When did it become ok to joke about rape?

Jessibelle · 09-01-2010 9:22pm #1

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

minidazzler · 09-01-2010 9:34pm

It's not really OK to joke about, but it does happen. I don't mind it so much TBH. But the people telling the jokes need to learn some tact.

I wouldn''t tell jokes like that unless I knew the people in earshot are gonna take it as it is. There is a time adn a place for them jokes, and it's not when talking to colleagues.

Catari Jaguar · 09-01-2010 9:40pm

There used to be a TON of rape jokes made on boards. Especially in AH but then it got banned.

Luno · 09-01-2010 9:47pm

It is not ok to joke about rape. Fullstop!
I think its ridiculous how much its thrown around the place people are seriously effected by this and with this thinking it makes people seem as if maybe it would be ok to do this. Although most people who joke about it don't mean they would actually do it which is a bit stupid seeing as they imply that they would but thats the world we live in I guess.

Clare Bear · 09-01-2010 10:18pm

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on. I'm not saying it's okay to joke about rape but I don't get offended by those sort of jokes either, they're everywhere. Not that they're all acceptable but people laugh at inappropriate things, it's human nature.

Jessibelle · 09-01-2010 10:30pm

Perhaps, but it nearly seems to be more acceptable nowadays and thrown into the most innocuous converstations, I've seen threads where people have said they're going to 'rape' a shop in the sales, and heard conversations where people have said they would 'rape' their boyfriend/girlfriend when they got their hands on them. I understand that there always has and will be a degree of laughing at what we find uncomfortable makes it easier to deal with, but in this instance, I think it lessens the impact of the term, and that's just a slippy road that'll further muddle things when some poor unfortunate is genuinely raped.

pikachucheeks · 09-01-2010 10:40pm

Clare Bear wrote: »

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on.

It's a coping mechanism, in a lot of cases, I think.

Joking about something, making light of it can lessen the fear factor surrounding it.

Ie. Jokes about Madeline McCann after her disappearance, jokes about the 2004 Tsunami.

spurious · 09-01-2010 10:42pm

It's a good idiot filter.

Mr. Incognito · 09-01-2010 10:44pm

Saying something like I'd rape him/ her when it's an obvious joke is unacceptable?

I mean where do you draw the line?

People should be free to joke about whatever they like, and people should be free to dissassociate with anyone whom they find distasteful.

I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

MAB83 · 09-01-2010 10:45pm

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

Out of interest is it just rape jokes that offend you or is it all bad taste jokes? Are you saying you've never laughed at a funny (bad taste) Michael Jackson joke for example or something like it? Never?

julien05 · 09-01-2010 10:48pm

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast a rapist but no this is mpt true

chocgirl · 09-01-2010 10:49pm

I must be seriously behind the times, I didn't know it was ok in any circumstances and am lucky enough to have never been in company that thinks it's ok!

Mr. Incognito · 09-01-2010 10:50pm

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast thou rapisto but this is just not true. but now years after the ordeal peopelos are calling rapisto behind my back, el child rapiste ! Impossibele i say it s not true! but they know it all... im suckered.

What? Did your fingers swell up rolling snowballs.

I think you're trying to make a bad taste joke but it's lost in the gibberish.

MAB83 · 09-01-2010 10:51pm

chocgirl wrote: »

I must be seriously behind the times, I didn't know it was ok in any circumstances and am lucky enough to have never been in company that thinks it's ok!

Do you have any male friends? Most lads I know make those jokes. Doesn't make them bad people in my opinion but you have to know when the right time and place to say things like that is. I'd say it to the lads but I wouldn't make those joke around a few girl friends of mine, I know they wouldn't find it funny, I know the kind of people they are so I wouldn't want to offend or insult them by making those jokes in front of them.

I do think some people get far too worked up over these kind of jokes though. There's a joke about everything, deal with it. No offence to you OP but don't let it get to you, they're just jokes, there's no harm meant.

MAB83 · 09-01-2010 10:52pm

julien05 wrote: »

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast thou rapisto but this is just not true. but now years after the ordeal peopelos are calling rapisto behind my back, el child rapiste ! Impossibele i say it s not true! but they know it all... im suckered.:D

What the?!

DiarmaidGNR · 09-01-2010 10:57pm

Clare Bear wrote: »

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on. I'm not saying it's okay to joke about rape but I don't get offended by those sort of jokes either, they're everywhere. Not that they're all acceptable but people laugh at inappropriate things, it's human nature.

