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"Quote" the Raven?

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  • #2


    I loved the bit in Wee Free Men when they're in the boat talking about the whale :

    "Oh, they're harmless. They eat lots of little things."
    "ROW LIKE THE BLAZES LADS!"


  • #2


    When Deitrius is recruiting Chyro the Troll:

    Deitrius: All right listen up! You's the most miserable
    Chyro: I never done nuffin!...whack!
    Deitrius: You in the mans watch now you miserable bunch
    Dhyro: ...Never done nuffin...

    Greebo turns into human form..."wwwrrrroooowwwwllllll!" at the princess

    Soul Music: "Whats the troll for?"
    "You'll see what he's for the next time someone plays Pathway to Paradise!"


  • #2


    What sums up Death and the Discworld in general (I think he's said it in a couple of books):
    "There's no justice"
    Death:"NO. THERE'S JUST ME"

    Rincewind: "I'd just like to say that I'm not volunteering for this mission"
    The Patrician: "No one asked you to"
    Rincewind: "I know but it always happens, someone will suddenly say 'How about that Rincewind chap he's been to these places, knows Cohen.."
    Ridcully:"He's right, how about Rincewind"
    Rincewind [pointing a finger accusingly and smiling manacly]: "You see! I've been living my life for some time now and I know how it works"
    (The Last Hero)

    (Describing his 'faith' in running away to Carrot in the same book)
    Carrot:"And do you believe this gives you everlasting life?"
    Rincewind: "Not so much everlasting as extended"

    (sorry for any misquotes)


  • #2


    From Thief Of Time:
    'I will teach you to deal with time as you would deal with a coat, to be worn when necessary and discarded when not.'
    'Will I have to wash it?' said Clodpool.
    Wen gave him a long, slow look. 'That was either a very complex piece of thinking on your part, Clodpool, or you were just trying to overextend a metaphor in a rather stupid way. Which do you think it was?'


  • #2


    anything by Death, Susan, or Lu Tze. Plus most of Soul Music

    the dean, to Ridcully, on his new riveted trousers..
    DEAN: Say what you like, but when history comes to name these, they won't be called Archchancellors!!

    loads more obviously but i can't remember offhand


  • #2


    In the Fifth Elephant, Constable Swires-six inch tall gnome-says that the big boy Sonky condom gives good value for money, "with a bit of work from yon scissors you wont find a better Mackintosh."
    Also anything involving the Igors-"people in drought-stricken countries would have paid good money for Igor to say sausages"


  • #2


    The Nach Mac Feegle

    "Summun hol meh coat! Goo! Nae, summum hol ees arrums!"


  • #2
  • #2


    I have tones of favourites, but i love this one:

    'What ho, b'zugda-hiara.'
    (Footnote: A killing insult in Dwarfish. It means 'Lawn ornament'.)
    [p.105]


  • #2


    Can't remember who said it, but after finishing Mort I had to go look for this quote:

    "It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"


  • #2


    I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"


  • #2


    Marts wrote:
    I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"

    You thought wrong! :D

    "YOU DRUNK I'M THINK, DON'T YOU?" - Death


  • #2


    Anything involving Death is classic

    From Mort:

    Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there.
    You haven't heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said.
    'No, sir,' said Mort.
    Famous shipwreck there.
    'Was there?'
    There will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place.


  • #2


    Anything involving Death is classic

    From Mort:

    Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there.
    You haven't heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said.
    'No, sir,' said Mort.
    Famous shipwreck there.
    'Was there?'
    There will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place.

    Hehe :D Just after reading Mort again (easily one of the best books).

    "`It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,´ he said. `Have you thought of going into teaching?´":D
    - Mr. Keeble, the job broker, trying to find a new career for an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION (Death)


  • #2


    I think my favourite of all time has to be the one in my sig.

    Other than that is one from The Light Fantastic, when Cohen and the rest are with Bethan.

    "Um, I don't think you quite understand," [Twoflower] said. "I mean, we just saved you from absolutely certain death."

    "It's not easy around here," she said. "I mean, keeping yourself--" she blushed, and twisted the hem of her robe wretchedly. "I mean, staying ... not letting yourself be ... not losing your qualifications..."

    "Qualifications?" said Twoflower, earning the Rincewind Cup for the slowest person on the uptake in the entire multiverse.

    I also love the bit in Small Gods when Brutha is in the bar with the Philosophers.

    "-Gods? Nah we dont believe in those. Illogical things they are
    *thunder*
    -Er except of course Blind Io. Always has a sense of humour, that one
    -Then there's Cubal the fire god...
    *penguin appears*
    -Oh and Pathena the wisdom goddess
    -How's the snowline?
    -Oh about 200 ft
    -Alright then that's it
    -...Actually it's a bit cold outside
    -Oh, cant believe I forgot Foorgol, the avalanche god

    Thats not the exact quote but it's the jist of it


  • #2


    "Oook?"


  • #2


    One of my favourites has to be from Lords & Ladies:

    Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder
    Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels
    Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies
    Elves are glamorous. They project glamour
    Elves are enchanting. They weave Enchantment
    Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
    The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes, look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
    No-one ever said elves are nice
    Elves are bad

    And there are so many quotes from the tiffany aching series involving the feegles - they are hilarious.


