When did it become ok to joke about rape?

Jessibelle

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

minidazzler

It's not really OK to joke about, but it does happen. I don't mind it so much TBH. But the people telling the jokes need to learn some tact.

I wouldn''t tell jokes like that unless I knew the people in earshot are gonna take it as it is. There is a time adn a place for them jokes, and it's not when talking to colleagues.

Catari Jaguar

There used to be a TON of rape jokes made on boards. Especially in AH but then it got banned.

Luno

It is not ok to joke about rape. Fullstop!
I think its ridiculous how much its thrown around the place people are seriously effected by this and with this thinking it makes people seem as if maybe it would be ok to do this. Although most people who joke about it don't mean they would actually do it which is a bit stupid seeing as they imply that they would but thats the world we live in I guess.

Clare Bear

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on. I'm not saying it's okay to joke about rape but I don't get offended by those sort of jokes either, they're everywhere. Not that they're all acceptable but people laugh at inappropriate things, it's human nature.

Jessibelle

Perhaps, but it nearly seems to be more acceptable nowadays and thrown into the most innocuous converstations, I've seen threads where people have said they're going to 'rape' a shop in the sales, and heard conversations where people have said they would 'rape' their boyfriend/girlfriend when they got their hands on them. I understand that there always has and will be a degree of laughing at what we find uncomfortable makes it easier to deal with, but in this instance, I think it lessens the impact of the term, and that's just a slippy road that'll further muddle things when some poor unfortunate is genuinely raped.

pikachucheeks

Clare Bear wrote: »

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on.

It's a coping mechanism, in a lot of cases, I think.

Joking about something, making light of it can lessen the fear factor surrounding it.

Ie. Jokes about Madeline McCann after her disappearance, jokes about the 2004 Tsunami.

spurious

It's a good idiot filter.

Mr. Incognito

Saying something like I'd rape him/ her when it's an obvious joke is unacceptable?

I mean where do you draw the line?

People should be free to joke about whatever they like, and people should be free to dissassociate with anyone whom they find distasteful.

I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

MAB83

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

Out of interest is it just rape jokes that offend you or is it all bad taste jokes? Are you saying you've never laughed at a funny (bad taste) Michael Jackson joke for example or something like it? Never?

julien05

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast a rapist but no this is mpt true

chocgirl

I must be seriously behind the times, I didn't know it was ok in any circumstances and am lucky enough to have never been in company that thinks it's ok!

Mr. Incognito

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast thou rapisto but this is just not true. but now years after the ordeal peopelos are calling rapisto behind my back, el child rapiste ! Impossibele i say it s not true! but they know it all... im suckered.

What? Did your fingers swell up rolling snowballs.

I think you're trying to make a bad taste joke but it's lost in the gibberish.

MAB83

chocgirl wrote: »

I must be seriously behind the times, I didn't know it was ok in any circumstances and am lucky enough to have never been in company that thinks it's ok!

Do you have any male friends? Most lads I know make those jokes. Doesn't make them bad people in my opinion but you have to know when the right time and place to say things like that is. I'd say it to the lads but I wouldn't make those joke around a few girl friends of mine, I know they wouldn't find it funny, I know the kind of people they are so I wouldn't want to offend or insult them by making those jokes in front of them.

I do think some people get far too worked up over these kind of jokes though. There's a joke about everything, deal with it. No offence to you OP but don't let it get to you, they're just jokes, there's no harm meant.

MAB83

julien05 wrote: »

Its not funny some guy joked thayts i wast thou rapisto but this is just not true. but now years after the ordeal peopelos are calling rapisto behind my back, el child rapiste ! Impossibele i say it s not true! but they know it all... im suckered.:D

What the?!

DiarmaidGNR

Clare Bear wrote: »

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on. I'm not saying it's okay to joke about rape but I don't get offended by those sort of jokes either, they're everywhere. Not that they're all acceptable but people laugh at inappropriate things, it's human nature.