If it's obviously a joke it's alright, but if people are using it common place like you said in the opening post, ("she was so hot I could have raped her", - where it is not a "joke" but is said in jest etc)- it is not ok, it just comes across crude and offensive, - and I love telling offensive jokes!!

"

offensive joke

"

See, - when it's in "joke" form it's alright.

Silverfish · 09-01-2010 10:58pm

I don't think it's something that should be joked about unless you're very aware of the company you're in, or with friends that you know won't be upset or take offence.

Sexual assault has happened to one in five women in Ireland. They aren't going to tell every single person they meet what happened, perhaps even friends or family. So unless you're pretty sure that nothing like that has happened to someone you know, then I personally would be careful, as the chances are, you could be bringing up horrible memories or dismissing their suffering.

Some people may tell cancer jokes, but probably not to cancer patients. Some people may tell dead baby jokes, but probably not to people who have just lost a child. I don't see how rape jokes are any different, the only difference is it'll be harder to tell. So it requires a bit of social awareness and tact.

Silverfish · 09-01-2010 10:59pm

DiarmaidGNR wrote: »

If it's obviously a joke it's alright, but if people are using it common place like you said in the opening post, ("she was so hot I could have raped her", - where it is not a "joke" but is said in jest etc)- it is not ok, it just comes across crude and offensive, - and I love telling offensive jokes!!

FACT - 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang-rape...

See, - when it's in "joke" form it's alright.

Not in this forum. Read the charter before posting here again.

Jessibelle · 09-01-2010 11:01pm

MAB83 wrote: »

Out of interest is it just rape jokes that offend you or is it all bad taste jokes? Are you saying you've never laughed at a funny (bad taste) Michael Jackson joke for example or something like it? Never?

I have laughed, unless they are in extreme bad taste, for example, I never find jokes about paedophilia, or dead babies funny. I think also. it's several steps removed if it's a joke about a celebrity, which while it doesn't make it right to laugh, does remove the immeadiacy of the impact, joking about Michael Jackson for example, you're fairly certain no one you know will know him, joking about rape, how certain are you that theres not someone in your group thats been affected by that or something else?

chocgirl · 09-01-2010 11:04pm

MAB83 wrote: »

Do you have any male friends? Most lads I know make those jokes. Doesn't make them bad people in my opinion but you have to know when the right time and place to say things like that is. I'd say it to the lads but I wouldn't make those joke around a few girl friends of mine, I know they wouldn't find it funny, I know the kind of people they are so I wouldn't want to offend or insult them by making those jokes in front of them.

I do think some people get far too worked up over these kind of jokes though. There's a joke about everything, deal with it. No offence to you OP but don't let it get to you, they're just jokes, there's no harm meant.

I do have male friends of course but I've honestly never heard any of them joking about rape. Maybe it's a younger guy thing, although I'm only 25 so hardly think it's that much an age thing. I've never hung around with guys exclusivly though, there's always been girls and guys maybe that's the difference.

Herbal Deity · 09-01-2010 11:05pm

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

This, basically.

Jessibelle wrote: »

Perhaps, but it nearly seems to be more acceptable nowadays and thrown into the most innocuous converstations, I've seen threads where people have said they're going to 'rape' a shop in the sales, and heard conversations where people have said they would 'rape' their boyfriend/girlfriend when they got their hands on them. I understand that there always has and will be a degree of laughing at what we find uncomfortable makes it easier to deal with, but in this instance, I think it lessens the impact of the term, and that's just a slippy road that'll further muddle things when some poor unfortunate is genuinely raped.

People joke about/make light of things which are horrific in reality all the time.

How many times have you heard someone say something like "I'll murder/kill you if you do X" or "They slaughtered us in the match last night"?

Is it such a huge leap to say "I'll rape you if you do X" or "They raped us in the match last night?"

I think it lessens the taboo around the term. Jokes about rape indicate that the idea that rape is a very real occurrance has entered the public mindset. It's no longer something that's never, ever mentioned.

pikachucheeks · 09-01-2010 11:05pm

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

People should be free to joke about whatever they like... I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

But don't you think social responsibility comes with a sense of censorship?

For example, restricting children and minors from certain material.

You wouldn't tell a child, or someone sensitive, an "adult" or crude joke. Censorship of that kind is needed, to defend and protect people.

While it's good in theory, to allow everyone the freedom to "joke about whatever they like" In practice, it could seriously offend a person.

Ie. A rape joke - someone might find it hilarious, another person might find it brings back painful memories of a traumatic experience.

Freedom of speech exists, but it should be exercised with caution.

