"Quote" the Raven?

funky penguin

I just thought it would be nice to ramble through some of the most memorable moments on the disc, so i created this thread for people to list and discuss some of their favourite quotes, charaters, phrases and scenes from the series. I'll start the ball.

Remember in "Moving Pictures", the part when the labrarian swung and missed the Giant Ginger? TP's description was hilarious and i will never forget the final little "ook ". Classic. The parody of King Kong was brilliant, especially the Bursar and Ridcully flying around the Tower of Art.

I would provide reference Page number only i cant find the book.

Sorry.

I will type some more classic moments, but i wanna hear some other peoples first!

Sarky

In Feet Of Clay, when Vimes, Carrot and Angua run into someone from the slaughterhouse who explains what Dorfl did to the workers.

"He- made use of some sage and onion"

"He'll never be able to look an apple in the face again!
"By the sounds of it, that's certainly the last thing he'll be doing..."
"What am I going to do!?"
"Well, if you can get a hold of the stem..."

Blitzkrieger

That Librarian bit was classic. Especially the war cry that turns into a scream when he realises what the rope is tied to.

My favorite bit was in Men at Arms. They've just decided that Angua will need her armor custom made ("Hammer it out here and here") and that they'll stop archery practice until they figure out how to stop her......her getting in the way when Colon's getting fed up :

Colon : I don't know, miss.....
Angua : Lance-Constable.
Colon : Sorry?
Angua : Lance-Constable. Carrot says we don't have any sex while on duty.
To the background of Nobby's frantic coughing......

Jim

You know, to someone who has never read those particular books. Its funny how little sense it makes.

I love when you first meet Death in Mort

BOW BEFORE ME BRIEF MORTAL

Kain

When three of the Four Horse Men Of The Apocolypse's hourses are stolen while their having a drink.

Q_Elexra

I really love the wizards

from Reaper Man

'Yo!' said the Dean.
Yo what? said Ridcully.
It's not a yo what, it's just a yo,' said the Senior
Wrangler, behind him. 'It's a general street greeting
and affirmative with convivial military ingroup and
masculine bonding-ritual overtones.'
'What? What? Like "jolly good"?' said Ridcully.
'I suppose so,' said the Senior Wrangler, reluctantly.
Ridcully was pleased. Ankh-Morpork had never
offered very good prospects for hunting. He'd never
thought it was possible to have so much fun in his own
university.
'Right,' he said. 'Let's get those heaps!'
'Yo!'
'Yo!'
'Yo!'
'Yo-yo.'
Ridcully sighed. 'Bursar?'
'Yes, Archchancellor?'
'Just try to understand, allright?'

Maybe not the best wizard scene but I liked it.

OfflerCrocGod

Kain wrote:

When three of the Four Horse Men Of The Apocolypse's hourses are stolen while their having a drink.

One Horseman and three pedestrians of the Apocalypse

WhiteWashMan

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Terry_Pratchett

every one of them a classic.

every last one of them

Fysh

Probably my all time personal favourite was from Guards! Guards!, can't get it exactly, it was something like "one of the wizards was telling me about it the other day, 's a bendy educational thing. Oh yes...learning curve".

Classic.

Blitzkrieger

Jimeatsmenu wrote:

I love when you first meet Death in Mort

BOW BEFORE ME BRIEF MORTAL

Are you sure you're not thinking of Hogfather? When Albert says something along the lines of :

"Well, you're getting better at the : 'HO, HO, HO.' but perhaps you could leave out the bit about : 'COWER, BRIEF MORTALS!'."

avatar

'Pickled gherkins, I hear you calling!!!'

I laugh so hard every time I read that.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

i think it's in guards guards, or men at arms

carrot's talking to vimes

"i think we're dealing with a twisted mind here" - vimes

"you suspect corporal nobbs sir?" - carrot

"there are sicker people in the world that corporal nobbs carrot" - vimes

"ye gods sir"..- carrot

slightly paraphrased but I loved that scene

avatar

'It's a million to one chance, but it might just work...'

OfflerCrocGod

avatar wrote:

'It's a million to one chance, but it might just work...'

Million to one chances work 9 times out of 10

avatar

Susan was finally the one thing she always wanted to be. She was fully human.
Bloody, bloody damn.

Waltons

One of my most remembered Discworld quotes is from The Light Fantastic. It has always stuck with me. Ahhh I love Rincewind.