If it's obviously a joke it's alright, but if people are using it common place like you said in the opening post, ("she was so hot I could have raped her", - where it is not a "joke" but is said in jest etc)- it is not ok, it just comes across crude and offensive, - and I love telling offensive jokes!!

"

---

offensive joke

---

"

See, - when it's in "joke" form it's alright.

Silverfish

I don't think it's something that should be joked about unless you're very aware of the company you're in, or with friends that you know won't be upset or take offence.

Sexual assault has happened to one in five women in Ireland. They aren't going to tell every single person they meet what happened, perhaps even friends or family. So unless you're pretty sure that nothing like that has happened to someone you know, then I personally would be careful, as the chances are, you could be bringing up horrible memories or dismissing their suffering.

Some people may tell cancer jokes, but probably not to cancer patients. Some people may tell dead baby jokes, but probably not to people who have just lost a child. I don't see how rape jokes are any different, the only difference is it'll be harder to tell. So it requires a bit of social awareness and tact.

Silverfish

DiarmaidGNR wrote: »

If it's obviously a joke it's alright, but if people are using it common place like you said in the opening post, ("she was so hot I could have raped her", - where it is not a "joke" but is said in jest etc)- it is not ok, it just comes across crude and offensive, - and I love telling offensive jokes!!

FACT - 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang-rape...

See, - when it's in "joke" form it's alright.

Not in this forum. Read the charter before posting here again.

Jessibelle

MAB83 wrote: »

Out of interest is it just rape jokes that offend you or is it all bad taste jokes? Are you saying you've never laughed at a funny (bad taste) Michael Jackson joke for example or something like it? Never?

I have laughed, unless they are in extreme bad taste, for example, I never find jokes about paedophilia, or dead babies funny. I think also. it's several steps removed if it's a joke about a celebrity, which while it doesn't make it right to laugh, does remove the immeadiacy of the impact, joking about Michael Jackson for example, you're fairly certain no one you know will know him, joking about rape, how certain are you that theres not someone in your group thats been affected by that or something else?

chocgirl

MAB83 wrote: »

Do you have any male friends? Most lads I know make those jokes. Doesn't make them bad people in my opinion but you have to know when the right time and place to say things like that is. I'd say it to the lads but I wouldn't make those joke around a few girl friends of mine, I know they wouldn't find it funny, I know the kind of people they are so I wouldn't want to offend or insult them by making those jokes in front of them.

I do think some people get far too worked up over these kind of jokes though. There's a joke about everything, deal with it. No offence to you OP but don't let it get to you, they're just jokes, there's no harm meant.

I do have male friends of course but I've honestly never heard any of them joking about rape. Maybe it's a younger guy thing, although I'm only 25 so hardly think it's that much an age thing. I've never hung around with guys exclusivly though, there's always been girls and guys maybe that's the difference.

Herbal Deity

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

This, basically.

Jessibelle wrote: »

Perhaps, but it nearly seems to be more acceptable nowadays and thrown into the most innocuous converstations, I've seen threads where people have said they're going to 'rape' a shop in the sales, and heard conversations where people have said they would 'rape' their boyfriend/girlfriend when they got their hands on them. I understand that there always has and will be a degree of laughing at what we find uncomfortable makes it easier to deal with, but in this instance, I think it lessens the impact of the term, and that's just a slippy road that'll further muddle things when some poor unfortunate is genuinely raped.

People joke about/make light of things which are horrific in reality all the time.

How many times have you heard someone say something like "I'll murder/kill you if you do X" or "They slaughtered us in the match last night"?

Is it such a huge leap to say "I'll rape you if you do X" or "They raped us in the match last night?"

I think it lessens the taboo around the term. Jokes about rape indicate that the idea that rape is a very real occurrance has entered the public mindset. It's no longer something that's never, ever mentioned.

pikachucheeks

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

People should be free to joke about whatever they like... I personally don't believe in censorship. If you don't like it, change the channel.

But don't you think social responsibility comes with a sense of censorship?

For example, restricting children and minors from certain material.

