My first go - title "The Madman?"

pickarooney

I can't wait to see what happens when Trent meets a worthy adversary.

seahorse

I don't know where to start with this thread! It's the funniest zaniest most original stuff I've read in a long time. NUT'S! - in a good way! :D:D

seahorse

Oh and this bit's my favourite!

padraiggg wrote: »

Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

Insect Overlord

pickarooney wrote: »

I can't wait to see what happens when Trent meets a worthy adversary.

Impossible! What man could ever come close to matching Trent?!
None, surely...

padraiggg

Trent climbed the fence to the top of the fence, then he dropped silently to the ground like a €79 negligee falling off the shoulders of a beautiful woman. Except trent landed in an abandoned boatyard and not on his bedroom floor. Trent could see the baddies base it was an old submarine but a guard dog was running at him! Trent used his skills and looked at the dog and could recognise a malady of discontent in its eyes. Trent put the beast out of its misery with an awesome suplex! Now the dog was looking at him from doggy heaven "it was good that that man did that I didnt like being a naughty guard dog and biting people" it barked to the dog next to him in doggy heaven. Now trent was coming up to the door of the submarine he could see a henchman guarding it trent guessed it was his first day on the job he was looking awkward and he didnt have the proper uniform on yet he was wearing his own jacket and not the blue one that all the normal henchmen had! Trent took him out with a stunning footsweep he fell in the water and a shark bit him! "Hahaha too easy" Trent said to himself but then he thought "hmmm a bit too easy a guard dog with a malady of discontent and a henchman on his first day" Trent was even more on his guard than usual which is a lot. Now Trent came to the bosses room, the bosses chair was facing the wall so Trent couldnt see him. BANG! Trent shot the chair but not the man! Trent looked in the chair but the boss wasn't in it! There was just a note that said "BETER LUCK NEXT TIME TRENT". Trent crushed the paper and it instantly turned to dust. Then Trent realised the beeping he could hear was a bomb and a trap! Trent started running and dived out of the submarine door just as the bomb exploded. Trent looked at his trousers a bit of mud was on them. Now he was really mad someone was going to pay. €3.50 for dry cleaning and a karate chopped face.

hypnodice

Hahaha! A stunning footsweep!

bad2dabone

this is fantastic stuff!

~Rebel~

"The Madman?"

Most appropriate title for a thread of all time, ever.

jaime

You cant leave it there!!

We need to hear more of trent, what happens to him? Did he kill the people he set out to kill? Did he get the president??

Paul Tergat

30-11-2009 13:14 Last activity




We need to hear more about Trent!

Dave!

Probably the greatest thread ever created.

Frisbee

Dave! wrote: »

Probably the greatest thread ever created.

Without a doubt

Earthhorse

It's a pity that due to boards.ie's new Terms & Conditions the OP won't see a penny from this and Dev and his buddies will take all the credit.

Moneymaker

Epic thread is epic.

padraiggg

wow a good thing i looked on here today thanks for the things you said, dave i like your picture and good idea not to put his face on there i see you drew him in his killing hat good choice sorry for not writing more i have been busy but will trya nd write some more soon as i want to know what happens!

Paul Tergat

padraiggg wrote: »

wow a good thing i looked on here today thanks for the things you said, dave i like your picture and good idea not to put his face on there i see you drew him in his killing hat good choice sorry for not writing more i have been busy but will trya nd write some more soon as i want to know what happens!

Brilliant, we want more Trent!

Poor Uncle Tom

padraiggg wrote: »

Trent asked him about what had happened and then killed him just then the ambassadors wife came in. You could tell she fancied trent "Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

I think I just broke a laughing bone....:D

Mr Velo

padraiggg wrote: »

wow a good thing i looked on here today thanks for the things you said, dave i like your picture and good idea not to put his face on there i see you drew him in his killing hat good choice sorry for not writing more i have been busy but will trya nd write some more soon as i want to know what happens!

Great to see you back... looking forward to the next installment.
Legendary stuff! :D

Basq

There probably was logs in the stream thought Trent, but I'm not touching them with my eyes! "haha thought Trent. Trent sat on a log. Because of his legs were tired. CRACK! A noise went. CRACK! Like a mouse's spine breaking. Trent turned round at mouse height expecting to see one with a broke back. It was a broken twig though with a foot on it. Trent thought that was probably what broke it. He looked up the foot and up the leg the foot was on and then up again until he saw the face of a beautiful woman. Then Trent had sex with her " hahaha" Thought Trent.

Just superb stuff... looking forward to more!