"Rincewind knew what orgasms were, of course, he’d had few in his time. Sometimes even in company"

Hydrosylator

"Can i have them........mashed?"
Rincewind in Interesting Times

Kain

"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend." Comander Vimes - NightWatch

Albert: Do you know what happens to lads who ask to many questions?
Mort: No, what?
Albert: Damned if I know. Probably get answers, and serve ‘em right.
-Mort

I love that one form NightWatch

Shrapnel

I love the bit in nightwatch. Carcer and Vimes on top of the UU

-"see, I knew you was a smart man mr. Vimes, knowing i'd have two knives and all"
-*Vimes, not paying attention*"uh-huh"
-"Mr Vimes?"
-"Hmmm?"
-"I've got three knives mr.Vimes..."

Subscript in a book, can't remember which one...
"*When You're a God, you don't need reasons"

From The Fifth Elephant, Death and Vimes in a tree
-HELLO AGAIN
-"Aren't you going to help me?"
-OF COURSE
-"When?"
death paused
-WHEN THE PAIN BECOMES TOO MUCH TO BEAR...

And of course from mort
-I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY...

tSubh Dearg

I love Q Elexra's quote from Reaper Man...It's one of my favourites too as Reaper Man was the first Discworld book I read and that bit made me laugh out loud!

I also love the Dean in Soul Music and his Born to Rune leather jacket...that almost said Born to Eat Big Dinners

Shrapnel

subscript from going postal

*Dimwell Rhyming slang: There are many rhyming slangs in the multiverse. Some include the terms apples and pears (stairs), jockey's whips (chips), and of course, busy bees (general theory of relativity)

Sarky

"Et a man once. In a siege, it were."

"That's horrible!"

"Not with mustard."

CiDeRmAn

When detritus the troll is in the cold room over a long period and we discover that his brain is a superconductor that works most efficiently at very low temperatures, hence why trolls aren't the brightest at room temp. and normal iq when operating up the ramtops where its much colder, or something like that, its been a while since i read that one.
Also the moment when the golem defies the gods and winds up with his helmet running down aound his head,
the books are just too cool for school!
Heck what about the bit when the kangaroo turns up at high sped in the unseen university when the wizards forget about the preservation of rotational energy after the teleportation of rincewind to XXXX, gotta watch that preservation of rotational energy, it'll get you every time!

funky penguin

In "Thief of Time" when Lu Tze is explaing how Martial Arts is just a way of manipulating time, and that the physical destruction end of it is just a by-product. The names of the Arts are classic:
Lobsang: "Do you know oikidoki?"

Lu Tze: "Just alot of Bunny-hops"

"Siitake?"

"If I wanted to thrust my hand in hot sand, I'd go to the seaside"

"Upsidazi?"

"A waste of good bricks"

"NO Kando?"

"You made that one up."

"Déja fu?"......etc.

Oh!!! This is my first ever message that was stickied! Yipee!

funky penguin

Oh, and in "Going Postal", towards the end of the book, Pratchett's desription of a vocal silence between two characters is classic:

"There was a pregnant pause.It gave birth to a lot of little pauses, each one more deeply embarrasing than its parent."

Bazookatone

In "Hogfather" when Death is in the department store, the child grabs his hood and pulls it down and whispers something to which Death replies "YES, I KNOW, WHAT A NAUGHTY PIG INDEED" (the feral pig that pulls the hogfathers sleigh has just taken a piss).

That and from "Reaper Man", the quotes which each sum up Death in a sentence.
"NEVER A CROWN, ONLY THE HARVEST"
"LORD, WHAAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT THE COMPASSION OF THE REAPER MAN"

see, he's not a bad guy, he's just very, very good at his job.

Branoic

My favourite bit is in Moving Pictures, near the end. Its been years and years since i read the book, so i can't actually remember how the dialogue exactly went. But basically two old farmers are watching the mad car chase, when one of the cars plows into a barn.

One farmer says something like, "It'll come out the other side in a minute in a cloud of feathers and squawking chickens."

"i don't think so."

"Yes it will, that's the way these things always happen in them moving pictures."

"Well i'll be damn surprised if it does.....that barn's full of cabbages."

And then the car bursts forth in an explosion of feathers and squaking chickens.

"Well, damn me."

You get the idea. I plssed myself laughing for an hour after that bit.