You wouldn't tell a child, or someone sensitive, an "adult" or crude joke. Censorship of that kind is needed, to defend and protect people.

While it's good in theory, to allow everyone the freedom to "joke about whatever they like" In practice, it could seriously offend a person.

Ie. A rape joke - someone might find it hilarious, another person might find it brings back painful memories of a traumatic experience.

Freedom of speech exists, but it should be exercised with caution.

MAB83

Jessibelle wrote: »

I have laughed, unless they are in extreme bad taste, for example, I never find jokes about paedophilia, or dead babies funny. I think also. it's several steps removed if it's a joke about a celebrity, which while it doesn't make it right to laugh, does remove the immeadiacy of the impact, joking about Michael Jackson for example, you're fairly certain no one you know will know him, joking about rape, how certain are you that theres not someone in your group thats been affected by that or something else?

So it's only bad to laugh if the topic you're joking about effects someone personally?! What if someone is a big Michael Jackson fan and finds those jokes really upsetting because they grew up listening to his music and felt like they knew him? What if you're offending that person? That's not okay is it? A bad taste joke is bad taste regardless, you can't laugh at one and find another offensive.

Mr. Presentable

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this, so thought I'd throw it out to boardsies for opinions, but when did it become ok to joke about rape?
I've noticed recently, particularly with people I work with that would say be maybe 5-6 years younger than me, that they'd say something jokingly like 'God, she was so hot I could have raped her there and then' or 'If I was left alone with him i would have raped him'
Now it bothers me, and enough so that I've said it a few times that I'd rather they didn't joke like that around me, and if it occurs, usually I just leave or ignore it, but tbh, I can't see the humour in it at all. Am I just being an old fuddy at 29?

It's not OK. But it was common in the 1970s along with race jokes, etc.

BumbleB

Never ....

Bottle_of_Smoke

I hear it a lot but I'm in college. I live with three guys and whenever lady gaga/shakira appear on tv there's always at least one "oh i would literally rape her"

It would never be said if a woman was there though. I wouldn't because I as far as I know its statisically as high as 1 in 20 females are victims of rape. On the other hand maybe I'm just making an assumption about victims being offended by it. I know one girl who's been raped and she's since used the phrase getting raped about not getting enough chips at mcdonalds!

Girls saying it about men in front of men . .. well I just don't think its as bad. few months back a rather lovely girl said she was going to abduct me. Didn't take offence

Nevyn

I think it's a trickle down from certain types of online games, I started hearing it used by counter strike players about 10 years ago and have heard it this year from young halo players who tend to be male.

Yes language is organic and shifts and changes but there had to be a line and using that verb about other things lessens the impact of the word and what it really means and its not something I do and the unthinking use of it by people I find shocking and saddening.

Silverfish

I think perhaps in modern language its like gay/gay. Words develop new and dual meanings.

Some people can or may or will differentiate, I've heard it phrased as "raped...but not like, raped raped" by someone who was caught on the spot making a rape reference in front of someone who had been assaulted and the person making the reference had momentarily forgotten.

In fact, I believe many people use 'raped' in the context where they more mean 'pillaged' - for example the McDonalds chips thing above. It's possible its a reduction of the term 'raped and pillaged' which used to be a term used when I was younger about being ripped off or beaten badly in a match.

That said, I don't personally feel it's a wise choice of words, regardless of how harmless the intention is, as said before, one in five women (and one in ten men) have been victims of sexual assault. Those are pretty high odds of causing unnecessary hurt.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Herbal Deity wrote: »

This, basically.



People joke about/make light of things which are horrific in reality all the time.

How many times have you heard someone say something like "I'll murder/kill you if you do X" or "They slaughtered us in the match last night"?

Is it such a huge leap to say "I'll rape you if you do X" or "They raped us in the match last night?"

I think it lessens the taboo around the term. Jokes about rape indicate that the idea that rape is a very real occurrance has entered the public mindset. It's no longer something that's never, ever mentioned.

I'm not saying you're wrong because I'm undecided, but I will offer a critiscism. Murder/slaughter are much more regularly used words than rape.

