Should I tell my girlfriend?

~me~

you sucked a womans tits when you had a gf.
whether she was being paid or not is not the issue.
you touched another woman in an intimate way. end of.
if i was your gf and you told me id be glad you were honest with me and i wouldnt care. if you didnt tell and i found out/ guilt took over and you told then id be furious.
be a man and tell her.
next time just remember you shouldnt do anything you wouldnt do if you're oh was sitting beside you. theres a damn good reason you wouldnt do it if she was there.

herya

Adamisconfused wrote: »

The women who are the angriest are the ones telling you to confess and they are the people who would make their boyfriends suffer for their misdeeds.

Not true. I'd most likely forgive & forget but I'd like to know anyway. Relationship without communication is not a relationship. And most of "don't tell them for their own good" cases is pure and simple cowardice. You've done something stupid, you go and talk it through, not let it fester. Will he keep her away from the lads for years now in case one of them says something?

SarahSassy

I would also forgive and forget the act itself even though I would hate the thought of it. The idea that all his friends and probably their girlfriends would know what he did behind my back would stick in my craw though.

I'lllearnye

I wouldn't tell her if I were you. It was a stag night, you got blind drunk and you did something stupid. Leave it at that. If your girlfriend trusts you, she probably won't want to know the ins and outs of the stag night. If my boyfriend went on a stag, and I happened to hear from someone else that he did what the OP did, I'd talk to him about it. It wouldn't mean the end of the relationship. I'd also question whether the person who told me is actually a friend or not. Some people just like to see others going through a bad time. I wouldn't give them the pleasure :pac:
Lately, I've been hearing an ad on one of the radio stations (promoting that station) where the dj asks a girl what went on during a hen night. From the girl's reply, it sounds like something a bit risque went on, which is the case in most hen and stag do's.

pookie82

I'lllearnye wrote: »

I wouldn't tell her if I were you. It was a stag night, you got blind drunk and you did something stupid. Leave it at that. If your girlfriend trusts you, she probably won't want to know the ins and outs of the stag night. If my boyfriend went on a stag, and I happened to hear from someone else that he did what the OP did, I'd talk to him about it. It wouldn't mean the end of the relationship. I'd also question whether the person who told me is actually a friend or not. Some people just like to see others going through a bad time. I wouldn't give them the pleasure :pac:
Lately, I've been hearing an ad on one of the radio stations (promoting that station) where the dj asks a girl what went on during a hen night. From the girl's reply, it sounds like something a bit risque went on, which is the case in most hen and stag do's.

I'm starting to feel pretty disillusioned to be honest. The general consensus seems to be that stags and hens are a magical exception to having any respect for your OH, that an "anything goes" policy is firmly in place, secrecy is paramount, and "risque" stuff happenening is essential to qualify such an event.

I'm all for having a great night and a bit of fun, but where did the whole idea that cheating or doing something your OH would be disgusted with is ok just because it's a party with a label? Incredibly juvenile in my opinion. I hope to god I'm not going out with someone/will never go out with someone who would entertain that frankly pathetic mindset.

If I have hen night then it'll be something with a bit more class than blow up dildos, L-plates and greased up strangers waving their willies at me. I don't fancy taking on the mindset of a squealing teenager for the duration. I understand that for a lot of guys a stripper is pretty much seen as an essential component to a stag night, but that doesn't mean it's suddenly ok to perform intimate acts on said stripper without any conscience.

Wurly

pookie82 wrote: »

I'm starting to feel pretty disillusioned to be honest. The general consensus seems to be that stags and hens are a magical exception to having any respect for your OH, that an "anything goes" policy is firmly in place, secrecy is paramount, and "risque" stuff happenening is essential to qualify such an event.

I'm all for having a great night and a bit of fun, but where did the whole idea that cheating or doing something your OH would be disgusted with is ok just because it's a party with a label? Incredibly juvenile in my opinion. I hope to god I'm not going out with someone/will never go out with someone who would entertain that frankly pathetic mindset.

If I have hen night then it'll be something with a bit more class than blow up dildos, L-plates and greased up strangers waving their willies at me. I don't fancy taking on the mindset of a squealing teenager for the duration. I understand that for a lot of guys a stripper is pretty much seen as an essential component to a stag night, but that doesn't mean it's suddenly ok to perform intimate acts on said stripper without any conscience.

+1. I'd rather be on my own forever than be with someone who did this or thought it was acceptable.

zxcvbnm1

SarahSassy wrote: »

I would also forgive and forget the act itself even though I would hate the thought of it. The idea that all his friends and probably their girlfriends would know what he did behind my back would stick in my craw though.

I really am blue in the face trying to get this point across.