  • #2


    I love the bit where Nanny Ogg is told by Esme not to, under any circumstances, sing the Hedgehog Song. I f anyone could submit any lines I would be grateful


  • #2


    * Old Noah was mucking the Ark out one day [see note]
    when he heard a great shriek from the neighboring stall.
    Said he to poor Ham, who was hugging his loins,
    "Ah, the hedgehog, my boy, can't be buggered at all."
    Chorus (repeat after each verse): [p. 87]
    Roll them all over and turn them around,
    The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * The sheep is a classic, as well you may find,
    the llama's all right if he isn't too tall,
    the donkey's a danger for standing behind,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    You may pounce on the cat as he walks by his lone, [Kipling]
    the mole has a hole into which you can crawl,
    you must blindfold the basilisk or turn into stone,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    The sow is a darling, so slick and so tight,
    to cuddle and kiss as you lie next the wall,
    but she don't chew the cud, so you'd better not bite,
    and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * The squirrel requires the climbing of trees,
    which puts you at risk of a slip and a fall.
    The dog's man's best friend if you don't mind the fleas,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.


    * You can do it with a frog in a puddle or pool,
    though you might catch a cold in your whatchamacall-
    it, or with a giraffe if you stand on a stool, [p.48]
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    The rhino is often... reluctant... to flirt;
    the termite's a challenge because he's so small
    you might wash him away with your very first squirt;
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * The bonobo monkey --
    Will someone please tell the Librarian I'm not talking about him?
    He's in the last verse. -- Thank you!
    The bonobo monkey is willing to hump:
    he'll do all his friends, both the large and the small,
    and he'll do it to you if you show him your rump,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * The humans are out, if you value your life:
    it's incest, my son, since we're relatives all...
    unless you'd make love to your very own wife!
    But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * I don't recommend that you tackle the skunk.
    I did once myself, I'm ashamed to recall;
    I must have been EXtr'ordinARily drunk!
    But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    The kangaroo's pocket can carry your tool
    though her kick may propel you clean over the wall.
    The platypus lurks in the muck of his pool
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    The camel is likely to spit in your face,
    but don't take it bad, for it ain't personAL:
    he simply detests the entire human race,
    and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    As a friend to the children, commend me the Yak; [H. Belloc]
    he's perfect to start them on when they are small,
    for they cannot slip off of his very broad back,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    You can take a wild ride on a wild catamount
    if your ears can stand up to his wild caterwaul.
    You can poke your own fist, but that really don't count,
    and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    Take care when you lift up the elephant's tail
    or beware of the fate that else may befall:
    if you pick the wrong end you could wind up impaled!
    But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    To futter the bat you must take to the air.
    She'll flutter her wings and go into a stall
    and pitch you off into God-only-knows-where,
    but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * (Verse 17) [p.51]
    The billygoat's habits, though pungent and weird,
    you've got to accept if it's him that you'd ball:
    he don't use cologne, he just cums in his beard,
    and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    The guinea pig's timid, and brainless to boot,
    he's worse than no use in a ruckus or brawl,
    but you can't pass him up 'cause he's so bloody cute!
    But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

    * (Last verse) [deliberately]
    You can bugger a whale if you're willing to swim
    or an ORanguTANG if you hang from a limb;
    or make time with a snail if you slow... to... a... crawl..., [p.315]
    ... but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

    Final chorus

    There is a longer version that can be found here
    http://www.lspace.org/fandom/songs/hedgehog-song-6.html
    and there is an mp3 of the music


  • #2


    "All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee."


  • #2


    not an exact quote but here goes:

    rincewind could scream for mercy in 23 languages and just screm in another ten*








    *most people think aarrgghh is universal but in x language it means 'Your wife is a big hippo' and a particular tribe has a reputation for cruelty merely because their victims seemed to be saying "quick, more boiling oil"


  • #2


    "Those who are about to die, do not want to".:D


  • #2


    I feel so embaressed.
    Until I read Thaedydal's post I thought that "the hedgehog couldn't be buggered" meant that he couldn't be bothered:o .


  • #2


    It depends what you mean by "bothered".


  • #2


    the conversation between detritus and the "piano" in soul music.

    pianos have days off too!!


  • #2


    Marts wrote:
    I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"
    http://www.cobalt-blue.com/humor/poe.htm


  • #2


    One of my favourites is from Soul Music: (not the exact wording, but it's got the jist of it)

    The assassin gripped his knife at waist height. No-one who knew anything about knives ever used the famous over-arm stabbing motion so beloved by illustrators. It was amateurish and inefficent. A professional would strike upwards: the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.


  • #2


    Hex's printout after he's caught insanity off the bursar:
    'MELON MELON MELON why hello mr jelly'


  • #2


    I think when Vimes emerges from the underground river in Thud and screams Hurray! Today is a glorious day for i have found my cow! and then proceeds to violently attack dwarves with an axe.


  • #2


    Reaper Man holds a special place in my heart. The scenes with Death and Miss Flitworth are both funny and poignant. Best line went something like this, if I recall correctly:
    He turned to look back at her and said, "She is living on borrowed time."

    I love the humour of Discworld, but the most memorable bits for me are the serious and profound.


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