MAB83 · 09-01-2010 11:06pm

Jessibelle wrote: »

I have laughed, unless they are in extreme bad taste, for example, I never find jokes about paedophilia, or dead babies funny. I think also. it's several steps removed if it's a joke about a celebrity, which while it doesn't make it right to laugh, does remove the immeadiacy of the impact, joking about Michael Jackson for example, you're fairly certain no one you know will know him, joking about rape, how certain are you that theres not someone in your group thats been affected by that or something else?

So it's only bad to laugh if the topic you're joking about effects someone personally?! What if someone is a big Michael Jackson fan and finds those jokes really upsetting because they grew up listening to his music and felt like they knew him? What if you're offending that person? That's not okay is it? A bad taste joke is bad taste regardless, you can't laugh at one and find another offensive.

Mr. Presentable · 09-01-2010 11:07pm

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

It's not OK. But it was common in the 1970s along with race jokes, etc.

BumbleB · 10-01-2010 12:55am

Never ....

Bottle_of_Smoke · 10-01-2010 1:24am

I hear it a lot but I'm in college. I live with three guys and whenever lady gaga/shakira appear on tv there's always at least one "oh i would literally rape her"

It would never be said if a woman was there though. I wouldn't because I as far as I know its statisically as high as 1 in 20 females are victims of rape. On the other hand maybe I'm just making an assumption about victims being offended by it. I know one girl who's been raped and she's since used the phrase getting raped about not getting enough chips at mcdonalds!

Girls saying it about men in front of men . .. well I just don't think its as bad. few months back a rather lovely girl said she was going to abduct me. Didn't take offence

Nevyn · 10-01-2010 1:31am

I think it's a trickle down from certain types of online games, I started hearing it used by counter strike players about 10 years ago and have heard it this year from young halo players who tend to be male.

Yes language is organic and shifts and changes but there had to be a line and using that verb about other things lessens the impact of the word and what it really means and its not something I do and the unthinking use of it by people I find shocking and saddening.

Silverfish · 10-01-2010 1:31am

I think perhaps in modern language its like gay/gay. Words develop new and dual meanings.

Some people can or may or will differentiate, I've heard it phrased as "raped...but not like, raped raped" by someone who was caught on the spot making a rape reference in front of someone who had been assaulted and the person making the reference had momentarily forgotten.

In fact, I believe many people use 'raped' in the context where they more mean 'pillaged' - for example the McDonalds chips thing above. It's possible its a reduction of the term 'raped and pillaged' which used to be a term used when I was younger about being ripped off or beaten badly in a match.

That said, I don't personally feel it's a wise choice of words, regardless of how harmless the intention is, as said before, one in five women (and one in ten men) have been victims of sexual assault. Those are pretty high odds of causing unnecessary hurt.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 10-01-2010 1:32am

Herbal Deity wrote: »

This, basically.

People joke about/make light of things which are horrific in reality all the time.

How many times have you heard someone say something like "I'll murder/kill you if you do X" or "They slaughtered us in the match last night"?

Is it such a huge leap to say "I'll rape you if you do X" or "They raped us in the match last night?"

I think it lessens the taboo around the term. Jokes about rape indicate that the idea that rape is a very real occurrance has entered the public mindset. It's no longer something that's never, ever mentioned.

I'm not saying you're wrong because I'm undecided, but I will offer a critiscism. Murder/slaughter are much more regularly used words than rape.

Rape isn't taboo for no reason. It's taboo because its a topic that makes people uncomfortable. Not for repressed catholic reasons, it's uncomfortable because victims generally want privacy. Families of murder/slaughter victims talk openly about the crimes but rape victims don't. If you knew a family member of a victim of the shankill butchers you'd probably avoid the term "we're going to slaughter you in the hurling". If you knew a family member of any murder victim you'd avoid the term at all costs.

What makes rape different is that you have no idea who is or isn't a rape victim because people normally keep it quiet.

speedboatchase · 10-01-2010 2:15am

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this

You are. It's called edgy humour. Jokes are jokes and someone making a joke about a topic does not mean they condone the subject matter. Really irritates means when people try to claim intellectual superiority if they find taboo topics no-go areas for humour. People tell a LOT more jokes about child abuse/paedophilia than rape by the way

Jessibelle · 10-01-2010 2:43am

speedboatchase wrote: »

People tell a LOT more jokes about child abuse/paedophilia than rape by the way

So because it's 'edgy' it's aceptable?? I wouldn't find 'jokes' about child abuse or paedophilia amusing either, that's not an attempt at intellectual superiority, just not something I find funny in any sense.

I'm genuinely interested though as to why it's not considered to be offensive if it's couched as humour?

When did it become ok to joke about rape?

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