But by you saying you wouldn't like the iodea of all teh lads and their girlfrends know means that you think all the lads would go bac to their girlfriends and divulge the mad scandal of the incident with the stripper.

I assume you probably also have images of the lads swearing their girlfriends to secrecy about it too.

However - The reality is that for the lads it would have been a complete non-event and they wouldn't have bothered to tell their girlfriends because it wsas such a nothing event.
In much teh same way they wouldn't bother telling their girlfriends what they ate for breakfast on teh stag.

That's the main point i am trying to communicate to the females on this thread.
The lads wouldn't bother giving the incident a second thought - let alone running home to tell their girlfriends of the mad thing that happened on the stag weekend.

Wurly

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I really am blue in the face trying to get this point across.

But by you saying you wouldn't like the iodea of all teh lads and their girlfrends know means that you think all the lads would go bac to their girlfriends and divulge the mad scandal of the incident with the stripper.

I assume you probably also have images of the lads swearing their girlfriends to secrecy about it too.

However - The reality is that for the lads it would have been a complete non-event and they wouldn't have bothered to tell their girlfriends because it wsas such a nothing event.
In much teh same way they wouldn't bother telling their girlfriends what they ate for breakfast on teh stag.

That's the main point i am trying to communicate to the females on this thread.
The lads wouldn't bother giving the incident a second thought - let alone running home to tell their girlfriends of the mad thing that happened on the stag weekend.

I don't mean to be rude but what a load of crap.

The reason why lads wouldn't tell their girlfriends is cos they know they'd go mad and prob dump them.

philologos

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

However - The reality is that for the lads it would have been a complete non-event and they wouldn't have bothered to tell their girlfriends because it wsas such a nothing event.
In much teh same way they wouldn't bother telling their girlfriends what they ate for breakfast on teh stag.

I quite honestly can't believe you just compared suckling on someones tit to be the same as discussing what you ate for breakfast. If it was such a nothing event surely his girlfriend will see it as a nothing event. What's to be scared about?

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

That's the main point i am trying to communicate to the females on this thread.
The lads wouldn't bother giving the incident a second thought - let alone running home to tell their girlfriends of the mad thing that happened on the stag weekend.

You assume it is only those who are females who would object to such dishonesty. As a male, I don't think it is kosher to get intimate with a stripper at a stag night.

pookie82

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

I really am blue in the face trying to get this point across.

But by you saying you wouldn't like the iodea of all teh lads and their girlfrends know means that you think all the lads would go bac to their girlfriends and divulge the mad scandal of the incident with the stripper.

I assume you probably also have images of the lads swearing their girlfriends to secrecy about it too.

However - The reality is that for the lads it would have been a complete non-event and they wouldn't have bothered to tell their girlfriends because it wsas such a nothing event.
In much teh same way they wouldn't bother telling their girlfriends what they ate for breakfast on teh stag.

That's the main point i am trying to communicate to the females on this thread.
The lads wouldn't bother giving the incident a second thought - let alone running home to tell their girlfriends of the mad thing that happened on the stag weekend.

Ok, while I get your point, to be fair, unless you know this group of guys personally and were there, there's no way you can guarantee that they won't have noticed and that it won't get back to anyone. it's a LIKELIHOOD, not a definite, and the way you keep reiterating the point sounds like you know for a FACT that these guys didn't notice/won't breathe a word. What you're actually doing is presuming this based on the probability of it.

It wouldn't be the first time stag information has gotten back to an OH because one of the guys present confided in his girlfriend at home, who confided in hers and so on. I've seen threads on this very forum about it. So being so vehement about it not going any further is going a bit too far.

Besides, it's so far off the main point.

Kimia

I cannot believe what I am seeing here. Are you INSANE! Of course it's not ok to go sucking on some stripper's tit! WTF. As if another woman's tit is negated because she's a stripper. Unbelievable.

If my boyfriend did that he would be gone. Over and done with and not a bother on me because I would know that he obviously doesn't have any respect for me and also he is so weak that he can be goaded into doing this kind of stuff with his mates.

It's a horrendous breach of trust and to the poster who equates it with what you had for breakfast - that's just ridiculous. I would hate to be your girlfriend- god knows what else you find acceptable.

If the OP knows his girlfriend at all - which I'm sure he does after 2 years - he KNOWS that she is going to murder him. As would I.

It's up to you OP to tell her but I think that you know that there is going to be war and which is better - you telling her and the mother of all rows and very possibly a break-up? Or you living on your nerves (because you KNOW this isn't acceptable) forever and hoping to f*ck that one of your mates doesn't let it slip.

What a crappy situation. What an idiot for even doing this. This thread makes me sad that there are men out there who have absolutely no sense of decency and boundaries in a relationship. I would genuinely equate this with a gf sucking on some strippers knob. Boobs are a very intimate area and as Tri said, if they weren't (as some morons are arguing) well then why aren't all girls letting any man suck on them????

zxcvbnm1

Kimia wrote: »

I would genuinely equate this with a gf sucking on some strippers knob.

