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"Quote" the Raven?

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    #62
    Lantis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭Lantis


    From Soul Music, one of my absolute favourite passages:

    Susan... it wasn't a good name, was it? It wasn't a truly bad name, it wasn't like poor Iodine in the fourth form, or Nigella, a name which meant “oops, we wanted a boy”. But it was dull. Susan. Sue. Good old Sue. It was a name that made sandwiches, kept its head in difficult circumstances, and could reliably look after other people's children.

    It was a name used by no queens or goddesses anywhere.

    And you couldn't do much even with the spelling. You could turn it into Suzi, and it sounded as thought you danced on tables for a living. You could put in a Z and a couple of Ns and an E, but it still looked like a name with extensions built on. It was as bad as Sara, a name that cried out for a prosthetic H.


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    #63
    Jaunte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭Jaunte


    Mmm, my favourite bits keep changing... but I just read Maskerade again, and laughed myself stupid at André's translation of the beautiful 'Departure' aria, where Iodine tells Peccadillo how hard it is to leave him:

    This damn' door sticks
    This damn' door sticks
    It sticks no matter what the hell I do
    It's marked 'Pull' and indeed I am pulling
    Perhaps it should be marked 'Push'?


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    #64
    firefly08
    Registered Users Posts: 856 ✭✭✭firefly08


    The Last Continent ( I think) has one of the funniest pieces of dialogue ever - I'll have to paraphrase here though coz I don't have the book handy...

    Wizard 1: I remember when old [some old wizard] took us on an expedition to find the Lost Reading Room. We were lost for weeks and had to eat our boots.
    Wizard 2: Well, did you find it?
    Wizard 1: No, but we found the remains of the previous year's expedition.
    Wizard 2: What did you do?
    Wizard 1: We ate their boots too.

    Darwinism at it's best.! Years later it still makes me laugh inside whenever I think of it.


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    #65
    Baron Floyd
    Registered Users Posts: 129 ✭✭Baron Floyd


    Favourite passage, the first I every read years and years ago and still at the forefront of my mind:

    Teppic examined himself critically. The outfit had cost him
    his last penny, and was heavy on the black silk. It whispered as
    he moved. It was pretty good.
    At least the headache was going. It had nearly crippled him
    all day; he'd been in dread of having to start the run with purple
    spots in front of his eyes.
    He sighed and opened the black box and took out his rings and
    slipped them on. Another box held a set of knives of Klatchian
    steel, their blades darkened with lamp black. Various cunning and
    intricate devices were taken from velvet bags and dropped into
    pockets. A couple of long-bladed throwing tlingo's were slipped
    into their sheaths inside his boots. A thin silk line and folding
    grapnel were wound around his waist, over the chain-mail shirt. A
    blowpipe was attached to its leather thong and dropped down his
    back under his cloak; Teppic pocketed a slim tin container with an
    assortment of darts, their tips corked and their stems braille-
    coded for ease of selection in the dark.
    He winced, checked the blade of his rapier and slung the
    baldric over his right shoulder, to balance the bag of lead
    slingshot ammunition. As an afterthought he opened his sock drawer
    and took a pistol crossbow, a flask of oil, a roll of lockpicks
    and, after some consideration, a punch dagger, a bag of assorted
    caltraps and a set of brass knuckles.
    Teppic picked up his hat and checked its lining for the coil
    of cheesewire. He placed it on his head at a jaunty angle, took a
    last satisfied look at himself in the mirror, turned on his heel
    and, very slowly, fell over.


    fav chat between Rincewind and Death:

    "Possibly? You turn up when people are possibly going to die?"
    OH YES. IT'S QUITE THE NEW THING. IT'S BECAUSE OF THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE.
    "What's that?"
    I'M NOT SURE.


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    #66
    paperclip2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,280 ✭✭✭paperclip2


    From the pen of Topsy Lavish in Making Money.

