Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Should I tell my girlfriend?

24

Comments

  • #32
    echosound
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 773 ✭✭✭echosound


    Trí wrote: »
    Personally, I hate all this 'boys will be boys shyte'. So because they're 'boys', they can get away with anything?

    A lap dance is one thing. Sucking on another woman's nipples is quite another. It doesn't matter if she's a stripper or not. He put his mouth on an intimate area of another woman.

    Agreed 100%.

    Sucking a nipple, copping a "grope", where exactly is the line drawn as to what constitutes a breach of trust/cheating? Would putting your mouth on someone else's mouth be ok (kissing another woman)? I would view sucking another woman's nipple as a step beyond kissing another woman (as it's a far more intimate body part) so to me, that would most definitely be crossing a line and cheating.

    All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

    I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.


  • #33
    starchild
    Closed Accounts Posts: 211 ✭✭starchild


    if it is important to you to be totally honest then tell her

    personally i think if you want to stay with her and want your relationship to have a future then dont tell her

    just realise you love her be thankful you got away with it and dont do it again


  • #34
    t-ha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,479 ✭✭✭t-ha


    Fortunately or you it was a different area code this time (which makes it ok), but watch your step in future young man!


  • #35
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    echosound wrote: »
    Agreed 100%.

    Sucking a nipple, copping a "grope", where exactly is the line drawn as to what constitutes a breach of trust/cheating? Would putting your mouth on someone else's mouth be ok (kissing another woman)? I would view sucking another woman's nipple as a step beyond kissing another woman (as it's a far more intimate body part) so to me, that would most definitely be crossing a line and cheating.

    All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

    I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.
    Absolutely excellent post. I couldn't have put it better. OP, read this one thoroughly.

    How would you feel if the tables were turned?


  • #36
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    Not a big deal to be honest -move on its not like u slept with her


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    Not a big deal to be honest -move on its not like u slept with her

    I have to say, I hope that's not a common male view as to what is acceptable.

    I'd love to see the look on my boyfriend's face if I said 'its okay honey, I didn't sleep with him. I just fondled his penis/snogged him/licked his ____. Girls will be girls. Move on'.

    Somehow - nah. I don't think that would go down too well.


  • #38
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i totally agree with tri


  • #39
    waraf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,326 ✭✭✭waraf


    Don't tell her OP. Essentially you're just trying to ease your own conscience at your birds expense. You're just gonna cause a massive row and she'll be freaked anytime you go away with the lads in future. If the lads on the stag are normal blokes they'll understand the golden rule of stags....."what goes on tour stays on tour". I've seen married blokes do a lot worse than you mate when they've gone away on stags. You're obviously a decent bloke and probably a decent boyfriend. Make it up to your bird by doing something special for her but for God's sake don't tell her. You will regret it for a very long time if you do....


  • #40
    herya
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭herya


    echosound wrote: »
    I'd do your GF the favour of being honest with her and let her decide how she wants to view your actions. You've already said you know it would probably hurt her - perhaps keep this in mind next time you are considering sucking on some nipples.

    Or if you keep the nipple thing under wraps this time what are you going to suck on your next stag?....


  • #41
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity


  • Advertisement
  • #42
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    Barr wrote: »
    Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity

    Whether or not people feel guilty enough is irrelevant. If something isn't kosher it isn't kosher. I.E the other partner will still most likely find it wrong whether or not the OP feels guilty about it. I personally think the lack of guilt would inform us about someones moral compass or their character. Generally a lack of guilt would imply that one is regularly acquainted with such activity.

    Edit: If it isn't wrong why is the OP so afraid to tell his girlfriend about it. If it was harmless surely she would also find it harmless. That's what I don't get about people on this thread, how they can't possibly see the logic in that.


  • #43
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    Girls fondal male strippers all the time , Im sure they dont stay awake at nites with guilt...its more entertainment than a form of infidelity

    Do they suck on intimate parts of their anatomy? My guess would be no.