That's is just a crazy overreaction the the event.

It is very very different from a girl giving a guy stripper a blowjob.
Teh fact that you think they are both the same diplays how much of a disproprtionate reaction you are having.

Kimia

It's not an overreaction. That's the way I feel and I won't apologise for that. I would be extremely hurt if my boyfriend did that because it would be unacceptable to me.

Also I think Tri said it earlier - to me (and to a lot of women) I consider my boobs to be a sexual, intimate area, where only my boyfriend would be allowed access. That's why I think it's out of line and why I equate it to a bj.

Let's say your gf licked some guys testicles. Would you be annoyed? What if I said to you 'no it's nothing sure they're not sexual they're only glands and it means nothing'.

come on.

SarahSassy

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

That's is just a crazy overreaction the the event.

It is very very different from a girl giving a guy stripper a blowjob.
Teh fact that you think they are both the same diplays how much of a disproprtionate reaction you are having.

You are a lone voice in the wilderness. You seem to have the same moral compass as the OP. BTW, you do know that the is spelt 'the' not teh'?

BlackandGold

Haven't read all the thread, which maybe I should have, but don't tell. It's a selfish reason for you to tell her - it meant nothing, it won't happen again [hopefully], what have you got to achieve from telling her except clearing your conscience of guilt?

DON'T DO IT!!

Salome

If I was the OP, I'd be seriously worried that evidence of his indiscretion will surface either in the form of photos or through "tales of the stag" that's mentioned in front of the gf.

The OP knows that he's crossed the boundary - otherwise he wouldn't be here looking for advice.

You will be found out. Come clean or don't come clean - she's gonna find out anyway.

Dido1

It's a tough one to call, I mean it all depends on your gf's outlook on things. If she is a laid back kind of girl she may just put it down to drunken stag antics and leave it at that. However, if she is a bit of a drama queen you could be letting yourself in for a world of pain.

Also depends on the type of relationship you have i.e if she is the latter (bit of a drama queen) do you think you could tell her but still save the relationship?

pookie82

Dido1 wrote: »

It's a tough one to call, I mean it all depends on your gf's outlook on things. If she is a laid back kind of girl she may just put it down to drunken stag antics and leave it at that. However, if she is a bit of a drama queen you could be letting yourself in for a world of pain.

Also depends on the type of relationship you have i.e if she is the latter (bit of a drama queen) do you think you could tell her but still save the relationship?

Can I just remark that to be upset/hurt by your boyfriend engaging in such tacky and lewd conduct behind your back (stag or no stag) does not mean you're a drama queen.

Wurly

pookie82 wrote: »

Can I just remark that to be upset/hurt by your boyfriend engaging in such tacky and lewd conduct behind your back (stag or no stag) does not mean you're a drama queen.

Yes - that got me too.... I would be well pissed off if it were me and i'm not a drama queen. Well not a big one anyway.:pac:

LegacyUser

you can't compare tits to a knob. a knob is comparable to a box. tits are a bit lower down on the list so all the male stripper stuff bout sucking someone off is comparing 2 different things

pookie82

Unregistered wrote: »

you can't compare tits to a knob. a knob is comparable to a box. tits are a bit lower down on the list so all the male stripper stuff bout sucking someone off is comparing 2 different things

Oh god. This will just run and run :rolleyes:

There's no directly comparable place on a guy if you want to get completely technical about it. The most obviously sexual parts of a woman's anatomy are her boobs and "box", as you so nicely put it. Most obviously sexual places on a guy are pretty much just his penis. You can get into ear lobes and butt cheeks and necks etc but they're more erogoneous zones than overtly sexual.

Breasts are overtly sexual objects. (Nipples aren't appropriate for daytime tv, but war and violence are. Think about it. Why are they banned from pg viewing?) Just because a man does not have a direct equivalent of these does not mean that licking and sucking them is not sexual, because it's not the genital area. Remarks were made (by myself included) about a girl doing the same to a guy's penis, because it was the most overtly sexual option. We (or I at least) are comparing them for their shared value as sexual parts of a person's body, rather than for their technical status as genitalia or otherwise.

I understand that they don't quite qualify as the same thing. But it aided the point I was trying to make in the best manner possible, i.e. how would you like your GF sucking on another man's overtly sexual anatomical part.

SarahSassy

Ok so its not like sucking someone 'knob' as you so eloquently put it :rolleyes: lets compare it to his gf 'rimming' some guy... Sure if it heppened when she was awya on a hen party it wouldnt count....

Anyway, has anyone heard anything back from the OP?