Lazare

padraiggg wrote: »

will trya nd write some more soon as i want to know what happens!

LOL, I love you padraiggg.

Lazare

It's funny but post #1 makes heaps more sense now that I've gotten to know Trent.

It seems to make better sense towards the end of the story than the beginning, what y'all think?

Moneymaker

All I can say is;

Rekop dog

Lazare wrote: »

It's funny but post #1 makes heaps more sense now that I've gotten to know Trent.

It seems to make better sense towards the end of the story than the beginning, what y'all think?

Yeah he's definitely misunderstood!

electrogrimey

padraiggg wrote: »

"hmmm a bit too easy a guard dog with a malady of discontent and a henchman on his first day" Trent was even more on his guard than usual which is a lot.

Amazing...So glad I found this thread...

electrogrimey

Thanked 110 Times in 12 Posts

Shall we announce padraiggg as winner of boards or give it a few days?

Dave!

electrogrimey wrote: »

Shall we announce padraiggg as winner of boards or give it a few days?

Why wait?

mia1

padraiggg wrote: »

Trent looked at his trousers a bit of mud was on them. Now he was really mad someone was going to pay. €3.50 for dry cleaning and a karate chopped face.

ToniTuddle

Dave! wrote: »

Why wait?

:eek:

Can I have that signature!!!??????

:eek:

The awesomeness of Trent needs to be spread!

El Weirdo

Also subscribing. Funny shit.

electrogrimey

ToniTuddle wrote: »

The awesomeness of Trent needs to be spread!

I tried in AH but Zohan wasn't having any of it.

Dave!

ToniTuddle wrote: »

:eek:

Can I have that signature!!!??????

:eek:

The awesomeness of Trent needs to be spread!

Work away !

jiltloop

Brilliant! Glad this was stickied in AH otherwise I would never have come across it. I think he might have a career opportunity in this.

electrogrimey

jiltloop wrote: »

Brilliant! Glad this was stickied in AH otherwise I would never have come across it. I think he might have a career opportunity in this.

Ah he stickied my thread! I take back my previous comment. I wonder why he changed his mind...or maybe someone else stickied it. Either way, result for Trent!

Reginald P. DuM

Trent, what a guy!!

Fair play to ya Padraiggg your entertaining us.. I'm just wondering who would be best to play Trent when he gets onto the big screen...

Sean Penn.
Johnny Depp maybe.. Or Ricky Gervais.. A chubby English Trent..

Don't change anything!!

namloc1980

padraiggg wrote: »

"can i see your invitation" said one of the men. This was a silly thing to say firstly Trent obviasly didnt have an invitation, secondly he wouldnt of gone to that party and thirdly it made Trent say "yes heres my invitation" and kill them all with his gun.

padraiggg wrote: »

"Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets".

This is just absolute gold......Trent is a legend!!

I actually haven't laughed this much at something on the net in a long, long time. Can't wait for the next instalment!

m83

Good work electrogrimey! Best thread EVER!
Yet...

BluesBerry

This should be made into a book Its brilliant Im loving the cliffhangers.............cant wait to see what happens to trent next

/eagerly awaits next installment

electrogrimey

Reginald P. DuM wrote: »

Trent, what a guy!!

Fair play to ya Padraiggg your entertaining us.. I'm just wondering who would be best to play Trent when he gets onto the big screen...

Sean Penn.
Johnny Depp maybe.. Or Ricky Gervais.. A chubby English Trent..

Don't change anything!!

No no, has to be someone like Sylvester Stallone, or Daniel Craig. Except more bad-ass.

yaaaboy

only found this thread today but its brilliant - i keep on getting the feeling of 'man its so good i would never have thought of that, i can never be a writer now'!
Its riveting, just when you seem to be able to second guess Trent, Bam! he breaks you're neck and has sex with you're wife - what a hero

ToniTuddle

Dave! wrote: »

Work away !

Ammmm so talk me through how too >.<

I right clicked and saved the picture to my laptop....
I know how to embed text (see my own for Nocturnal one)...but how do you make it so that when you click on picture it takes you to the thread?*

PM me with what all to do! Please and thank you



*I know it's been stickied now so loads of folks will finally discover the greatness anyway

This in the only known photo of the man, in the days before he went mad. Back then he was more about having sex with all the women than he was about killing everyone.

Reginald P. DuM

Johnny Depp it is!!!

we'llallhavetea_old

mwuha ha ha!! this is the best thread on boards ever! i laughed so hard i startled the cat, what a legend trent is. I WOULD!