Rape isn't taboo for no reason. It's taboo because its a topic that makes people uncomfortable. Not for repressed catholic reasons, it's uncomfortable because victims generally want privacy. Families of murder/slaughter victims talk openly about the crimes but rape victims don't. If you knew a family member of a victim of the shankill butchers you'd probably avoid the term "we're going to slaughter you in the hurling". If you knew a family member of any murder victim you'd avoid the term at all costs.

What makes rape different is that you have no idea who is or isn't a rape victim because people normally keep it quiet.

speedboatchase

Jessibelle wrote: »

I may be reacting in an over-sensitive manner to this

You are. It's called edgy humour. Jokes are jokes and someone making a joke about a topic does not mean they condone the subject matter. Really irritates means when people try to claim intellectual superiority if they find taboo topics no-go areas for humour. People tell a LOT more jokes about child abuse/paedophilia than rape by the way

Jessibelle

speedboatchase wrote: »

People tell a LOT more jokes about child abuse/paedophilia than rape by the way

So because it's 'edgy' it's aceptable?? I wouldn't find 'jokes' about child abuse or paedophilia amusing either, that's not an attempt at intellectual superiority, just not something I find funny in any sense.

I'm genuinely interested though as to why it's not considered to be offensive if it's couched as humour?

furiousox

MAB83 wrote: »

So it's only bad to laugh if the topic you're joking about effects someone personally?! What if someone is a big Michael Jackson fan and finds those jokes really upsetting because they grew up listening to his music and felt like they knew him? What if you're offending that person? That's not okay is it? A bad taste joke is bad taste regardless, you can't laugh at one and find another offensive.

Yeah but everyone's idea of what constitutes bad taste is not the same is it?

I wouldn't be offended by Michael Jackson jokes at all, but I would be offended by Madeleine McCann jokes.
I can guarantee you it'll be vice versa for some people.

LETS BE AVN IT

I think the word , rape , has become more acceptable in common conversation between people under 25 , its not used in its original context anymore for example you may hear people at football matches saying , ronaldo raped him there he didnt have a chance, or a band playing a concert , kings of leon actually raped the place tonight it was unreal ! So i dont think when people say it, they actually are thinking of physicaly assaulting some one.

Sabbath Lily

I don't think a lot of people here are truly getting the sense of what the OP meant though. She's already more or less been accused of having a **** sense of humour and to get over it (which I think she has reacted to very gracefully, imo.) I love my football, and have heard the term 'raped' used in that context, when a player's beaten, but that is very, very different to jokes about actual rape. I have no problem with the actual word, or it being used in other contexts, when it is patently clear that an literal act of rape is not in question.

Jokes ABOUT rape, though - I do have a problem with. I don't mean to say that there isn't a joke out there, that couldn't be funny with relation to this - but not too many. A lot of it is the way it's told - if it's put in a dry, self-deprecating way, I don't mind too much. But a lot of the time, the way men tell these jokes (and it is men, always men, I'm afraid to say), it's in the mode of how they'd describe a sexual conquest to their mates down the pub - lots of laughter and a fairly strong sense of derision. It's the context in which it's told. And that context, unfortunately, is usually inappropriate, IMO.

Bottle_of_Smoke's depiction of rape and its taboo nature in this country is pretty on-the-money. Of course, most people seem to think that it doesn't exist unless they're faced with it directly - I don't think they ever consider that people they see every day could be victims. And if they did know this, I'm sure they'd think about altering their behaviour, at least about telling rape jokes anyway. But most guys I know go on the defensive when you challenge them on this. Generally I get asked what my problem is. Short of saying 'I was raped', I'm not allowed to have a legitimate answer.

speedboatchase

Sabbath Lily wrote: »

But a lot of the time, the way men tell these jokes (and it is men, always men, I'm afraid to say), it's in the mode of how they'd describe a sexual conquest to their mates down the pub - lots of laughter and a fairly strong sense of derision

