of my boyfriend's got proposed to recently by his girlfriend. They've been together 5 years I think and she said she just got sick of waiting for him. Everyone thinks she's really ballsy for doing it but I think it's kind of sad that she felt like he'd never get around to it. Fair play to her for doing it but I felt sorry for her. Now that they are engaged he keeps stressing that it's going to be a very long engagement so I'm not sure if this is what he even wants.

Then again it's even worse when a girl forces the guy to ask, I've been hearing that far too much lately, like the guys felt like they had no choice, the hints were getting stronger and stronger so they finally gave in because they felt like they had to. Romantic!

Malari

Oleander wrote: »

Why do people get married (apart from the reason of having children)?

I'd like to get married someday but I don't feel confident that he will ask me. I'm putting it down to bad experience of marriage when he grew up and that is not fair. I am 39 and he is 42 and we've been together 9 years. I have no bother at all doing the asking, I don't even want a big day out but I feel that we are going somewhere if we do get married.

Have you spoken together about it? Has he mentioned that his experience of his parents' bad marriage is putting him off or do you just think that's the case? He may be unlikely to just ask out of the blue if you haven't discussed it. Similarly, you may not get a positive response if you ask out of the blue and don't sound him out first.

It's an easy topic to bring up in a roundabout way, by speaking about someone else's wedding and saying you would never do it that way. Or that you don't know why people go to so much trouble when you'd be happy going to the registry office and a meal with a couple of friends. (For example! I don't know what your views are!).

Oleander

We haven't talked about it much at all, I've dropped a few hints in the past to bring up the subject but he just ignores me or chooses not to say anything. Some good friends of ours have just announced their engagement, delighted for them but I think my partner was quite surprised, thinking they would never get married, they are older than us. I wouldn't mind if he did say that it's because of his folks that he's not keen on the idea, he hasn't confirmed that. I'm certainly not going to nag him into asking me, what's the point of that? I have no bother in asking him. To make matters worse, his mother and sister are not talking, a few years ago she went off and got married and didn't tell anyone! So, there are no good examples there but on my side of the family, all siblings and family are happily married.

Oleander

Malari wrote: »

Have you spoken together about it? Has he mentioned that his experience of his parents' bad marriage is putting him off or do you just think that's the case? He may be unlikely to just ask out of the blue if you haven't discussed it. Similarly, you may not get a positive response if you ask out of the blue and don't sound him out first.

It's an easy topic to bring up in a roundabout way, by speaking about someone else's wedding and saying you would never do it that way. Or that you don't know why people go to so much trouble when you'd be happy going to the registry office and a meal with a couple of friends. (For example! I don't know what your views are!).

After 9 years together and he says no, I'd be pretty pissed off I can tell you! It doesn't help that I'm not forceful enough and should have had this sorted out yonks ago! He did move over to Ireland though to be with me, so I know we are solid or whatever the term is!

seenitall

Oleander wrote: »

We haven't talked about it much at all, I've dropped a few hints in the past to bring up the subject but he just ignores me or chooses not to say anything. Some good friends of ours have just announced their engagement, delighted for them but I think my partner was quite surprised, thinking they would never get married, they are older than us. I wouldn't mind if he did say that it's because of his folks that he's not keen on the idea, he hasn't confirmed that. I'm certainly not going to nag him into asking me, what's the point of that? I have no bother in asking him. To make matters worse, his mother and sister are not talking, a few years ago she went off and got married and didn't tell anyone! So, there are no good examples there but on my side of the family, all siblings and family are happily married.

Sounds to me like your OH is not for marriage. Some people are not, but that doesn't mean they can't have a good and lasting relationship. I know marriage is all nice and useful etc, but on the other hand it is absolutely no guarantee of lasting happiness or even togetherness.

Think about why you want to get married? Is it because it is the done thing, or because what all your family have done, or because you feel a pressure mounting from your family and friends?

I am writing this as someone who cannot readily understand the wish of someone like yourself to get married. I have been married and it didn't work out, so I know that marriage has nothing to do with the state of a relationship at all. There are of course useful legal implications to it, but emotionally speaking, doesn't it feel good to be with someone who you know is choosing every single day to be with you, as opposed to being with someone who is now supposed to be tied to you "til death do you part" regardless of what happens, or how things may change between you two. Sounds just a wee bit stifling, don't you think?

Granted I am pretty unconventional in my thinking on this subject, and I'm very happy for all the happily married couples out there, but I have put my 2 cents' worth in so that it may get you thinking about why this issue is important to you, and whether it actually is important at all? If you have a good relationship, and I mean a good relationship, surely that is the ultimate thing?

watna

My fiance didn't really propose as such. We'd been discussing it for a while and I knew he wanted to do it but hadn't organised himself the get the ring (he's giving me a family ring, not buying one) so we talked about it one evening while we were on holidays, I told him not to wait until he had the ring as I thought there was no point and then went to buy an interim cheapish ring together the next morning. He did get down on one knee but the engagement certainly wasn't a surprise - seeming as I'd just been in the jewellers with him. I did think about saying no for the laugh!

I would never have proposed to him out of nowhere. This way we both kind of asked each other!

Joe10000

Mf gf wants a ring because she feels mid thirties is too old to be bf and gf, she doesn't want to get married, just the engagement ring

I don't see anything wrong with a girl proposing, life is short get on with it.

Malari

Oleander wrote: »

After 9 years together and he says no, I'd be pretty pissed off I can tell you! It doesn't help that I'm not forceful enough and should have had this sorted out yonks ago! He did move over to Ireland though to be with me, so I know we are solid or whatever the term is!

