My first go - title "The Madman?"

hypnodice · 04-11-2009 2:03pm

I want to see more!

padraiggg · 04-11-2009 2:30pm

Trent felt a hand on his shoulder. At least he assumed it was a hand. His mind briefly ran through the other things it could of been, a bird? no that would of been obvious because of its claws and feathers, a leaf from a tree? too light. could his hat have fallen off his head? no he was very careful about his hat. Eventually he just turned his head to see what it was. A hand. "hahaha" Though Trent. "I knew it". "What are you looking at my hand for" said the hand owner. Trent turned round, he could of shot him there and then for that but his mind was on other things. "what is this on my shoulder, a hand? " and then "why is this hand on my shoulder " were the other things his mind was on, not shooting. "What do you want" said Trent. "I hear you can" The man paused. "solve problems" he said after the pause. Trent tried to think of something supercool to say like "Im not a maths teacher" or soemthing. He couldnt though because of the whole hand/shoulder thing. BANG! Trent shot the man! "I guess you won't be putting your hands on any shoulders now" said Trent. But he wasn't really happy with it.

pickarooney · 04-11-2009 7:23pm

Is this... remorse he's feeling? Don't tell me he's turning gay.

Daftendirekt · 05-11-2009 8:15pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Is this... remorse he's feeling? Don't tell me he's turning gay.

No, not Trent. Never!

He just regrets not coming up with a snappier line.

ToniTuddle · 05-11-2009 8:28pm

Well holy God. This is passing my evening very nicely:D

padraiggg · 09-11-2009 6:00pm

Trent stopped at the door to take a deep breath and also because of it was closed. Then the door opened and a woman who Trent didn't want to have sex with opened the door. BANG! Trent shot the woman! "hahaha" said Trent "anyone home?!". He quickly buried the body in the garden and went in the house. Trent could hear the cocktail party was happening in the dining room which was the room he was next to. He wanted to walk past the room but the door was open! Trent easily somersaulted over the top of the door so no-one saw him! He knew the man with the information was in the next room. Trent knocked on the door and said "room service" in his best voice. The trick worked easily and trent went into the room. "It's you! "said the man when Trent was in the room "I'll give you the information Trent just dont kill me" he said. BANG! Trent shot the man! He didnt have time for games. Then he found the information in the room. Just then the people from the party came into the study and saw trent and the man and trents gun and the information in trents hands and the other things in the room, books mostly, there was a bin in the corner. "can i see your invitation" said one of the men. This was a silly thing to say firstly Trent obviasly didnt have an invitation, secondly he wouldnt of gone to that party and thirdly it made Trent say "yes heres my invitation" and kill them all with his gun.

weiming · 10-11-2009 3:08pm

So I started reading this thread when only the first bit had been posted and　I was like "wtf..." Then when I came back today it was 3 pages long and I was like "wtf...?!"

But then I read all three pages and I was laughing out loud. It's like Dirk Gently meets James Bond meets Dr.Tran (Dr. Tran!), only more misogynistic (if you can get any more misogynistic than ol' J.B.).

My favorite bit so far is: "BANG! Trent shot the man dead! He fell on the floor like some shopping that hadn't been doubly bagged but there was heavy shopping in the bag, so the bag ripped. Trent was just like that, but no-one knew why."

Gold.

At first I thought this was slightly crazy, but now I'm convinced it is completely crazy, and brilliant! Please god keep it up.

