"Quote" the Raven?

Sam Vimes · 02-10-2006 8:36pm

not an exact quote but here goes:

rincewind could scream for mercy in 23 languages and just screm in another ten*

*most people think aarrgghh is universal but in x language it means 'Your wife is a big hippo' and a particular tribe has a reputation for cruelty merely because their victims seemed to be saying "quick, more boiling oil"

Demetrius · 01-11-2006 12:37am

"Those who are about to die, do not want to".:D

The_Minister · 10-12-2006 7:04pm

I feel so embaressed.
Until I read Thaedydal's post I thought that "the hedgehog couldn't be buggered" meant that he couldn't be bothered:o .

Blitzkrieger · 20-12-2006 7:31pm

It depends what you mean by "bothered".

mawk · 20-02-2007 11:47pm

the conversation between detritus and the "piano" in soul music.

pianos have days off too!!

Capt'n Midnight · 10-03-2007 9:42pm

Marts wrote:

I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"

http://www.cobalt-blue.com/humor/poe.htm

gweedo · 22-03-2007 7:13pm

One of my favourites is from Soul Music: (not the exact wording, but it's got the jist of it)

The assassin gripped his knife at waist height. No-one who knew anything about knives ever used the famous over-arm stabbing motion so beloved by illustrators. It was amateurish and inefficent. A professional would strike upwards: the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Jack Sheehan · 10-09-2007 10:17pm

Hex's printout after he's caught insanity off the bursar:
'MELON MELON MELON why hello mr jelly'

Quondam · 07-11-2007 4:38pm

I think when Vimes emerges from the underground river in Thud and screams Hurray! Today is a glorious day for i have found my cow! and then proceeds to violently attack dwarves with an axe.

stannis · 09-07-2008 2:29pm

Reaper Man holds a special place in my heart. The scenes with Death and Miss Flitworth are both funny and poignant. Best line went something like this, if I recall correctly:

He turned to look back at her and said, "She is living on borrowed time."

I love the humour of Discworld, but the most memorable bits for me are the serious and profound.

Lantis · 17-07-2008 8:23am

From Soul Music, one of my absolute favourite passages:

Susan... it wasn't a good name, was it? It wasn't a truly bad name, it wasn't like poor Iodine in the fourth form, or Nigella, a name which meant “oops, we wanted a boy”. But it was dull. Susan. Sue. Good old Sue. It was a name that made sandwiches, kept its head in difficult circumstances, and could reliably look after other people's children.

It was a name used by no queens or goddesses anywhere.

And you couldn't do much even with the spelling. You could turn it into Suzi, and it sounded as thought you danced on tables for a living. You could put in a Z and a couple of Ns and an E, but it still looked like a name with extensions built on. It was as bad as Sara, a name that cried out for a prosthetic H.

Jaunte · 15-08-2008 2:19am

Mmm, my favourite bits keep changing... but I just read Maskerade again, and laughed myself stupid at André's translation of the beautiful 'Departure' aria, where Iodine tells Peccadillo how hard it is to leave him:

This damn' door sticks
This damn' door sticks
It sticks no matter what the hell I do
It's marked 'Pull' and indeed I am pulling
Perhaps it should be marked 'Push'?

firefly08 · 07-01-2009 5:08pm

The Last Continent ( I think) has one of the funniest pieces of dialogue ever - I'll have to paraphrase here though coz I don't have the book handy...

Wizard 1: I remember when old [some old wizard] took us on an expedition to find the Lost Reading Room. We were lost for weeks and had to eat our boots.
Wizard 2: Well, did you find it?
Wizard 1: No, but we found the remains of the previous year's expedition.
Wizard 2: What did you do?
Wizard 1: We ate their boots too.

Darwinism at it's best.! Years later it still makes me laugh inside whenever I think of it.

Baron Floyd · 07-01-2009 5:25pm

Favourite passage, the first I every read years and years ago and still at the forefront of my mind:

Teppic examined himself critically. The outfit had cost him
his last penny, and was heavy on the black silk. It whispered as
he moved. It was pretty good.
At least the headache was going. It had nearly crippled him
all day; he'd been in dread of having to start the run with purple
spots in front of his eyes.
He sighed and opened the black box and took out his rings and
slipped them on. Another box held a set of knives of Klatchian
steel, their blades darkened with lamp black. Various cunning and
intricate devices were taken from velvet bags and dropped into
pockets. A couple of long-bladed throwing tlingo's were slipped
into their sheaths inside his boots. A thin silk line and folding
grapnel were wound around his waist, over the chain-mail shirt. A
blowpipe was attached to its leather thong and dropped down his
back under his cloak; Teppic pocketed a slim tin container with an
assortment of darts, their tips corked and their stems braille-
coded for ease of selection in the dark.
He winced, checked the blade of his rapier and slung the
baldric over his right shoulder, to balance the bag of lead
slingshot ammunition. As an afterthought he opened his sock drawer
and took a pistol crossbow, a flask of oil, a roll of lockpicks
and, after some consideration, a punch dagger, a bag of assorted
caltraps and a set of brass knuckles.
Teppic picked up his hat and checked its lining for the coil
of cheesewire. He placed it on his head at a jaunty angle, took a
last satisfied look at himself in the mirror, turned on his heel
and, very slowly, fell over.

