Fiancée doesnt want my friends at wedding

slowmoe · 13-04-2010 03:38PM

op lets break it down

your friend meets a girl you like and is rude

you don't call your friend out on being rude but let it slide and laugh

you meet female friend without telling your fiancee

you now feel uncomfortable that this issue has come to a head.

WAKE UP!!! The uncomfortable situation is purely your own doing. When the original rudeness happened you should have then and there told your friend that your girl wasn't aware of it being banter (if it was but banter between girls that don't know each other is 99% always one disguising being bitchy) and asked your friend to apologise. If she was a decent friend she should have apologised already without you having to ask her. You know rudeness offends your girlfriend and still stick up for your friend??? You should have seen that regardless of the content of the comment your girlfriend was unhappy and rightly so. Nearly everyone is offended by rudeness. Then while laughing off your girlfriends upset and ignoring how she was feeling you meet your friend behind her back-WHY???? If it was so innocent why would you keep it from her??? Is it not obvious that knowing your oh has been meeting someone of the opposite sex in secret will result in concern????

You're uncomfortable with this right now, but your girlfriend had to put up with this discomfort ever since she met the girl. You are now experiencing a tiny bit of what she has felt for a long time with the big exception of you did this to her!!!! She has done nothing to you except care for you and stick with you when as many posters have already said she should have left long ago.

Swallow your pride and tell your friend any rude comments she made were innapropriate and your girlfriend deserves an apology, either that or just cut these people out of your life. If they're not good enough to apologise when they've caused offense then they are not good enough to be called friends. Stop keeping secrets from your girlfriend and treat her with the amazing respect she has somehow managed to give you.

Lastly please shake her hand on behalf of all the people in the thread who can't understand how she managed to put up with you.

the_syco · 13-04-2010 04:31PM

christina_x wrote: »

What stands out to me and makes me think that there are feelings between the two of you is that you care more about your friends feelings being hurt than you did about your girlfriends that night

In a nutshell.

slowmoe wrote: »

If she was a decent friend she should have apologised already without you having to ask her.

AS you said, if. And I'm thinking, the way to OP is cowering down to her, that she isn't a decent friend.

Redpunto · 13-04-2010 06:03PM

If you are sure this is the woman you want to marry then you will have to respect her wishes, i know the wedding is about the two of you but it really is her big day and if she doesnt want your friend there, well you and the friend will have to abide by that. ANd the issue in regards to your friends not going if the other friend is not asked.......what age are they,,,,12???? FFS ask them and you'll find out who your true friends are on the day

Bobbins · 13-04-2010 06:56PM

Your friend sounds like a real treat. Seeing as she can't hold back with her honest remarks and as you indicated in earlier posts that she doesn't like your fiancee, then I'm sure she wouldn't want her honest integrity compromised by attending a wedding which she and others in that group have advised you not to follow through with.

Why you would want them there after they have admitted this to you and called your fiancee UGLY is beyond me. Friends should be there for you to support you- if you feel you can't have a conversation with them - letting them know that your fiancee has been upset by their behaviour, without the worry of being humiliated is quite worrying. How old are you? Seriously, I'd like to know.

LegacyUser · 16-04-2010 03:32PM

I think the message we can ultimately take from this is as follows:

If you are going to give someone a compliment, don't use humour or subtlety, as the majority of people will miss it completely and some particularly humourless people will even take it to mean the opposite.

Kimia · 16-04-2010 03:57PM

I think the message we can ultimately take from this is as follows:

If you are going to give someone a compliment, don't use humour or subtlety, as the majority of people will miss it completely and some particularly humourless people will even take it to mean the opposite.

How could 'your boyfriend usually goes out with women much better looking than you' ever possibly be meant as a compliment?

Android 666 · 16-04-2010 03:57PM

rpanon1604 wrote: »

I think the message we can ultimately take from this is as follows:

If you are going to give someone a compliment, don't use humour or subtlety, as the majority of people will miss it completely and some particularly humourless people will even take it to mean the opposite.

I take it your the friend then. It must have been some compliment…

MagicSean · 16-04-2010 04:06PM

rpanon1604 wrote: »

I think the message we can ultimately take from this is as follows:

If you are going to give someone a compliment, don't use humour or subtlety, as the majority of people will miss it completely and some particularly humourless people will even take it to mean the opposite.

No it's more like, if you are going to compliment someone don't blatantly insult them instead.

Gordon · 16-04-2010 04:23PM

the unsure op wrote: »

these people have been my freinds for a long time so i feel that if i make this stand against the one girl then the others will refuse to come and it will result in me having to apologise or just cutting this group out of my life

Then they aren't good friends tbh, just good drinking buddies. There's a big difference; true friends will always be there.

Hope you get it sorted out OP, your fiancee sounds like a lovely Woman.

Fiancée doesnt want my friends at wedding

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