    You're missing the point here. A lap dance - fair enough. A munch on another woman's nipples - not so fair enough.

    And it doesnt matter that she was a stripper either.

    The OP described the stripper as 'stunning'. So if she wasn't as attractive, would he have sucked her nipples then?? I mean, without jumping to conclusions here.... but if say at a party there was another stunning girl, would he go for it. Cos she was stunning, like?

    This is different to getting a lap dance. It just simply is!


  • #44
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    waraf wrote: »
    Don't tell her OP. Essentially you're just trying to ease your own conscience at your birds expense. You're just gonna cause a massive row and she'll be freaked anytime you go away with the lads in future. If the lads on the stag are normal blokes they'll understand the golden rule of stags....."what goes on tour stays on tour". I've seen married blokes do a lot worse than you mate when they've gone away on stags. You're obviously a decent bloke and probably a decent boyfriend. Make it up to your bird by doing something special for her but for God's sake don't tell her. You will regret it for a very long time if you do....

    I'm sorry hang on a second... How is he obviously a decent bloke/boyfriend? Don't think what he did constitutes most definitions of that statement. Or is he incredibly decent because he's even contemplating owning up???????

    Awesome. You and your mates must be a very trustworthy and upstanding bunch. If you want to carry on with this pre-school sh*te of boys will be boys and infidelity "staying on tour" then more pity to you and your girlfriends. But the OP is contemplating doing the honest thing and having the balls to admit to his girlfriend that he sucked another woman's breasts. You're clearly not comfortable with the fact that although he did something really stupid, he's toying with the idea of coming clean and taking the consequences like a man.

    OP I have a feeling you'll put up and shut up to keep the peace, especially if you're leaning toward the pre adolescent mindset of most of the male responses on here, but I hope that everytime what you did pops into your head you can picture her licking/sucking some guy's c*ck and feel ok with her keeping that from you.


  • #45
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    Trí wrote: »
    Do they suck on intimate parts of their anatomy? My guess would be no.

    I would hardly describe a strippers tit to be an intimate part of her body ,its just abit of fun. Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.


  • #46
    zxcvbnm1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 422 ✭✭zxcvbnm1


    echosound wrote: »

    All of this "boys will be boys" and "what happens on a stag doesn't count" rubbish - so because it was a stag it's ok that you sucked on another woman's nipple? If you were just at a house party and you sucked another woman's nipple who didn't happen to be a stripper, that would be ok too? Stripper or not, you performed an intimate act with another woman. Would you be happy for your GF to kiss another man? Or to suck on an intimate area? Even if he was a stripper? Same difference TBH. It's using your mouth to perform an intimate act.

    Nonsense. The fact is she was a stripper. ANd that is important.

    I've been on stags with a stripper.
    And it's not like all the guys are standing arolund getting their rocks off.

    It's viewed as harmeless fun with laughing etc.

    The context of the event is the issue here.
    It's just a bit of a laugh. It's npot viewed as a sexual thing at all eally.

    I'm actually shocked that some people take offence to teh whole thing.

    I'm assuming yee are quite prudish.


  • #47
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    I would hardly describe a strippers tit to be an intimate part of her body ,its just abit of fun. Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.

    If a man sucking my breasts was not a sexual act, then why don't I let all the men in the street do it? Just a bit of fun, wha' wha'

    That is something I would allow only one person in my life to do. Why? Because it IS a sexual act.


  • #48
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    If a girl sucked a male striipers nipple - I would hardly describe it as a sexual act , I think the whole,thing is taken out of context


  • #49
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    zxcvbnm1 wrote: »
    Nonsense. The fact is she was a stripper. ANd that is important.

    I've been on stags with a stripper.
    And it's not like all the guys are standing arolund getting their rocks off.

    It's viewed as harmeless fun with laughing etc.

    The context of the event is the issue here.
    It's just a bit of a laugh. It's npot viewed as a sexual thing at all eally.

    I'm actually shocked that some people take offence to teh whole thing.