fav chat between Rincewind and Death:

"Possibly? You turn up when people are possibly going to die?"
OH YES. IT'S QUITE THE NEW THING. IT'S BECAUSE OF THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE.
"What's that?"
I'M NOT SURE.

paperclip2 · 25-09-2009 2:19pm

From the pen of Topsy Lavish in Making Money.

Dear Mr Lipwig,
I feel that you are a dear, sweet man who will look after my little Mr Fusspot. Please be kind to him. He has been my only friend in difficult times. Money is such a crude thing these circumstances, but the sum of $20,000 annually will be paid to you, (in arrears) for performing this duty, which I beg you to accept.
If you do not, or if he dies of unnatural causes your arse will belong to the Guild of Assassins. $100,000 is lodged with Lord Downey, and his young gentlemen will hunt you down and gut you like the weasel you are, Smart Boy!
May the gods bless you for your kindness to a widow in distress.

Stick and Carrot!

spender.j · 10-10-2009 8:45pm

'Gytha, this is me askin' you this. Is there any page in this book, any single recipe, which does not in some way relate to...goings-on?'
Nanny Ogg, her face as red as her apples seemed to give this some lengthy consideration.
'Porridge,' she said eventually.
'Really?' 'Yes. Er. No, I tell a lie, it's got my special honey mixture in it.'
Granny turned a page. 'What about this one? Maids of Honour?'
Weeel, they starts out as Maids of Honour,' said Nanny, fidgeting with her feet, 'but they ends up Tarts'

PeteyMax · 30-10-2009 11:58pm

"Got you, you brush-weilding chimney sweeping git!"

One of Rincewinds "Laugh Out Loud" quotes.

Short Stuf · 17-02-2010 12:26am

My favourite is the description of what the four horsemen have in the bar, I think it's in Mort. Don't have the book at the moment so I'll paraphrase.

Death has a nice port.
War has a Bloody Mary.
Pestilence has eggnog with a cherry in it.
Famine just eats loads of peanuts.

Just tickled my funnybone.

Also, there's the part at the start of Small Gods, where Om, manifested as a one-eyed tortoise, looks at Brutha (I think) "monoptically".

Bears · 17-02-2010 3:01pm

any thing from the watch and from death pretty much rocks.

cant think off hand of any but ill have a look at home this evening.

cross dressing one one my favourites. in jingo i think it was

angelll · 22-02-2010 11:55pm

Had to register for this! Love tp!

Magrat was annoyed. She was also frightened, which made her even more annoyed. It was hard for people when Magrat was annoyed. It was like being attacked by damp tissue.
Witches abroad

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!"
Small gods

PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.
The Last Continent

Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.
The eight Bikers of the Apocalypse-Good Omens (Gaiman and Pratchett)

fizzlefi · 04-04-2010 5:09pm

Favorite discworld quote........Too many to mention. The first one that springs too mind is
"Thanks," said the grateful Death.
I loved the way that they reffered to modern bands in that book!

Soul Cake Duck · 10-04-2010 5:17pm

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice.

I think Death is still my favourite character, he gets great lines!

paulusdu · 12-08-2010 3:00pm

I know its not Discworld Novel but one from Wings just cracks me up everytime i even think about it

There was a polite beeping from the Thing. "You may be interested to know," it said, "that we've broken the sound barrier."
Masklin turned wearily to the others. "All right, own up. Who broke it?"

kylith · 27-02-2011 11:54pm

Kain wrote: »

When three of the Four Horse Men Of The Apocolypse's hourses are stolen while their having a drink.

OfflerCrocGod wrote: »

One Horseman and three pedestrians of the Apocalypse

Death: WEIGHT DOESN'T COME INTO IT. MY STEED HAS CARRIED ARMIES. MY STEED HAS CARRIED CITIES.YEA, HE HATH CARRIED ALL THINGS IN THEIR DUE TIME. BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO CARRY YOU THREE
War: Why not?
Death: IT'S A MATTER OF THE LOOK OF THE THING.

Great stuff.

Scalymanfish · 26-04-2011 10:43pm

Nobby, perhaps, should have been disqualified from the human race (for shoving).

Ah classic Prachett

TheBegotten · 22-06-2011 10:53pm

From Darwin's Watch:

"Perhaps we should tell them the truth?" "What, that their universe was created when the Dean stuck his hand in some raw firnament? I don't think so. Besides when you say 'Meet your maker' people expect something more impressive"

"Quote" the Raven?

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