Go Trent!

padraiggg · 10-11-2009 4:41pm

the trip

"so this is london" said Trent as he looked out the taxi window. He was looking for the ambassadors house but all he could see was heathrow airport, the statue of big ben and oxford circus, then suddenly he saw it! "stop the car!" ordered trent, the man started braking but trent didnt have time for that and opened the door out on to the m25! The taxi driver shouted for him to stop but trent had already jumped and was rolling up to the door of the ambassadors house! The ambassador knew something was wrong maybe because of the training he had got off the army or maybe because of trent was smashing his door down! Trent was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed him or more likely if he killed evryone else. The ambassador had his own gun and was pointing it at the door ready to shoot Trent but then the window smashed and that was the way Trent had come in so it was all a big surprise and he grabbed the ambassador and the ambassador dropped his gun. Trent asked him about what had happened and then killed him just then the ambassadors wife came in. You could tell she fancied trent "Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

Penn · 10-11-2009 5:53pm

padraiggg wrote: »

The ambassador knew something was wrong maybe because of the training he had got off the army or maybe because of trent was smashing his door down! Trent was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed him or more likely if he killed evryone else. The ambassador had his own gun and was pointing it at the door ready to shoot Trent but then the window smashed and that was the way Trent had come in so it was all a big surprise and he grabbed the ambassador and the ambassador dropped his gun. Trent asked him about what had happened and then killed him just then the ambassadors wife came in.

Just when I think you're starting to lose it....

padraiggg wrote: »

You could tell she fancied trent "Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

...you pull it back in an almighty fashion. Keep it up

ChillyJilly · 11-11-2009 1:40pm

padraiggg wrote: »

Just then the people from the party came into the study and saw trent and the man and trents gun and the information in trents hands and the other things in the room, books mostly, there was a bin in the corner.

Quality

weiming · 13-11-2009 4:26pm

Waiting patiently for the next exciting installment of Trent-style mayhem. Don't leave us hangin', padraiggg!

CamillaRhodes · 18-11-2009 1:55pm

Just discovered this thread - gold

Haven't really laughed out loud at something I've read online in a long time.

Last line of the last installment was wonderful

:D

padraiggg · 18-11-2009 6:17pm

The man pushed open the door to the saloon, he was looking for Trent. The Saloon was in Asia somewhere and all the men in it looked really evil some of them werent wearing shirt. Other ones had headbands on and scars they all looked like they knew karate except one who only had one leg ' probably eaten off by a tiger or exploded off by a grenade' thought the man. Then he heard it "hahaha" the last time he had heard that noise two men were dead and one woman had been had sex with. He looked through the crowd and saw Trent playing russian roulette! BANG! A man shot himself! BANG! Another man shot himself! CLICK! Trent didn;t shoot himself! "hahaha" he said "Too easy" as he collected the money and stepped over the dead bodies taking care not to have sex with any women in the room. The man gave Trent an envelope and Trent looked inside of it and found €147638 and a note he read the note it siad "KILL THE PRESIDENT". Trent crunched the note into a ball and threw it in the air BANG! Trent shot the ball of paper and the man at the same time! He looked at the man he had just shot at the same time as the ball of paper and said "Don't you know that periods of severe financial crisis require a strong socio-political base from which to resolve themselves!" Trent said but he didn;t really mean it he just wanted the money and couldnt of been bothered anyway.

JCDUB · 18-11-2009 7:22pm

Well done Padraiggggg, these are the best few pieces of creative writing I've ever read, pure fictional heaven.

Trent is the maaaaannnn!!!

Suppose it would be too much to ask for a few illustrations of equally high quality to go along with your written installments??

Bonavox · 19-11-2009 12:46am

I can see Trent becoming somewhat of a cult hero by the end of this thread

No really, gold dust . . .

padraiggg · 20-11-2009 6:04pm

JCDUB wrote: »

Well done Padraiggggg, these are the best few pieces of creative writing I've ever read, pure fictional heaven.

Trent is the maaaaannnn!!!

Suppose it would be too much to ask for a few illustrations of equally high quality to go along with your written installments??

Thank you but sorry my drawing isnt very good and i dont have mspaint on this machine! I dont think ternt would like seeing his picture all over the internet either!

Penn · 20-11-2009 10:07pm

padraiggg wrote: »

Thank you but sorry my drawing isnt very good and i dont have mspaint on this machine! I dont think ternt would like seeing his picture all over the internet either!

I dread to think what he'd do. Not even the Admins could protect us from him

Iamsparticus · 20-11-2009 11:46pm

Well I'm just gonna hang up my writing pants and snap my pen in two. cos I'm never, ever gonna think of a line as funny as...

"the last time he had heard that noise two men were dead and one woman had been had sex with"

Classic

kelator · 23-11-2009 7:13pm

padraiggg wrote: »

stepped over the dead bodies taking care not to have sex with any women in the room.

IMO the best line of fiction ever!

padraiggg · 23-11-2009 7:18pm

Trent said the password and now the man was unlocking the door. KRRR-CLICK! KRRR-CLICK! KRR-CLICK! Actually, there was four locks. KRRR-CLICK! Now the door was open and Trent walked into the secret base. He thought for a few seconds about shooting the doorman but changed his mind in case the door was locked when he wanted to go. The man looked relieved when trent stopped pressing the gun on his head. Trent walked down the corridor of the secret base and on each side there was rooms, trent looked in the rooms as he walked he could see at least 7 crimes going on but Trent was too busy to get involved or to stop the ones he didnt like. Finally, after what seemed like 30 seconds Trent got to the Bosses room. He could see the boss in the room walking around as he talked on the phone. trent waited for the perfect moment and then did a flying kick through the door and pinned the boss against the wall with it. "Room service!" shouted Trent as he flew through the air. The man's neck broke instantly as Trent got him and his face was dead but had a smile on it! It was because he owned a chain of hotels and because of what Trent said in the air!

pickarooney · 25-11-2009 12:13am

I can't wait to see what happens when Trent meets a worthy adversary.

seahorse · 25-11-2009 1:58pm

I don't know where to start with this thread! It's the funniest zaniest most original stuff I've read in a long time. NUT'S! - in a good way!

:D:D

seahorse · 25-11-2009 1:59pm

Oh and this bit's my favourite!

padraiggg wrote: »

Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

Insect Overlord · 25-11-2009 3:52pm

pickarooney wrote: »

I can't wait to see what happens when Trent meets a worthy adversary.

Impossible! What man could ever come close to matching Trent?!
None, surely...

padraiggg · 30-11-2009 1:57pm

Trent climbed the fence to the top of the fence, then he dropped silently to the ground like a €79 negligee falling off the shoulders of a beautiful woman. Except trent landed in an abandoned boatyard and not on his bedroom floor. Trent could see the baddies base it was an old submarine but a guard dog was running at him! Trent used his skills and looked at the dog and could recognise a malady of discontent in its eyes. Trent put the beast out of its misery with an awesome suplex! Now the dog was looking at him from doggy heaven "it was good that that man did that I didnt like being a naughty guard dog and biting people" it barked to the dog next to him in doggy heaven. Now trent was coming up to the door of the submarine he could see a henchman guarding it trent guessed it was his first day on the job he was looking awkward and he didnt have the proper uniform on yet he was wearing his own jacket and not the blue one that all the normal henchmen had! Trent took him out with a stunning footsweep he fell in the water and a shark bit him! "Hahaha too easy" Trent said to himself but then he thought "hmmm a bit too easy a guard dog with a malady of discontent and a henchman on his first day" Trent was even more on his guard than usual which is a lot. Now Trent came to the bosses room, the bosses chair was facing the wall so Trent couldnt see him. BANG! Trent shot the chair but not the man! Trent looked in the chair but the boss wasn't in it! There was just a note that said "BETER LUCK NEXT TIME TRENT". Trent crushed the paper and it instantly turned to dust. Then Trent realised the beeping he could hear was a bomb and a trap! Trent started running and dived out of the submarine door just as the bomb exploded. Trent looked at his trousers a bit of mud was on them. Now he was really mad someone was going to pay. €3.50 for dry cleaning and a karate chopped face.