ToniTuddle

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

mwuha ha ha!! this is the best thread on boards ever! i laughed so hard i startled the cat, what a legend trent is. I WOULD!

Ooooh yes you would.....;)....and then..... BANG! :eek:

we'llallhavetea_old

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Ooooh yes you would.....;)....and then..... BANG! :eek:

worth it! "hahaha!"

Brian

this sure beats logging in bossarkey.

Terran

Fantastic stuff!

jiltloop

Just read through it again, it's like a cross between Sin City, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace and Catch 22.

electrogrimey

Compiled this masterpiece for ease of reading:

padraiggg wrote: »

Chapter 1

A man in a hat entered the room. He took off the hat. “It's you!” They all said. At the same time like a class speaking to a teacher. “Hahaha Hello gentleman”, the man in the hat said, putting the hat on the table. “And hello ladies he said. Turning to the ladies and lifting his hat politely. “Leave us alone Trent!” The women said. Perhaps it was because the were angry at him for something he had done in the past, a long, long time ago. Or perhaps it was because he was holding a gun at them! The gun came from nowhere. He had got it out of his pocket and now both bullets were aimed at the people.”Say your prayers!” The man said but one of the men grabbed the gun, knocking the table with the hat on it and some other things on the floor. A vase got broken. Now the gun was in the other hands and we would have to wait and see if it was the right hands.

---

It had always been Trents problem to treat women like objects. Like a nice bookcase or a €350,000 mansion. He was sorry about that and sorry about what he had to do but he knew he had to do it. He had to pick up his hat and his gun and had to march to that house. He knew the people would be there and he had to kill them! But back to the women. Trent liked women but like all his things he did not do the right things with them. Like the time he broke that man's pen inthe bank by accident. He also like to take things that weren't his. "Leave my things alone! They would say to him. But he didnt care. not a jot.

---

SKRRK! SKRRK SKRRK! Somehwere in the distance Trent could hear it. SKRRK! SKRRK! SKRRK! Trent could well remember that noise from the time he was in the army. "I can well remember that noise from the time I was in the army" Trent thought. No time for thinking, he thought. And carried on running. The SKRRK!ing seemed to be getting closer though and Trent knew he must stop and fight or be killed. "Gasp!" Trent gasped. "Corporal Jones?" "Hahaha, yes Trent, I knew you would come here and I knew you knew what the SKRRK!ing was and that you must stop. That's why I did it and why I came here in the first place." Trent wasn't sure whether he should hug him or punch him! Hug him because of the SKRRK!ing wasn't real and he knew he was safe after all, or punch him because he didn't actually like him! He shook the Corporal Jones on the hand. "Hahaha" said Corporal Jones. "Same old Trent!"

---

"A gun!" Trent barked and "A hat!. The shopkeeper did not appreciate being barked at but told Trent where the guns and the hats where in his shop. He also didn't like to sell a gun to a man like Trent. The hat was ok. "Take your precious gun and hat and get out of my shop" said the shopkeeper when Trent had bought the gun and hat. Trent left the shop, pointing the gun at the shopkeeper like he might have shot him. The hat sat on his head like a man sitting on a park bench. "Peeeow!" peeowed Trent making a noise like a gun shooting. "Peeow " to you too said the shopkeeper. He knew there wasn't any bullets in the gun! Yet...

Trent was having a flashback. He suddenly remembered lots of exciting things that had happened to him that really showed who he was. He was glad that there was no way people could of known what he was thinking because it really gave away a lot about him. He shook his head to refocus on what he had to do. "Oh yes, killing all them people" Trent thought. He chuckled to himself "hahaha" because of the flashback. "Gosh that would really explain a lot about me... if people only knew what I was just thinking about..." A man who was passing looked at him and wondered why he had said it. BANG! Trent shot the man dead! He fell on the floor like some shopping that hadn't been doubly bagged but there was heavy shopping in the bag, so the bag ripped. Trent was just like that, but no-one knew why.

---

Trent looked at himself in the eyes. He couldn't of seen them normally except he was looking in a stream. Because of being in the army, he knew all about survival. Using a stream like mirror or a log or something as a seat if his legs got tired. His eyes that he was looking at looked tired, if only there was a log in that stream for them. There probably was logs in the stream thought Trent, but I'm not touching them with my eyes! "haha thought Trent. Trent sat on a log. Because of his legs were tired. CRACK! A noise went. CRACK! Like a mouse's spine breaking. Trent turned round at mouse height expecting to see one with a broke back. It was a broken twig though with a foot on it. Trent thought that was probably what broke it. He looked up the foot and up the leg the foot was on and then up again until he saw the face of a beautiful woman. Then Trent had sex with her " hahaha" Thought Trent.