God forbid people laugh at a joke right? As for "sense of derision" - are you implying towards a rape victim? As I've said, there's absolutely no connection between laughing at a joke about a topic and then somehow being condoning that subject. Nothing in humour should be taboo

Sabbath Lily

speedboatchase wrote: »

God forbid people laugh at a joke right? As for "sense of derision" - are you implying towards a rape victim? As I've said, there's absolutely no connection between laughing at a joke about a topic and then somehow being condoning that subject. Nothing in humour should be taboo

I knew someone would say that, and the whole censorship thing would be raised. If you want me to believe I'm censoring you, go ahead. But personally, I value compassion over absolutely free speech. If there's even a chance that I was speaking to a rape victim, and making that kind of joke in front of him/her, I would absolutely torture myself about it. But obviously that's just me...
Oh, and if you do happen to do the above, make sure to tell the victim yourself (if he/she actually identifies themselves, that is) that there's no connection between your joke and the assault that they suffered themselves. I mean, rape victims can sometimes suffer for years on end, what with the fact that our society still won't accept that the victims involved weren't 'asking for it'. So they might be a bit sensitive about the topic. But the most important thing is that you said what you wanted to say, isn't it?

drkpower

speedboatchase wrote: »

God forbid people laugh at a joke right? As for "sense of derision" - are you implying towards a rape victim? As I've said, there's absolutely no connection between laughing at a joke about a topic and then somehow being condoning that subject. Nothing in humour should be taboo

Isnt the point that, in the vast vast majority of cases, joking about actual rape simply isnt funny.

speedboatchase

Sabbath Lily wrote: »

I knew someone would say that, and the whole censorship thing would be raised. If you want me to believe I'm censoring you, go ahead. But personally, I value compassion over absolutely free speech. If there's even a chance that I was speaking to a rape victim, and making that kind of joke in front of him/her, I would absolutely torture myself about it. But obviously that's just me...
Oh, and if you do happen to do the above, make sure to tell the victim yourself (if he/she actually identifies themselves, that is) that there's no connection between your joke and the assault that they suffered themselves. I mean, rape victims can sometimes suffer for years on end, what with the fact that our society still won't accept that the victims involved weren't 'asking for it'. So they might be a bit sensitive about the topic. But the most important thing is that you said what you wanted to say, isn't it?

I honestly feel the person at the table would actually realise there was no connection between me telling a joke and condoning the action within it? Like as if the person at the table suddenly starts thinking "oh no, this guy likes to rape people!!". If I knew the person had suffered that kind of assault I would of course have a lot more tact to make the joke in front of them. For example, if someone told a racist joke (as I said, there a tons of taboo subjects for humour) you wouldn't tell it in the company of a person of the race being described in the joke. Self-censorship in these areas is always going to happen and should always to happen, but liking the joke is nothing to be ashamed of - it's just a joke. You say at the end there "But the most important thing is that you said what you wanted to say, isn't it?!" as if I'd be a heartless, selfish person who wants to hurt peoples feelings to make my mates laugh but as I said, that's completely off the mark

drkpower wrote: »

Isnt the point that, in the vast vast majority of cases, joking about actual rape simply isnt funny.

Humour is subjective and no topic is or should be off-limits and what do you mean by "actual rape"? I wouldn't make a joke about an actual rape victim, no-one does that

drkpower

speedboatchase wrote: »

If I knew the person had suffered that kind of assault I would of course have a lot more tact to make the joke in front of them. For example, if someone told a racist joke (as I said, there a tons of taboo subjects for humour) you wouldn't tell it in the company of a person of the race being described in the joke.

90+% of rape victims are women and reents stats suggest that somewhere approching 30% of women have been the victim of rape; so do the maths, there is a good chanse that the woman at the table is going to be a woman who has been raped.

drkpower

speedboatchase wrote: »

Humour is subjective and no topic is or should be off-limits and what do you mean by "actual rape"? I wouldn't make a joke about an actual rape victim, no-one does that

It is about context. You said yourself that certain topics were off limits in certain company. If you and your mates like to tell rape jokes and you all think its funny, go for it, but in company where there is a very good chance that someone has been the victim of rape, you shouldnt go there.