    I'm assuming yee are quite prudish.

    Jesus H Christ. It's nothing to do with the stripper. Women are not thick - we know that men go to lap dancing clubs on stag weekends.

    It's almost expected.

    What we don't expect is our other halves to take the tits of a stripper, fondle them and put them in their mouths.

    It's not the stag do or the stripper that is the issue here. It is the sucking of another woman's tits!

    That's got nothing to do with being prudish. 'Ah yeah, it was a great laugh. I was on a hen's weekend and sucked a male stripper's ________'. Doesn't sound right, does it? I don't think it sounds very funny either. But maybe my sense of what's funny is slightly skewed.


  • #50
    zxcvbnm1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 422 ✭✭zxcvbnm1


    Trí wrote: »
    If a man sucking my breasts was not a sexual act, then why don't I let all the men in the street do it? Just a bit of fun, wha' wha'

    That is something I would allow only one person in my life to do. Why? Because it IS a sexual act.

    I think you are not understanding the issue correctly.

    If it is like any stag with strippers that i have been on the event probably lasted no more than 15 seconds with the guy just laughing while doing it.

    It's not like they would have gone into some dark corner with both of them moaning and groaning.

    And comparing it to a girl giving a guy a blowjob is not in anyway comparing like with like.

    The context of the event is crucial here.


  • #51
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    If a girl sucked a male striipers nipple - I would hardly describe it as a sexual act , I think the whole,thing is taken out of context
    Men walk around with their 'tits' out every day of the week. Where I live anyway, girls do not expose their tits in public.

    Men's nipples and women's nipples are different. Come on now. It's an intimate part of a woman's body. The only other part of my body that I cover is my genitals. Why? Cos it's an intimate part. If it wasn't, sure then there'd be tits, fanny's and willies out all over the place.


  • Advertisement
  • #52
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Barr wrote: »
    Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.

    Jesus. Well I'll have to go back to the drawing board so. There was me thinking that sucking someone's nipples while she cavorts naked on your lap in an effort to sexually titillate you was a sexual act. Silly me. It's obviously got NOTHING to do with sex.

    The OP needs to consider how he would feel if the tables were in reverse. If he'd be fine about it, GENUINELY fine about her sucking some other random guy's intimate body parts (as long as he was that magic word "stripper" of course which alienates him from the rest of his sex and negates all chances of it being deemed cheating) then he can rest easy not telling her.

    If he feels like he would definitley want to know about it, then he should have some respect and give her the same opportunity.

    It's really that simple. There are going to be a lot of guys on here arguing about post codes and technicalities such as above-the-waist rules and her profession cancelling out all consequences of any potential canoodling, and there will be women who swear and rail at the ignorance/arrogance of said guys, most of whom are probably just being idiots behind the cloak of annonymity. At the end of the day, it's a decision for the OP to make based on how he would feel if the same was done to him.


  • #53
    echosound
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 773 ✭✭✭echosound


    zxcvbnm1 wrote: »
    Nonsense. The fact is she was a stripper. ANd that is important.

    I've been on stags with a stripper.
    And it's not like all the guys are standing arolund getting their rocks off.

    It's viewed as harmeless fun with laughing etc.

    The context of the event is the issue here.
    It's just a bit of a laugh. It's npot viewed as a sexual thing at all eally.

    I'm actually shocked that some people take offence to teh whole thing.

    I'm assuming yee are quite prudish.

    I'm not prudish, just respectful of where the boundaries lie once someone is in a relationship. I've been at events with strippers (heck I even used to work with stripograms for a time, driving them to their gigs and supervising to make sure the guys or girls watching didn't get all grabby grabby). 99% of the time, the rule has been look, don't touch. The other 1% of the time has been the stripper sitting on the guy's (or girl's) lap, and planting a kiss on thier cheek (or indeed a guy getting overexcited and having to be restrained from grabbing a handful).
    TBH, the stripograms I worked with had a full underwear rule - briefs and bra, no further.
    Barr wrote: »
    I would hardly describe a strippers tit to be an intimate part of her body ,its just abit of fun. Its not like he performed a sexual act on her. I really dont think its a big deal.