    Dear Mr Lipwig,
    I feel that you are a dear, sweet man who will look after my little Mr Fusspot. Please be kind to him. He has been my only friend in difficult times. Money is such a crude thing these circumstances, but the sum of $20,000 annually will be paid to you, (in arrears) for performing this duty, which I beg you to accept.
    If you do not, or if he dies of unnatural causes your arse will belong to the Guild of Assassins. $100,000 is lodged with Lord Downey, and his young gentlemen will hunt you down and gut you like the weasel you are, Smart Boy!
    May the gods bless you for your kindness to a widow in distress.

    Stick and Carrot!


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    #67
    spender.j
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭spender.j


    'Gytha, this is me askin' you this. Is there any page in this book, any single recipe, which does not in some way relate to...goings-on?'
    Nanny Ogg, her face as red as her apples seemed to give this some lengthy consideration.
    'Porridge,' she said eventually.
    'Really?' 'Yes. Er. No, I tell a lie, it's got my special honey mixture in it.'
    Granny turned a page. 'What about this one? Maids of Honour?'
    Weeel, they starts out as Maids of Honour,' said Nanny, fidgeting with her feet, 'but they ends up Tarts'


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    #68
    PeteyMax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭PeteyMax


    "Got you, you brush-weilding chimney sweeping git!"

    One of Rincewinds "Laugh Out Loud" quotes.


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    #69
    Short Stuf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21 ✭Short Stuf


    My favourite is the description of what the four horsemen have in the bar, I think it's in Mort. Don't have the book at the moment so I'll paraphrase.

    Death has a nice port.
    War has a Bloody Mary.
    Pestilence has eggnog with a cherry in it.
    Famine just eats loads of peanuts.

    Just tickled my funnybone.

    Also, there's the part at the start of Small Gods, where Om, manifested as a one-eyed tortoise, looks at Brutha (I think) "monoptically".


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    #70
    Bears
    Registered Users Posts: 43 ✭Bears


    any thing from the watch and from death pretty much rocks.

    cant think off hand of any but ill have a look at home this evening.

    cross dressing one one my favourites. in jingo i think it was


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    #71
    angelll
    Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    Had to register for this! Love tp!

    Magrat was annoyed. She was also frightened, which made her even more annoyed. It was hard for people when Magrat was annoyed. It was like being attacked by damp tissue.
    Witches abroad

    And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!"
    Small gods

    PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.
    The Last Continent


    Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.
    The eight Bikers of the Apocalypse-Good Omens (Gaiman and Pratchett)

    :)


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    #72
    fizzlefi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭fizzlefi


    Favorite discworld quote........Too many to mention. The first one that springs too mind is
    "Thanks," said the grateful Death.
    I loved the way that they reffered to modern bands in that book!


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    #73
    Soul Cake Duck
    Registered Users Posts: 154 ✭✭Soul Cake Duck


    "I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
    Death thought about it.
    "Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice.


    I think Death is still my favourite character, he gets great lines!


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    #74
    paulusdu
    Registered Users Posts: 514 ✭✭✭paulusdu


    I know its not Discworld Novel but one from Wings just cracks me up everytime i even think about it

    There was a polite beeping from the Thing. "You may be interested to know," it said, "that we've broken the sound barrier."
    Masklin turned wearily to the others. "All right, own up. Who broke it?"


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    #75
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Kain wrote: »
    When three of the Four Horse Men Of The Apocolypse's hourses are stolen while their having a drink.
    OfflerCrocGod wrote: »
    One Horseman and three pedestrians of the Apocalypse :D
    Death: WEIGHT DOESN'T COME INTO IT. MY STEED HAS CARRIED ARMIES. MY STEED HAS CARRIED CITIES.YEA, HE HATH CARRIED ALL THINGS IN THEIR DUE TIME. BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO CARRY YOU THREE
    War: Why not?
    Death: IT'S A MATTER OF THE LOOK OF THE THING.

    Great stuff.


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    #76
    Scalymanfish
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Scalymanfish


    Nobby, perhaps, should have been disqualified from the human race (for shoving).

    Ah classic Prachett :)


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    #77
    TheBegotten
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭TheBegotten


    From Darwin's Watch:

    "Perhaps we should tell them the truth?" "What, that their universe was created when the Dean stuck his hand in some raw firnament? I don't think so. Besides when you say 'Meet your maker' people expect something more impressive"


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