When I said "actual rape" jokes, I was distinguishing a play on the word/word games, which is a little different to jokes that have rape as a part of the narrative.

Ickle Magoo

speedboatchase wrote: »

I honestly feel the person at the table would actually realise there was no connection between me telling a joke and condoning the action within it? Like as if the person at the table suddenly starts thinking "oh no, this guy likes to rape people!!". If I knew the person had suffered that kind of assault I would of course have a lot more tact to make the joke in front of them.

It's not so much "this guy like to rape people" as "this guy thinks rape is funny"...and given the statistics on rape, you aren't likely to know the person had suffered such an assault. It seems to be a topic you'd be ashamed to laugh at in front of a rape victim, added to the fact you can't possibly tell who is or isn't a victim of rape - would common sense not dictate that it's not actually joke material?

speedboatchase

drkpower wrote: »

It is about context. You said yourself that certain topics were off limits in certain company. If you and your mates like to tell rape jokes and you all think its funny, go for it, but in company where there is a very good chance that someone has been the victim of rape, you shouldnt go there.

When I said "actual rape" jokes, I was distinguishing a play on the word/word games, which is a little different to jokes that have rape as a part of the narrative.

This. It's very easy to misconstrue a message of me and my friends rubbing our hands together and cackling away over a series of rape jokes we have prepared all week to rattle off one after another. If I find someone funny (subjective), I will laugh at it involuntarily, that can be any manner of joke; tonight I laughed my ass off at a joke about a hen dating agency. If I laugh at a racist joke (for example the wheel of fortune "naggers" answer in South Park scene was hysterical) or anything else a bit taboo, it really doesn't mean anything. I try have as much tact as possible if I'm the one telling the joke. Of course I wouldn't tell the joke in front of someone who has suffered such a horrible ordeal and to be honest, I would only tell that kind of joke in the company of women if I knew them really well, it's hard first-date material

speedboatchase

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

It's not so much "this guy like to rape people" as "this guy thinks rape is funny"...and given the statistics on rape, you aren't likely to know the person had suffered such an assault. It seems to be a topic you'd be ashamed to laugh at in front of a rape victim, added to the fact you can't possibly tell who is or isn't a victim of rape - would common sense not dictate that it's not actually joke material?

There are plenty of jokes about child abuse, racism etc etc as I've said, in fact every single Michael Jackson joke before and after his death centred around this. As I've said above rape is obviously a situation where I would have more tact than usual, in the same way I wouldn't tell a racist joke in the company of someone of a race mentioned in the joke. Unless I knew a woman in the company of the joke really well I wouldn't bother. If I did, and I think it's funny - I'll tell it. I mean come on, people here have heard of edgy humour before right? Lots of subjects are used and you use tact when telling them BUT most importantly, if you find them funny, nothing wrong with that and they're worth telling

tudlytops

speedboatchase wrote: »

Of course I wouldn't tell the joke in front of someone who has suffered such a horrible ordeal and to be honest, I would only tell that kind of joke in the company of women if I knew them really well, it's hard first-date material

Problem is how do you know if someone was a rape victim, it's not as if people go around telling their story, even if you think you know them well.

There are a lot of jokes I don't laugh at and these are one of them.

drkpower

speedboatchase wrote: »

This. It's very easy to misconstrue a message of me and my friends rubbing our hands together and cackling away over a series of rape jokes we have prepared all week to rattle off one after another. If I find someone funny (subjective), I will laugh at it involuntarily, that can be any manner of joke; tonight I laughed my ass off at a joke about a hen dating agency. If I laugh at a racist joke (for example the wheel of fortune "naggers" answer in South Park scene was hysterical) or anything else a bit taboo, it really doesn't mean anything. I try have as much tact as possible if I'm the one telling the joke. Of course I wouldn't tell the joke in front of someone who has suffered such a horrible ordeal and to be honest, I would only tell that kind of joke in the company of women if I knew them really well, it's hard first-date material

Im not trying to paint a picture of you and your misogynistic mates down the pub getting off on rape jokes, I am simply making the point that jokes that have rape as their subject are really not on in female company, given the relatively comon experience it is for women (even the ones you know well).