    Honestly? sucking a nipple is a bit of fun, not a big deal? Would you honestly be ok if one of your friends sucked your mother's/sister's/GF's nipple? Just a bit of fun? You OK with watching your dad/your brother sucking their partner's breast?

    Not an intimate part of her body? Again, you ok with your mum/sister/GF going to do the shopping in Tescos with her boobs hanging out and guys leaning in for a quick lick?

    The OP is feeling guilty - why is that? If it was nothing to be worried about, he wouldn't be even dwelling it, and his GF wouldn't mind one bit if she were told. He obviously knows where his GF's boundaries lie, and he knows he's overstepped it. Some people don't view it as crossing a boundary, and that's fine, so long as both partners feel the same way about the issue, but it sounds like it would be an issue for the GF in question, so the OP has to ask himself why he decided to disregard his partner and her thoughts on the matter, and why he now feels guilty.


  • #54
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Barr wrote: »
    If a girl sucked a male striipers nipple - I would hardly describe it as a sexual act , I think the whole,thing is taken out of context

    You've just ridiculously discredited yourself there. Not the same thing at all and you know it. But Tri has already set you straight on that.


  • #55
    Front
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭Front


    Me too wrote: »
    God no I am not being sarcastic - he sucked a woman's tits, I sucked a man's kn*b what's the difference? I know what I did was not serious and I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Please don't try and make me. I really don't see a difference between the two and you are being sexist if you do. I know my BF would probably laugh about it but I can't take that chance.

    This is a wind up. Sucking a strippers flute comparable to a breast... Come on. Oral sex v a motorboat.. huge difference


  • #56
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    echosound wrote: »
    so long as both partners feel the same way about the issue,

    That's the crux of the matter right there. He needs to decide how it would be viewed in HIS relationship. Our points are all invalid if they're both fine with their OH's licking and sucking on the intimate body parts of strangers.


  • #57
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    Trí wrote: »
    Men walk around with their 'tits' out every day of the week. Where I live anyway, girls do not expose their tits in public.

    Men's nipples and women's nipples are different. Come on now. It's an intimate part of a woman's body. The only other part of my body that I cover is my genitals. Why? Cos it's an intimate part. If it wasn't, sure then there'd be tits, fanny's and willies out all over the place.

    I think you hit the nail on the head there , it wasent her genitals he was sucking. If it were I would have a total different opinion.


  • #58
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Barr wrote: »
    I think you hit the nail on the head there , it wasent her genitals he was sucking. If it were I would have a total different opinion.

    Are you seriously trying to argue that a woman's breasts are every bit as asexual as a man's??? Please elaborate.


  • #59
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    I think you hit the nail on the head there , it wasent her genitals he was sucking. If it were I would have a total different opinion.

    No you've misunderstood what i've said.

    I cover two areas of my body - my breasts and my genitals. Both intimate areas.

    The OP sucked on an intimate area.

    Of course, oral sex is a bit more severe than sucking a breast.

    BUT it is still an intimate area. Not the same as sucking her finger, for example.


  • #60
    Barr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,154 ✭✭✭Barr


    pookie82 wrote: »
    Are you seriously trying to argue that a woman's breasts are every bit as asexual as a man's??? Please elaborate.

    Im just saying that having a bit of fun by sucking on a strippers boob can hardly be construed as being unfaithful. Maybe if the op fessed up to his g/f she may see the lighter side of the story.


  • Advertisement
  • #61
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Barr wrote: »
    Im just saying that having a bit of fun by sucking on a strippers boob can hardly be construed as being unfaithful. Maybe if the op fessed up to his g/f she may see the lighter side of the story.

    Nobody said it was necessarily unfaithful. The main argument against is that he crossed a big fat line.


Advertisement