TKD

there are two many to mention in my opinion, but anything by Death is a classic, but the one that really sticks in my mind is when Om in small gods in his turtle form is dropped by the eagle near the end:

'ohbuggeroh buggerohdamnohdamohbuggerohbuggerdamndamn BUGGER!

i woke up the whole house laughing at that late at night.


also anythng by the Nac Mac feegle, ach grivens

KamikazeBananze

aye. Almost anything said by the Feegles is hilarious. Wee Free Men is great fun to read.

BossArky

Thief of Time - "When you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back."

slasher_65

quite possibly the one that i think is best is in hogwatch where DEATH is trying to get the pigs to fly. the one with the apple sause! priceless!

Blitzkrieger

I loved the bit in Wee Free Men when they're in the boat talking about the whale :

"Oh, they're harmless. They eat lots of little things."
"ROW LIKE THE BLAZES LADS!"

Cork Boy

When Deitrius is recruiting Chyro the Troll:

Deitrius: All right listen up! You's the most miserable
Chyro: I never done nuffin!...whack!
Deitrius: You in the mans watch now you miserable bunch
Dhyro: ...Never done nuffin...

Greebo turns into human form..."wwwrrrroooowwwwllllll!" at the princess

Soul Music: "Whats the troll for?"
"You'll see what he's for the next time someone plays Pathway to Paradise!"

Spideyman

What sums up Death and the Discworld in general (I think he's said it in a couple of books):
"There's no justice"
Death:"NO. THERE'S JUST ME"

Rincewind: "I'd just like to say that I'm not volunteering for this mission"
The Patrician: "No one asked you to"
Rincewind: "I know but it always happens, someone will suddenly say 'How about that Rincewind chap he's been to these places, knows Cohen.."
Ridcully:"He's right, how about Rincewind"
Rincewind [pointing a finger accusingly and smiling manacly]: "You see! I've been living my life for some time now and I know how it works"
(The Last Hero)

(Describing his 'faith' in running away to Carrot in the same book)
Carrot:"And do you believe this gives you everlasting life?"
Rincewind: "Not so much everlasting as extended"

(sorry for any misquotes)

Undergod

From Thief Of Time:
'I will teach you to deal with time as you would deal with a coat, to be worn when necessary and discarded when not.'
'Will I have to wash it?' said Clodpool.
Wen gave him a long, slow look. 'That was either a very complex piece of thinking on your part, Clodpool, or you were just trying to overextend a metaphor in a rather stupid way. Which do you think it was?'

certain people

anything by Death, Susan, or Lu Tze. Plus most of Soul Music

the dean, to Ridcully, on his new riveted trousers..
DEAN: Say what you like, but when history comes to name these, they won't be called Archchancellors!!

loads more obviously but i can't remember offhand

Demetrius

In the Fifth Elephant, Constable Swires-six inch tall gnome-says that the big boy Sonky condom gives good value for money, "with a bit of work from yon scissors you wont find a better Mackintosh."
Also anything involving the Igors-"people in drought-stricken countries would have paid good money for Igor to say sausages"

WhiteWashMan

The Nach Mac Feegle

"Summun hol meh coat! Goo! Nae, summum hol ees arrums!"

Cormic

ook

3C.

I have tones of favourites, but i love this one:

'What ho, b'zugda-hiara.'
(Footnote: A killing insult in Dwarfish. It means 'Lawn ornament'.)
[p.105]

d-arke

Can't remember who said it, but after finishing Mort I had to go look for this quote:

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

The Bollox

I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"

d-arke

Marts wrote:

I thought this was a thread about Edgar Allen Poe, lol "Quoth the raven 'nevermore'"

You thought wrong!

"YOU DRUNK I'M THINK, DON'T YOU?" - Death

Anything involving Death is classic

From Mort:

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there.
You haven't heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said.
'No, sir,' said Mort.
Famous shipwreck there.
'Was there?'
There will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place.

d-arke

Deleted User wrote:

Anything involving Death is classic

From Mort:

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn't entirely there.
You haven't heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said.
'No, sir,' said Mort.
Famous shipwreck there.
'Was there?'
There will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place.

Hehe Just after reading Mort again (easily one of the best books).

"`It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,´ he said. `Have you thought of going into teaching?´":D
- Mr. Keeble, the job broker, trying to find a new career for an ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION (Death)

Stonehead

I think my favourite of all time has to be the one in my sig.

Other than that is one from The Light Fantastic, when Cohen and the rest are with Bethan.

"Um, I don't think you quite understand," [Twoflower] said. "I mean, we just saved you from absolutely certain death."