I know one or two black guys who think that the occasional 'N' joke is hilarious, and in their company i might rattle off an especially good one. Would I tell that joke in the company of other black people who i knew, but whose personal sensibilities and backgrounds i wasnt aware of? Not a chance.

speedboatchase

Well I'm gonna head to bed and I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone tonight or come off as some kind of crazy scumbag or anything. I do realise however that perhaps there's a male/female divide about this subject, which for the reasons people have underlined in the thread is understandable. As the above poster says "there are a lot of jokes I don't laugh at and these are one of them" and I think with most blokes we pretty much laugh at every joke if we find it funny, and maybe have less control on what we find funny, a more no holds barred approach. But interesting pointers and I do see where people are coming from

In any case I'll bid you all adieu but not before I leave you with that terrible animal joke I heard earlier - "I used to run a dating agency for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet"


:eek: Sorry..

drkpower

speedboatchase wrote: »

There are plenty of jokes about child abuse, racism etc etc as I've said, in fact every single Michael Jackson joke before and after his death centred around this.

I dont think you are getting this.
It is highly unlikely that the recipient of the joke will be a relative of Michael J.
It is highly unlikely, in your circles (under 30/40, yes?), that the recipient of the joke will be a victim of child abuse (although given recent events I would be very careful of that one too, particularly with older age groups).

But with women, there is not far off a 1 in 3 chance that they will have been a victim, and probably a 1 in 2 or more chance that they will know someone very well who is a victim. So it is a totally different ball game. Edgy humour is great, but it is no longer edgy when it directly offends someone who has every right to be offended by it, then its just offensive.

Lia_lia

Clare Bear wrote: »

People joke about everything. Rape, dead babies, cancer.....the list goes on. I'm not saying it's okay to joke about rape but I don't get offended by those sort of jokes either, they're everywhere. Not that they're all acceptable but people laugh at inappropriate things, it's human nature.

Yeah, this.

Jules

Speaking from a very personal opinion, it all depends on the context.

I have sat on my computer talking to a group of friends and the guys involved would be chatting away and one would throw up a pic of a girl and they would chime in with "oh yeah i'd hit that, she'd get it, i'd rape her" whilst flexing their e-penis. And it doesn't bother me when its a once off. Hell i have used the term once or twice in reference to the tax man!

But, i have unfortunately had to sit in the same room as guys saying things like that over and over again, whilst playing games or watching movies and it does get to a point where i do get uncomfortable, worse it being an ex who knew of my situation!

And also i have to say jokes about the actual act of rape bother me in hugh ways. And it's not like i don't have a bit of a twisted sense of humour but i do think some jokes go to far, and desensitise people to things. Like the maddie thing, end of the day a little girl went missing and is probably dead and people talking about her being the "hide and seek campaion of 2008" or whatever. That is targeting an individual and that is too far. But, like i said, i have a personal opinion on certain things and, well thats that.

Nevyn

Humour is subjective but this thread is about the use of the word rape as an expression rather then as a joke.

It has become a turn of phrase it seem with some people to say how badly they or another person lost at a game or activity and I'm sorry but your football team loosing by 13 nil to it's arch rival is not comparible to being raped.

Nor it is a compliment or a good turn of phrase to express how sexually attracted you are to someone, "She's so hot, I'd rape her" I don't see how that expression can be recieved with anything but revulsion esp given the stats on date rape and how under reported rape is.

scanlas

The funnier one's joke is the more likely one will get away with it. You can even blatantly bully people, if it's funny you aren't a social violater. Look at Vinnie Jones in big brother house, he gets away with a lot of bad behavour because he's funny and no one sees him as a social violater. He's blatantly bullying Alex. People want value, when you are funny you are giving value, so people are less likely to have a problem with the joke content.