I don't know if it's as simple as that. As Seenitall says not everyone is keen on marriage. I know I'm not. If my boyfriend of more than 5 years asked me to marry him I wouldn't automatically say yes. I may not say no, but I'd have to know why it was so important to him and after that discussion maybe we would.

seenitall wrote: »

Sounds to me like your OH is not for marriage. Some people are not, but that doesn't mean they can't have a good and lasting relationship. I know marriage is all nice and useful etc, but on the other hand it is absolutely no guarantee of lasting happiness or even togetherness.

Think about why you want to get married? Is it because it is the done thing, or because what all your family have done, or because you feel a pressure mounting from your family and friends?

I am writing this as someone who cannot readily understand the wish of someone like yourself to get married. I have been married and it didn't work out, so I know that marriage has nothing to do with the state of a relationship at all. There are of course useful legal implications to it, but emotionally speaking, doesn't it feel good to be with someone who you know is choosing every single day to be with you, as opposed to being with someone who is now supposed to be tied to you "til death do you part" regardless of what happens, or how things may change between you two. Sounds just a wee bit stifling, don't you think?

Granted I am pretty unconventional in my thinking on this subject, and I'm very happy for all the happily married couples out there, but I have put my 2 cents' worth in so that it may get you thinking about why this issue is important to you, and whether it actually is important at all? If you have a good relationship, and I mean a good relationship, surely that is the ultimate thing?

I agree with all of the above. Perhaps find out for yourself what it is about marriage that you want so much before you discuss why your boyfriend maybe doesn't want that.

Oleander

seenitall wrote: »

Sounds to me like your OH is not for marriage. Some people are not, but that doesn't mean they can't have a good and lasting relationship. I know marriage is all nice and useful etc, but on the other hand it is absolutely no guarantee of lasting happiness or even togetherness.

Think about why you want to get married? Is it because it is the done thing, or because what all your family have done, or because you feel a pressure mounting from your family and friends?

I am writing this as someone who cannot readily understand the wish of someone like yourself to get married. I have been married and it didn't work out, so I know that marriage has nothing to do with the state of a relationship at all. There are of course useful legal implications to it, but emotionally speaking, doesn't it feel good to be with someone who you know is choosing every single day to be with you, as opposed to being with someone who is now supposed to be tied to you "til death do you part" regardless of what happens, or how things may change between you two. Sounds just a wee bit stifling, don't you think?

Granted I am pretty unconventional in my thinking on this subject, and I'm very happy for all the happily married couples out there, but I have put my 2 cents' worth in so that it may get you thinking about why this issue is important to you, and whether it actually is important at all? If you have a good relationship, and I mean a good relationship, surely that is the ultimate thing?

Thanks for the feedback. Pretty good advice there.
Your answer goes back to my original question, I wanted to know why do people get married if not for childrens sake but I haven't had any reasons? For me, referring to my husband rather than partner in conversation sounds a bit more settled somewhat but I suppose who else gives a dam! It was a big thing for him to move to Ireland, particularly when things started to go downhill for the country, so I'm sure he does love me. I suppose all my family and friends are married with kids and someday I thought I'd do the same. And I'd also love a day out (small service - BIG party). There is no pressure at all from anybody for me to get married.

Sanjuro

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I cant be doing with relationships, where the woman waits for a text message, where she expects for him to take her out for dinner and pay for all meals, and when she then sits around waiting for him to ask her to marry him??

I think most people are under the idea, that asking people out can be done by guy or woman these days, that going on dates are 50:50 and now i think its no different that equally a man or woman can propose a marriage! People should do what they feel right in a relationship and shouldnt have to wait for anything...life is too short to wait.

TESTIFY! I'm all for doing the whole chivalry thing. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, blah de blah. But independence, confidence and individuality are very attractive traits. It's a very positive thing (IMHO) if a woman is willing to take the initiative.

iguana

Oleander wrote: »

Your answer goes back to my original question, I wanted to know why do people get married if not for childrens sake but I haven't had any reasons?

Well it is a very important legal contract which makes your partner switch from a legal stranger* to your closest relative. If you are not married and one of you ends up incapacitated in an ICU for example, the other will not be entitled to be told anything about their condition, you certainly won't be allowed to see them. Whereas if you are married you will be given all available information, it will be up to you to make any necessary decisions and as long as it's safe and practical, you will be accommodated in staying by your partner's bedside.

*With certain financial responsibilities for each other due to the Certain Rights and Obligations section of the Civil Partnerships Bill, depending on the relationship.

watna

iguana wrote: »

Well it is a very important legal contract which makes your partner switch from a legal stranger* to your closest relative. If you are not married and one of you ends up incapacitated in an ICU for example, the other will not be entitled to be told anything about their condition, you certainly won't be allowed to see them. Whereas if you are married you will be given all available information, it will be up to you to make any necessary decisions and as long as it's safe and practical, you will be accommodated in staying by your partner's bedside.

*With certain financial responsibilities for each other due to the Certain Rights and Obligations section of the Civil Partnerships Bill, depending on the relationship.

See - here's the weird thing. I live in NZ which is quite liberal. Myself and my OH are de facto partners, recognised by the state with the same rights as a married couple. I have permanent residency to live here only because my partner is a NZ citizen, not husband but partner. It would be the same if we were a same sex couple too (it's one of my favourite things about NZ).

We still want to get married! One of the reasons is so it's easier when we move back to Ireland but it's one of many reasons.