"It's not easy around here," she said. "I mean, keeping yourself--" she blushed, and twisted the hem of her robe wretchedly. "I mean, staying ... not letting yourself be ... not losing your qualifications..."

"Qualifications?" said Twoflower, earning the Rincewind Cup for the slowest person on the uptake in the entire multiverse.

I also love the bit in Small Gods when Brutha is in the bar with the Philosophers.

"-Gods? Nah we dont believe in those. Illogical things they are
*thunder*
-Er except of course Blind Io. Always has a sense of humour, that one
-Then there's Cubal the fire god...
*penguin appears*
-Oh and Pathena the wisdom goddess
-How's the snowline?
-Oh about 200 ft
-Alright then that's it
-...Actually it's a bit cold outside
-Oh, cant believe I forgot Foorgol, the avalanche god

Thats not the exact quote but it's the jist of it

Demetrius

"Oook?"

Bonzodog

One of my favourites has to be from Lords & Ladies:

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour
Elves are enchanting. They weave Enchantment
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes, look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No-one ever said elves are nice
Elves are bad

And there are so many quotes from the tiffany aching series involving the feegles - they are hilarious.

300lenouveau666

I love the bit where Nanny Ogg is told by Esme not to, under any circumstances, sing the Hedgehog Song. I f anyone could submit any lines I would be grateful

Nevyn

* Old Noah was mucking the Ark out one day [see note]
when he heard a great shriek from the neighboring stall.
Said he to poor Ham, who was hugging his loins,
"Ah, the hedgehog, my boy, can't be buggered at all."
Chorus (repeat after each verse): [p. 87]
Roll them all over and turn them around,
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* The sheep is a classic, as well you may find,
the llama's all right if he isn't too tall,
the donkey's a danger for standing behind,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You may pounce on the cat as he walks by his lone, [Kipling]
the mole has a hole into which you can crawl,
you must blindfold the basilisk or turn into stone,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The sow is a darling, so slick and so tight,
to cuddle and kiss as you lie next the wall,
but she don't chew the cud, so you'd better not bite,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* The squirrel requires the climbing of trees,
which puts you at risk of a slip and a fall.
The dog's man's best friend if you don't mind the fleas,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.


* You can do it with a frog in a puddle or pool,
though you might catch a cold in your whatchamacall-
it, or with a giraffe if you stand on a stool, [p.48]
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The rhino is often... reluctant... to flirt;
the termite's a challenge because he's so small
you might wash him away with your very first squirt;
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* The bonobo monkey --
Will someone please tell the Librarian I'm not talking about him?
He's in the last verse. -- Thank you!
The bonobo monkey is willing to hump:
he'll do all his friends, both the large and the small,
and he'll do it to you if you show him your rump,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* The humans are out, if you value your life:
it's incest, my son, since we're relatives all...
unless you'd make love to your very own wife!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* I don't recommend that you tackle the skunk.
I did once myself, I'm ashamed to recall;
I must have been EXtr'ordinARily drunk!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The kangaroo's pocket can carry your tool
though her kick may propel you clean over the wall.
The platypus lurks in the muck of his pool
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The camel is likely to spit in your face,
but don't take it bad, for it ain't personAL:
he simply detests the entire human race,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

As a friend to the children, commend me the Yak; [H. Belloc]
he's perfect to start them on when they are small,
for they cannot slip off of his very broad back,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can take a wild ride on a wild catamount
if your ears can stand up to his wild caterwaul.
You can poke your own fist, but that really don't count,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Take care when you lift up the elephant's tail
or beware of the fate that else may befall:
if you pick the wrong end you could wind up impaled!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

To futter the bat you must take to the air.
She'll flutter her wings and go into a stall
and pitch you off into God-only-knows-where,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* (Verse 17) [p.51]
The billygoat's habits, though pungent and weird,
you've got to accept if it's him that you'd ball:
he don't use cologne, he just cums in his beard,
and the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The guinea pig's timid, and brainless to boot,
he's worse than no use in a ruckus or brawl,
but you can't pass him up 'cause he's so bloody cute!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

* (Last verse) [deliberately]
You can bugger a whale if you're willing to swim
or an ORanguTANG if you hang from a limb;
or make time with a snail if you slow... to... a... crawl..., [p.315]
... but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Final chorus

There is a longer version that can be found here
http://www.lspace.org/fandom/songs/hedgehog-song-6.html
and there is an mp3 of the music

Shanannigan

"All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee."