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Let's try another story - just ONE line per contributor

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,996 ✭✭✭✭billymitchell


    But then I happened to wander by with some lovely strawberries that I just purchased from a lovely roadside vendor, and gave one to Mr Hawking. He was pleased.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,602 ✭✭✭Funkfield


    Pleased as Punch, but not as good looking.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 218 ✭✭2manyconditions


    and his hair looked a bit greasy cause he hadn't washed it in 3 days because


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭star.chaser


    the artane boys band were offering free tickets to their gig at the tesco carpark for anyone who refrained from washing for three days


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    but by the time he got to the car park it was over cos he'd slipped into a wormhole on the way there and ended up in


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    and then he died from a massive heart-attack!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭star.chaser


    but with an even bigger stroke of luck, stephen hawkins happened to be doing another lap of his practice route and used the battery from his voicebox to shock him back to life


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Unfortunalty the battery of the voicebox then exploxed right in his face and killed him - this time with no chance of revival at all.


  • Registered Users Posts: 82 ✭✭Edinduberdeen


    And so, all of the woodland animals put aside their petty differences to gather and mourn for him - particularly upset was the badger who


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    The badger who was hit in the face by the scalding hot burning battery and now only has one eye left. And dies later in the story. But I wasn't supposed to tell you that yet. Ah well. Sorry folks. I'll go now and shut up. O, look a little ball! Great for playing with! Fun! I'd recommend having a ball to everyone! Yeah, t is true, yeah he dies, no no, not yet, first there's a lot of blahblah about forest animals and death and unlikely scenarios. Hm. HM. Haha, yeah, I totally agree with that! He is just so like that, hahahahaha!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Particularly upset by the badgers death was his wife sNarah, who played sad tunes on her piano accordion deep into the night


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    I have a piano accordeon? Kewl!! Ah feck the badger, I never loved him anyway.

    Oh sorry we're still writing, so put the above sentence in brackets and add 'sNarah thought to hersefl' after it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    sNarah often said her thoughts aloud, some thought it was because she had no inner monologue, but in reality it was because her inner monologue was on the outside, and her outer monologue was safely hidden somewhere that nobody would ever find. Apart from the person in the next line.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Which happens to be me! So now my inner outer monologue is not hearable to anyone but me which means I must export my inner monologue to the inside and revert back to that outer monologue in order to provide this next line. Which I have now done.

    *faints in exhaustion*


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    *the forest animals pried the bottle out of her hand *and when she woke up she was deaf...counldn't hear inner outer, outer inner reverted outer inner or even the new inner outer outer inner monologue..

    and so the forest animals cheered that the evil sNarah who hadn't mourned her lovely badger husband was no longer a threat to them by exploding things at will with her exceptional hearing...




    :pac:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    That's a pretty deus ex machina way of dealing with sNarah's newfound gift.

    I wouldn't buy this book.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32 CosmicCrusader


    Then the sun explodes in a giant supernova, destroy earth and its inhabitants


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    but luckily the spaceship they had built was ready just in time.. just a small tailspin as they shot off into the sun dark...


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    But then one of the forest animals did a fart on the spaceship, it caught fire and created a new, even brighter sun, which unleashed a whole new gastly odour over the universe which was now visible again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Gah! I was rather liking where this was going. Not as much anymore though. Boo for writing me out of the story! You're dead right Sarky, why would you want to buy this book without me in it!!! Tsss.

    Anyho - Then there was A BIG BANG.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    so mama squirrel who had great experience of the crazy drunk skunk who used to hit up her tree, took out her cosmic strength bathroom freshner.. and *bang* the smell was gone....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Like so:
    Before+BigBang.JPG
    (not enough pictures in this book!!!!!!!)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    sNarah wrote: »
    Gah! I was rather liking where this was going. Not as much anymore though. Boo for writing me out of the story! You're dead right Sarky, why would you want to buy this book without me in it!!! Tsss.