---

A Mysterious STranger?

"So, we meet again Trent" said the man. "WHo is this man?" thought Trent. "Hahaha " said Trent, "I suppose we do, why don't you just tell me your name though, to remind me what it is in case I kill you and I need to tell the papers or a policeman what the name of the man I killed was." The man didn't fall for the trick though. "What's the matter Trent don't you recognise me?" Trent looked at the man, expcept he couldn;t because he was wearing a hat pulled down over his face and he was standing in the shadows anyway. Trent got ready to pull his gun out very quickly and shoot the man and this is what he was just about to do when suddenly the man stepped forward. "I am your father Trent" he said, taking off his hat. "Oh yes, said Trent "I didn't recognise you for a minute then" "hahaha" they both said. BANG! Trent shot the man! "Merry Christmas" said Trent.

Trent couldn't resist it. The casino had pulled him in. Like when you pull in all the stuffing from a cushion that your naughty dog has chewed up and left on the floor and instead of shouting at the dog your mum shouts at you because you were supposed to be watching him. So Trent was in the casino even though he had other stuff to do, like killing all them people. Like when you have homework and you should do it but you watch both Simpsons on sky one and then the Scrubs repeats and your stupid sister tells of you. Anyway he was pulled in. And he knew he had stuff to do but he didn't care, he had shot his parents anyway they couldnt tell him off because of they were dead!. "£1000000 on black" Trent said. He casually tossed a £1000000 chip on the table. The cocktail waitress really fancied him. "BLACK!" exclaimed the dealer. "hahaha" said Trent. "Too easy". Then he had sex with the cocktail waitress.

Trent felt a hand on his shoulder. At least he assumed it was a hand. His mind briefly ran through the other things it could of been, a bird? no that would of been obvious because of its claws and feathers, a leaf from a tree? too light. could his hat have fallen off his head? no he was very careful about his hat. Eventually he just turned his head to see what it was. A hand. "hahaha" Though Trent. "I knew it". "What are you looking at my hand for" said the hand owner. Trent turned round, he could of shot him there and then for that but his mind was on other things. "what is this on my shoulder, a hand? " and then "why is this hand on my shoulder " were the other things his mind was on, not shooting. "What do you want" said Trent. "I hear you can" The man paused. "solve problems" he said after the pause. Trent tried to think of something supercool to say like "Im not a maths teacher" or soemthing. He couldnt though because of the whole hand/shoulder thing. BANG! Trent shot the man! "I guess you won't be putting your hands on any shoulders now" said Trent. But he wasn't really happy with it.

Trent stopped at the door to take a deep breath and also because of it was closed. Then the door opened and a woman who Trent didn't want to have sex with opened the door. BANG! Trent shot the woman! "hahaha" said Trent "anyone home?!". He quickly buried the body in the garden and went in the house. Trent could hear the cocktail party was happening in the dining room which was the room he was next to. He wanted to walk past the room but the door was open! Trent easily somersaulted over the top of the door so no-one saw him! He knew the man with the information was in the next room. Trent knocked on the door and said "room service" in his best voice. The trick worked easily and trent went into the room. "It's you! "said the man when Trent was in the room "I'll give you the information Trent just dont kill me" he said. BANG! Trent shot the man! He didnt have time for games. Then he found the information in the room. Just then the people from the party came into the study and saw trent and the man and trents gun and the information in trents hands and the other things in the room, books mostly, there was a bin in the corner. "can i see your invitation" said one of the men. This was a silly thing to say firstly Trent obviasly didnt have an invitation, secondly he wouldnt of gone to that party and thirdly it made Trent say "yes heres my invitation" and kill them all with his gun.

the trip

"so this is london" said Trent as he looked out the taxi window. He was looking for the ambassadors house but all he could see was heathrow airport, the statue of big ben and oxford circus, then suddenly he saw it! "stop the car!" ordered trent, the man started braking but trent didnt have time for that and opened the door out on to the m25! The taxi driver shouted for him to stop but trent had already jumped and was rolling up to the door of the ambassadors house! The ambassador knew something was wrong maybe because of the training he had got off the army or maybe because of trent was smashing his door down! Trent was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed him or more likely if he killed evryone else. The ambassador had his own gun and was pointing it at the door ready to shoot Trent but then the window smashed and that was the way Trent had come in so it was all a big surprise and he grabbed the ambassador and the ambassador dropped his gun. Trent asked him about what had happened and then killed him just then the ambassadors wife came in. You could tell she fancied trent "Your a woman.Normally i would either have sex with you or kill you" siad trent "but i'm out of bullets". She smiled and started walking towards him. CRACK! Trent broke her neck with a sickening karate chop that probably would of even killed a man or any animal you can think of, a lion easily. not an elephant lets not be silly but it was a hard chop.