    Anyho - Then there was A BIG BANG.

    no no no you're only deaf to your inner outer outer inner whatsit... and i'm sure *someone* can imagine you back to full health...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    waiting.gif


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd




  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    And as sNarah returned in full health to the story mirraculously she brought back the Gastly odour which was now immune to bathroom freshner.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Hooray! - she innermonologued to herself - I am alive, Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiveeeeeeeeeee


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    Yes she is alive but she may aswell be dead as she smells too bad to go near,even the animals who lost their sense of smell wont go near her


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    after stabbing half the colony, sNarah tripped over a sympathic hybrid robot badger with no smell receptors and *fell *in love all over again cos he reminded her of simpler days with her old badger husband before the world got so fcuked up....


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    But then in an unprecidented occurence cakes of rice returned from that place you go when you die but now he was made of steel and immortal nothing could ever ever ever...ever kill him again...ever


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    But it really wasn't any use, as this new metal-invincible-cakesofrice had no arms, legs, hands, feet, genitals, neck or head. In fact it was just a metal torso, which was completely unable to move in any way, or communicate in any way.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    so they stuck a shade on his head and plugged him in and made some tea, sat in the front room of the now crashed spaceship and oohhhed and aaahhhed over their new discovery...


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    But then stephen hawking returned and gave Cakesofrice arms legs genitals and a head and a real heart but that was after he made a trip with a unusually happy girl from kansas, her dog, a scarecrow, and a lion to The Ruby City, but the witches ate everyone but Cakes of rice who was now a fully fleged member of the World Pen Cellector Society


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Aha! sNarah turned up again! AHA!

    And she subsequently turned Cakesofrice into one of the pens of that boring arsehole Pen society!

    POEF *magic Pen turning spell*

    disc-2gb-pen.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,152 ✭✭✭Cakes.


    But then the pen maggically started to write, it wrote that louth will beat Meath in the leinster final and that sNArah will join the Artane Marching band playin her bagpipe and that grass will turn blue due to sNarah playing her bagpipes badly and that what the pen writes will be the new religion of all those wo followed star wars as their religion as the wookkee language became extinct ...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    SORRY just of topic for a minute
    it wrote that louth will beat Meath in the leinster final

    I don't think so... not a chance in pen loving robot making hell with stephen hawkins on the sidelines giving directions...

    not a hope...

    :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P



    does that look like i'm from meath???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    cbyrd wrote: »
    SORRY just of topic for a minute

    Read the charter.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    bleh.. charters...

    right so

    along came stephen hawkins with a magic rubber eraser and rubbed out the funny statement that louth beat Meath and wrote the truth that they hammered them worse than dublin,then sNarah can play the national anthem at the all-ireland on her bagpipes... badly .. where Meath win again...



    :pac::P


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    *sigh*

    You didn't read the charter.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 692 ✭✭✭CUCINA


    "You didn't read the charter! You didn't read the charter", he kept repeating to himself...then the man in the wheelchair with the funny voice realised that he was only having a bad dream.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 439 ✭✭minister poxbottle


    hawkins was confused after this terrible nightmare,he read the charter over and over non stop for three days and three nights. Then came to the conclusion the universe would be a better place without sarky


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    GHAY


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    sNarah woke up screaming from here nightmare about a world in which Sarky did not exist. If there were such a world, that would not be the kind of world sNarah would want to live in!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    Ah but luckily, there he was, Sarky the house-gerbil, still safe in his cage, running around happily on his hamsterwheel.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    The hamsterwheel .... OF DOOM


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    PoomPoomPoom (dramatic music hussle)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 439 ✭✭minister poxbottle


    You need to up the medication


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,570 ✭✭✭sNarah


    said Tumbledore, Sarky the Gerbil's owner to Harry. I don't think he'll survive otherwise.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,015 ✭✭✭Paddy Samurai


    "I'm afraid my dear chap ", lisped Sir Roderick Snogginberry ,"that we will have to remove that hamster cage from your arse, or that damnable hamster will freewheel up your colon".


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