The man pushed open the door to the saloon, he was looking for Trent. The Saloon was in Asia somewhere and all the men in it looked really evil some of them werent wearing shirt. Other ones had headbands on and scars they all looked like they knew karate except one who only had one leg ' probably eaten off by a tiger or exploded off by a grenade' thought the man. Then he heard it "hahaha" the last time he had heard that noise two men were dead and one woman had been had sex with. He looked through the crowd and saw Trent playing russian roulette! BANG! A man shot himself! BANG! Another man shot himself! CLICK! Trent didn;t shoot himself! "hahaha" he said "Too easy" as he collected the money and stepped over the dead bodies taking care not to have sex with any women in the room. The man gave Trent an envelope and Trent looked inside of it and found €147638 and a note he read the note it siad "KILL THE PRESIDENT". Trent crunched the note into a ball and threw it in the air BANG! Trent shot the ball of paper and the man at the same time! He looked at the man he had just shot at the same time as the ball of paper and said "Don't you know that periods of severe financial crisis require a strong socio-political base from which to resolve themselves!" Trent said but he didn;t really mean it he just wanted the money and couldnt of been bothered anyway.

Trent said the password and now the man was unlocking the door. KRRR-CLICK! KRRR-CLICK! KRR-CLICK! Actually, there was four locks. KRRR-CLICK! Now the door was open and Trent walked into the secret base. He thought for a few seconds about shooting the doorman but changed his mind in case the door was locked when he wanted to go. The man looked relieved when trent stopped pressing the gun on his head. Trent walked down the corridor of the secret base and on each side there was rooms, trent looked in the rooms as he walked he could see at least 7 crimes going on but Trent was too busy to get involved or to stop the ones he didnt like. Finally, after what seemed like 30 seconds Trent got to the Bosses room. He could see the boss in the room walking around as he talked on the phone. trent waited for the perfect moment and then did a flying kick through the door and pinned the boss against the wall with it. "Room service!" shouted Trent as he flew through the air. The man's neck broke instantly as Trent got him and his face was dead but had a smile on it! It was because he owned a chain of hotels and because of what Trent said in the air!

Trent climbed the fence to the top of the fence, then he dropped silently to the ground like a €79 negligee falling off the shoulders of a beautiful woman. Except trent landed in an abandoned boatyard and not on his bedroom floor. Trent could see the baddies base it was an old submarine but a guard dog was running at him! Trent used his skills and looked at the dog and could recognise a malady of discontent in its eyes. Trent put the beast out of its misery with an awesome suplex! Now the dog was looking at him from doggy heaven "it was good that that man did that I didnt like being a naughty guard dog and biting people" it barked to the dog next to him in doggy heaven. Now trent was coming up to the door of the submarine he could see a henchman guarding it trent guessed it was his first day on the job he was looking awkward and he didnt have the proper uniform on yet he was wearing his own jacket and not the blue one that all the normal henchmen had! Trent took him out with a stunning footsweep he fell in the water and a shark bit him! "Hahaha too easy" Trent said to himself but then he thought "hmmm a bit too easy a guard dog with a malady of discontent and a henchman on his first day" Trent was even more on his guard than usual which is a lot. Now Trent came to the bosses room, the bosses chair was facing the wall so Trent couldnt see him. BANG! Trent shot the chair but not the man! Trent looked in the chair but the boss wasn't in it! There was just a note that said "BETER LUCK NEXT TIME TRENT". Trent crushed the paper and it instantly turned to dust. Then Trent realised the beeping he could hear was a bomb and a trap! Trent started running and dived out of the submarine door just as the bomb exploded. Trent looked at his trousers a bit of mud was on them. Now he was really mad someone was going to pay. €3.50 for dry cleaning and a karate chopped face.

JCDUB

I actually discovered this thread about a month ago, and for some reason didn't ask for it to be stickied in AH. How wrong I was.

Trent is the bees knees, come no Padraiggggggg give us more Trent!!

I'm gonna quote chapters of "The Madman" to chicks in pubs, it's a guaranteed score:D

BTW I think Trent might soon rival Feeky Magee in hero status in AH